Wednesday   May 31 00

BBC  Ancient gospels reveal secret sketches  (60 previously undetected drawings from the 7th century.)
London Daily Mirror  FURIOUS Prince Charles called in police after a box of champagne was stolen from his private offices.   (And you thought you had problems??.)
Salon.com  Can you spell failure?  (Why do people watch The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee?)
London Review of Books  My Encounter with Sartre  (Writer was suddenly invited to a seminar given by Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir in '79 and reminisces. )
Salon.com  Garrison Keiller: 'Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for lovers and writers'  (Garrison's weekly advice column where he answers the question: "What do I do? My husband masturbates six times a day!")
National Post  Misogyny (n) 1. hatred of women  (Author bemoans the misuse of the word 'misogyny')
Excite.com  Taiwan's Lee says China incapable of invasion  (He also thinks The Dallas Cowboys play baseball.)
Slate  The Return of the Giant Shopping Carts!!!  (The readers share their theories on why carts got so big.)
London Sun  Watch out for the dirty 30's  (31 yr old model, Rachel Hunter, declares that women peak sexually in their 30's.  40 yr old women must be laughing.)
Nerve.com  StarFirsts  (More in the continuing series with testimonials today from Dick Cavett, Steven Fry and Patty Duke.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Does lesbianism underlie Anne of Green Gables?  (Did you ever wonder exactly what Anne and Diana got up to when they trysted behind the Lake of Shining Waters in Avonlea?)
National Post  Everybody here loves Lucy  (Every town has some sort of celebration. Jamestown NY has chosen the Lusy-Desi Days as theirs..)

                               Tuesday   May 30 00

American Spectator  Ask Ben Stein  (Ben dishes out advice and laments the recent passing of his father.)
London Times  Are you gay enough?  (The ideal man for a woman is culturally homosexual but genetically straight.)
Slate  Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura Schlessinger: Why he could be a TV star, and she won't be.   (Rush gets nicer while Dr. Laura gets meaner.)
NY Observer  Supreme Court Cable-Porn Ruling Clears Way for Boogie Mornings  (The US Supreme Court voted 5-4 to allow porn on Saturday morning cable TV)
Mother Jones  Downstream Affects   (Like your bottled water? Well, America's rising thirst for bottled water may be dangerously damaging its aquatic resources.)
New Republic  Spin Doctrine:'The Catholic teachings of George W.'  (Despite his public flirting with Bob Jones University, Bush's agenda is squarely rooted in Catholic social teachings.)
Intellectual Capital  Wendy Kaminer: 'Even Bigots Have the Right to Privacy'
(Kaminer takes a well-deserved poke at the ADL.)
Salon.com  Greil Marcus: 'Real Life Rock Top 10'  (Long time rock critic reviews Eminem, Don Henley, Dusty Springfield and the Sex Pistols)
Village Voice  Robert Christgau: Consumer Guide  (Long time rock critic reviews Sleater-Kinney, Joni Mitchel, Firesign Theatre and Patti Smith )
ABC News  Eddie Van Halen Undergoes Cancer Treatment   (Long time rock star is outpatient at M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston for what is reported to be cancer of the tongue.)

                               Monday   May 29 00

London Sun  Mick sings farewll to mum   (not fade away)
London Times  Gielgud's ghosts - They haunted him until the end of his life
(In 1953, shortly after receiving his knighthood, he had been publicly humiliated when he was arrested and fined £10 for "persistently importuning male persons for an immoral purpose".)
London Telegraph  All my real friends are dead  (Since all of Sir John's friends had died, he would spend his time telling wickedly funny stories about them.   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Utne Reader  Roadside shrines: a highway to heaven   (We've all seen those white crosses and flowers on the side of the road. The practice is spreading, but are they safe?)
London Mirror  'Sex? We're not on top'  (British men not keeping up with the needs of British women, it seems.)
Yahoo  Dalai Lama expresses horror at plight of cows in India  (Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic have all agreed to stop using leather from India after a strong protest from PETA.)
The Atlantic  Oprah Waldo Emerson  (Ok, what's going on here? Oprah's new magazine, O, is sold out everywhere, even in Singapore.)
San Francisco Examiner  Many claim Internet gender-benders  (nubilechick22 might really a 49-year-old plumber named Milt)

                               Sunday   May 28 00

BBC  Bodies found at Chaplin home   (the little tramp was the best....maybe at hiding bodies, as well as at acting)
London Telegraph  Andrea Dworkin: 'I was taught to be too nice to boys'  (Dworkin proves not so tough.   Telegraph login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
London Telegraph  England fails the Asian shopkeeper  (Teenage gang beats Asian shopkeepr to death. Not much different than NYC, L.A or Detroit, it seems.   Telegraph login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Newsweek  Ventura Says He Could 'Walk in and Steal' Presidential Election   (the scary thing is that he might be right!)
NY Times  William Safire on Langueage: "Dash it All"  (Safire examines the use of the dash in writing today.   Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
NY Times  The Ethicist by Randy Cohen  (Weekly ethics column asks "Should a geriatric health company accept tobacco-money donations?".   Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)

                               Saturday   May 27 00

London Times  Lennon juice   (review of Lennnon's diaries which showed a disintegrating star.)
London Times  Under his thumb  (review of Andrew Loog Oldham's memories of his years as manager of the Stones.)
London Telegraph  Peter Gabriel: 'We are afraid of artists'  (a peek into the life of England's strangest rock star.    Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Vibe.com  Rod Stewart Undergoes Surgery  (Singer has throat surgery.)
NY Post   Tommy Lee in clink  (More in the continuing series of Pam and Tommy Lee.)
Manchester Guardian  Pop stars in the movies  (Test your knowledge in this pop quiz. I got a mediocre 5 out of 10.)
Manchester Guardian  Net Stations? We've got thousandes of 'em.   (A nice look at and links to radio on the net.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Industry sleepless over Napster  ("Unless you've been living under a rock for the past few months, you've probably heard about something called Napster -- which, depending on whom you listen to, is either an abomination used by criminals or a tool that has freed music from the clutches of evil record companies. The fact that such a tiny piece of software can generate these kinds of wildly divergent opinions suggests something significant is going on.")

                               Friday   May 26 00

Nerve.com  The Week in Sex  (The week in review...with a funny quote from the singer Sting:"I've actually given up Tantric sex. What I'm trying to get Trudi into now is Tantric shopping, where you go shopping for five hours and you don't buy anything.")
Boston Globe  The smell test   (score one for the sensitive side: "To the horror of perfume makers worldwide, Halifax has become the first major center in North America to prohibit the wearing of all cosmetic fragrances - from Giorgio to grandmother's lavender soap - in most indoor public places, including municipal offices, libraries, hospitals, classrooms, courts, and mass transit buses.")
Sydney Morning Herald  Maureen Dowd: "Can we change the subject?"  (She argues that a society obsessed with sex is feeling less and less aroused. Okay, Maureen, let's talk about Napster instead.)
Cnet  Study finds Napster use may cut into record sales  (Wow! If people get something for free, apparently they won't buy that same product!)
Melbourne Age  The incomparable and incomprehensible Dylan  (Cute review of Bob: "Bob's message seemed to be that he knows he can't evade the obligation to play his old standards, but don't expect him to feign more than a bare minimum of interest.")
London Times  Philip Howard:'Suffer little Leo - celebrity is the ruling vice of Our Age, not a virtue'  (Britain's premier wordsmith warns the Prime Minister's baby boy about the world.)
National Post  Anti-family zealots: It's all about them  (to some, "children are not the collective future of humanity, but an unfair free ticket for going home early from work.")
ABC  Computer Rebate Run-around   (the use of rebates in figuring a final sales price is just shy of fraud.)

                               Thursday   May 25 00

BBC  Anti-ageing pill moves closer  (if that doesn't work, try putting a self-portrait up in your attic.)
Sydney Morning Herald  'I don't live in a movie any more'   (Stones manager, Andrew Loog Oldham, tells of surviving a 30 yr binge.)
Detroit Free Press  Java jitters   ("In moments of thirst, times of weariness and periods of boredom, America's youths reach decisively for their fix of choice: Caffeine." This would explain why so many love Mountain Dew. It's certainly not the taste.)
NY Times  Wandering Albatross in New Jersey May Just Be Looking for Love  (Is It a Plane? No, It's a Bird. And a Very Rare Bird Indeed   Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
NY Post  O.J. takes a lickin'....  ("There was no fight, so nobody pressed charges," Simpson said. Sure, OJ...we believe ya. )
Salon.com   O no!  (Oprah produces a deeply flawed magazine for the deeply flawed.)
Wired.com  Napster Gets a Hearing   (The House begins hearings. That will clear things up!)
London Sun  "Friends'" Matt needs liver transplant  (Beware of steady use of painkillers)
Detroit Free Press  An active brain may fight Alzheimer's   (Beware of too much TV.)
London Express  13 years prove unlucky for Liz and Hugh as they finally part   (Britain's most glamorous couple split because she wants to start family.)

                               Wednesday   May 24 00

London Telegraph  Dust bacteria may help stop asthma  (further evidence that supports keeping your kitchen floor dirty.   Telegraph login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Salon.com  Sound and Fury  (Thousands of deaf kids can hear, and speak, thanks to a stunningly effective ear implant. So why is the deaf community in an uproar? )
NY Books  James Fallows: "Fear of Flying"  (Fallows, a fine writer, reviews two odes to flying.)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"  (Garrison's weekly advice column answers that nagging question: "Am I turning into my mother??")
National Post  Calling Dr. Laura ...  (Want the Canadian view of Dr. Laura?  "So Dr. Laura Schlessinger is cutting someone else off in mid-sentence, berating her caller, and it makes you think -- people actually listen to this? Every day? Without a gun to their head? " )
Nerve.com  Star Firsts  (More in the continuing series.)
Salon.com  Road sows  (Women turn to SUV's, proving that, as we knew all along, size does matter.)
NY Times  Maureen Dowd: "What a Girl Wants..."  (Dowd perceives the media's fascination with female sexuality as something new. Where has this woman been hiding?   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
National Post  Cybersex addiction is a virtual myth  (Author rightfully debunks new studies.)

                               Tuesday   May 23 00

London Telegraph  Goodnight, sweet prince: the voice that entranced a nation falls silent  (Sir John Gielgud passes at 96. George Bernard Shaw detested him, by the way.   Telegraph login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
National Post  Did Vatican really reveal whole of third secret?  (Fatima conspiratorialists are not buying it)
NY Times  The Dass Effect   ("I'm . . . still here."   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
NY Times  Birding at the End of Nature   (excellent article about discovering birding, including a fine picture of the Hooded Warbler, which, by the way, we did not see last week on our annual warbler-migration trip, making it the 2nd year in a row we have failed to spot a Hooded. One fellow birder had us all running to see 2 Hooded he had spotted. I am sure you can imagine my disappointment when I discovered they were merely Wilson's Warblers!!   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
BBC  So, how rude are you?  (5 question quiz shows how rude you really are.)
London Times  Tourette's syndrome   (did you know that "coprolalia" means repetitive swearing or that "copropraxia" means making rude gestures?)
Manchester Guardian   Crazed and confused   (Author rejects new study that claims British women are the the lustiest, least inhibited creatures in the English-speaking world. )
Salon.com   "The History of Fellatio"  (Permanent inclusion in this subject will be Bill Clinton's legacy)
Nerve.com  A Nipple Too Far  (everything you need to know about supernumerary nipples.)

                               Monday   May 22 00

London Times  Pupils suffering from late nights  (many 7-12 yr olds stay up way too late and are cranky and tired at school the next day. Hey, that sounds like our house!)
London Telegraph  Why I chose Norman instead of Bill  (author rolled the dice 20 yrs ago and became Norman Mailer's 6th wife and won. Oh, and she also dated Bill Clinton in the pre-Hill days.    Telegraph login: e-portals    password: e-portals)
BBC  Mexico fires threaten Monarchs  (every year my pal Dan and I go into the woods for 4 days to count migrating warblers and this year we saw 23 different types, which is about average, but the over-all volume was down, mainly due to deforestation in Central America.  Now the Monarchs may be in the same sad position. Two excellent Monarch sites are the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary Foundation and the Monarch Watch site.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  The Cat's comeback  (interview with 52 yr old Yusuf Islam, aka Cat Stevens)
UK Observer  Make my birthday   (A nice retrospective of soon-to-be 70 yr old Clint Eastwood.)
Melbourne Age  I owe it all to the boy scouts  (interview with soon-to-be 68 yr old Roman Polanski.)
Melbourne Age  Where have all the real stars gone?  (Gregory Peck scoffs at today's actors. Peck, by the way, is only 14 yrs older than Eastwood. Seems like it should be more.)
NY Times  I Remember Mae  (Safire recalls interview with Mae West, a real star, who would be 106 if alive.   Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)

                               Monday   May 15 00

Editors Note: Every year at this time I head to the woods to count warblers.  net.Headlines will return Monday, May the 27th. Until that time, Happy Headline Hunting!  There are plenty of headlines both here and on the archive site that remain current. Other url's that are worth looking at are:
Wired news from Wired.com
NewsMax a fine list of international papers
Robot Wisdom Weblog Jorn Barger's excellent page
Obscure Store and Reading Room Jim Romenesko finds the bizarre.
New Homemaker Lynn Siprelle's excellent site for parents and her companion page Diary of a New Homemaker  which is an excellent daily journal.

                               Sunday   May 14 00

BBC  Fatima's 'third secret' revealed  (Pope is convinced it referred to him.)
BBC  Strawberry Field gates found  (strawberry fields forever)
London Telegraph  Saved by stray cats  (review of William S. Burroughs' last journals. Samuel Beckett said of Burroughs' style: "That’s not writing - it’s plumbing."   Telegraph login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Manchester Guardian  The agony and the irony   (interview with hot American author Dave Eggars)
Sunday Times  Extreme fear of intimacy: can result in obsessive avoidance of sex  (sexual anorexia)
Sunday Times  It's all right, they're coming back   (Misfits Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart reunite.)
London Express  Fame - with no strings attached   (Whatever happened to Sandy Shaw, the barefooted Brit who sang "Always Somthing there to Remind Me")
London Express  Millennium bug wrecked my marriage   (their marriage was the only meltdown)

                               Saturday   May 13 00

BBC  Strawberry Field gates stolen  ("nothing to get hung about")
BBC  McDowell's new lease of Life  (The star of "A Clockwork Orange" mellows )
Melbourne Age  Starbucks is coming.   (just don't ask for a flat white)
Sydney Morning Herald  Buddhist boot camp   (One second of realization in 30 days?  not bad!)
Salon.com  Ford's SUV shocker   ("Camille Paglia, David Horowitz, the Sierra Club and the Cato Institute on Bill Ford's corporate mea culpa.")
NY Times  On Language by William Safire  (Safire examines "oh-oh"    Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
NY Times  The Ethicist by Randy Cohen  (weekly ethics column    Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Slate  The New Adultery Rules  (subtle, new commandements include: "The old rule was that you are supposed to stay married. The new rule says you're just supposed to be married. If you don't like your current spouse, find another.")
San Francisco Examiner  Cops: Fla. woman goaded into suicide  (taunting leads to manslaughter charge)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Sugar Mommies  (twenty percent of wives are the primary breadwinners. How they and their husbands deal with it.)
Detroit News  Big Game winner bought ticket with $98 in change from hot dog  (Man buys hot dog. Man only has a hundred dollar bill. Man takes change in lottery tickets. Man wins 181 million dollars.)

                               Friday   May 12 00

Nerve.com  This Week in Sex  (The week in review)
London Times  If they know you are flirting you're not doing it right   (tricks of the trade revealed.)
London Times  The bottom line  (and the bottom line is: "thou shalt not show your panty line.")
Washington Post  Gore Lagging Badly Among White Men  (why does he appeal to women?)
NY Times  Napster May Have Weak Defense in Fight With Music Industry  (better download while you can.   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
NY Times  Elvis Mitchell reviews 'Battlefield Earth'  (Film critic Elvis Mitchell says "Battlefield Earth," which stars John Travolta and opens on Friday, may well turn out to be "the worst movie of this century."     Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Washington Post  Risking Heaven, 'Earth'   (another review of 'Battlefield Earth," which states it "is breathtakingly awful in concept and execution.")
Chicago SunTimes  Ebert reviews 'Battlefield Earth'  (" 'Battlefield Earth' is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way. The visuals are grubby and drab. The characters are unkempt and have rotten teeth. Breathing tubes hang from their noses like ropes of snot.")
Canada's National Post  Why on Earth did Travolta do it?  (attention late nite tv comics, there's a new dog to kick.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Author built controversial church  (50 yrs ago L. Ron Hubbard wrote for an article for a science fiction magazine and Scientology was born.)
Bookwire  English: The Hostile Takeover   (America Online, Time Warner, Microsoft, Amazon.com, Yahoo and AT&T combine to buy the English language. User fees to follow.)
London Times  Caught between the Computopians and Karmageddon with osteopornosis  (more musing on the state of our language by the U.K.'s premier wordsmith, Philip Howard.)
London Times  India's Other Bomb  (at 12:32 p.m., Thursday, Delhi-time, India's one billionth person was born. )

                               Thursday   May 11 00

National Post  A rock film succeeds despite the armrests  (remember the line in 'This is Spinal Tap' in which a rock critic said: "They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry," and one of the band members responded: "Well, that's just nit-picking, isn't it?"  Well, there's finally a new movie in this genre.)
Sydney Morning Herald  The trouble with Catholics: they're too catholic   (the trouble with Australia is that it's not Oz)
Salon.com  Godless television   (CBS refuses to air a Christian ad during its miniseries 'Jesus' next week by applying a standard that they would NEVER apply to the NFL and its advertisers.)
London Times  An important undertaking   (review of "BODIES IN MOTION AND AT REST" By Thomas Lynch, essayist and undertaker from Michigan.)
London Telegraph   Cockroach capable of feeling pain, says study  (maybe the vegetarians are right after all.     Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
London Telegraph  Extinct 'tiger' could live again by cloning  (Hitler's brain next?     Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
San Francisco Examiner  Farrakhan Admits Role in Murder  (turns out some people actually believed Louis' rants....so they killed Malcolm X)
Excite.com  Canada slams U.S. host Dr Laura over gay comments  (next they will attack the WWF?)
BBC  The music industry's MP3 headache  (not to worry! if they shut down NAPSTER, something else will appear)
Salon.com  Napster throws Metallica a curveball  (Round two: NAPSTER cites obscure law, says Metallica must take its claims to the 300,000 individually)
Cnet  U.S. House to hold hearing on Napster, MP3s   (yeah, that will clear everything up!)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Streamies of the world, unite  (Online radio stations do not worry over local broadacsters, but they will. Article also contains an excellent guide to streaming radio.)
Cnet  Yahoo: Net will rattle phone industry   (Notice the downward price trend in interstate phone calls? It might even get cheaper. Yahoo chief executive Tim Koogle predicts that most phone calls in five to 10 years will be local calls to Internet service providers)
Wired.com   Hotmail Down Due to Hole   (Couldn't get into your Hotmail account yesterday? It was closed to repair a leak.)

                               Wednesday   May 10 00

BBC  Your bedding could make you ill  (with a tip of the hat to Heywood Banks, one must ask what might a dust mite do?)
Nerve.com  StarFirsts  (more in the continuing series of first times)
NY Times  Big Picture, Little Picture  (George W. admits he is "culturally adrift," doesn't watch TV.       Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Wired.com  Hotmail Email Exposed   (The world's largest web-based e-mail provider has a problem with attachments)
San Francisco Examiner  Santana reaching out on Net  (carlos.com ?)
BBC  Boom in Buddhist websites  (what is the sound of millions of mouses clicking?)
NY Post  Nun's offbeat way of serving God  (what is the sound of one fun nun?)
Village Voice  Nat Hentoff: "My Friend the Cardinal"  (nice tribute to the fallen red hat)
LA Daily News  Naps at work serious business   (cultural bias may be hurting productivity)

                               Tuesday   May 09 00

Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"
(Garrison's weekly advice column starts with the age-old, eternal question: "Now that I'm in a committed relationship, my ex-boyfriends are coming out of the woodwork. Do I have to turn them away?")
Melbourne Age  A new glass ceiling  (turns out the Baby Boomers are as stodgy as any other preceding generation, but they think, nonetheless, that they are ever so cool.)
London Telegraph  "The rape won't define my life"  ("Seven weeks before being crowned Miss World, Linor Abargil was attacked and nearly murdered."    Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
London Times  Pretentious, moi?   (weekly look at the vain and glorious. The best quote this week is from Anna Kournikova. )
London Times  'Heretic' wins top religious award   (rejects the Trinity, gets big buck prize, nonetheless)
London Telegraph  Crackers about hackers  (there's hackers --the good guys--and then there's crackers--the bad guys   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
NY Times  E-Mail you should be leery of  (ILOVEYOU was just the tip of the iceberg. Other email subjects one should probably avoid include "you look so young" and  "never forgot u"   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Wired.com   Napster's 'Safe Harbor' Sinks   (Napster loses legal round one)
UK Independent  Drop that mobile phone or mother earth will get you   (writer wishes using cell phones would cause brain cancer, because people would then stop using them)

                               Monday   May 08 00

National Post  I am Canadian, you nationalist Yankee nitwit   (nice piece, not too vitriolic )
BBC  Love Bug suspect 'a woman'  (if a man had created it, it would have been called the "GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU JERK !!" virus)
Melbourne Age  Tips for the working weak  (author warns the weak about the traps of the net, "The unwieldy World Wide Web seems to have a relentlessly yawning maw and an unremitting appetite for eccentric crap," and then gives advice on how to succeed in business with tips such as "Have the Company Mission Statement Tattooed on your Inner Thigh.")
Toronto Globe and Mail  Dear Nietzsche, my wife's left me -- what should I do?  (who needs Dr. Laura ?)
Melbourne Age   It's a mother daughter thing   (author sorts through her feelings after her mother's death and discovers that she never really knew her mom.)
Salon.com  Stalked by my birth mother   (author wishes she didn't know her birth mom)
London Express  Cybill Sheperd: "I did exactly what I pleased, and what pleased me was sex"  (She had to teach Elvis)
London Times  Rees-Mogg: "The cardinal virtues ignored by the rich"  (Vatican II Catholic, yet liked O'Connor, says goodbye)
London Express  I believe - Jerry Springer   (a glimpse at the real Jerry. He is, for example, a practicing Jew who goes to synagougue fairly regularly)
ABC News  Turkey Terror   (mean turkeys on the loose in Boston area)
Salon.com  Come on, Eileen   (Napster CEO puts on a happy face)

                               Sunday   May 07 00

Melbourne Age  Virgin vixens- a guide to teenage music  (if you have a teenage daughter, this list is mandatory)
BBC  Net sex addiction on the rise  (surprisingly, the addiction divides equally between women and men, with the men choosing porn sites, while the women choose chat sites. )
Manchester Guardian  Do you think I'm sexy?  (author vents against sex in advertising: "But for a woman to feel that feminity, our own sense of ourselves, comes out of bodily awareness is odd. It turns us into the willed protagonists of a lifelong costume drama." )
BBC  Twenty years free of smallpox  (AIDS is nearly an epidemic, asthma is rocketing but smallpox is gone)
NY Times  Walking Toward Mindfulness?   (walking, silent meditation is the latest craze.  How about a clean your room meditation?   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
NY Times  Cynthia Ozick: Where to connect to the inner-hum?  (turn off the machines, pick up a book and dive in.  Oh, and turn off the phone!   Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Detroit Free Press  What's in store for messy garages   ("The reality is the kids take stuff down," he said, and they don't put it back." )
Chicago Tribune  David Greising: "Hackers hardly huggable; let's get serious"  (author rants, "Instead of scorning hackers as repugnant techno-vandals, we've treated them as huggable, lovable outlaws."  However, once society does that, a martyr is created and then it gets really nasty. )
American Spectator  Ask Ben Stein  (Ben answers loads of questions, including "Is that really your $5000 ?")

                               Saturday   May 06 00

London Times  It makes sense to believe   (as we realize life is finite, faith should emerge)
London Telegraph  Just a pogo hop nearer to God  (fellow uses energy put into breaking Guinness Records to reach God   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Manchester Guardian  A DIY guide to God's many mansions   (last week a British bishop suggested that Christians who can't bring themselves to believe in the Resurrection should try Judaism, rather than turning to a New Age religion. A Unitarian minister argues for equal time here)
Jewish World Review  Thomas Sowell: "Unfair" advantages   (Sowell argues that we didn't move the basket higher for Michael Jordan, so why punish Microsoft for being excellent ?)
Sydney Morning Herald  Sex on the brain   (the philosopher Schopenhauer examined such Oprah-like topics as "Why him?", and "Why her?" )
NY Times  Dave Eggars: "Like You, I Am Unhappy, Outraged Even, With the Decline of True Love in Society"   (assigned by The Times to comment upon an opinion poll about love, Eggars riffs, instead, on life.     Login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Nerve.com  Naked Pictures of My Ex-Girlfriends by Mark Helfrich   (author documents his path )
Detroit Free Press  Sobbing, woman tells court of shower video   (the view from the other side of the lens )
Salon.com  Sexual self-portrait  (author documents her path, with a major difference---she includes herself in the photos )
Toronto Globe and Mail  Golf---the stupidest game in the world   (author loves and hates )
NY Times  On Language by William Safire  (weekly word column examines "control freak"  speaking of which, the Times still requires a log in.  Login: e-portals   password: e-portals)

                               Friday   May 05 00

Newsweek  To Be Gay — And Mormon   (a lethal combination)
New Republic  Why "civil union" isn't marriage.  (Andrew Sullivan is rightfully not satisfied)
Newsweek  Hillary: "Parenting a teen is a tough job"  (Hillary tries hard to portray their family life as normal:  "When Chelsea had to stay up all night adding footnotes to a research paper in high school, she appreciated our willingness to stay up with her, even though we were useless when her computer became temperamental." C'mon, Hill, don't tell us that there wasn't a computer expert nearby!)
London Telegraph  You simply can't beat a big family, says Tom Kemp  (writer shows he is thoroughly delusional as he writes, "A few years from now, I shall be looking back on these boring, exhausting, expensive days, with four boys rampaging around the house, fighting, screaming and sulking, as the happiest of my life"   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Nerve.com  This Week in Sex  (weekly look at how the big family got that way)
Slate  Falling for the love virus  (typical reaction to the ILOVEYOU virus: "Maybe it's from that cutie in Accounts Receivable.")
London Times  Childhood is poisoned by the germ of fear  (oversanitizing life, the writer argues, heightens our kids' risks)
US News and World Report  Allergy Epidemic   (yet another look at the current theory re the link between over-cleanliness and asthma )
Slate  The prostate hits the big time  (chasing breast but clearly ahead of the colon)
Sydney Morning Herald  Roll-on or roll over, the choice is yours   (overwhelmed by choice, writer is aghast to find 10 different kinds of milk on the store shelf)

                               Thursday   May 04 00

Melbourne Age  She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah  (why do little girls scream at rock idols? It prepares them for marriage)
Salon.com  Death of an epicurean  (an American learns Japanese cooking, then loses a cook-off, a la the FOOD NETWORK'S  "The Iron Chef,"  when he forgets that more can be less )
London Sun  Men: All you need to know  (20 rules, including "#2, men are the silent type...During the course of a day a man says around 2,000 words while a woman says anything up to 7,000.")
BBC  Mystery balls fall from the sky  (space junk?)
London Express  The things they do in Hollywood when you're dead   (Oliver Reed died 2 weeks before the end of filming "Gladiator," so his character had to die, too)
London Sun  Margaret Smith? So Common!  (The most common names in the UK are Margaret Smith and David Jones)
Salon.com  Eating germs  (2nd part of series about overcleaning and its affect on asthma)
NY Post  Metallica rats and rolls over on fans  (Rock group tries to stop Napster by naming 300,000 users)
CNET  Napster may block hundreds of thousands of fans   (to avoid further suit, Napster may block access to the 300,000 named)
ZDNet  Has Metallica misjudged Napster?  (fans see attack on Napster as the 'Fat Vegas Elvis' stage of the band's career )
Fortune Magazine  Want to Stop Napster? Forget It--It's Too Late   (author equates power with number of users)
Slate  Napster: Show Me the Money  (author equates power with revenues)

                               Wednesday   May 03 00

Melbourne Age  Killing the messenger  (Fallen reporters are honored today, "World Press Freedom Day")
Detroit News  Gunfire still echoes across Ohio campus  ("Kent State" was on May 04, 1970)
Slate  Drooling on the Vietnam Vets  (the myth of the spat-on Vietnam Vet)
BBC  Solar eruption may flood Earth  (superhot gas from the Sun may be travelling towards Earth, with an expected arrival time of about 3 a.m. EDT Wednesday )
CNN   Scientists: No doomsday in store when planets align Friday   (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn will come closest to forming a straight line on Friday at 4:08 a.m. EDT )
London Times  Should we fear the big polar melt?  (Perhaps it's us or perhaps it's the ending of the Last Ice Age still-in-progress)
Salon.com  Our obsession with hygiene may be making us sick  ("we sit, in our sparkling kitchens, using spotless glasses of pure filtered water to wash down antihistamines"...at the same time immune system disorders are on the rise)
London Express  How Britain tops the world league for asthma sufferers   ("The Western world's obsession with hygiene means bacteria which help regulate babies' immune systems are often destroyed, making children more susceptible to the disease. This together with a dramatic increase in dust mites in the home due to more insulation and double glazing is blamed for the huge rise in asthma cases. ")
London Times  Would I lie to you?   (here's an interesting statistic:"falsehoods typically occurred in one fifth of all ten-minute conversations. That figure rose to one in three among people with university qualifications.")
London Times  Lights, camera, action . . . and damned lies  (Would Hollywood lie to you?)
Detroit News  Clintons urge quality time for parents, teens  ("White House cites poll showing families spend too little time together"...poll takers probably worked overtime to get results out)
NY Times  The Minimalist: Curried Tofu With Soy Sauce  (tofu takes to curry as onions take to browning      Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Sydney Morning Herald  Post-feminist brides still want to be princess for a day  (wedding day remains "the bride's day)
Nerve.com  StarFirsts    (more in the continuing series of first times)

                               Tuesday   May 02 00

Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for Lovers and Writers
(Garrison's weekly advice column starts with the age-old, eternal question:"After the romance fizzled, we became closer than ever, but I miss the sex and he doesn't seem to. Is there any hope for generating sparks betweeen us?")
London Times  Pretentious, moi?   (weekly look at the vain and glorious)
London Telegraph Booksonline  Why are men so clever?  (the same reason their armpits smell...to attract women...see the Friday Airil 14th article below from the London Telegraph "Sweaty armpits give ugly men sex appeal"   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
BBC  Crackdown on Caesarean boom  (experts may not like them, but, for a mother's view, check out the April 27th article below from the London Telegraph, "I wouldn't have them any other way."   Telegraph login: e-portals  password: e-portals)
Salon.com  Brilliant Careers: R. Crumb  (nice piece about 60's icon Crumb, who hated the 60's and REALLY hated the 70's. Click here for a 7 picture portfolio of the great Crumb)
Toronto Globe and Mail  It takes a Village People  (challenging the above, pro-disco author states "Baby boomers would have us believe that the Sixties were halycon days and the Seventies a cultural wasteland. Don't listen to a word of it"...for a countering view, see Sunday April 23rd where Rob Morse describes the 70's as "that slum of a decade")
Vibe.com  Disco Great Vicki Sue Robinson Succumbs to Cancer  ("Turn the beat around" was not slum music)
San Francisco Examiner  Anger Linked to Heart Attacks  (Help your heart with a smile)

                               Monday   May 01 00

Manchester Guardian  Celibacy rule could go, says Catholic leader  (married Anglicans priests, who switch over, keep their spouses.)
London Express  Are you psychic?   (yes, and my 1st prediction is "they will not allow married priests")
Melbourne Age  Vienna Boys' Choir 'mistreated members'  (this is the year 2000, not 1498)
NY Post  Puffy's pals run for exits  ("Puffy in Trouble," the continuing saga)
NY Post  Cybersnoop docs spy on your e-chats  (chatrooms, the new fertile research area)
London Daily Mirror  100 best British albums ever  (which Beatles album placed #1 ?)
BBC  World's most powerful homemaker  (Clinton releases film, shows he may be Reagan-in-reverse)
Washington Post  Gore has not "completely ruled out" chooosing a Republican   (and my second prediction is... .)
NY Observer  What Would a Jewish Veep Say About Intermarriage?  ("Every religion has wacky stuff")

                               Sunday   April 30 00

Washington Post   AIDS Is Declared Threat to Security   ("a quarter of southern Africa's population is likely to die of AIDS ")
E! Online  Jury: Disney Bullied Exec Dying of AIDS   (very un-Mouseketeer-like)
Boston Globe  Shoah, once removed   (connection sought to Holocaust)
CNN  New museum to launch Israel into next century of Holocaust remembrance  ("today the victims of the Nazis who did not fight back are no longer scorned.")
Utne Reader  Holocaust Humor: Is it time yet? Will it ever be?  ("There's no business like Shoah business")
London Express  He's turning into his mother   (take a real good look at his mother before you marry him)
San Francisco Examiner  Cochran Libel Suit Dismissed  (If it doesn't dis, you must dismiss.)
Glasgow Record  Cruise quits cult  (Tom and Nicole leave Scientology)
NY Times  Blue Man Joins the Vegas Collection  (Electronic message boards with streaming messages warm things up before the performance begins: "O.K., now everybody make that noise they used to make on the Arsenio Hall show." Everybody does. "O.K.," the sign says, "that's enough.' "      NY Times login: e-portals    password: e-portals)
Manchester Guardian  Are you a Fab Four fanatic?  (test your Beatle knowledge.  I scored a pitiful 5 out of 15)
London Sun  Sir Paul's Macca-over  (Paul gets a new haircut)

                               Saturday   April 29 00

NY Times  A Claim-Buster by Calling  (excellent article on Univ of Md physicist Robert Park, the truculent debunker.   Times login: e-portals    password: e-portals)
London Telegraph  Babbling, the birth of language  ("Scientists have found that four basic sounds are common to babies around the world and are the basis of adult speech"...would "waaaaa!" be one?)
NY Times  Diaper Diplomacy   (State Dep't spokesman gives up job and moves to London to stay home with kids while his wife, CNN correspondent Christiane Amanpour, works. Note Friday's,
4/28, London Times companion article.        NY Times login: e-portals    password: e-portals)
BBC  Hunt for Screamin's offspring  (A website has been set up to try and trace 57 children allegedly fathered by legendary, "I put a spell on you," R&B singer Screamin' Jay Hawkins.)
London Times  Baptists told that sex is nice  (a wry comment here would be like shooting fish in a barrel...so, you shoot the fish...email me and i'll list the best)
Toronto Globe and Mail  College girl to call girl  (not willing to work for $7/hr, coed Stacy scores $170 for a one-hour call, $130 for a half-hour. )
Manchester Guardian  A bad girl's code   (review of "The Bitch Rules" by Elizabeth Wurtzel.  Two of her "rules" are "Eat Dessert," and "The Only Way to Get One Person Off Your Mind is to Get Another One on Your Body")
Manchester Guardian  Julie Burchill: "Only women walk on two legs"   (weekly columnist writes "At the end of the day, animals walk on four legs, and men on three - their penises, the poor dears, will always prevent them from thinking clearly.")
London Daily Mirror  I like young women but it's wrong at my age...trouble is I'm not all that keen on the older ones, except for my ex-wives  (hilarious interview with actor Richard Harris, who proves the above statement, re three legs, just might have some validity)

                               Friday   April 28 00

London Times  I am not a victim, says Greer  (bound & gagged but not a victim ?)
London Times  Men's lib: women's gift to the boys   (more men are staying home while wife works. "For this arrangement to work, the man has to have a really hard core of self-assurance, self-identity and trust in himself"...not to mention trust in his wife.)
Sky News  Fight like a sissy!  (low-tech Sissyfight.com is the net's hottest online game)
NY Times  Boeing To Add Net Hook-Ups to Jets  (ICQ at 15000 feet)
Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals
Salon.com  Returning to a place we've never seen   (To the rest of the world Vietnam is a place, not a war)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Apocalypse not  (scathing look at Hollywood's revision of the Vietnam War)
Slate  News Flash: Liz Taylor in Love!  (examines the tabloids fascination with ageing and dying celebrities. Did you see the picture of Bob Hope on the cover of last week's Enquirer? It was indecent.)
Nerve.com  This Week in Sex  (group dedicated to regrowing foreskin founded in Pittsburg)
LA Weekly  Tim Parks on marriage, tension, crisis and control   (nice interview with excellent author)

                               Thursday   April 27 00

London Times  How can America take over the world if it can't take over its own country?  (our tsunami of Disney and Coca-Cola will wash over all)
London Times  Police warn of US-style violence  (our tsunami of Disney, Coca-Cola and crime will wash over all)
London Telegraph  Girl attacks Germaine Greer  (bound and beaten by teenage BRITISH stalker)
London Daily Mirror  The earth is round, but the universe is flat  (and, like the "Brady Bunch" reruns, it expands forever)
Slate  Why are shopping carts so big ?  (because the cereal aisle, like the "Brady Bunch" reruns, goes on forever)
Salon.com  The Tao of pain  (and, like the "Brady Bunch" reruns, it can seem forever)
London Telegraph  I wouldn't have them any other way  (pro-Caesarean mom claims "there is no gain from pain")
NY Times  Eye Contact  (excellent piece about eye contact in crowds
Times login: e-portals  password: e-portals  )
London Times  Aim to keep your inner spirit pure   (Last in series re "The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius")
Vibe.com  Dr Dre sues Napster  (who's the real gangsta ?)
Village Voice  Nat Hentoff: "The Clinton-Reno Rule of Law"  ("this is the first time in American history that a federal SWAT team has been used to raid a private home in a custody case."  ...more emotional than Tuesday's Laurence Tribe NY Times piece, but just as effective.
Note: the NY Times keeps their daily articles free for just one day)

                               Wednesday   April 26 00

London Times  Look to Judaism, bishop suggests  (fear of New Age makes strange partners)
Salon.com  The other side of the closet   ("After 10 years and two children, my husband told me he is gay.")
London Times  Accept your destiny   (continuing series on the "Meditations of Marcus Aurelius")
Nerve.com  StarFirsts  (25 celebrities discuss their first time)
London Telegraph  Dalai Lama, My Son: A Mother's Story  ("If the Dalai Lama is so wise and charismatic, the thinking presumably ran, then what must his mother be like?")
London Telegraph  'Help me. This is hell, a hell of madness'   (Diaries of Beatles manager reveal his life of torment)
Melbourne Age   O, for crying out loud ...   ("First TV shows, then book clubs and now the O magazine. How much Oprah can one planet take?")
London Express  The A-Z of Where Are They Now?   ("Whatever happened to... ?)
Salon.com  Camille Paglia: "Elian! Nature trumps politics"  (biweekly Paglia rant takes on Elian, Catholic-bashing, Ralph Nader and numerous others)

                               Tuesday   April 25 00

London Times  Time is a torrent so enjoy the ride   (Marcus Aurelius looks at the nature of change)
NY Times  Laurence Tribe: "Justice Taken Too Far"  (Professor Tribe asks the question that has also been bothering me, "Where did Janet Reno get the legal authority to invade that Miami home in order to seize the child ? " Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
London Times  Pretentious, moi?  (weekly look at the vain and glorious)
NY Times  By Bread Alone   (Do you swoon for the yeasty aroma, firm crust and dense honeycomb texture of a good loaf of bread ? Times login: e-portals   password: e-portals)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Spot the loonie  (the show "Eric Idle Exploits Monty Python" reaches N. America)
London Express  She may be slim... but is she healthy?   (4 models' diets examined. i bet they don't eat firm crusted bread)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"
(everyone should fit into one of these two categories)
London Express  Just how safe are your tampons?   (women will use 17,000 in their lifetime)
London Express  The private hell of Christopher Robin   (unwanted fame)
Manchester Guardian  The strange story  (What has happened to the stars of "Twin Peaks" ?)
UK Independent  'Sexual deviants' sentenced to 2,600 lashes   (no Bill Clinton jokes, pls)
Melbourne Age  Dying for stardom  (when obscure musicians die)
London Telegraph  God's new sort of fool  (the appealing life of St Francis of Assisi)
Nerve.com  Jack's naughty bits  (weekly look at literature starts out with "Most semi-sentient people will tell you that there's something wrong with being able to watch porn or be sent to war at eighteen, but not being able to order a beer until you're twenty-one.")
San Francisco Examiner  'Judas' dies in Easter Passion play  (unfortunately realism was not needed)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Blues patriarch enjoys being a living legend
(boom,boom,boom,boom)

                               Monday   April 23 00

London Times  Stop the world...   (we're all stressed out by time poverty)
London Mirror  Variety is the blight of life   (we're all stressed out by too much choice)
UK Independent  Rock star's TV channel to help couch potatoes find themselves
(to help us with all of these stresses, here comes the "human potential" channel)
Manchester Guardian  Life is sacred   (including all of our stresses ?)
London Times  Live life to the full and meet death with a smile   (continuing series examines ideas in the "Meditations of Marcus Aurelius")
NY Post  Top Cleric: "Pope prisoner in his own body"  (JPII winds down)
Salon.com  The Consolations of Philosophy  (philosophy for dummies)
Melbourne Age  On-line 'racketeer' faces the music  (racketeering law used against Napster)

                               Sunday   April 23 00

London Times  Waldemar Januszczak on the naked truth behind the clean-up of the Sistine Chapel  ("If Christianity is healthy, there is no loincloth. If Christianity is experiencing one of its turns for the worse, there is.")
Salon.com  A tale of two photos   (why that pic of Elian and his dad was released)
Drudgereport  Are the boy/father photos faked?  (how did his hair grow so fast?)
Detroit News  Pete Waldmeir: "Janet Reno mishandled Elian fiasco; she must go"
(it was better than Waco, Pete)
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: "The disco decade rediscovered"  (the 70's--that slum of a decade)
Detroit Free Press  Terry Larson: "Trust your star"  ("Everywhere you looked last week there was a celebrity speaking out on something.")
Wired  Napster Spat Pits Fans vs. Bands   (collision imminent, choose your side)

                               Saturday   April 22 00

London Times  How kids can get their kicks   (karate as cure for kiddie couch potatoes )
BBC  Occult sites 'lure' teenagers   (the occult as cure for teen couch potatoes )
London Telegraph  The hermit next door  (a radical cure for adult couch potatoes )
London Times  Talking 'bout my generation  (imagine Erica Jong as your mother)
London Express  Delilah, deceit & debauchery   (mothers would even bring their daughters up to the stage as "sacrifical virgins", allegedly pleading: "I want Tom Jones to be my little girl's first." )
NY Times  Just another Cuban family  (why Elian Gonzalez-type stories will not die )
NY Post  Meow! Diana calls Mary a Supreme pain  (don't throw your love away)
NY Times  NY Times Book Review  (featured author: Saul Bellow)
Toronto Globe and Mail  G is for Gorey who never was sorry  (Edward Gorey died this week)
Detroit News  Pope presides over Roman Colosseum Good Friday ceremony  (JPII needs a vacation)
Detroit News  Newer third Passover seder honors role of Jewish women  (women's seders on the rise)
Slate  Are the Three Stooges martyrs, demons, or splendid anti-role models?  (how about just "idiots" ?)

                               Friday   April 21 00

Salon.com  "Pontius Pilate" by Anne Wroe   (elusive immortalized Roman bureaucrat )
London Times  Christ and the Cross  (it always rains on Good Friday, somewhere)
London Express  The ancient bones that proved Christ's prophecy to an apostle was fulfilled   (Peter's remains remain)
Detroit News  Scholars disagree over Jesus' last walk  (historical accuracy evasive)
Detroit News  Women get role in Passover rites  (never too late)
NY Post  Pokemon earns Papal Blessing  (well-versed in the subject, Vatican declares it is "full of inventive imagination" )
London Times  Philip Howard: 'I'd settle for student life again, even with the essays and perpetual poverty'  (Howard goes back for a weekend)
London Express  The seven ages of fanciability   ("we don't all drool over the same male totty. Age changes a woman's taste. ")

                               Thursday   April 20 00

London Times  Just one great Bellow   (America's greatest author's newest work)
Salon.com  Where do Peeps come from?  (Visiting the birthplace of Easter's innocent marshmallow icons -- and the Web sites that twist and transform them.)
London Express  Teenager taming: A parent's guide   (how to survive that 13th year)
Vancouver Sun  I pursued my teacher, Sechelt teen tells court  (grades didn't improve, but 17 yr old boy has no regrets)
Melbourne Age  Boors on the box  (why are prime time men made out to be such buffoons ?)
Melbourne Age  Just making waves  (every Jew has the Exaggeration gene)
London Times  The hidden power   (Marcus Aurelius looks at the spirit in an extract from Mark Forstater's new version of his work )
London Times  The superhero within   (author survives an "Increasing Personal Power" seminar...note that Marcus Aurelius' meditations, written 2000 yrs ago, make far more sense)
Slate  How Starbucks democratizes snobbery  (niche snobbery)
NY Observor  Night of the Big O  (getting in touch with the inner-hosfrau)
London Express  The farmer gets a wife   (it takes a special woman to marry a farmer)
San Francisco Examiner  Court upholds damages in on-the-job spanking  (being whacked on the job is apparently worth $146,000)

                               Wednesday   April 19 00

London Times  So God created woman  (Oxford genetecist traces life)
London Sun  Ana finally, here is the news  (Ananova cyberbabe newsreader up and running...a waste at 28.8)
Nerve.com  My date with the "Fleshlight'  (author tests fake vagina...finds "need to cuddle" )
Salon.com  "Down the vagina trail"   (nice interview with author of 'The Vagina Monlogoues")
London Mirror  Web of women  (60% of all new users are female, they will transform the web)
NY Post  Bad girls turn to life of crime  (arrest rates of teenaged girls soar)
Village Voice  Tumbling down (95 lb gymnasts are overweight)
Nerve.com  Fan Club  (female amputees need to be more than "just stumps")
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: "Simplicity, how hard can that be?"  ('Thoreau moved to the woods and built a cabin, but you can take a workshop and tape course called "Transforming your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence."')
London Times  'Live each day as if it were the last'   ("The second extract from Mark Forstater's new version of the "Meditations of Marcus Aurelius" looks at cultivating the self ")
NY Times  Commercial or Trendy, Skullcaps Alarm Some Jews  (should a yarmulke read "I drank 12 beers last nite" ?)

                               Tuesday   April 18 00

London Express  Heavenly music out of the mouths of Baebes  ("Singing nuns, boy sopranos, Spanish abbots doing Gregorian chants, groups with pretend Latin names singing in pretend Latin give us class without classical, religion without church. ")
NY Times  How to Tell Women's Clothes From Men's? Try Price  (multiply by two)
Manchester Guardian  Truth to tell   (Noam Chomsky spouts)
San Francisco Examiner  Emil Guillermo: "Communism didn't do such a bad job raising Elian"  (no Columbines in Cuba)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"  (Garrison's weekly advice)
London Times  Guru for our times  (Taoism is Chinese, Buddhism is Indian, Zen is Japanese and Marcus Aurelius is ours)
Melbourne Age  PlayStation 2 'poses military threat'  (newest craze contains components which could be used in missile guidance systems, future in doubt)
LA Weekly Declaration of Independence; Patti Smith speaks   (excellent interview)
BBC  TV anti-drugs messages fail  (kids see around the one-dimesional)
NY Post  Bio bares the secret  ("portrays Lennon in his last years as neurotic, paranoid, isolated, weak-willed, suicidal, drug-addicted, sexually immature, superstitious, tyrannical and confused - but most of all: bored and profoundly unhappy. "...in other words, pretty normal )
Slate  Bobos in paradise  ("Why do we drink overpriced coffee at Starbucks? The answer is simple. It tastes good. And we can afford it.")

                               Monday   April 17 00

Manchester Guardian  No right to be idle   (the need to be a just a little bored)
Chicago Tribune  Hugh Hefner: "My life has turned into bad fiction"  (Hef, we only cared about the pictures)
London Megastar  Yoko's killer instinct  (Mark David Chapman is eligible for parole in December.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  The new Impressionists  (the blind show that art is not achored in vision)
London Times  The domination game   (interview with , and link to , photographer Helmut Newton)
Melbourne Age  Gay old days dead and buried  (Once the famous die, the kid gloves come off and the dead find it difficult to sue)
Sydney Morning Herald  Vitamins are good for you ... aren't they?  (Scientists are confused)
Salon.com  Women are suckers for smelly armpits  (smell of sweat attractive at some points during the menstrual cycle)
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: "Of human stocks and bondage"  (Morse's take on the stock market: "The people in charge of our finances don't talk any straighter than their jagged graphs.")

                               Sunday   April 16 00

London Times  The Vikings, and other blind alleys of history   (those rough, tough Vikings wore glasses)
Wired  Rules Are Made to be Broken, Ja?   (Germans more worried about purity of their beer than of their language)
London Times  Forgers cash in on craze for Pokémon cards  (5 yr olds will not care)
UK People  Truth about Paul's new girl  (secrets of McCartney's new galpal revealed)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Slick oils  (12 Italian olive oils rated)
Manchester Guardian  Children should be told of hell  (And the liberals twitch)
UK Independent  Church 'will be dead in 40 years time'   (More Catholics now attend than Anglicans in Britain)
London Express  I want catfights, I want pink and sexy  (Courtney Love admits she is not a great actress)
NY Daily News  Jack Mathews: "There's Something A Bit Less About Sandra"
(writer states that Sandra Bullock is not an actress)
Melbourne Age  Charity 'paid for bishop's retreat'  (And the liberals twitch)
St Louis Post  Oprah Winfrey puts gag on employees  (``There are plenty of people who believe in freedom of expression, except when it's about them,'' )

                               Saturday   April 15 00

London Express  Face it Chris, we women get better as we get older   (DJ makes fun of ex, she digs back)
London Express  The primary rules of parenting   (what to do with those pesky 5-12 yr olds)
NY Post  Guy with testosterone puts a stud in her ear  (despite the awful headline, an interesting article that examines the "more testosterone a man has in his system, the better equipped he may be to start up conversations with women.")
NY Times  Bill Gates's Money   (How to Give Away$21.8 Billion )
NY Times  On Language by William Safire  (examines political legacy and bold initiative)
NY Times  Enemies, a Love Story   (gay writer infiltrates Pat Robertson's 70th birthday bash and finds himself on "The Love Boat")
San Francisco Examiner  Judges order man to work harder in bed  (penal code?)
Detroit News  Dental association blames children's tooth decay on too much soda pop  (Sugar will beat fluoride every time)

                               Friday   April 14 00

London Times  Philip Howard: "In the last analysis, we're scraping the barrel for political clichés"  (Howard examines, and loves, cliches)
NY Post  Montel's estranged wife: "Our love will survive a divorce"   (divorce lawyers bet otherwise)
London Times  Women who are dying for a model figure   (fashion industry is killing women)
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: "Just a little good news in the schools"  (2nd graders write haiku)
London Telegraph   Sweaty armpits give ugly men sex appeal   (those funky pheromones)
London Telegraph   Mother knows best? Not any more   (why are kids so darned bratty ?)
London Sun  10 days with nail in my head   (has nothing to do with politicians)
Sydney Morning Herald  The bond that cannot be broken   (writer hates to admit it, but she loves her mom)
LA Times  Anti-Semitism Is an Ancient Plague of Hatred   (Holocaust denial explained)

                               Thursday   April 13 00

London Megastar  Brooke: I fancy girls   (should have told Andre)
London Times  Viagra to give pandas a longer lease of love   (toupees and Mustangs next ?)
London Times  New woman or new alien?   (New aliens such as Jennifer Aniston unnerve many men)
San Francisco Examiner  Jamestown Colonists May Have Been Poisoned  (the Jim Jones gene?)
London Times  Are we pushing our children too hard?   (is the sky blue?)
London Telegraph  English is language of today, Germans admit  (a bilingual Germany will soon be upon us)
Salon.com  Fleece your children  (Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's $200 tickets)
London Telegraph  Wife killed snoring husband with blanket  (she shoulda used a hammer?)
NY Post  Pope is gonna rock'n roll with Lou Reed   (no, this is not 'Saturday Night Live')
NY Times  Vietnam Finds an Old Foe Has New Allure  ("a giant portrait of Vietnam's revolutionary leader, Ho Chi Minh, stared out across a central square at a billboard showing the American fashion model Cindy Crawford."...my money's on Cindy)
Grassroots.com  Michael Moore: "Rub-a-Dub-Dead "  (social commentator wants doctors to wash their hands )

                               Wednesday   April 12 00

UK Independent  Bryan Ferry is still fantastically cool, rich and famous   (and still as self-absorbed)
Manchester Guardian  'Lapsed' Jews pray for exodus   (free ticket ?)
BBC  Why men behave badly  (the basic human template was female)
Sydney Morning Herald  The doctrine of Germaine Greer - a case of hit and Ms
(the 60's are her template)
San Francisco Examiner  Houston struggles at times during Arista Records bash  (Examining the bad times)
Detroit News  Why couples don't tie the knot  (test drive)

                               Tuesday   April 11 00

London Times  Playing the age game   (can you tell the difference between a 14-year-old and a 20-year-old? Test yourself here.)
Salon.com  Study shows some Canadian drunks have safer sex.  (everything is being studied somehwere...right now)
London Express  Have you got the fat gene?   ( Apparently your post-pregnancy weight is all to do with your genes.)
London Telegraph  Girls will be helped to aim 'higher than hairdressing'  (who's going to cut our hair ?)
Melbourne Age  Menstruation a pain? Don't worry, doctors can stop it  (refuse to bleed.)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"
(Garrison loves to advise)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Sgt. Pepper's band is still recruiting
(it was 30 yrs ago today)

                               Monday   April 10 00

NY Times  Staid Know-It-All Goes Hip and Online  (The online O.E.D. will cost $550/year while brittanica.com is free.)
Denver Post  Jesus tops bunny in Easter survey  (just barely)
London Times  Plath owed her success to me, says Hughes  (she didn't kill herself because of him, but she wrote great poetry because of him, so he wants us to think)
NY Times  Burmese Rebel Chief More Boy Than Warrior  (12 yr olds Luther and Johnny lead rebel army, and sit in laps)
UK Independent  Twenty families of children scarred by fast food firm's scalding drinks sue McDonald's   (stop us from hurting ourselves)
San Francisco Examiner  Woman lives with dead husband for four months  (talk about being dead in the sack)
Washington Post  Japan Frets Over Kids Bad Manners   (Western influence has its bad side)
BBC  Beware foreign rioters - Tokyo governor   (Perhaps they should control their children first)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Mark Chapman's insanity not the stuff of history  (Writer is irked that The History Channel treats all equally...hey, they gotta fill air time)
London Telegraph  Shere Hite: ‘I am a good scholar and researcher!’  (can feminists wear make up and be taken seriously ?)

                               Sunday   April 09 00

London Sunday Times  Baby, the career isn't enough   (81% of working mums would rather stay home w/their babies)
NY Times  William Safire on words: "neten-clature"  (examines the wacky "dot com" world)
Toronto Globe and Mail  The bare facts about the Pill  (say g'bye to your period)
London People  Truth about Heather Mills: I hope she doesn't break Paul's heart..  (my advice to this jolted lover: "let it be")
Sydney Morning Herald  The strands of gay science  (the focus now is on hormonal levels in the womb)
BBC  Lip-synching Milli Vanilli star's comeback bid  (who doesn't lip-synch in one way or another?)
NY Times  The Triumph of Burbopolis   (from alaska to florida, it's all the same)
San Francisco Examiner  First-time stock trader: e-agony and the ecstasy  (e-obsessions)

                               Saturday   April 08 00

London Express  In search of the fab four's enduring legend   (no one compares)
London Sun  Lost Lotto King found dead  (have a friend you haven't heard from in 2 yrs? you'd better call!)
London Times  When television talks back  ("Because while your TV is off pretending it's also the Internet, the Internet is increasingly behaving as if it's also the TV."....of course, they will merge...this is news?)
London Telegraph  Scene better days  (no matter how cool your musical tastes are, your kids are not impressed)
London Telegraph  Archbishop warns against internet 'evil'  (the same folks that house-arrested Galileo)
Slate  Helen Gurley Brown, The Cosmo girl at 78.   (the Cosmo girl, examined, turns out to be pure image)
San Francisco Examiner  16 years in jail for stealing a candy bar  (and O.J. is free)
Village Voice  System Error  (here's an interesting statistic: "75 percent of old computers wind up simply stockpiled in hallways, under Ping-Pong tables, in attics, or just pushed aside.")

                               Friday   April 07 00

London Express  The good life or strife?   (Is it better to have a successful, well-paid career and no free time or to live simply and "have a life"? )
Salon.com  Scam fails for hooker-to-be felled by oil   (What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.)
UK Independent  Ex-Supremes singer saddened at comeback tour snub   (No Flo nor Mary equals only Diana)
LOndon Daily Mirror  Stick 'em up, I'm 20  (What's yellow, square and tacky?)
London Times  Philip Howard: 'Something deep in our nature loves a winner against all the odds'  (Howard's take on David and Goliath)
London Times  Drawn to the girl behind Marilyn   (Joyce Carol Oates falls for Marilyn)
The Melbourne Age  Nothing but a phoney   (dislikes cell phones)
London Times  Why some mothers will never be slim again   (genetics, baby, genetics)

                               Thursday   April 06 00

London Times  Bingo for the office  (cliche counting in management..aka "bullshit bingo")
Manchester Guardian  Songbird sonatas  (Mozart was for the birds)
Sydney Morning Herald  A haven for pedants  (The Dull Men's Web Site is hugely popular and, of course, dull)
Toronto Globe amd Mail  O say can you see...Taiwan?  (51st state?)
NY Times>  Your Mail Isn't Spying on You  (pro-census view)
Toronto Globe amd Mail  Web babies  (My First Mouse Pad is for six months and up.)
Seattle Times  7-year-old boy 'not proud' of driving car   (wanted Cheerios)

                               Wednesday   April 05 00

San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: "Standing up and not being counted"  (another anti-census voice: "this isn't the decade to be asking people personal questions.")
Manchester Guardian  'Stop being the world's policeman," Mandela tells UK and US  (just be the banker)
Salon.com  Camille Paglia: "The Internet: imagination unleashed in all its perverse glory"  (a perfect description of Paglia as well)
NY Times  Technology Critic Takes On Computers in Schools  ("computer skills are easily mastered in a few weeks and hardly require a battery of computers in every classroom from kindergarten through 12th grade.")
Manchester Guardian  Slaves to the cell phone  (not having one is a statement for personal freedom)
London Daily Mirror  Planets line up to shine  (tomorrow nite--, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and a young crescent moon)
London Telegraph  Highlights of Tokyo  (The British have discovered sushi, while the Japanese have discovered hair dye)
London Times  Path to the Divine   (mystic Andrew Harvey believes he has discovered 'a new route to God')
Toronto Globe and Mail  Road not taken picked  (America's favorite)

                               Tuesday   April 04 00

Manchester Guardian  A slice of life, now and then   (The British film series "7 up", which follows peoples' lives with an update every seven years, will continue)
NY Times  Down for the Count  (the census does not add up)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"  (Keillor's weekly advice)
London Telegraph  The sound of silence - that's muzak to my ears   (Hell is other people's music)
London Telegraph  Tigers 'could be wiped out in 10 years'  (corruption is killing the tigers)
Sky News   thousands of elephants dying as poaching soars   (see a pattern here?)
BBC  Climate change 'threatens Arctic birds'  (now are you convinced?)
Salon.com  Bill Wyman: "David Foster Wallace: Ain't McCain grand?"  (Wallace slobbers, Wyman whines)

                               Monday   April 03 00

Sydney Morning Hearld  Microsoft's likely loss irrelevant as PC era ends  (within 2 yrs other accesses to the web will outnumber pc's)
Detroit Free Press  Daddy's little girl: Ed Mahl brings adopted daughter An-Ping home and learns that fatherhood is far from easy   (single dad, 52, brings home 6 yr old Chinese girl.)
Melbourne Age  Is there a Hell? Yes, experts say, and it's awful  (it's called "the Lifetime Channel")
Melbourne Age  Risks to gay and lesbian rural young provoke calls for services  (here's a surprise: the more rural, the worse it gets)
Melbourne Age  Matrix's Oscar wins surprised even its makers  (if you can get past the violence, you will find a very buddhist film)
NY Times  Aided by Internet, Identity Theft Soars  (digital privacy may be oxymoron)
NY Times  William Safire: The Age of Consent  (demands privacy from gov't and merchants)
London Times  The nuns who have divorced God   (convents emptying...maybe it's a good thing)
London Express  Why I want to be a kept woman   (wants time to herself)
London Telegraph  The secrets of the lady killer's leading lady   (The taming of Warren Beatty)

                               Sunday   April 02 00

UK Sunday People  Heather can never live up to Linda's legend..she said to Paul: End this for your own sake  (Paul has his work cut out)
BBC  Fans desert Jackie Chan  (out-of-wedlock child spurs decline)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Sibling Revelry  ("even Angelina Jolie's father, actor Jon Voight, who was at the party, seemed to be a little unnerved by their closeness.")
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: Al Gore abducts Elian  (strong language from Morse, "That shyster just lost my vote, if he ever had it. He's worse than the other shyster.")
LA Weekly  Pandora's Box: Napster unleashes whole new Net ball game   (Napster is about more than mp3's...it's revolutionary in scope and will transform the internet.)

                               Saturday   April 01 00

Salon.com  AOL Time Warner buys France   (April Fools !)
Salon.com  Camille Paglia: "All hail Automotive Eroticism's sensational April issue!"  (Paglia in great form, "Construction workers are the only Real Men left, let me tell you! Ah, those phallic jackhammers and vulval lunch buckets -- let's go dig up Walt Whitman to sing their praises.")
Manchester Guardian  Final frontier   (finally, a pro-gypsy article)
Manchester Guardian   Buswoman's holiday   (excellent female rant)
NY Times  The He Hormone  (injecting testosterone makes author more confident, witty and dangerous)
UK Megastar  American fruity  (Kevin Spacey outed)
London Sun  Liz's boobs distracts blokes  (female coworkers bust her)
BBC  Fugees buy radio station  (Lauren, Wyclef pay back)
NY Times  On Language by William Safire: "Census 2000"  (taking apart the Census form)
BBC  'Gloomy' outlook for pubs  (pub culture is dying)
San Francisco Examiner  What did that little fur ball say?!  (Reading Pa Walmart recalls Furbys)

                               Friday   March 31 00

London Telegraph  The facts of life about my father, his mistress and The Joy of Sex  (imagine that it's your father who writes the world's most famous sex manual)
San Francisco Examiner  Lawyer wants bigger honor for DiMaggio  (airport or bridge, not a measly park)
Melbourne Age  Natural born hedonist  (Oliver Stone should make a film about Oliver Stone)
Toronto Globe and Mail  China's newest foe: killer beer bottles  (In just two months last year, exploding beer bottles maimed or blinded 80 and killed five Chinese.)
NY Post  Highway Robbery  (PBS' 'Antiques Roadshow' embroiled in scandal)
Salon.com  Jacobson's Organ and the Remarkable Nature of Smell  "I'll be arriving in Paris tomorrow evening," Napoleon wrote to Josephine. "Don't wash.")
NY Post  Top chef quick to pan foe's shortcut  (quality risotto in 6 mins?)
Slate  Does a Short Index Finger Make You Gay?  (allright, everyone, have you check your finger lengths by now ?)
San Francisco Examiner  Violent acts off the field worrying NFL  (was it the 2nd murder rap that awakened them ?)
NY Daily News  Top female army general charges sex harassment  (generally speaking)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Is this man stupid and is this woman a whore? Ask Steven Spielberg  (When minority groups are portrayed on film or television, any whiff of stereotyping will not go unprotested)

                               Thursday   March 30 00

Manchester Guardian  China tries to curb selling of women   (attention feminists)
UK Independent  Double Trouble: Why Ben has gone Totally Nuts with his partner in cream Jerry   (Ben and Jerry split)
London Times  Livingstone offers gay marriages  (London mayor will lead the way)
Detroit News  Baby sale charges dismissed  (broke no law)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Dinner in plastic paradise  (Beijing's 50 yrs of environmental sins)
Salon.com  Napster -- friend or foe?   (friend!)
Slate  Does having a maid make you a bad person ?  (no!)

                               Wednesday   March 29 00

Manchester Guardian  Blair 'Has Read The Koran'   (and also 'Winnie the Pooh')
London Telegraph  Kathleen Turner to appear naked in London 'Graduate'  (Here's to you, Mrs Robinson)
London Times  Philip Howard's 'Word Watch'  (know what one of these means ?)
NY Times  Shipwrecked on Dry Land  (Gabriel Garcia Marquez' take on Elian Gonzalez)
LA Times  Steeped in Lore, Green Tea Is an Unknown Quantity to Researchers   (Antioxidants under study)
San Francisco Examiner  A sorry state of affairs  ("Being pope means having to say you're sorry about everything.")
Detroit Free Press  Adults sacrificing sleep for work, play   (6.5 becoming norm)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Jefferson Airplane guitarist comes in from Wonderland  (Jorma Kaukonen no longer flying high)

                               Tuesday   March 28 00

London Daily Mirror   Was Jo JO murdered?   (Linda McCartney's first husband Joseph "Jo Jo" See may have been murdered.)
Manchester Guardian  Obituary of Alex Comfort  (author of "The Joy of Sex")
London Sun  Britney speared  (Spears knocked silly)
London Telegraph  Nuts about almonds  (it's the new superfood)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"  ("When an American starts talking about "lovely sandwiches" and "a lovely walk," it's time to leave England")
NY Times  Earth, Wind, and Fireworks: Sun's Storms Blow Northern Lights South  (southbound)
Slate  Buildings Worth "Kingdome"-ing  (5 more buildings that should be blown up)
NY Times  Hollywood's 'Courage'  (Is Hollywood capable of making a pro-life film as textured as 'Cider House Rules'?)
Boston Globe  OK, Regis, here are some real questions   ("How can I get my 15-year-old son out of bed in the morning?" )

                               Monday   March 27 00

Manchester Guardian  Chewing gum 'stops dementia'   (and does not promote tooth decay)
London Daily Mirror   Ruined by a web of lies   (leaves wife and job for stunning girl he met on the internet but she was really a .. grey haired,fat,frumpy,married mum of 3...duh!)
London Times  More than the Sumner of his rock'n'roll past   (Sting grows up)
Sydney Morning Herald  A time for Jews and Catholics to reconcile   (turn, turn, turn)
NY Times  Ending Pilgrimage, the Pope Asks God for Brotherhood   (back home, Pope asks Brothers for Godhood)
Salon.com  Keep a Web journal, get fired ... or worse   (the machine on you desk at work is not yours)
San Francisco Examiner  Police: Young Sisters Were at Home  (Two little girls, ages 2 and 14 months, home alone 3 days)
NY Daily News  Pope shrugs off snub, sees sheik  (which i initially read as "Pope shrugs off snub, sees shrink")
Reuters  Stallone, Madonna Named Worst Actors of Century   (Adam Sandler, rightfully so, was named worst actor of the year )
Chicago SunTimes  Roger Ebert: Beauty-ful showing   (Ebert's post-show report)
Detroit Free Press  Mike Duffy: Not even Billy Crystal could transform ho-hum Oscars show   (a sow's ear)

                               Sunday   March 26 00

London Sunday People  Forget your password...end up in jail   (America, France, Ireland and Germany have already rejected similar laws.)
Wahington Post  Autism's new face  (definition expanded)
Sydney Morning Herald  If we all live to be 150, where will we park?  (increased lifespan blues)
NY Times  E-Mail Is Treacherous. So Why Do We Keep Trusting It?  (your e-mail can always be hacked )
San Francisco Examiner  Domestic cats take heavy toll on wildlife  (cats are not dogs)
Cincinnati Enquirer  Passenger pigeon met demise 100 years ago   (can't blame this on kitties)
Detroit Dree Press  Mitch Albom: Even bad movies can win my Oscars   (The Oscars, Mitch-style)
Chicago SunTimes  Roger Ebert: Oscars still have surprises to spare   (Ebert's pre-Oscar thoughts)
ABC News  Strike ends, Twinkies to return   ("there's quite a bit of relief that people are going to get their Twinkies now" )
Manchester Guardian  The truth about Gypsies  (Gypsies will be the last unprotected minority)
London Times  The great cover-up  (England's grand wordsmith muses about beards)
London Telegraph  'Love and good food were not enough'  (remember those Romanian orphans of a decade ago?)
London Times  Men behaving badly can blame the 'manopause'  (the Lester Burnham defense)
Boston Globe  Napster is stirring piracy controversy   (the genie is out of the bottle now, folks)
Salon.com  Artists to Napster: Drop dead!  (recording artists grumble)
CBS News  Dangerfield out of danger  (he's better...visit his official web site  Rodney.com)

                               Thursday   March 23 00

London Express  Do you really want your child to be a genius?  ("Every child is unique. Our chief task as parents is not to push our agenda onto our daughters and sons but to protect this unique identity of theirs.")
Detroit Free Press  News about the Danke Schoen ruling   (In Toronto, police are blasting Backstreet Boys' music at protesters)
London Telegraph  'hidden meat' is forcing vegetarians to question what they eat  (what's the beef?)
London Times  Gray's Anatomy was textbook for sword attacker  (A man who stabbed an MP and killed his assistant with a Samurai sword consulted an anatomy textbook before carrying out the murderous attack)
Salon.com  Who in the world watches the Oscars?  (Oscar's claim of "billions of viewers" is a mite exaggerated)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Two generations of axe-masters  (inside Jimmy Page)
Boston Globe  Dressed too killer?  (Sexy? Cheap? Empowering? Two Boston women ponder Julia's trashy togs in 'Erin Brockovitch')
BBC  Cat Stevens releases children's album  (The album, A is for Allah, is released a week after a commemorative album marked 30 years since he hit fame in the US.)
Sky News  Oxford English Dictionary moves to its new home on the Web.   ("We're certainly not giving up on books, at least not yet, because there is certainly a place in this world for them."...not a ringing endorsement for books, eh ?)

                               Wednesday   March 22 00

London Express  How to play at being a lady  (many rules listed such as "It is more polite to say "Sorry?" or "What?" than "Pardon?")
San Francisco Examiner  Brains Differ in Navigation Skills  (why men won't ask)
UK Independent  Man's first cooked meal was carrion al fresco, grilled roots and beans   (not Ty Rex?)
Chicago Tribune  After 13 yrs in a shelter, dog finally adopted  (His first day was certainly hectic for him. He didn't know what to do with himself. He paced a lot" )
London Sun  Suicide of Linda Hubby No1  ("Jo-Jo was a man who thought he was a loner, but he knew it couldn’t last. Jo-Jo left his home in Tucson, Arizona, for some California grass.”)
London Telegraph  BBC admits church sketch was wrong  (offered the Communion chalice and asks for "two bottles of house red" instead.)
London Times  Former pop star joins the fight for gay curb  (Cat Stevens)
San Francisco Examner  Students Face Punishment by Opera  (that'll learn 'em)
Reuters  Television comedian Tom Green has cancer  (thoughts of Andy Kaufman)

                               Monday   April 03 00

Sydney Morning Hearld  Microsoft's likely loss irrelevant as PC era ends  (within 2 yrs other accesses to the web will outnumber pc's)
Detroit Free Press  Daddy's little girl: Ed Mahl brings adopted daughter An-Ping home and learns that fatherhood is far from easy   (single dad, 52, brings home 6 yr old Chinese girl.)
Melbourne Age  Is there a Hell? Yes, experts say, and it's awful  (it's called "the Lifetime Channel")
Melbourne Age  Risks to gay and lesbian rural young provoke calls for services  (here's a surprise: the more rural, the worse it gets)
Melbourne Age  Matrix's Oscar wins surprised even its makers  (if you can get past the violence, you will find a very buddhist film)
NY Times  Aided by Internet, Identity Theft Soars  (digital privacy may be oxymoron)
NY Times  William Safire: The Age of Consent  (demands privacy from gov't and merchants)
London Times  The nuns who have divorced God   (convents emptying...maybe it's a good thing)
London Express  Why I want to be a kept woman   (wants time to herself)
London Telegraph  The secrets of the lady killer's leading lady   (The taming of Warren Beatty)

                               Sunday   April 02 00

UK Sunday People  Heather can never live up to Linda's legend..she said to Paul: End this for your own sake  (Paul has his work cut out)
BBC  Fans desert Jackie Chan  (out-of-wedlock child spurs decline)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Sibling Revelry  ("even Angelina Jolie's father, actor Jon Voight, who was at the party, seemed to be a little unnerved by their closeness.")
San Francisco Examiner  Rob Morse: Al Gore abducts Elian  (strong language from Morse, "That shyster just lost my vote, if he ever had it. He's worse than the other shyster.")
LA Weekly  Pandora's Box: Napster unleashes whole new Net ball game   (Napster is about more than mp3's...it's revolutionary in scope and will transform the internet.)

                               Saturday   April 01 00

Salon.com  AOL Time Warner buys France   (April Fools !)
Salon.com  Camille Paglia: "All hail Automotive Eroticism's sensational April issue!"  (Paglia in great form, "Construction workers are the only Real Men left, let me tell you! Ah, those phallic jackhammers and vulval lunch buckets -- let's go dig up Walt Whitman to sing their praises.")
Manchester Guardian  Final frontier   (finally, a pro-gypsy article)
Manchester Guardian   Buswoman's holiday   (excellent female rant)
NY Times  The He Hormone  (injecting testosterone makes author more confident, witty and dangerous)
UK Megastar  American fruity  (Kevin Spacey outed)
London Sun  Liz's boobs distracts blokes  (female coworkers bust her)
BBC  Fugees buy radio station  (Lauren, Wyclef pay back)
NY Times  On Language by William Safire: "Census 2000"  (taking apart the Census form)
BBC  'Gloomy' outlook for pubs  (pub culture is dying)
San Francisco Examiner  What did that little fur ball say?!  (Reading Pa Walmart recalls Furbys)

                               Friday   March 31 00

London Telegraph  The facts of life about my father, his mistress and The Joy of Sex  (imagine that it's your father who writes the world's most famous sex manual)
San Francisco Examiner  Lawyer wants bigger honor for DiMaggio  (airport or bridge, not a measly park)
Melbourne Age  Natural born hedonist  (Oliver Stone should make a film about Oliver Stone)
Toronto Globe and Mail  China's newest foe: killer beer bottles  (In just two months last year, exploding beer bottles maimed or blinded 80 and killed five Chinese.)
NY Post  Highway Robbery  (PBS' 'Antiques Roadshow' embroiled in scandal)
Salon.com  Jacobson's Organ and the Remarkable Nature of Smell  "I'll be arriving in Paris tomorrow evening," Napoleon wrote to Josephine. "Don't wash.")
NY Post  Top chef quick to pan foe's shortcut  (quality risotto in 6 mins?)
Slate  Does a Short Index Finger Make You Gay?  (allright, everyone, have you check your finger lengths by now ?)
San Francisco Examiner  Violent acts off the field worrying NFL  (was it the 2nd murder rap that awakened them ?)
NY Daily News  Top female army general charges sex harassment  (generally speaking)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Is this man stupid and is this woman a whore? Ask Steven Spielberg  (When minority groups are portrayed on film or television, any whiff of stereotyping will not go unprotested)

                               Thursday   March 30 00

Manchester Guardian  China tries to curb selling of women   (attention feminists)
UK Independent  Double Trouble: Why Ben has gone Totally Nuts with his partner in cream Jerry   (Ben and Jerry split)
London Times  Livingstone offers gay marriages  (London mayor will lead the way)
Detroit News  Baby sale charges dismissed  (broke no law)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Dinner in plastic paradise  (Beijing's 50 yrs of environmental sins)
Salon.com  Napster -- friend or foe?   (friend!)
Slate  Does having a maid make you a bad person ?  (no!)

                               Wednesday   March 29 00

Manchester Guardian  Blair 'Has Read The Koran'   (and also 'Winnie the Pooh')
London Telegraph  Kathleen Turner to appear naked in London 'Graduate'  (Here's to you, Mrs Robinson)
London Times  Philip Howard's 'Word Watch'  (know what one of these means ?)
NY Times  Shipwrecked on Dry Land  (Gabriel Garcia Marquez' take on Elian Gonzalez)
LA Times  Steeped in Lore, Green Tea Is an Unknown Quantity to Researchers   (Antioxidants under study)
San Francisco Examiner  A sorry state of affairs  ("Being pope means having to say you're sorry about everything.")
Detroit Free Press  Adults sacrificing sleep for work, play   (6.5 becoming norm)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Jefferson Airplane guitarist comes in from Wonderland  (Jorma Kaukonen no longer flying high)

                               Tuesday   March 28 00

London Daily Mirror   Was Jo JO murdered?   (Linda McCartney's first husband Joseph "Jo Jo" See may have been murdered.)
Manchester Guardian  Obituary of Alex Comfort  (author of "The Joy of Sex")
London Sun  Britney speared  (Spears knocked silly)
London Telegraph  Nuts about almonds  (it's the new superfood)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"  ("When an American starts talking about "lovely sandwiches" and "a lovely walk," it's time to leave England")
NY Times  Earth, Wind, and Fireworks: Sun's Storms Blow Northern Lights South  (southbound)
Slate  Buildings Worth "Kingdome"-ing  (5 more buildings that should be blown up)
NY Times  Hollywood's 'Courage'  (Is Hollywood capable of making a pro-life film as textured as 'Cider House Rules'?)
Boston Globe  OK, Regis, here are some real questions   ("How can I get my 15-year-old son out of bed in the morning?" )

                               Monday   March 27 00

Manchester Guardian  Chewing gum 'stops dementia'   (and does not promote tooth decay)
London Daily Mirror   Ruined by a web of lies   (leaves wife and job for stunning girl he met on the internet but she was really a .. grey haired,fat,frumpy,married mum of 3...duh!)
London Times  More than the Sumner of his rock'n'roll past   (Sting grows up)
Sydney Morning Herald  A time for Jews and Catholics to reconcile   (turn, turn, turn)
NY Times  Ending Pilgrimage, the Pope Asks God for Brotherhood   (back home, Pope asks Brothers for Godhood)
Salon.com  Keep a Web journal, get fired ... or worse   (the machine on you desk at work is not yours)
San Francisco Examiner  Police: Young Sisters Were at Home  (Two little girls, ages 2 and 14 months, home alone 3 days)
NY Daily News  Pope shrugs off snub, sees sheik  (which i initially read as "Pope shrugs off snub, sees shrink")
Reuters  Stallone, Madonna Named Worst Actors of Century   (Adam Sandler, rightfully so, was named worst actor of the year )
Chicago SunTimes  Roger Ebert: Beauty-ful showing   (Ebert's post-show report)
Detroit Free Press  Mike Duffy: Not even Billy Crystal could transform ho-hum Oscars show   (a sow's ear)

                               Sunday   March 26 00

London Sunday People  Forget your password...end up in jail   (America, France, Ireland and Germany have already rejected similar laws.)
Wahington Post  Autism's new face  (definition expanded)
Sydney Morning Herald  If we all live to be 150, where will we park?  (increased lifespan blues)
NY Times  E-Mail Is Treacherous. So Why Do We Keep Trusting It?  (your e-mail can always be hacked )
San Francisco Examiner  Domestic cats take heavy toll on wildlife  (cats are not dogs)
Cincinnati Enquirer  Passenger pigeon met demise 100 years ago   (can't blame this on kitties)
Detroit Dree Press  Mitch Albom: Even bad movies can win my Oscars   (The Oscars, Mitch-style)
Chicago SunTimes  Roger Ebert: Oscars still have surprises to spare   (Ebert's pre-Oscar thoughts)

                               Saturday   March 25 00

Manchester Guardian   Nincompoopism  (the author was a sexual ninny)
London Telegraph  A picture of happiness?  (Power and wealth are overrated, according to Epicurus. )
London Telegraph  Sex and Schopenhauer  (if you are unlucky in love, don't take it to heart - happiness was never part of the plan)
NY Times  Russian TV Network Ties Putin Rival to Jews, Gays and Foreigners  (and he beats his wife)
NY Times Magazine  William Safire on Language  ( Anachronism: The glorious game of Gotcha! played with moviemakers.)
CBS News  Sweep nets 1,600 suspicious sites  (only 1600?)
Salon.com  Black and proud   (why white filed as black)
NY Daily News  Cosby ending sitcom   (He couldn't re-create)

                               Friday   March 24 00

ABC News  Strike ends, Twinkies to return   ("there's quite a bit of relief that people are going to get their Twinkies now" )
Manchester Guardian  The truth about Gypsies  (Gypsies will be the last unprotected minority)
London Times  The great cover-up  (England's grand wordsmith muses about beards)
London Telegraph  'Love and good food were not enough'  (remember those Romanian orphans of a decade ago?)
London Times  Men behaving badly can blame the 'manopause'  (the Lester Burnham defense)
Boston Globe  Napster is stirring piracy controversy   (the genie is out of the bottle now, folks)
Salon.com  Artists to Napster: Drop dead!  (recording artists grumble)
CBS News  Dangerfield out of danger  (he's better...visit his official web site  Rodney.com)

                               Thursday   March 23 00

London Express  Do you really want your child to be a genius?  ("Every child is unique. Our chief task as parents is not to push our agenda onto our daughters and sons but to protect this unique identity of theirs.")
Detroit Free Press  News about the Danke Schoen ruling   (In Toronto, police are blasting Backstreet Boys' music at protesters)
London Telegraph  'hidden meat' is forcing vegetarians to question what they eat  (what's the beef?)
London Times  Gray's Anatomy was textbook for sword attacker  (A man who stabbed an MP and killed his assistant with a Samurai sword consulted an anatomy textbook before carrying out the murderous attack)
Salon.com  Who in the world watches the Oscars?  (Oscar's claim of "billions of viewers" is a mite exaggerated)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Two generations of axe-masters  (inside Jimmy Page)
Boston Globe  Dressed too killer?  (Sexy? Cheap? Empowering? Two Boston women ponder Julia's trashy togs in 'Erin Brockovitch')
BBC  Cat Stevens releases children's album  (The album, A is for Allah, is released a week after a commemorative album marked 30 years since he hit fame in the US.)
Sky News  Oxford English Dictionary moves to its new home on the Web.   ("We're certainly not giving up on books, at least not yet, because there is certainly a place in this world for them."...not a ringing endorsement for books, eh ?)

                               Wednesday   March 22 00

London Express  How to play at being a lady  (many rules listed such as "It is more polite to say "Sorry?" or "What?" than "Pardon?")
San Francisco Examiner  Brains Differ in Navigation Skills  (why men won't ask)
UK Independent  Man's first cooked meal was carrion al fresco, grilled roots and beans   (not Ty Rex?)
Chicago Tribune  After 13 yrs in a shelter, dog finally adopted  (His first day was certainly hectic for him. He didn't know what to do with himself. He paced a lot" )
London Sun  Suicide of Linda Hubby No1  ("Jo-Jo was a man who thought he was a loner, but he knew it couldn’t last. Jo-Jo left his home in Tucson, Arizona, for some California grass.”)
London Telegraph  BBC admits church sketch was wrong  (offered the Communion chalice and asks for "two bottles of house red" instead.)
London Times  Former pop star joins the fight for gay curb  (Cat Stevens)
San Francisco Examner  Students Face Punishment by Opera  (that'll learn 'em)
Reuters  Television comedian Tom Green has cancer  (thoughts of Andy Kaufman)

                               Tuesday   March 21 00

London Express  The healthy rewards for turning Japanese   (Sushi has taken over from the sandwich as Britain's favourite lunch.)
Salon.com  Beijing forbids sex and the West   (USSR revisited)
London Telegraph  Tallest Buddha will be made in Sheffield  (3x the ht of the Statue of Liberty)
Washington Post  Daughter: Reagan's Alzheimer's Bad   (when is Alzheimer's good?)
Melbourne Age  Knife ban for minors   (forks still legal)
Sydney Morning Herald  Court rejects call for cheap Viagra   (the poor suffer)
Toronto Globe and Mail  When the mind won't say stop  (Obsessive-compulsive disorder afflicts more people than schizophrenia)
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor :"Dear Mr. Blue, advice for lovers and writers"  (Mr. Blue writes from a hotel room in London this week, toward the end of a long and flu-stricken tour of various dim hotel rooms in Scotland )
National Post  Blind man judges Miss Alberta contest  (the wit, charm, intelligence and talent)
Slate  I Was a Middle-Aged Wage Slave  (ever wonder who was on the other end of those tele-marketing phone calls ?)

                               Monday   March 20 00

London Express  It's war within ten years as Taiwan votes to go it alone  (In Taiwan, a senior party adviser was kicked down the street and attacked with poles....perhaps we can learn from the Taiwanese )
London Telegraph  Sunspot pattern 'played a part in sinking of Titanic'  (i still put my money on the iceberg)
London Times  Kremlin wives were murdered, raped, imprisoned or killed themselves   (now we know why we never heard about them)
UK Independent  After 500 years, 'extinct' giant lizard shows its face   (hope for ty rex?)
UK Independent  Beggars with children face swift deportation   (euphemism for "gypsy")
Melbourne Age  Ex-Beatle McCartney hits top of rich showbiz list  (beats out Andrew Lloyd-Webber)
Village Voice  Nat Hentoff: "I would vote for either Hillary Rodham Clinton or Rudy Giuliani, for the Senate or any office, only under torture"  (voice of sanity)
Reuters  Moslems sacrifice 600,000 animals during haj  (Clinton stops at Mc Donalds)
NY Today   Naked dorm? that wasn't in the Wesleyan brochure.  ("I just sometimes feel the need to be nude; I have body piercings to show off," said Jacob Z. B. Goldsmith, a 19-year-old )

                               Sunday   March 19 00

London Sunday Times  Myth of Linda McCartney's sex claims exposed  (she also fabricated Eastman-Kodak roots)
NY Post  Paul's new gal's hard times  (Heather's long and winding road)
NY Post  Kids raid 'net for test cheat sheets  (the cut and paste generation)
Detroit Free Press  Mitch Albom: TV bride did get what she wanted   (Darva Conger, your 15 minutes are up)
London Sunday Times  Vitamin C pills may pose heart attack risk   (supplements might do more harm than good by clogging up the arteries)
Washington Post  Herbal Products Boom Takes Human Toll  (not a good day for the health-fad industry)
ABC News  Rodney Dangerfield hospitalized  (but still gets no respect)
New York Times Magazine  Safire: "Does 'streaming media' give you the screaming meemies?"  (get with it, bill)

                               Saturday   March 18 00

London Telegraph  The rise of she-commerce  (eight female net.entrepreneurs and, more importantly, links to their net.shopping sites)
Detroit News  Rap fan punished by Wayne Newton  (cruel judge's punishment for playing rap music too loudly is to listen to 2 hrs of Wayne Newton)
London Times  On death and Dodi   (Writer Soheir Khashoggi, Dodi's aunt, remembers)
LA Times  An Enlightening Dialogue Between 2 Amazing Minds   ( Umberto Eco and Cardinal Maria Martini provide a "My Dinner with Andre" over faith)
Tornoto Globe and Mail  The Genghis Khan guide to 'speed seduction'  (Tom Cruise's Oscar-nominated turn in Magnolia is as a slimy, how-to-get-laid motivational speaker for men. The only thing scarier than Cruise's performance is the real man it's based on)
NY Post  Life runs out after 64 years of pictures  (Life is reduced to special and commemorative issues that coincide with milestone events.)
BBC  Why sex is here to stay  (science discovers what Hugh Hefner already knew)
San Francisco Examiner  Judge denies 'Santa Claus' name change request  (no obituary for Santa)
London Telegraph  Between her lessons, this schoolgirl is doing sums that could change our lives  (Single-handedly, a 16-year-old appeared to have found a way of securely encrypting - that is, hiding - sensitive information on the internet, which worked 22 times faster than the one developed at MIT in 1977.)
CBS News   Cops: Former Panther Killed Deputy  (H. Rap Brown resurfaces)
Slate  St Patrick, the man behind the blarney  (No snakes. No shamrocks. Just the facts.)

                               Friday   March 17 00

London Daily Express  Was Joan of Arc a saint or just mad?  (why must the 2 be mutually exclusive?)
NY Times  Durward Kirby, 88, Sidekick to Television's Garry Moore  (the 50's fade away)
London Telegraph  The jolly uncle who destroyed our family  (growing up with Uncle Joe Stalin)
Manchester Guardian  On joining the yoga groupies   ( New yoga types see no conflict in spending the mornings saluting the sun while living on a diet of cigarettes and red wine, having the occasional breast lift and getting regular Brazilian bikini waxes.)
Detroit Free Press  Dad says he's sorry for trying to sell kid   (10 month old baby offered for 60 grand)
UK Independent  Bin Laden said to be dying of kidney failure   (you can't hide from the Man Upstairs)
London Telegraph  Germaine Greer: "Does every couple need a child?  (60's feminist blasts bishop and writes "Mary was not married to Joseph; her family was dysfunctional. The man she lived with was not the father of her child, and her child Himself took no wife, fathered no child and rejected His mother when it was time to go about His Father's business.")
San Francisco Examiner  United Airlines trying to boost image with gay, lesbian travelers  (the gay friendly skies)
London Times   The word "sissy" banned in war on homophobic bullying  (anyone got a fag?)
London Times  Philip Howard: 'We were taught to think of Caesar as an English gent. He was not'  (Britain's premier wordsmith writes "Modern Czars are paper tigers without teeth. They are created in order to spin the PR delusion that something is being done about one of the inevitable misfortunes of mankind")
Melbourne Age  How to drink Guinness  (first you need a bottle-opener)
vibe.com  Britney Spears to Write Autobiography  (Chapter 2: Breast implants)

                                  Thursday   March 16 00

London Express  Raw power Is sushi poised to become the new prawn sandwich?   (sushi takes off in the UK)
Melbourne Age  Dum Dums: how America sucks the intelligence out of television  (the emperor has no clothes)
Manchester Guardian  McCartney and model grow close   (all you need is love)
London Telegraph   Motherhood, Mick Jagger and me   (how they fake peeing in movies)
Melbourne Age  A story about shoes  (can one believe that this picture is "not about sex" ?)
BBC  Rasputin myth 'debunked'  (no superman)
Skynews  Boozing husbands threaten town's birthrate  (sexually frustrated Kenyan women stormed a police station)
San Francisco Examiner  Goodman: "Does NBC have Grateful Deity on its hands?"  (It's ok for everyine to steal Jerry Garcia's likeness, except for NBC)
Detroit News  Knight can't recall choking former player   (Pinochet cannot recall Chile)

                               Wednesday   March 15 00

Manchester Guardian  Woman blind for 18 years can see again   (you know this is not America when you read, "I was angry when I first realised what had happened but it doesn't matter now. I'm delighted to have my vision back.")
Washington Post  Thriving Pentecostal Congregation Puts Energy in Services, Activities  (ever wonder how those bright, new churches are paid for? the answer is 20% tithing)
Salon.com  Paglia: "The pussy-whipped princelings of the press corps"  (excellent 3 page rant)
Chicago Tribune  Teen gets 2 new lungs with minutes to spare  (donor recipient could not be found at crucial time....where was he?? watching hockey!)
UK Independent  'Nine out of ten dot.coms will not survive'  (ten out of ten people will not survive)
London Daily Mirror  TV word hunt for dictionary  (The Oxford English Dictionary Online scours TV for catch-phrases...hey, that's a job for me!)
Belfast Telegraph  poll: Money better than sex or football  (those wacky Irish)
Excite.com  Yahoo, eBay in talks on alliance or merger  (in other news, AOL announces buy -out of Buckingham Palace)
NY Daily News  Guidelines for city's psychics   ("Sound like your long-lost friend is calling")
San Francisco Examiner  Escaped tiger, vet, killed in Warsaw police chase  (The animal was shot several times. But one shot also struck the vet, who had been bitten in the head. The man died later in a hospital.)
Salon.com  The Scrooge of science   ( "They laughed at Galileo. They laughed at Newton. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." -- Carl Sagan)

                               Tuesday   March 14 00

London Express  Tara, the serial bounder and the scandalous tales he told about her   (The son of Beatle's guru George Martin is a sexual predator)
NY Post  Rushdie between the covers  (Salman Rushdie is risking his life over an illicit love for one of the world's most beautiful women)
UK Independent  Defining moment as Oxford English Dictionary goes on Web   (Unlike their main competitor, Brittanica.com, the online OED will not be free. )
London Megastar  Britney 'fakes it'  (Britney lip-synchs and people actually care)
Salon.com  Hot star Rupert Everett on why he's no longer Catholic  (It's "like being a gay Republican")
Vibe.com  Michael Jackson Axes Plans to Visit Poland   (2 yrs ago, Jackson flew into Detroit, announced huge plans for an amusement park, then nothing happened. A few months ago, he annnounced plans for a huge amusement park in Poland...nothing will happen.)
Albuquerque Journal   Couple Charged With Cohabitation  (Trial will be filmed in b&w)
London Times  Why it all went pear-shaped for women   ("British women could be cursed with the biggest bottoms in Europe because of the daily grind endured by their forebears as human packhorses.")
London Telegraph  Mistress to a Hollywood mogul   (Helen Gurley Brown will not go quietly into the night)
Sydney Morning herald  A death-bed test for life's priorities   (When David Suzuki lectures, we should listen )

                               Monday   March 1300

London Express  My tiny miracle arrives at last  (baby Teanne Dabell grew outside her mother Vivian's womb.)
Manchester Guardian  Eclipse of the boy wonder  (Quentin Tarentino, yesterday's Boy Wonder, is today's Boy Blunder)
NY Post  His love doe$ it good  (Linda leaves Paul more than $230 million)
London Telegraph  The 'demon' that killed Sylvia  (Sylvia Plath lives on)
London Times  Pubs to open around clock next year   (that's one solution to drunk driving....keep 'em in the pubs)
Sydney Morning Herald  Pope 'no longer in charge'   ("stricken with Parkinson's disease, he spends much of the day resting and is in bed by 6 each night. He suffers from regular dizzy spells, his speech is slurred and he has lost control of his critical faculties.")
Melbourne Age  Being Tom Hanks' son a tough call  (wrong. Being Joe Stalin's daughter...now that was rough)
CBS News  Boston Cardinal Adds Apology for slavery and sexual abuse;  (Podunk priest apologizes for not leaving tip)
Toronto Globe and Mail  How to know God and make millions  (nothing is as it seems, including Deepak Chopra)

                               Sunday   March 12 00

London Telegraph  Pawning the Picassos  (Hollywood's very discreet pawnshop to the stars)
LA Times  Killer Sues for Pre-Execution Sweat Lodge Use   ("His spiritual advisers told him this is the way he can cross over from this world into the next")
UK News of the World  See us play Sony's fab new Playstation2  (faster than your pentium and far cheaper, the future is approaching fast)
NY Post  Rival sexperts keeping score  (snake oil salesmen)
San Francisco Examiner  talk show host Dr. Laura curbs attacks on homosexuality   (crisis management)
NY Times  Sunday Book Section  (this weeks featured writer: Susan Sontag)
Detroit News  DeRamus: "When did we stop paying attention to our kids?"  ("We've taken our eyes off our chidren")
BBC  Hepburn: 'I'm fine'  (92 yr old Kate Hepburn "eats like a horse)
NY Times  Wherever He Went, Joy Was Sure to Follow  (Stanley Crouch on Louis Armstrong)
San Francisco Examiner  Jeanne Moreau: 'My teacher was life'  ("As a woman, I prefer" — she raps her knuckles on the table — "now.")

                               Saturday   March 11 00

San Francisco Examiner  Beaver College considers name change  (internet searches lump them with...er...undesireable sites)
London Express  Did this man know where Shangri-la really was   (James Hilton, author of the great novel "Lost Horizon" is still revered, 46 yrs after his death)
San Francisco Examiner  Internet Romance Turns Bizarre  (user finds the 30-something woman he met and wooed over the Internet is really a 65-year-old woman jailed earlier this month after authorities found the body of her former roommate in a freezer at her home)
CBS News  Virtual Pharmacies: No Rx Required   (okay, class...as Napster is to the record industry, offshore pharmacies are to...?)
The Star  Halle Berry scarred for life?   ("flawless face" is flawed as she hit and ran)
NY Times Magazine  Flight of the Lama   (excellent piece on the 14 yr old Tibetan refugee)
Detroit News  Kmart sues Utah teacher, alleges blackmail over Web site name  (kmart calls bluff)
London Telegraph  booksonline  (Weekly book section focuses on Oscar Wilde)
Salon.com  Jawboning with Snakeburger   (interview with man who has been bitten 42x by rattlers)
London Sun  Chef grilled over cauliflower  (arrested for stealing veggie)
NY Times  Poll Finds That Support Is Strong for Teaching 2 Origin Theories  (83 percent of Americans generally supported the teaching of evolution in public schools. 79 percent of Americans thought creationism had a place in the public school curriculum)
Melbourne Age  AIDS treatment more difficult as virus mutates  (this is one shifty bug

                               Friday   March 10 00

London Daily Express  It's easy for me to like Madonna because she is really a gay man trapped in the body of a woman   (Movie heart-throb Rupert Everett just loves Madonna)
NY Post  Big fuhrer over Nazi license tag  (BMV bans 700 vanity plates, but misses "Waffen SS")
Sydney Morning Herald  How the Net will save the world  (no, it has nothing to do with chat rooms)
London Daily Express  Cancer danger of microwave cooking   (another study to ignore)
London Telegraph   Classics are closed book to modern readers   (Britain's all time favoite author is.....ROALD DAHL)
Detroit News  Shooter's dad sees book deal  (Father of 6 yr old who shot fellow student looks for book deal, should look for shrink instead)
LA Weekly  X-Rated eBay   (At last count, there were 601 people auctioning off their used panties on eBay)
Anchordesk  Why Bill Gates is barging into your living room  ("honey, did you hear something ????  GET THE GUN!")
Manchester Guardian  Let's hope Gore wins   ("European ears have to screen out the yuck in all American electioneering: it's a foreign language to us"..........we yanks don't like it all that much, either, pal)
London Megastar  No Lennon leg-over  ("four couples have been warned not to have sex during a John Lennon-style Bed-In contest organised by a radio station"........yeah, rite..like that's gonna work!)
London Telegraph  The trauma of birth 'is like going into battle'  (if it's that bad for the mothers, imagine how the baby feels)
London Telegraph   Baby girl born after growing outside womb   (4lb 4oz baby, named Tula, was in a balloon attached to the mother's bowel)
Melbourne Age  The great rock'n'roll dwindle  (the constant tours of old rock bands are bad for music)

                               Thursday   March 09 00

NY Daily News McCartney takes wing  (Paul cuts a rug)
Salon.com  Tom Robbins  (the favorite novelist of the attitudinal post-adolescent set keeps writing with a pen dipped in acid.)
NY Post  Italy Jews want more that "sorry' from Pope  (Pope will be sorry he started saying sorry)
Manchester Guardian  Pope berated for beatifying child-snatching Pius IX  (something new to apologize for later)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Inside Dr. Bob's school for saints  (reporter goes inside Bob Jones University and learns that women student's "hair is a special God-given source of beauty . . . never should it be too short or the divine pattern will suffer." )
Toronto Sun  Here's what we've heard lately  (fun gossip column)
London Express  Good riddance to being a househusband   (wheresthatbloodyshoe.com)
UK Independent  Is cervical cancer really a big threat to women? Or just a big scare?    (A new report claims cervical cancer is extremely rare and usually sexually transmitted)
NY Post  Red-hot Nintendo game gets kid gloves  (Mario Party causes blisters and cuts, imagine what it does to their brains)
UK Independent  Nature 'will take more than 10 million years' to recover from mankind   (given that earth has been here 6 billion years, 10 million is no big deal)
London Telegraph  We're all tangled up in the threads of the net  (beware of people who use phrases like "knowledge economy")
London Times  Transports of delight  (Italian court rules that seducing a young lass in an Alpha Romeo is tradition)
Sydney Morning Herald  Coming to your screen.com   (You will visit Spielberg's "pop.com" and you will like it)
Melbourne Age  All hail weather forecasters  (writer lives life as forecaster...finds out that "10 day forecasts are a joke"...writer is not so smart)
CBS News  4,000 Oscar ballots are missing  (and the winner for "Best Picture" is....Austin Powers ????)
London Daily Mirror  We're sorry, says Pope  (Pope to apologize for centuries of wrongs, but not for not allowing women as priests)
Salon.com  Hello kitties   (Japanese schoolgirls are dressing up like tiny sex dolls or black American soul divas)
London Megastar  Hewitt plays Di death  (Di's lover drinks 2 bottles of wine, races through Paris at 120 mph, lives and thinks he proves something)
NY Times  Jules Feiffer: "Another four years of Clinton"  (believe it or not, the lamentations begin)
Vibe  Bill Cosby Wants Apology from National Enquirer  (fishwraps say the darndest things)
London Telegraph  Bishop criticises couples who have no children  (Childless couples criticize Bishop for having no brains)
BBC  Earth enters big thaw  (90's were the warmest decade, but no one knows what it means)
Salon.com  The Tao of Seinfeld  (many colleges using 'Seinfeld' as springboard in philosophy, looking at 'Barney' next?)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Surviving prodigy  (Robbed of her childhood by music, Midori fights back)
Slate  How Accurate Were HBO's TV-Movie Lesbians?  (HBO plays to its audience, gets criticized)

                               Tuesday   March 07 00

London Express  'Nintendo thumb' peril for young   (imagine what it does to their brains)
NY Times  Pollution by Cruise Ships Still a Problem  (The Love Boat's stinky mess)
UPI   French ban anglo phrase 'e-mail'   ( "courrier electronique" will not stick)
Chicago Sun Times  Drivers get gas pains   ($2 a gallon for gas by May?)
Salon.com  Why are black leaders silent on black hate crimes?   (they are busy?)
BBC  Cardinal: Antichrist is a vegetarian  (Cardinal Biffi of Bologna is a buffoon)
NY Times  Powerful Music Software Has Industry Worried   (over 1 million users a day now on Napster)
LA Times  Prozac's Reign as Top Drug Ending   (Zoloft rules)
Slate  Is Prozac Driving Wall Street?   (Combine these 2 articles and you have next week's headline)
San Francisco Examiner  Bondage act steps over cutting edge  (student placed a volunteer in bondage, performed unprotected oral sex and an enema.)
NY Times  Lining Up, White, Then Black, for Mardi Gras  (separate parades but equal!)
NY Post  DR Laura fights back  ("www.stopdrlaura.com is fascism, but what i do is ok")
Toronto Globe and Mail  Cultural revolution  (You can now hear a woman singing before a mixed audience, for the first time since 1979,in Iran.)

                               Monday   March 06 00

Slate  Hail Britney!  (It's over between Britney and Prince William, and it never was)
London Daily Mirror  Playstation2 frenzy in Tokyo  (1 million units sold in 3 days; riot police called out)
Sydney Morning Herald  Just say no to America  (American drug policies do not work in America, let alone in Australia)
Manchester Guardian  The Unquiet American - Susan Sontag  (60's icon continues to astound; this time by writing historical romance)
NY Post  Kathie Lee: a tip of the iceberg  (a $12 tip for a $150 meal makes news)
Salon.com  The decorous libertine  (Roger Vadim, who died in Paris on Feb. 11 at 72, was the classiest exploitation filmmaker who ever lived)
Melbourne Age  Kathleen Turner attacks "teen obsession"  (harrison ford gets films with young costars, but never vice-versa)
BBC  200,000 net porn addicts in US  (millions more watch "Who wants to be a Millionaire?)

                               Sunday   March 05 00

Washington Post  Dave Barry: "Remote Control"  (Dave wonders if "whether appliance manufacturers, with all due respect, have been smoking crack")
Sunday People  Tragic toll of farm suicide  (79 British farmers committed suicide last year)
NY Times Magazine  Meet Mr. and Ms. Median income   (In 1999, the median income for all Americans 15 and older was $33,000. Here's what five people had to do to earn it.)
Toronto Globe and Mail  the divide between dog owners and other park users is causing bitter disputes across Canada.  (er....sweetie...what is that on your shoe?)
Salon.com  Sinnin' and fornicatin'   (why is the bible-belt South the center of strip and swinger clubs? "We thrive on guilt, we sin, repent and sin again")
Obscure Store  Students rapped for Virgin Mary pro-choice flyers
CNN  Marchers want Confederate flag to fly again in Alabama  (yeah, the good old days of segregated bathrooms and lynchmobs....sigh)
Sunday People  I am 56, going on 57  (Remember those cute kids in The Sound Of Music?)
Washington Post  Japan Sued for War Crimes  (attorneys representing the Israelites plan to sue Egypt)
Sydney Morning Herald  Numbers down for Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade  (rain hold downs crowd to 600,000)
NY Times  Vocation for Dropouts Is Painting Tokyo Red  ("It is too tiring to get up for school every morning. All I want to do is play.")
Melbourne Age  Diana bodyguard's book reinforces cover-up says Al Fayed  (even billionaires cannot conquer death)
SkyNews  Playstation2 Japanese queue through the night   (300 bucks..plays dvd, cd's, is faster than your pentium, hooks up to the net through your tv and has fabulous game graphics...this is the future)
Detroit Free Press  Mitch Albom: "Another firearm, another tragedy"
SkyNews  Colombian rebel chief and AOL boss in unlikely jungle meeting   (next stop, northern ireland)

                               Saturday   March 04 00

London Times  Hoggart: "I am on camera, therefore I am"  (and I thought this was an American phenomenon)
London Megastar  Richard Pryor's family at war  (superstar is totally disabled...family squabbles...another movie in the making here)
London telegraph  Princess Di's bodyguard: "I wish I'd died instead of them"  (and millions nod in agreement)
Melbourne Age  Police inspector says officers may overreact at Olympics  (the paranoia starts early)
NY Times  Youngblood: "Enough With the Piety"  (Attention, all candidates...cut the crap)
LA Times  PlayStation2 Is Not Just Fun and Games   (Sony is betting your next 'puter will be a Play Station)
San Francisco Examiner  Parents sue Burger King over Pokémon  (their kid was not injured, but these parents are suing anyway...positive proof that we live in an insane world)
Showbizwire  Controversial Lennon book on the way  (author claims Lennon and Ono thought they were the reincarnation of Victorian authors Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

                               Friday   March 03 00

CNN  The Cure to retire?  (the glam is over?)
Manchester Guardian  Spice Girls win lifetime achievement award   (short shelf life)
CBS News  Don't hide there!  (oops! highway overpasses, during a tornado, are now the worst possible places to hide)
NY Daily News  Seinfeld buys Billy Joel's house for 40 million  (Plenty of room for George, Elaine and Kramer)
London Independent  Actresses 'put girls at risk' by smoking   (new study shows life sucks, then you die)
London Times  Tallulah Bankhead seduced Eton boys  ( a bad movie re this seems inevitible)
London Times  Philip Howard: "OK, it's raining"  (one of the best wordsmiths in the world, Howard is always a joy to read)
London Telegraph  25 yrs later Malcolm McDowell looks back at "A Clockwork Orange"  (he only earned 50 grand)
NY Daily News  Wrestlers Lured To Risky Drugs   (fish swim? wrestlers take steroids and painkillers? sky is blue?)
LA Times  Lucas Tops Celebrity Earnings List with 400 million  (twice as much as Oprah and it was a bad movie)
Yahoo  British Woman to Be Named World's Oldest  (Guinness Book finds last person not online)

                               Thursday   March 02 00

London Daily Mirror  "I want 'News At Ten' back," Blair tells ITV  (and then i want it to stop raining!)
NY Times  Judge Frees Death Row Inmate Whose Lawyer Slept at Trial  (just following Ronald Reagan's example?)
Manchester Guardian  Millennium blamed for abortion rise   (still doesn't account for all of the bottled water that was sold)
CBS News  Bush Bombs On Letterman   (I am not a pinhead...I am not a pinhead...really!)
Worldmusic Online  Kansas back together  (all they should be is dust in the wind)
LA Times  Judds re-unite  (possible answer to the famous "one hand clapping" koan?)
Rolling Stone  Hank Williams III struggles with identity  (maybe he should change his name to Chris Gaines!)
Manchester Guardian  'Mock cannabis' found to ease MS   (do 'mock munchies' follow?)
Vibe  Puffy autobiography put on hold  (might have a free 2-10 yr "time to write" coming up soon)
Manchester Guardian  Juice drinks 'have more sugar than Coca Cola'   (next they will tell us that granola has more sugar than coco pebbles!)
London Megastar  Shania Twain joins cult that bans sex  (now, if only Celine Dion would join a cult that bans singing)
Melbourne Age  Australia: a nation on the Net  (not a surprise if you are on ICQ)
Sydney Morning Herald  At last! Millennium bug is dead and buried  (next up, Russian Nuclear Reactor leaks)

                               Wednesday   March 01 00

The Onion  Local Welder Suffering From Welder's Block  (is butcher's block next?)
London Daily Mirror  Jackie Collins' heartache  (and it's not that she can't write)
Excite.com  Thai fighter strafes beach houses on training run   (Thai pilot email-jokes can begin....now!)
NY Daily News  Gifford's Exit Won't Stop 'Live'  (apparently Regis is blackmailing God)
LA Times  Whoopi Goldberg, Frank Langella Split (bet he hates Hollywood Squares, too)
Salon.com  StopDrLaura.com  (she is her mother's idiot)
London Times  Frocks cost vicars image battle  (Hello? Is this Abercrombie & Fitch?)
BBC  Celine sues US tabloid for $20m  (the USA should sue Canada instead)
Toronto Globe and Mail  Mallick: "'One person's boredom is another's ecstasy' (this would explain GW Bush)
Excite.com  China detains parents of escaped lama - group (Hello? China? we'll trade the kid for Taiwan)
ZD Net  Napster has Net music all shook up (Napster's Anonymous meeting: 7pm tonite)
London Daily Mirror  Slowhanded Eric banned for speeding (Layla....you made me, darling, speed)
London Telegraph   'Time running out' for drowning Mozambique  (you know some DJ will play Dylan's song as a "tribute")
ZD Net  Dvorak: "Microsoft's next great interface" (Microsoft buys Ten Commandments)

                               Tuesday   Feb 29 00

London Daily Mirror  Jagger must pay 300K for nothing
London Times  Clergy in fear of 'stalking' by needy flock
Salon.com   Garrison Keillor: "Dear Mr Blue: Advice for lovers and writers"
Village Voice  Nat Hentoff: "Doctor Death"
US News  The psychiatric medication of children is dangerously haphazard
London Telegraph  Woman's leg broken by mid-air jolt in BA jet
London Times  'Hands off' safety code for clergy
Salon.com  Why does my kindergartner have to go door-to-door for her school?
Melbourne Age  The man behind American Beauty
NY Observer  New Yorkers and Their Fear of Incredibly Large Oranges
International Herald Tribune  When Wives Earn More Than Their Husbands
Worldonline  Hendrix's stepsister says she's unearthed 4 cd's of new material

                               Monday   Feb 28 00

Worldonline  Sir Elton: "Grammys are bullshit"
CBS News  Woman gives birth to huge baby (15.5 lbs)
London Express  Curb on mobile phone dangers
The Observer  Back to Stone Age sex
BBC  Albright 'eyes Czech presidency'
London Daily Mirror  Boy falls off England's highest cliff...and lives
London Telegraph   Charities criticise TV for 'dumbing down' world news
NY Daily News  O'Connor severely ailing...too weak for Mass as health worsens
NY Times  Farrakhan Ends Longtime Rivalry With Orthodox Muslims
San Francisco Examiner  Farrakhan's Son Free on Bail
Newsday  The Cookie Monster On Your Desktop
NY Daily News  AIDS Virus Spreads In Caribbean
Salon.com  14-year-old Karmapa: The Elián González of the Himalayas
CBS News  Ohio County Schools Post 10 Commandments...ACLU Sues
Melbourne Age  Taiwan dog meat eateries focus of boycott call
London Times  Top sweetener condemned by secret report
Excite.news  Gasoline Goes Modern With Priceline.com
Yahoo  Cage and Arquette Divorce

                               Sunday   Feb 27 00

Editor's note: Doc and I are back from the Big City where we did not see Mike Leigh's "Topsy Turvy." It was "cancelled." However, we were fortunate to see both Jane Campion's new one, "Holy Smoke," and "American Beauty" a few hours later. Interesting how these two films are similar in so many ways yet in the Australian film most everyone is better off afterwards, whereas in "American Beauty," of course, it's the American way...someone has to die.              
net.Headlines will return Monday.

                               Saturday   Feb 26 00

Editor's note: Doc and I have gone to the big city to eat loads of sushi and to see, among other things, Mike Leigh's "Topsy Turvy."   net. Headlines returns Monday .                                                     Have a good weekend.....Ed Portal

                               Friday   Feb 25 00

Manchester Guardian  Hollywood mogul Geffen savaged in new biography
LA Times  Three Japanese Execs Sentenced in HIV Scandal
San Francisco Examiner  Gay group to Dr. Laura: Ease up on homophobia
Slate  Why First Ladies Should Pop Pills
London Megastar  Elton rocks yanks
Chicago SunTimes  New Ebert reviews
Salon.com  Interview with Geoffrey Feiger, the man who defeated Bush in Michigan
London Times  'Face of Jesus' discovered on church wall
Melbourne Age  A killer volcano heats up to strike again
Sydney Morning Herald  It's okay to be gay, judge tells boys
LA Times  Brazil Archdiocese Offers Internet
NY Post  Experts figure Lopez found some glue in her tool chest
London Megastar  Hero dog dials 999
London Times  Philip Howard: "don't quote me, you're sure to get it wrong"

                               Thursday   Feb 24 00

Salon.com  Bill Wyman: "Grammys suck again."
Obscure Store  Pre-teens can now rent R-rated flicks from Philly libraries
Slate  What's important about Britney Spears
The Independent  Website offers the armchair museum
San Francisco Examiner  Tonya Harding arrested on domestic assault charge
BBC  Dalai Lama makes online debut
Chicago SunTimes  High-speed lines for PCs carry risk
Irish Times  Stay anonymous if you want to stay unnetted
London Mirror  No sex please, we're stressed
London Telegraph  Archbishop warns of dangers on the World Wide Web
Melbourne Age  Church leaders slam gay and lesbian Mardi Gras
LA Times  Napster Shakes Up Music World
South China Morning Post  50,000 line up for Tom.com
London Daily Mail  You've got hate m@il
London Daily Mail  Alan Alda on mend
Salon.com  Dr. Fart speaks
NY Times  Hundreds of Net Disputes in International Mediation
South China Morning Post  Tangled up in the Chinese Web
Irish Times  UK RIP Bill is killer blow to e-commerce

                               Thursday   Feb 24 00

The Onion  Israelites Sue God For Breach Of Covenant
Obscure Store  Itching powder prank sends 70 students to hospital
NY Times  When Every Child Is 'Gifted'
CNN   Man nurtures sourdough bread starter for decades
London Express  Drilling a hole in my head cured my fatigue
NY Post  Pope's historic Egypt trip aims to heal holy rift
San Jose Mercury  Eatery served pork as veal
London Times  Computer in bathroom will be micro-GP
Detroit News  Americans find new use for Internet: phone calls
Salon.com  Camille Paglia: "Pols, guns and androgyny "
LA Times  Internet Craze Grips Hong Kong
San Francisco Examiner  Woman Tells Story of Sexual Slavery
Variety   Spielberg opts out of 'Potter'
Washington Post  Behavioral Drug Use In Toddlers Up Sharply
NY Daily News  Polanski may stage a US return

                               Tuesday   Feb 22 00

Obscure Store  Drunken driver: I'm under doctor's orders to drink!
Manchester Guardian  China threatens to attack Taiwan
LA Times  Taiwan Tells China to Be Flexible
NY Post  Letterman: "I was at death's doorstep."
Detroit Free Press  Yoko says John never donated to IRA
London Mirror  1000 Japs eaten
London Express  Demon nicotine is hailed as new wonder drug
Bangkok Post  Democracy or a can of beer
ZDNet AnchorDesk  Your last long distance bill?
Salon.com  Garrison Keillor's 'Dear Mr. Blue: Advice for Lovers and Writers'
Sydney Sun Herald  Illegal Chinese remedies with a sting in the tail
CNN   Police arrest cult leader, two others over mummified body
NY Times  Abortion: The French Solution
Chicago SunTimes  Fox's married millionaire looking sillier by the minute

                               Monday   Feb 21 00

Melbourne Age  How a'60s flowerchild (Santana) bloomed again
NY Post  Elian's granny thought of defecting
NY Times  Internet May Be Isolation's Cure
LA Times  Solar Storms Peaking, Earth's in Line of Fire
USA Today  EBay stops kidney auctions
London Telegraph  Pinochet's wife 'so depressed that she cannot face guests'
Melbourne Age  Carlos Santana breaks silence on childhood abuse
London Megastar  Ancient law allows an Englishman to murder a Welshman.
Time.com  Beijing Is Terrified by the Internet

                               Sunday   Feb 20 00

Sunday People  It would be simple for me to poison the Queen
NY Post  Howls of sadness as 'Cats' uses its last life
NY Times Book Review  Featured author: Graham Greene
Nando Times  Andy Rooney: Views on the news"
The Sunday Times  Lennon funded terrorists and Trotskyists
San Francisco Examiner  Cotton grows on sheep, children say
This Is London  Keep children away from farms, urges e.coli expert
London Telegraph  Tooth farms of the future will make dentures a thing of the past
Detroit News  Deb Price: "Gays need equality on dual-passport issue"
Miami Herald  Dave Barry: "... Go Back to Your Spaceship, Regis"
LA Times  China Archaeological Dig Covered
London Telegraph  Sunday Book Review: "Booksonline"
The Sunday Times  Rushdie heads for new life in New York
Chicago SunTimes  Priest charged with sex crimes inspires prayers
San Francisco Examiner  Priest admits touching boys
Melbourne Age  China hit by the whinge syndrome

                               Saturday   Feb 19 00

Currantbun  Teenager pregnant after sex through cell bars
NY Times Magazine  Questions for HELEN FIELDING
NY Post  Weeping beauties bid 'adieu' to Vadim
London Sun  Net NINE times cheaper in US than UK
Skynews  Amazon UK out-hacks hackers
Toronto Globe and Mail  The day the clown bombed
San Francisco Examiner  Outrage over McCain's 'I hated the gooks' remark
Yahoo  Medical sleuth says rheumatic fever killed Mozart
NY Times Magazine  The Second Sexual Revolution (led by Viagra)
Salon.com  Liberté, Egalité, 36C
Manchester Guardian  Alexander Chancellor: "The tyranny of the telephone"
NY Times  Lincoln Was Vastly Influenced by a Faith He Did Not Share
Johannesburg Mail and Guardian  Did Homo Sapiens rise because of genocide? South China Morning Post  Dalai Lama urges renewed struggle

                               Friday   Feb 18 00

The Independent  David was just a blur to myopic Goliath, says study
Slate  McCain's Web site earns millions of dollars—and it still sucks.
Chicago Tribune  Surprise: nobody's in a lather about museum for leather
BBC  Dalai Lama marks 60 years
Jewish World Review  Walter Williams: "Lifestyle Nazis update"
Boston Globe  Derrick Z. Jackson: "Remember Columbine?"
Chicago SunTimes  Current Ebert reviews
Sydney Morning Herald  ATMs crash after computer failure
San Francisco Examiner  Bush seems to be turning into McCain
Washington Post  Krauthammer: "Europe's Austria Hypocrisy"
SF Gate  Fox savors 'Multimillionaire' splash _ and plans to repeat it
London Times  One thing even John Lennon didn't imagine
Manchester Guardian   Soften law on ecstasy, says police inquiry
Salon.com  Stanley Crouch: "Can the GOP change its colors?"
NY Daily News  Cast exits leave "Ally' a bit thin
London Telegraph   Man used shampoo 'to endanger wife'
London Times  Asians attack gay festival
London Times  Philip Howard: "On mission statements & the death of English"
Bangkok Post  Priests expel bad luck from parliament
Skynews   Tiny Tuvalu Becomes the 189th UN member

                               Thursday   Feb 17 00

Manchester Guardian  Was it you who attacked Yahoo!?
Melbourne Age  The Stay-at-home Generation
Obscure Store  At Atomic Books, the world knows you're into bondage
Chicago SunTimes  Ebert's Oscar nomination thoughts
NY Times  Gore and Mrs. Clinton Keeping a Wary Distance as Candidates
Suck.com  Interview with prankster who impersonated Clinton in a CNN chatroom
London Times  It's time to give these fashion freaks the bum's rush
Kyodo Newswire  40% of stimulants seized in Japan in 1999 involve N. Korea
The Currantbun  Fish spawned rock'n roll on an evolutionary scale
London Sun  Posh is breast dressed model
Detroit News  Price: "Church progress for gays needs prayer "
Variety  Dr. Laura reaches truce with gay group
Sydney Morning Herald  Biscuit sentence sparks national protest
London Telegraph  Why 'super-bugs' are now endemic in some hospitals
Irish Independent  Second company also used glands from dead
London Telegraph  (basmati)The greatest of them all
South China Morning Post  Taipei to unveil recipe for peace
Detroit Free Press   Mitch Albom: "Sanders: Retirement pays"
Chicago Tribune  Sears dumps Benetton over ads
Salon.com  JonBenet's parents' self-serving book
Bangkok Post  Elephants to be rounded up
London Times  Pinochet cannot recognise his wife
NY Times  NPR's Instrumental Bits Become an Online Music Show

                               Wednesday   Feb 16 00

Obscure Store  Napkins prevent plane's door from closing; passengers scared
The Independent  New leader of Catholics attacks the culture of consuming
NY Observer  Rex Reed: "Tower Records Mix-Up Put Me Behind Bars"
Village Voice  Nat Hentoff: Racism and Free Speech, "Does a Rocker lurk in you?" Washington Post   Study Finds Heavy Internet Users Are Isolated
San Francisco Examiner  That's more like the sound of drowning
NY Daily News  Bob Dylan's Back
The Observer  How we learnt to kill
Detroit Free Press  Bill spells trouble for gabby drivers
Village Voice  1999 Pazz'n Jop critics poll results
Salon.com  Asian eyes
Melbourne Age  Man jailed for year for stealing biscuits
Chicago SunTimes Women, men differ in health
NY Post  Austrian town honoring birthplace of a monster
London Sun  Mum's 15 yr battle to expose beasts
News of the World (UK)  Heavenly embraces from randy Rev Dick
The Observer   Inside the hacker's web
NY Daily News  Dead Man Rode City Bus for 45 Mins.
The National Post  As her dewy lips parted, the publisher panted, 'You win'
NY Times  Maureen Dowd: "Fighting the Wimp Factor"
Montreal Gazette  River killed 'for many years to come' after cyanide spill

                               Tuesday   Feb 15 00

Salon  Garrison Keillor: "Can men and women truly be friends? "
London Mirror  Farewell to Vadim
London Express  Labour turns on maverick Charles
London Express  We won't let the great British toilet go down the pan
LA Times  A Nation of Too Many Prisoners?
Melbourne Age  My baby ate my brain
NY Post  6-Year-Old Genius Goes To College
The Guardian  Is Coke still the Real Thing?
London Telegraph  Church says BBC reduces religion to 'trite drivel'
NY Post  Online dissing match : Slate vs. Salon
Detroit News  Amazon.com puts town back to work
South China Morning Post  More than a third of condoms unsafe

                               Monday   Feb 14 00

LA Times  Illness Just Doesn't Play Well
The Guardian   The badness of words
San Francisco Examiner  Slave trade still alive in U.S.
London Mirror  Experts say grime is good
London Times  Bowie's golden years to be spent in fatherhood
London Telegraph  Crop circles give beer a mystic flavour
NY Post  She'll never escape the mark of Zorro
CNN   Film critic Rex Reed arrested for alleged shoplifting
London Mirror  Tots sob as horses' heads fed to tigers
The Independent  Widespread Y2K problems now being reported
Salon.com  Why the Columbine report is delayed
The Guardian  Rushdie Death Warrant Reaffirmed
Sydney Morning Herald   By George, I'll change my name, says Charles
Melbourne Age  My son is gay, and my church is cruel
London Express  Have we finally found Atlantis
Kenyan Daily Nation  Of roses and the bloated egos of polygamous men

                               Sunday   Feb 13 00

The Melbourne Age  Can Britain possibly lose its marbles?
NY Times Magazine  A Wasteland Of One's Own (women's tv)
Toronto Sun  Two institutions that deserve our outrage
The Sunday Times  Underclass Britain is more violent than US
LA Times  Monks Ensure Past's Future by Saving Medieval Scripts
The Sunday Times  Sunday Book Review
South China Morning Post  Monks disciplined for porn in the pagoda
The Sunday People  I knicked Queenie's knickers
NY Times Book Review  Featured Author: William S. Burroughs
Detroit Free Press  Mitch Albom: Keep the tune, but update the lyrics
Dallas Morning News  A Legend Leaves Us
NY Times  Safire language column
London Telegraph  Booksonline
Skynews   Lou Reed cancels concert in Austria
NY Times Magazine  The Schopenhauer Method (to Valentine's Day)
Toronto Globe and Mail  The Man Glut

                               Saturday   Feb 12 00

The Onion  NFL Star Thanks Jesus After Successful Double Homicide
London Telegraph  Only 40 Afghans want to go home
Obscure Store   Drunk threatens to open plane door at 30,000 feet
International Herald Tribune  Racism in the soccer stadiums of Italy
London Times  Leaving Spice Girls 'was like a divorce'
International Herald Tribune  Roger Vadim, 72, Leader In French Cinema, Dies
Philippine Daily Inquirer  Priest killer gets fashion makeover
The London Mirror  Madonna's bum wiped
Toronto Star  Lewinsky and Green host non-event
Glasgow Daily Record  Can a 74% rise in race crimes be good news?
Salon.com  The rise and fall of Mexico's Madonna
NY Post  "Millionaire" easier in US than in Britain
Chicago Sun Times  Don't blame Salieri for Mozart's death
Slate  The Protestant Presidency
Jewish World Review  You bet we should disbar Bubba
Nola Live  Actress Jeanne Moreau receives lifetime award at film festival
Johannesburg Daily Mail   The origin of all life
Slate  David Letterman's Cynical Heart

                                    Friday   Feb 11 00

London Telegraph   Gay groups seek to legalise sex in public lavatories
Washington Post    With Jordan Ad, Bradley Is Looking for an Air Lift
Detroit Free Press    'Millionaire' insurer says it's too easy
Dallas Morning News    Actor Jim Varney dies
NY Post    O'Connor says he'll retire in a few weeks
NY Daily News     Prez's Law License Under Twin Attack
SkyNews    Benetton Sued over 'death row' ad campaign
Feedmag    NPR attacks NAPSTER
Chicago Sun-Times    Current Ebert reviews

                                    Thursday   Feb 10 00

Denver Post   Democrats rip 10 Commandments bill
USA Today   Jordan makes TV spot for Bradley
Hacker News Network   Have Script, Will Destory (Lessons in DoS)
Sydney Morning Herald   'Drunken row' claim in Hollywood mystery drowning
London Megastar   Nut stalks Madonna
London Telegraph   Equal perks at work for gay men and lesbians
London Mirror   President Kennedy's hair is up for sale
Cleveland Plain Dealer   Diseased chicken parts served up
The Melbourne Age   Man had lizards in underwear, court told
Washington Post   Victims Protest 'The Hurricane'
NY Times   Coming to a Deli Near You: A Long-Taboo Sausage
NY Daily News   It's Arrivederci Roma, Cardinal to Tell Pontiff
Sun Sentinel    Pompano will outlaw 'garish' colors for some businesses

                                    Wednesday   Feb 09 00

Obscure Store   Man nabbed on DUI charges shows up in court drunk
Hacker News Network   The Day the Internet Melted
Sydney Morning Herald   Defence force warned about body piercing
LA Times   'Twenty One' Contestant Disputes Answer That Cost Him the Game
Kyodo Newswire   Vietnam to turn Ho Chi Minh Trail into a major highway
London Express   Secrets of McCartney Bank Cash are leaked
Chicago SunTimes   WGN's Collins killed in plane crash
London Times   How Lincoln tried to enlist Garibaldi
San Francisco Examiner   W.Va. Candidate Admits 150 Arrests
London Express   I can't get no satisfaction as Mick Jagger's daughter
London Telegraph   Gary Hart: "You can't compare me to Clinton."
Bangkok Post    Villagers in Buri Ram eat rats to fight disease
APB News   Ferret Activist Gets 45 Days in the Hole
Salon.com   The 7 vices of highly creative people

                                     Tuesday   Feb 08 00

Obscure Store   Teacher booted after making "Hitler is cool" crack
The Independent   'Healthy' amputee ran fetish website
South China Morning Post   Hopes rise for twin in surgery gamble
LA Times   McCain: AARP Connects With Generation X
NY Times   France Provides Morning-After Pill to Schoolgirls
Detroit Free Press   Kid Rock argues to keep son in his care
ChinaTimes   More Than 200 Dead in Chinese New Year Roads Chaos
The Guardian   Nigeria contemplates breakup
NY Daily News   Rap Star Big Pun Is Dead at Age 28
NY Post   Keeping up with the Catholic-bashing Joneses
UK Sun   Asteroid to hit earth in 2022

                                     Monday   Feb 07 00

NY Daily News   Mysterious Dieoff Kills Trade for Lobstermen
Obscure Store   Robber threatens porn store clerk with "vibrating tongue"
The Economist   Hail to the chief tourist
Dallas Morning News   Other faiths girding youth against Christian evangelism
Boston Globe   Fortunes of colleges are shown to rise, fall with rankings
Montreal Gazette   PQ wants Maple Leaf off public flagpoles
The Independent    what do online atlases conceal?
Chicago Tribune   12-yr-old Guerrilla Twins Lead Way In Burma's Forgotten War
Detroit News   New site hopes to draw Blacks to Web
Sydney Morning Herald   When death becomes the ultimate coitus interruptus
London Telegraph   Painting in hallway was Old Master worth £2m
Moneynews.com   Japan's Growing Debt Could Wreck The World Economy
Arianna Online   Al Gore Is A Big, Fit Liar
South China Morning Post   Boys hang 7-year-old friend "to stop classes"

                                     Sunday   Feb 06 00

Kansas City Star   NFL troubles traced to hip-hop
Newsday   Prince Rainier OK After Lung Surgery
NewsMax.com   Rosie Tells Hillary: 'Dump Bill to Win in November'
ABC    Report: Albright Livid When Mistaken for Maid
BBC   Young Lama Gives Blessings
South China Morning Post   That's All Folks: mainland bans cartoon channel
The Sunday Times   Charles and William in Nightclub Row
Kyodo Newswire   1 in 3 Japanese Suffers from Chronic Fatigue
Chicago SunTimes   Rome Shivers as Mercury Skids to . . . 36?
NY Times   Sunday Book Review
The Sunday Times   Sunday Book Review
Powells.com   The World's Largest Bookstore's Top 20 list.
ABC News   Taking Chill out of Wind Chill

                                     Saturday   Feb 05 00

The Onion   Local Prostitutes Eagerly Await Dentists' Convention
The Chicago SunTimes   Chicago gets ready for the Lunar New Year
Obscure Store   Armed store owner is a danger to robbers
Washinton Post   NY Post, Daily News Discuss Merger
USA Today   Neighbors to O.J. lose deduction claim
NY Post   McCain: I'll be King of 'EMPIRE'
London Telegraph    Hollywood stars turn against the 'lying' Clintons
London Telegraph   The Pope is a great apologiser.
The Times of London   Teenage lama backs Tibetan cry for freedom
Village Voice   It's Not Only John Rocker
CNN   Friends of Dave will be sitting in on 'Late Show'
NY Daily News   Comic Wilder In Cancer Followup
Washington Post   Our Critics Pick the Worst Flicks

                                     Friday   Feb 04 00

Obscure Store   "In Kentucky, clerks ask couples to wed: "Are you related?"
NY Post   Cuban Pitcher Defects in Drag
BBC   Supervolcanoes could trigger global freeze.
U.S. News   Starting over: the new Newt Gingrich
Detroit News   Free PCs give Ford Web edge
NY Observer   Hillary’s Campaign Boss?  None Other Than Bill
Kyodo Newswire   Sharp to market Internet-capable microwave oven in U.S.
Yahoo News   Author Vonnegut in 'critical' condition after fire
Shoptalk   Early Letterman Return?