Friday 30 May

Online communities get real
BBC
And over the past 4 months I think we've created a small community here on net.Headlines and I'd like to thank everyone involved. Good Job!
About 3 weeks ago Jan suggested that I move the page to Movable Type, a system which would be a tad easier for me and would be in alignment with the weblog community as a whole. I'd like some feedback re this. Specifically, how the page loads. It seems that it's loading much slower lately and that could be because of some botched HTML code I've entered. If we have consensus that the page is loading much slower, then perhaps a change is in order.

No bunker where Saddam said to be at war's start
Toronto Star
No bunker, no dramatic Lynch rescue,  no WMDs, no comment.

Reebok signs talented kids up
USA Today
Sunday my Darling Wife had most of the crew in the car, ready to go to church, but two people were missing so she came back into the house to find me and our 14 year old son Steve chortling over this video of a three year old sinking eighteen straight baskets. Choose the small video option on the video page. Today we find out that Reebok has signed this kid to a shoe deal. Tomorrow he'll probably be on Leno and by next Thursday he'll be a has been, sucking on ciggies and vodka in an alley, reminiscing about limo rides and babes who let him watch Blues Clues. One question does bother me, however: hasn't this kid now forfeited his high school eligibility in sports?

Secret webcam angers woman
GazetteNet.com
Kay sends in this one about a father who secretly photo'd his adult daughter in her bedroom with a camera that was set up to record a still photograph every five seconds. Police seized between 100 to 200 nude photos of her from his computer, but insist that no law has been broken. The father lamely claims he thought she might have been dealing drugs. How can a law not be broken here?

Thursday 29 May

Roy has not regrets about decision to retire
Boston Globe
We lead with this typo from The Globe. I think we Wing fans feel strangely ambivalent about Patty's sayonara. On the one hand, we hate him with a passion reserved for the very few, yet, on the other, rivalries suffer when the villain retires. Besides, we had fun kicking his ass the last few years. Au revoir, Roy, you bastard.

Geldof back in Ethiopia
Manchester Guardian
Some strong stuff from Sir Bob, such as "Clinton was a good guy, but he did fuck all" and "You'll think I'm off my trolley when I say this, but the Bush administration is the most radical - in a positive sense - in its approach to Africa since Kennedy" and "Even I'm sick of myself, of looking at this mournful, lugubrious face in the mirror. I'm that quarter-page Oxfam [advertisement] in the Guardian, always asking for money." What a breath of fresh air, when compared to his Irish pal, the twit Bono.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo
Figures the ACLU is behind this. Speaking of the devil, back in law school the Ancient Prof asked what I thought I thought of a case and I cracked back that "I am sure the ACLU would not agree with how I feel." That's when he dropped the hammer: "Please continue. Don't let the fact that you are speaking to the President Emeritus of the Michigan Chapter of the A. (pause) C.(pause) L.(pause) U. stop you."

Marijuana advocates wary of Ottawa's move to decriminalize
Vancouver Sun
I cannot tell you how many times I was stopped by Canadian customs in the late 60's and early 70's, pulled over and searched for dope. All because it was conservative Canada and I was a Yank with a ponytail. Thirty years later things have pretty much flip-flopped or as Prime Minister Jean Chretian so tactfully puts it, when comparing himself to Bush: "Of course we don't think alike on many issues.. On social issues, he is a conservative. I am for free choice on abortion. He is not. He is against gun control. I am for it. He is for capital punishment. I am against it. I am a Liberal". But, Americans should note that not all of Canada agrees with Chretian: "Alberta critical of softer pot bill."

Wednesday 28 May

Supreme Court Won't Consider Efforts to Outlaw ATM Fees
Tampa Tribune
ATM fees drive my Darling Wife absolutely batty. She'd prefer me driving 10 miles out of the way, rather than to ring one up. I don't mind paying a surcharge. We all pay for services routinely, but host banks should not be allowed to tag on an equal surcharge, so-called "doubledipping."

Lisa Marie likes rough sex, Jacko didn't deliver
AzCentral
What a surprise!

You're never too young to learn that when it comes to underwear, less isn't more
London Times
Okay, help me out here, please. Why would seven to eleven year olds need to wear a thong?

Pixar Dives Deep and Sees Hit in 'Finding Nemo'
Washington Post
Along with the four movies we saw this weekend, my Darling Wife and I were struck by the graphics of the promo to Disney's "Finding Nemo," which is animated by the same company that did Toy Story. One problem, however: I hate Disney's kids films and will probably refuse to go, graphics or no graphics.

Tuesday 27 May

How to Unclog the Information Artery
NY Times
Nice look at seven different anti-spam approaches. I like the very first one in which systems would not deliver voluminous emails unless the sender had a required certificate.
Times login: edportals      password: edportals

Computers harbour germs
ABC Western Australia
Hmmm, here's a statistic I find hard to believe: "the average desk is home to 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet seat."

Spring cleaning for your hard drive
Seattle Times
Nnow that you're done cleaning your desktop, here's some tips for scrubbing your hard drive, something I did a month ago and my hard drive was fragmented so heavily that the Microsoft Defrag Utility refused to respond. If you have this problem, don't be afraid to download Executive's Diskeeper 7.0. It worked like a gem.

Afterlife Telegrams
Afterlifetelegrams.com
After you've taken care of both your desktop and harddrive, how about sending this group some cash? For five dollars per word, they "can have telegrams delivered to people who have passed away." Damn, why didn't I think of this?

Memorial Day My Darling Wife and I are back from our weekend in the Big City where we immersed ourselves in sushi and movies. We saw four films and they were, in ascending order, Matrix Reloaded, A Mighty Wind, Chicago and Bend it Like Beckham, which we both thought was far and away the best of the bunch. Matrix Reloaded had dizzying visuals, but was obviously just a lead-in for Part III. A Mighty Wind, Christopher Guest's newest satire, was excellent, but it upset me that he could make a film about folk music groups from the 60's and not have any references to Vietnam. Chicago set a new standard for seamlessly intertwining dialogue and song, but Richard Gere just cannot sing. Of course, most women and some guys probably don't care about that. Finally, Bend It Like Beckham was great fun, deftly combining a Monsoon Wedding type situation with girl's soccer and, as my Darling Wife pointed out, Beckham II cannot be too far off. Anyway, we had a great weekend and net.Headlines will return Tuesday.

Friday 23 May

Seven Deadly Sins shouldn't include gluttony
Hattiesburg American
Let's see. The Seven Deadly Sins are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. Now, if I could have one removed, it sure wouldn't be gluttony!

Laughter at Dinner Cuts Blood Sugar in Diabetics
Reuters
I know we have a handful of regulars here who are diabetics, so this one's for you.

Molson announces citywide "happy hour" to cure Toronto's SARS hangover
Canoe.ca
Uh-oh, bad timing. On the same night as the citywide happy hour a new SARS case is reported in T.O., but with a little luck Ottawa will have a major hangover Saturday morning.

Obituary of John Hurst
London Telegraph
I had never heard of him either, but this Telegraph obit is touching, the hour is late and I couldn't find a fourth link. The 75 year old Hurst was killed in Leicestershire and was the leading expert on deserted medieval villages. Some facts he helped unearth include: peasants lived in long, spacious houses which were kept meticulously clean by regular sweeping, doors and windows were latched and left-handedness was at twice the rate it is today.

Thursday 22 May

Buddhists really do know secret of happiness
London Times
Ah, but did they also check the brain waves of investment bankers on Wall Street?

Caught On Tape: Monk Saves Police Officer
WKMG local6.com
Don't try to steal a cop's gun when a Buddhist is nearby.

Buddhist parenting tip: a long leash and a big heart
Melbourne Age
As I am setting this link up, our two youngest kids are missing the "end of the year pre-school play" and I was feeling a little guilty about not sending them...until I read this article.

Buddhism need workers, not talkers
Buddhist News
There is no Buddhist Rush Limbaugh.

If Buddhism Had a Messiah
Beliefnet
When I assured my Darling Wife that The Matrix was, indeed, a Buddhist movie, she countered that many Catholic Weblogs have claimed the movie as their own. Now, the issue is, should I take her to see Reloaded, knowing full well she will abhor the violence, or should we go see a nice foreign flick? Something French.

Wednesday 21 May

Canada Announces Mad Cow Case in Alberta
My Way News
And immediately the States bans imports of cattle, beef, beef-based products and animal feed from Canada. They should have also banned The Ottawa Senators from entering the country, thereby guaranteeing us the Cup.

Priest charged after drunken punch-up in Rome
Ananova
I hate stories like this. Of course priests punch out people, get drunk, have affairs and cheat on their taxes. They're human. Imperfect. But some 35 year old idiot goes off in Rome and it makes world-wide news.

Michael Jackson Lobbies Taco Bell
CBS Chicago
It's time for another update on the World's Weirdest Whacko, Jacko. This time he pulled up at a Congressional Field Office in California to complain that a local town had no Taco Bells. Not too unusual for the World's Weirdest, except that he did it wearing a Spider-Man mask.

Artificial Back Discs May Come to U.S.
Atlanta Journal Constitution
You see, my Darling Wife, my plastic-parts theory is not that far off!!!

Tuesday 20 May

Truck driver a victim of 'Speed'-inspired prank
AzCentral.com
A car pulled up next to a truck on the Capital Beltway and the occupants caught the attention of the trucker and yelled out that if he went below 55 MPH his truck would explode. The driver, who obviously watches way too many movies, "had reasonable concern that there could be an explosive."

NC Gov.: Prepare for hurricane season
news14charlotte.com
I dunno, my Darling Wife, maybe we should rethink our summer vacation plans.

Saddam Plotting Return to Power, Ex-Generals Say
Reuters
Which is more probable: Saddam returning to power or the news that Geraldo is about to marry for the fifth time and "this time its for real" ?

Spam, I am
juneauempire.com
Roughly 32% of all email is spam? Mine is more like 85% and this week's best comes from Mrs Anthonia Odudu, a 72 year old Nigerian breast cancer survivor whose husband and son were killed in the Gulf War. Mrs. Odudu has only six months to live and must give away her husband's wealth or the Nigerian government will swallow it whole. In a lucky stroke for Saint Lester Flatt Parish here in Hooterville, it seems that Mrs. Odudu has visited their website and now wants to give our parish 6 million dollars!

Panhandlers' stories don't pan out
KFOR TV.com
John Stossel from ABC's 20/20 several years ago asked 20 panhandlers to come back and mow his lawn of which, I believe, only one did. What surprises me is that this Will Work for Food ruse is attempted even here in Hooterville.

Monday 19 May

Effects of passive smoking questioned
Pakistan's Daily Times
The evil passive smoke theory has always bothered me. Both of my parents were heavy smokers, as was so common back then, yet I and my sisters had relatively healthy lives. I'm not saying that I enjoyed the filth that such smoking creates, but it probably didn't do any physical harm.

Singh captures Nelson crown
Foxsports.com
This will only add to the hype over Annika Sorenstam's PGA Tour debut later this week. It's going to be unbearable.

Men just as worried about looks as women
Ananova
Well, not all men: Indian man creates new world record for longest ear hair.

Diet Clue to Alzheimer's
Sky News
More evidence for slamming green tea: "British doctors have found supplements of folic acid and anti-oxidants dramatically cut levels of a chemical linked to dementia in old age."

Sunday 18 May

Fast-Food Salads Have Some Seeing Green
Moneycentral.com
I never thought I'd be reading this: "salad sales helped McDonald's U.S. restaurants in April show their first sales gain in more than a year." If you like grilled chicken salads, nab one. It's excellent.

Topless exercise a flop for Pensacola cop
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
"Dear Penthouse Forum: I am a cop. Most of the time my job is boring, but last Friday night I hit paydirt. I rolled up on an isolated parked car and could see that it was obviously hosting some heavy-duty action. The beam of my flashlight throbbed as I approached and directed it towards the car. Inside were two teens, in hot pursuit. I demanded they get out of the car and decided to have some fun. I would punish the kids myself! Something embarrassing. Something humiliating. So, I had them each strip off their shirts, knowing full well the girl wasn't wearing a bra. Then I had them each do jumping jacks. My flashlight pulsed, my gun stood ready, but all good things must come to an end. I sent them on their way with a warning. And then I got fired."

Canada unable to help Congo, Martin says
National Post
Sorry, Congo. Down two games to one Canada has to, instead, marshal forces for today's all important fourth game versus New Jersey.

Where Are the WMDs?
The National Review
It's been awhile since I've heard a theory this twisted: the reason no Weapons of Mass Destruction have been found is because Hussein was lied to. The program was faked, fooling both him and us. Sleepless conservatives must be slamming double espressos by the hour to come up with this kind of whacked jazz.

10 Things Your Moving Company Won't Tell You
thepittsburghchannel.com
When we moved from Durham to Indianapolis the mover very touchingly broke the bad news: somebody had ripped my locked toolbox off his truck at an intermediary stop in Washington D.C. and it would go against his record if I reported it to his superiors. "Would you accept $200 out of my own pocket for it? I'll absorb the loss." I accepted and headed over to Sears where the tool guy laughed. "You know what really happened? Your mover stole the tools. I get at least 2 such cases a month." Well, the joke was on the thief, because, as many of you know, I am the anti-handyman and my toolbox was loaded with junky, heavy, seventy year old hand-made tools that my grandfather had made.

Daughter: Barry White has suffered a stroke
Pasadena Star news
While Barry seems to have suffered a minor stroke, unfortunately the news continues to be grim for Luthor Vandross, who has now been in a coma for three weeks. I got to wondering after hearing the Barry White news if African-American soul singers are more prone to suffer strokes rather than to go into cardiac arrest like yours truly, an aging white dude who can barely carry a tune. Indeed, a Google search shows that African Americans have about a 60 percent higher risk of stroke than whites.

Friday 16 May

Photo of the Day
Yahoo
Anybody wise to this? My Darling Wife brought it up yesterday and said she heard it is growing in popularity, but it makes no sense to me. However outlawing it seems silly. It would seem to be a matter of personal choice.

Denny McLain pitches Slurpees
Detroit News
Hollywood should get hip to this story. This guy, one of the two or three greatest pitchers ever to wear a Tigers uniform, was once the Toast of the Town, but now must finish his 8 year prison sentence by working at a 7-11 near our old neck of the woods, 16 Mile and Mound.

Coolest game is twice as nice in Midwest
ESPN
A hockey article on its face, but it's really a thinly disguised slam at the East Coast and its fast and impersonal pace.

Robert Stack dies at age 84
USA Today
They say they go in threes. So how about this threesome? First was Stack, the ultimate cool and tough TV detective. Two is Noel Redding, Jimi Hendrix's bass player some 35 years ago. Finally I have to say a word about Dave DeBusschere, who went to the same school as one our kids. He was an area legend by the time I hit high school, long before his Knicks stardom.

Schools Sell Blood, Day Care, Dr. Pepper
ABCnews.com
Welcome to the land of the unfunded mandate. Public schools in the US are experiencing a desperate budget crisis, partially due to the fact that the federal government is slashing federal aid while at the same time requiring conformance to the "No Child Left Behind" program. This program sets minimum testing standards that schools must meet, and according to this article, costs $5.3 billion a year -- over $1 billion more than "No Child Left Behind" promises in funding. My feeling? If the feds want to leave educational funding to the states, they should leave testing standards to the states as well.

"Buffalo Spammer" Nabbed in New York
CNet
New York's first criminal case against a spammer, who sent more than 840 million spam e-mails. I think the guy's punishment should be to have to stand up while 840 million people take turns coming up to him and poking him in the chest. "Was that annoying? How about now? How about now? How about now?"

Study Suggests Abortion Leads To Depression
Chicago Sun-Times
Another story from the Journal of Duh, although apparently there are some people who dispute the researcher's findings.

US Denies Shoot-to-Kill Order on Iraqis
Yahoo News
The government says soldiers are authorized to shoot looters if they appear to be threatening, but not simply because they are looting. This brings me to one of my husband's pet peeves, which is the clips we seem to get in every military conflict of US soldiers throwing candy to the local kids and teaching them to do the "electric slide", and so on and so forth. Heartwarming to the folks back home, sure. But then you have incidents like the time in Somalia that a guy ran up to a US army tank, stuck his arm inside, and promptly got his arm blown off (justifiably) by the soldiers inside. My point -- actually, my husband's point -- being that in a military conflict, everyone, including the local kids, needs to be aware that US soldiers are there on serious business, that they are professional killers, and that if you run up to them unexpectedly or stick your arms into their vehicles, you are not going to get candy, but rather a bleeding stump.

Phony Shoe-Sale Victory Gets Eight Fired at Nordstrom's
Seattle Times
On the one hand, these guys obviously violated company policy. On the other, the combat tactics they employed to win the contest possibly speaks to their sense of company loyalty and pride. On the third hand, if they needed the 500 bucks that bad, maybe it was time they found another job anyway.

Fetus Heart Races When Mom Reads Poetry
Queen's News Centre, Ontario, Canada
And now to finish up, the feel-good story of the week. Although it doesn't mention what poems were read. I would imagine that fetuses would have a different reaction to, say, William Wordsworth, than to e.e. cummings. I know I would

Wednesday 14 May

Lizard Head Found in Applebee's Salad
Iowa City Press-Citizen
They say the problem was that wildlife somehow found its way into a fresh lettuce. Their solution: switch to bagged lettuce. Except that once at an Olive Garden, my husband found a piece of plastic bag in his salad, so I think the moral of the story is, don't eat salads. Or, learn to like eating lizard.

Strike Over Pensions Stalls France
International Herald-Tribune
French workers are in an uproar over having to work a few years longer before receiving full pensions. If the government tried this in the US, workers would be similarly outraged...if they got pensions in the first place, of course.

In Search of the Ripe Stuff
Christian Science Monitor
The "buy local" movement, as this article calls it, would have us all buy fresh produce that was locally grown. Great in theory, but ask the local farmer of your choice how easy it is for him to sell organically grown, locally harvested produce. Or, check out the organic stuff at the supermarket next time you're there: it's smaller and less attractive than the shipped stuff, because it's not grown with pesticides, and it's not designed to forsake taste in favor of hardiness during shipping. Also, people are used to being able to buy whatever fruits and vegetables they want, no matter what the season. That having been said, we buy locally grown when possible in our own family. Why? Because around here it's cheaper -- which has to be the case in general for locally marketed goods, or the "buy local" movement is going nowhere fast.

What YOU Can Do to Help Bill Bennett Stop Gambling
The Stranger
A bit from Dan Savage, who has been railing against Bennett and his fellow "virtuecrats" for some time now (notably in his recent book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah). My favorite quote: "American adulterers, pot smokers, and homos put up with a lot more punishment from the likes of Bill Bennett than Bennett himself suffered last weekend. And have we tossed away our bongs, boyfriends, and babes on the side? NO!"

Microsoft Internet-Ready Toilet a Hoax
Seattle Times
From the Journal of Duh. Did anyone seriously buy into this?

"Mr Stinky" in Bloom
Yahoo News
If I were standing next to a plant known as "Mr. Stinky" that is famous for its intensely powerful stench, and it started opening up next to me, my first reaction would not be to stare at it in wonder. No, if I were in this picture, you would see only my back, as I was running out the door. But apparently these people have different priorities.

Tuesday 13 May

Lord Wants Charges Laid Against Crab Rioters
CBC News
Comment: I don't recall ever seeing this story in the bible. Must be in the old testament, when God was mean and vengeful, even to crabs. I imagine it is pretty dangerous when crabs riot, though. They start whipping those claws around, and pretty soon someone's gonna lose an eye or something. I love Canada.

The Philosopher
Boston Globe
In recent months, enemies of the Bush Administration have, in my opinion, waged a subtle and somewhat nefarious campaign to cast suspicion on the roots and aims of modern conservatism by means of ethnic association. It began with the creation of the term "neo-con" to describe influential post-1970s Republican policy leaders, a number of whom are Jewish, with the result that "neo-con" has become a euphemism for Jewish conservative. Check out the column, and see what you think.

Universal Health Care Imbalance
Washington Times
Excellent column from a leading light in conservative thought; black columnist, author and teacher, Thomas Sowell. Needless to say, he will never be mentioned during Black History Month in our nations public schools.

Monday 12 May

Ex-'NYPD Blue' Star Delaney Enters Rehab
Salon.com
I loved this show, and I was so glad to see this chick leave. WAY too much emoting. That constant pained, concerned, angst-ridden look on her face drove me nuts. But, I hope she gets better.

Food Fight
Time.com
This may explain why the Bush administration is loathe to involve the UN in Iraq. I don't know if there's enough room at Guantanamo Bay to hold these people too, after they're arrested for looting.

Black Leaders Say Rift Exists With Immigrants
Washington Times
Ed is just going to hate this one, which is why I selected it. If he disagrees with me 85% of the time, I'm just going to have to work 15% harder. Sounds like black immagrants want no part of "traditional" Black leadership in America. And that tells us.........?

Eat Your Words
Slate
As restaurants duke it out in the food service arena, it gets harder and harder to come up with anything new. This is a cute piece on descriptive language found out there in the menu world.

Sunday 11 May

Typing Monkeys Don't Write Shakespeare
ABCnews.com
Instead, they did what I daresay many people would love to do. The fact that (most of us) don't shows humans have the higher intelligence - or do they?

Serious Probe of Funny Cide win
CBSnews.com
A lot of words and accusations are flying around because of a suspicious shadow in the jockey's hand? Maybe they should give the photos to the typing monkeys to analyze. They'd probably come up with the best answer: "It's a S!"

Mitch Albom: Hey, Philly Kid, Who You Rootin' For?
Detroit Free Press
How does this explain Ed's sad obsession with Detroit teams, then? Never mind that Hooterville is hardly a sports franchise town. There's got to be something there!

Residents Forced to Wear Bras as Masks
local6.com
I'd make a reverence to jock straps, except the situation is pretty serious: Taiwan's SARS cases have tripled in the past two weeks. Nontheless, I wouldn't be surprised if this starts a fashion trend somewhere.

Ukraine: No Deaths in Plane Accident
Foxnews.com
Now we know where the Iraq Minister of Information disappeared to. He's working for the Ukrainian government!

Saturday 10 May

Eminem: Wierd Al Can't Do Parody Video
CNN.com
I was introduced to Weird Al Yakovich via my kids and will never forget him jiggling around in a fat sit in the video "I'm Fat". Maybe Emeniem is afraid Yakovich will parody him dropping his pants and reveal that's where all Emeniem's chest hair has migrated to.

A Bit Behind
Manchester Guardian
I've been wondering for a while now at the trend to plaster words across backsides - be it child, teen or college student. The latter I can understand, but what kind of clothing pervert manufactures clothes that draw attention to a child's backside?

College Girls Put Their Whoring Behind Them
Mainichi Daily News
Japanese female students' lower bodies have turned neo-conservative. Have they discovered something we haven't?

Wednesday 07 May

Pete Townshend Cleared of Possessing Child Porn
Foxnews
Although officially "cleared," his fingerprints, photograph and a DNA sample will be taken by police and he will be placed on a national sex offender registry for five years. That's so We Won't Get Fooled Again.

Fleetwood Mac: Love, destiny, music
CNN.com
Fleetwood Mac has their first album out in the past fifteen years. Now, the very name Fleetwood Mac justifiably may make you cloud over with indifference, or even hate, for many reasons, most of all that stupid, bubbly "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" song of theirs that the Dreaded Clintons used as their rallying tune. But that's not how I remember Mac. In 1969 they came over to the States as a stone-cold blues band. Lead by the brilliant, legendary Peter Green, he wrote "Black Magic Woman," they gave, by far, the best concert I've ever seen. But Green, whom many think was better than Clapton, flipped out and Jeremy Spencer, their rhythm guitarist, flipped out, (sense a pattern?) and the band somehow slowly mutated into its present putrid state. But, let me attest brothers and sisters, that the 1969 Mac was the best of the British Invasion.

Annie's brave face
This is London
48 year old Annie Lennox will appear as is on her new CD Bare. As you can see, there's nothing shocking here other than the fact that a mature woman would willingly pose like this. No one would bat an eye, of course, if a 48 year old male singer posed the same.

Ol' Dirty Bastard Freed From Jail
NME
Hate the music, but love the headline. It conjures up scary images.

George Wyle, who wrote `Gilligan's Island' theme song, dies at 87
Newsday
Finally, even if you've heard the news we still must pause because a Master has passed. The song, the lyrics, they will live forever, or until the last Boomer dies, whichever comes first.

Tuesday 06 May

Tissue engineers grow penis - with feeling
NewScientist.com
Must be female scientists working on a grant from the Lifetime Channel.

Cyberbeggar gets new breasts
WebUser.com
Note the difference between men and women. Cyberbeggar Michel, who set up a website asking for money to pay for her breasts to be enlarged, has reached her target thanks to the generosity of web users, while in South Africa a man has had his penis cut off by a group of men he'd asked for money.

Bush vows to strike US enemies first
Pakistan's Daily Times
A great example of a poorly worded headline. The writer intended to convey that Bush will strike terrorists before they strike the US. I've already seen it listed on a leftist website with the clear implication that Bush is ready to take over the world.

Virtues maven may have played last slots
USA Today
Bill Bennett's wife Elayne announces that her husband is finished gambling. His career as the smug, self-appointed guardian of America's morals is probably, thankfully, finished as well.

Monday 05 May

Pittsburgh bids farewell to Fred Rogers with moving public tribute
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
One final Goodbye. I took a lot of heat in February when I called Mr. Rogers anachronistic, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy his soft touch approach to children's television.

Nigerian scam moves to online auctions
Mike's Journal.com
Tech writer Mike Wendland of the Detroit Free Press passes along two disturbing bits of news:
1) Wendland tells of a disturbing new twist on the old Nigerian email scam Before you laugh that anyone could still be fooled by this old canard, keep in mind that "US Customs Service estimates that Nigerian scam artists claiming to need help transferring money fleeced US Internet users for at least US$100 million last year."   ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS! That alone should be justification for invasion!
2) Wendland also reports that the Michigan ACLU has voiced objections to an anti-spam bill that is being considered by the Legislature there because it would consist of a government database and that, in the ACLU's view, is bad, bad, bad. What an idiotic, knee-jerk reaction. The government keeps tens of thousands of databases. Databases about everything under the sun. nAnd databases about the sun, as well, I am sure. So, why not a database of slime that send pornographic spam-emails to my kids?

Sex toys still illegal in Alabama
Canada's Canoe News
Sex toys may be illegal down there, but Strip clubs are not, as the new University of Alabama football coach Mike Price found out last week. He visited one, took a dancer up to his hotel room, and then the dancer charged 1 grand in room service. One thousand dollars in room service! What on earth could you charge that would cost a grand? Anyway, I hope it was worth it because The Mercury News reports that Mike Price fired before he begins at Alabama. This is even juicier than the story that came out of Iowa this past week about Iowa State's basketball coach Larry Eustachy who got caught partying at 4 a.m. with cheerleaders from the other team! One can only wonder how long this type of thing has been going on. But don't worry, Everything's under control because sex toys are still illegal in Alabama.

Manley says he regrets never having smoked pot
Toronto Star
This comes from Canada's finance minister and deputy prime minister ? My advice, Sir? A sabbatical at Amsterdam's Cannabis College.

Weekend Edition

Peace signs pulled from Pepin School
Daily Hampshire Gazette
Frequent commenter BIL and I squabbled about a variation of this story a month ago when I complained that "PEACE" symbols should not have been banished from a mall. Here the signs were banned from public school grounds, which is even worse! By creating this fake "neutral ground," but still allowing yellow ribbons, the school is plainly telling the students that pacifism has no place in a public forum.
Submitted by Kay

Fear Factor
LA Magazine
Author tries to interview the legendary Jack Chick. Oldest Son Tommy has regaled us many times about his encounters with Jack Chick disciples on the streets of San Diego as they pass out their silly little Bible comics. But if you want to see someone who does it better, head over to Biblesexstories.com

The Man of Virtues Has a Vice
Newsweek
American Liberals must be ecstatic this morning as word of William Bennett's vice spreads. Whatever the outcome, Bennett will never again be able to speak with the moral certainty that has made him so popular among conservatives.

With pot and porn outstripping corn, America's black economy is flying high
Manchester Guardian
Communities are strapped for cash. Thousands are being laid-off. Billions are spent on pot. Do the math.

Friday 02 May

Bright Light May Boost Testosterone in Men
Reuters
Strangely enough, most of our sons like to sleep with a light on. We'd better leave the lights on, my Darling Wife, or we might have some chai-latte sipping, Einstein-Starbucks line stalling geeks on our hands.

Tips and tricks for Google geeks
Pakistan's Daily Times
Nice review and examples from a book I grabbed last week, Google Hacks..

Apple offers legal downloading
The Daily Mississippian
There's just too damned many letters in that word Mississippian. Here in the Midwest we do it right, as in Ohio and Iowa, but I digress: Apple has set up a very intriguing 99 cent per mp3 download service. Alas, at the moment, it's only for Apple Users. In other mp3 news, the RIAA tried a new tactic Monday when they warned, via instant-messages, thousands of Grokster and Kazaa users who were silly enough to list their real instant message addresses that the jig is nearly up. Speaking of Kazaa, I did a spyware scan last week and found a bunch of Kazaa-derived spyware files which allowed them to track my online movements. The files are now gone, but they'll re attach should I decide to use Kazaa again. Finally, no matter what the RIAA does, file trading is here to stay because, and this statistic totally shocked me, 42% of all users are hunting for porn. Logging on to Kazaa I just found 4,175,234 users which means that there were 1,766,399 free porn surfers.

Wrestling personality 'Miss Elizabeth' dies
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This will not interest any female nor most of the male readers, but former pro wrestler Lex Lugar was taken into custody today for possession of drugs after former wrestling diva Miss Elizabeth was found dead from a possible overdose earlier in the day. To quote our 14 year old son Steve, who watches this crap: "Oh Geeeze, that's messed up." It's more than "messed up." It's a seedy, slimy act from hell.

Thursday 01 May

'100th birthday feels like any other day'
India''s Mid-day.com
Maybe the 100th is that way and certainly the fifty-second was, but there's something about that twenty-first!

GM To Stop Using Word 'Minivan'
WKMG Orlando's local6.com
A minivan by any other name,
like "crossover sport van,"
gets crushed by a deer, as mine did,
the same.

Photo of the Day
AFP
Okay, we know about the men, but why were the women there? And before we get any "Women, men....what's the difference?" comments, let me point out that it is the producer of 'Girls Gone Wild' who faces 22 criminal charges. There is no comparable Guys Gone Wild.

Storage gadgets, gimmicks at trade show
Businessweek.com
Oh, I like this one: "portable hard drive that plugs directly into an Ethernet network. The same drive also can be taken off the network and attached to a single PC as a USB 2.0 hard drive. The idea, says Ximeta President Edward Park, is to offer a portable drive that can be used by a whole work group in the office and then be taken home. Prices range from $269 for an 80GB drive to $399 for a 160GB drive. "

Wednesday 30 April

US Dentists Can't Make Naiton's Teeth Any Damn Whiter
The Onion
It was a toss-up between this headline from last week or the current CIA: Syria Harboring More Than 15 Million Known Arabs.

Information minister tries to turn himself in: report
ABC News
The report goes on to say that since he isn't in the now-famous deck of 55 the troops turned him away. But, never fear my friends, because net.Headlines has found Mohammad al-Sahaf!

Riot in town as SARS tightens China grip
Indian Express
Panic near Beijing as the government struggles to come to grips with Sars. While we're on the subject, let us take a moment to remember the Panchen Lama's 14th birthday. Amnesty International considers him to be the world's youngest political prisoner and he has to be the prime reason why The Dalai Lama is thinking of stopping his lineage. A move which would preempt another Panchen Lama-type Chinese government take-over. And these are the people who were awarded the 2008 Summer Olympics?

Cuba bids to host Olympics
BBC
Speaking of which, look who wants the 2012 games. What's next, Burma in 2016?

Email services team up to stem the tide of spam
agriculture.com
"America Online, Yahoo and Microsoft, three leading email service providers, have announced they are working together to do something to stem the spam tide." Black-clad groups of snipers, fanning out world-wide, would be a good start.

Tuesday 29 April

Tigers have fallen and can't seem to get up
USA Today
I was seven years old when I went to my 1st Detroit Tigers baseball game and they lost when the evil Minnie Minoso hit a clutch home run for the White Sox. A Tiger pitcher, whose name I can't remember, also hit a homer, and one of these days I might track the game down on Baseball-Reference.com. The current Tigers, if you didn't know, stink. Actually, they more than stink. They are on pace to be the worst team of all time, as this article painfully details.

Sars 'under control in Toronto'
BBC
My Mother returned Friday from visiting my 98 year old great-aunt in T.O. and angrily called to say that "this whole Sars-thing is overblown and crazy." Things must be okay since my beloved Mom is usually among the first in every panic line, witness the Y2K water jugs still in her basement alongside the reams of plastic covering and duct tape. Despite my Mom's assertion, people continue to panic, including a high school here in Ohio which closed today because of a class trip to Toronto last week. Of course none of the kids are sick and I'm betting they didn't even visit Chinatown or eat in one of the Kensington area's many fine restaurants.

Sex and the Single Senior
NY Times
Very interesting piece on a retired English-teacher who didn't have sex for 27 years, so she took out this ad in the The New York Review of Books: "Before I turn 67 — next March — I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like. If you want to talk first, Trollope works for me." It's still working for her.

Playboy stages comeback in presidential race
London Times
Cuts deeply into the lead of Penthouse Forum.

Cappuccino Friar Moves Along Sainthood Path
Reuters
While the Blue Nun, who favoured bagels and cream cheese, languishes in obscurity.

Monday 28 April

Mike Bryan: Mr. President, please attack Appalachia
CommonDreams.org
As a resident of a federally designated Appalachian Ohio county I think I can confidently speak for my friends and neighbors when I say: "Mr. President, please attack Mike Bryan."

Wash. Police Chief Kills Self, Hurts Wife
AP via Yahoo
We had a case like this just 3 miles from our driveway about 4 years ago when a guy killed his wife then turned the gun on himself. In this Tacoma case, at least, the woman is still clinging to life. We read about these unfortunate cases time after time and it's usually the guy killing his spouse then himself. In my weaker moments I wish that if the one in question has to kill somebody, he'd just turn the gun on himself.

Mother invents 'orgasm machine'
BBC
And the winner of the British Female Inventor of the Year Award goes to.....

Unholy Army of Catholic School Girls
Unholy Army
As a rule I don't like to run non-news links, but it' s Monday and this one's kind of cute and was submitted by tran. Enjoy!

Cechmanek, Flyers blank Senators
CBC
Not a good night for Canada as the Canucks also lost, but did you see the end of the Canuck-Wild game? It was old-fashioned, testosterone-loaded and insane. The way hockey should be.

Sunday 27 April

U.S. media mock Toronto
Canada.com's National Post
Relax, Canada, it's simply not true. Citing The Daily Show as your prime example of American Media is inane and would be akin to citing the
The Royal Canadian Air Farce. In fact, this is so slanted that one might think that it's purpose is to foster anti-American sentiment.

Claiming singer was impaired, Creed concertgoers sue for refunds
Chicago Sun-Times
Back in the day, we assumed the band was impaired. I remember Ray Davies, Joe Cocker, Gordon Lightfoot, etc and they certainly seemed impaired and, as far as we were concerned, it enhanced their performances.

Dan Savage: G.O.P. Hypocrisy
NY Times
Wow, my favorite sex-advice columnist gets his say about the Santorum fiasco in the Times, of all places. You can read this by using my login and password. login: edportals password: edportals. And while we're at it, how can we not link to Savage's weekly bit?

Silly Celebrity Saturday

Roseanne Barr plans two new shows
USA Today
Want to be an anchor on ESPN's Sportscenter? Care to watch the daily lives of Nick Lachey (98 Degrees) and Jessica Simpson on MTV or O.J. or Roseanne? The Reality Series boom is in full swing and sadly will continue until people realize that there is only one reality series: life.

Creepy cruelly
London's News of the World
Speaking of Jacko, it's been two weeks since we've linked to my favorite weirdo. Check out how he dresses his poor kids for a trip to the mall.

Campbell: Catwalk CIA
PeopleNews.com
Been wondering about the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden? Well, super model Naomi Campbell "has confided in close friends that she knows for a fact Bin Laden is holed up in Saudi Arabia." Before you scoff, let me remind you that actor James Wood probably saw a pre-September 11th trial run. Okay, now you may scoff.

Madonna to America: De-materialize
NY Daily News
I was in the chair this morning for an entire hour, getting drilled and filled, when the dental tech asked if I had heard about Madonna's latest statement: "How dare she say that when she most certainly has a nanny for her children and everything else that goes with being rich? I was insulted when I read it." I replied, in a grabled fashion, "Unless Madonna knows where Saddam Hussein is hiding, I don't want to hear from her."

Sinead O'Connor retires From Music
Reuters
We continue with what has somehow evolved into a weekend of silly entertainer headlines.

Elton calls off Toronto concert as Sars death toll rises
Ananova
Ridiculous overreaction.

Dixie Chicks Pose Nude in Answer to Critics
Reuters
They should have exercised their right to remain silent.

O.J. Interested In Covering Blake Murder Trial
KNBC
This may be the silliest of the bunch.

Angelina Jolie Gets New Tattoo
Newsday
No, I was wrong.

Pop Stars Win British 'Rear of the Year' Prize
Reuters
Okay, I quit before I go crazy. Have a nice weekend, everybody!.

Friday 25 April

Worm risk from dog stroking
BBC
More the sky is falling crapola from the Beeb: "there are fewer than 20 people a year infected despite the existence of millions of pet dogs." In other words, we have to fill up space, folks. C'mon BBC, it's not as if we don't have enough on our plates. On the other hand here's an example of having too much time on one's hands and not enough brains: today's United News of India reports that a villager in the Manipuri district caught a mouse and lit a kerosene-soaked rag that he had tied around its tale. The mouse took off and, yep, the idiot's house burned.

Inventor of Canned Laughter Dies
tv.zap2it.com

Thursday 24 April End of Story
Toronto Sun
After my cherished Red Wings bit the bullet last week, I got caught in a psychotic moment and switched allegiance temporarily to the Toronto Maple Leafs. Toronto, one of hockey's Original Six, has not won the Cup since Hendrix enveloped us in his Purple Haze. It's been that long, so why I would leave one group of suffering fans for an even more desperate group of losers makes no sense in today's cold, cruel light. I can only plead temporary insanity. Thank God I didn't remove my Hockeytown USA bumper sticker and to atone for my sins I meekly offer up this sincere statement of faith in our Eternal Red Wings.
Many thanks to Chris Meyer for that last link.

Wednesday 23 April

NOW backs away from comments by its Morris president
DailyRecord.com
As we noted yesterday, NOW finds itself in a most uncomfortable position. Should they file a brief challenging the constitutionality of the California Death Penalty clause which requires two deaths in certain cases, when one of the deaths is that of a fetus? How they must be squirming.

Songwriter Felice Bryant Dies
Reuters
Never heard of Bryant? Three weeks ago my Darling Wife and I went to a local talent show here in Hooterville and they played her signature Rocky Top not once but twice. It was almost as bad as hearing the University of Tennessee Marching Band play it. But, to her credit, Bryant also co-wrote the Everly Brothers' great "Wake Up Little Susie" and "Bye Bye Love".

Lexmark: 9 new printers should support second quarter sales
USA Today
Did I ever tell you my Lexmark story? My beloved mother-in-law's Lexmark was on the fritz, so I called tech support and a Lexmarkian attempted to walk me through an analysis. About half way through he suddenly became very irritated and hissed "Forget it. We'll just mail you a new printer." His time was more valuable than the stupid printer plus shipping!

Scientist wants more women to watch porn
Ananova
And so do many husbands, but it just is not going to happen.

Tuesday 22 April

Scott Peterson Pleads Not Guilty to Murder
Fox News
Let me start off by stating that I am anti-death penalty, but, nonetheless, this guy is going to fry. He's broke and has a public defender and will probably need funding from NOW and Planned Parenthood to stay alive, because the death penalty in California hinges on the death of more than one person and surely they don't believe an eight month old fetus is such.

"I'm Right, You're Wrong, Go To Hell"
Atlantic Monthly
Bernard Lewis subtitles his piece "Religions and the meeting of civilization." It's a fascinating look at the centuries old Christian-Islam tug of war which, according to Lewis, is the real cause of the Iraq war.

Jazz Great Nina Simone Dies at 70
Washington Post
Bittersweet was more than just the name of a Nina Simone album, it described Simone herself. I loved her bluesy side, however, and you can hear her at her best in this little clip from her brilliant Everything Must Change.

Drink Tea to Stay Germ-Free: Report
Reuters
My daily diet of tea, almonds, red wine and hockey playoffs on CBC should ensure me a long life.

Monday 21 April

Estonia Blazes Internet Trail
Seattle Post-Inteligencer
We continue our Estonian roll with the surprising news that Estonia ranks 2nd worldwide in online banking. Apparently that's not all they do online, based on my record number of hits last Friday, the day I ran an Estonian sex story.

Laci Peterson case tied to Roe debate
Daily Record.com
Something is wrong here: California law defines a fetus as human after eight weeks' gestation if you kill his or her mother along with the fetus. However, if the mother decides to abort, then the fetus is just a fetus.

Dog Rescuer: National Fame and Possible Jail Sentence
WSMV.com
I was going to run this Friday, but the untimely death of diet-guru Robert Atkins preempted it. But the issue still bothers me. If the guy is willing to risk his life to get his dog, then the fire fighters should get the hell out of the way and let the idiot enter the building. Meanwhile, in other canine news, the dog-world was overrun with rumors last week that the Best in Show at a major dog show had a face lift. Once again, if some idiot wants to spend a couple of grand to get his pooch unwrinkled, then he's in the same boat as just about any major beauty contestant. Finally, we'll end this dog thread with the following little tail:

Vandross 'recovering' after stroke
BBC
I recall some time back when the slimmed-down Vandross was unveiled on Oprah and hopefully the day will come when Luther will again be welcomed with a standing ovation and one of those extra-special Oprah Hugs.

Sunday 20 April

Artistry of 'Lilya' transcends clichés
LA Times
Friday was a record day here on net.Headlines with 185 unique hits and the sudden rush probably had a lot to do with that very bizarre, 2 year old Estonian sex link. So, since we're on a roll, here's a review of the new Russian film "Lilya 4-Ever," which centers on the plight of a sixteen year old Estonian prostitute. Now, attention all you Estonian-sex-hounds. This is it. This is the list. I can find no other Estonian sex news links, but enjoy reading about Lilya, a film the New York Times calls "great and heartbreaking."

Some Search Results Hit Too Close to Home
NY Times
Have you tried the phonebook function on Google yet? If not, enter the following on Google, replacing my name and state with your name and state: phonebook:portal ohio. Next to your name, if you have a listed number, are Yahoo and Mapquest Maps which will lead anyone right to your doorstep and that bothers a lot of people.

Iraqi envoy convinced Saddam must be dead
Vancouver Sun
An Iraqi ambassador tells Americans that all communications with his government ended with that surprise bombing of a restaurant where the U.S. believed Saddam was meeting with his sons and he goes on to say that "I know his character...The defence of Baghdad would not have collapsed so quickly if he was not dead." Well, maybe. But how about this scenario? Saddam is less than 3 minutes away, after leaving the restaurant, and sees it absolutely flattened in his rear view mirror. British intelligence thinks it may have played out that way, and if so, then Saddam probably went home, grabbed his overnight bag and got the hell out of Dodge.

FTC Files Suit Against Sender of Porn 'Spam'
Washington Post
Spam Update. Interesting tactic: "No federal laws govern spam, so the FTC is invoking laws against fraudulent business practices." I think it's a solid move. A look at my batch today shows such subjects as "my cell doesn't work" {an email about teen sex}, "Vicious Lies" {another porn email}, "Is everything allrite?" {yet another porn spam} and "forgive me {the same exact porn message as the "vicious lies" one.} All four are total misrepresentations.

Friday 18 April

Hot Estonian Guy Fails to Beat World Sex Record
Pravda
I came upon this oldie while chasing down links, but it is so weird that I had to include it.

Woman seriously hurt in buggy drag race
Indystar.com
Speaking of weird, how about this one...an Amish drag race?
Submitted by Kay.

Phone Sex Operator Injured in Line of Duty
Goofball.com
My Darling Wife submitted this one. No major newspapers seem to have run the story, making me very suspicious of it being an urban legend, but a search of snopes.com found nothing. A trip over to The Florida Bar Association's web site did list the attorney in question, so I trust the article is legitimate, but strange.

Diet guru Dr. Robert Atkins dead at 72
CNN
Final update.

Thursday 17 April

Mitch Albom: So long, Stanley
Detroit Free Press
We leave it to the author of Tuesdays with Morrie to bring this season's curtain down on my favorite soap opera, and all I can offer as consolation this morning is that 1.5 billion Chinese don't have a clue about Stanley.

The last Dalai Lama of Tibet?
Times of Tibet
Reports are out that have His Holiness stating that "He wished to be the last of his line, and that he would like the position itself to be abolished after his death." If it happens, many Catholics will be jealous.

TNN changes its name to Spike, seeking male viewers
SF Gate
It started as The Nashville Network and mainly played Country Western videos, then about 2 years ago it became TNN, the National Network, and is known for hosting the World Wrestling Federation/Entertainment weekly circus. The new move will supposedly make it "the first network aimed specifically at men," a preposterous claim. Tell me ESPN, Fox Sports, The Outdoor Network, The Speed Network, The Playboy Channel, etc are not aimed at men.

McCartney rejected for quiz show
Melbourne Age
Beatles news this weeks has Sir Paul being snubbed by the British version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and 70 year old Yoko Ono threatening to sue Kellogsfor naming a new cereal "Strawberry Fields," even though John Lennon once admitted that a Kellog's commercial inspired the song "Good Morning, Good Morning."

Subtle comedy powers 'Wind'
Sign on San Diego
Early review of A Mighty Wind, the new Christopher Guest film. Guest, of course, directed and starred in the brilliant films "Best in Show," "This Is Spinal Tap" and "Waiting for Guffman."

Wednesday 16 April

'Wacky' email addresses deter HR managers
ZDnet UK
My Darling Wife clued me in to this about six years ago when she objected to the email name I signed her up for: momdoc. I still think it's kinda cute, by the way.

Jacko: 'I don't know my baby's mother'
Ananova
We haven't had a Jacko sighting in a couple of weeks, so it's good to see that he's still nuttier than you or I will ever be.

Run, Don't Walk to Stave Off Heart Death: UK Study
Reuters Health via Yahoo
The more vigorous the activity, the better the cardiac benefits, British researchers reported on Tuesday. Assuming that to be true, I wonder how Mstress Victoria's "Slavercise" Class in New York adds up? Class members "do push-ups, kissing her leather-clad feet each time they drop to the floor. They do sit-ups, with her very sharp heel poised menacingly over their crotch."

Issaquah Man Sued As Part Of AOL Fight Against Spam
KOMO TV
Here's the latest anti-spam news: "America Online has filed five federal lawsuits targeting spammers it accuses of sending some 1 billion junk e-mail messages promoting mortgages, steroids and pornography to its subscribers." Bravo!

Tuesday 15 April

War in Iraq Endangering Migratory Birds
Animal News Center
This article, written from the Russian point of view, mirrors the fears of Indian bird migration experts. Experts in both countries are afraid the birds won't find their way home. One migration it won't hurt, however, is North America's annual spring songbird migration which is just starting. The main wave should be hitting the Gulf Coast and birders there are gearing up. Some early birds have already made their way to Southern Illinois and all looks good. In fact, I took this photo on April the 10th of a yellow rumped warbler here in Ohio.

The major songbird fear in North America is not the war, but West Nile Disease . Numbers of wintering songbirds in Costa Rica were apparently way down. Numbers have been decreasing steadily for the past 10 years, so this report is very upsetting. Nonetheless, my buddy Danny from Indianapolis and I will head up in mid-May to Magee Marsh, thirty miles outside of Toledo, for our 9th annual Mother's Day Migratory Bird Extravaganza. 3 days in the woods, chasing little birdies with our binoculars. Now, that is heaven.

Mitch Albom: No rest for the weary Wings fan
Detroit Free Press
As the Red Wings Nation holds its breath I'll leave it to the author of Tuesdays with Morrie to explain to To my Darling Wife why I'll be staying up late Monday and Wednesday this week.

Diet Doctor Atkins in Coma in NY Hospital
Reuters
Update.

Troops uncover playboy Saddam's love shack
Halifax Herald
Move over Hef: it appears that Hussein had "mirrored bedroom, lamps shaped like women, airbrushed paintings of a topless blonde woman and a mustached hero battling a crocodile."

Monday 14 April

Tim Robbins: Hall of Fame violates freedom
Melbourne Age
"US actor Tim Robbins has said that Baseball's Hall of Fame had violated his freedom of expression by scrapping a screening of one of his movies because he publicly criticised the US-led war in Iraq." C'mon, Tim, nobody is "violating your freedom of expression." You can still speak your mind about the war, Bush, etc. But, Major League Baseball also has rights and they run the event in question, so you lose. If you don't like it, screen the movie yourself.

GM pulling plug on electric cars
CNN
Listen to CNN bleed: "To the scores of drivers who embraced the technology, GM's effort to get the cars off the road is a heartbreaking prelude to the imminent death of the battery-powered vehicle as state air regulators continue to weaken rules that would have required 10 percent of cars for sale this year be nonpolluting." Listen to those words: "heartbreaking" and "imminent death". What the article doesn't tell you is that G.M. is pouring their money into a hydrogen-based engine, one that would have next to no emissions. In fact, Sunday's Toronto Star announces GM, BMW join forces on hydrogen.

Viral scares
spiked-online
Lucid SARS piece by a University of Pittsburgh anaethesiologist.

Iraqi ambassador: I can't work in U.S.
Salon.com
I continue to be fascinated by the words of this war and here's a gem from Mohammed Al-Douri, Iraqi Ambassador ot the United Nations: "he could no longer work in the United States while it was "destroying, ravaging and killing" his countrymen." The truth is, of course, he can no longer work in the United States because he has no government to represent. The rest of that statement is worthy of the departed Iraqui Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, whom the Associated Press now calls a cult figure.

Sunday 13 April

The Language of War
Manchester Guardian
We've used the weekends to examine war lingo and we start today with the Manchester Guardian, which has the newly coined "looting fatigue" and "hard duty." I think we've done some hard duty around here, especially when the kids were sick, cranky and tired and we were up with them half the night.

Over at the N.Y. Times {login: edportals   password: edportals) William Safire examines Gulf War II,  fog of war, and a fascinating look at what the German and French broadcasters have been calling the Coalition Forces.

Speaking of Germany, Reuters ran a story earlier in the week that "A group of German university professors, angered by the U.S.-British war against Iraq, have launched a campaign to replace many popular English-language words used in Germany with French terms." Sounds innocuous enough, but Putin, Chirac and Schroeder met Friday to discuss post-War strategy. However, don't you find it hard to imagine a German-Russian alliance?

Senate Anti-Spam Bill Introduced
Internet News.com
I know it's already been commented on here that "The spammers will just move to Antigua." We'll follow this closely nonetheless since any decrease in spam is a good thing.

Baghdad descends into chaos
BBC
Moving from the fascist government of Saddam Hussein to one of temporary anarchy is hardly a "descent." People are safer today in Baghdad than they've been anytime in the past thirty years. As for all the hand wringing, have we forgotten the New York City power failure of 1977 or the power failure that left 30 million American and Canadians in the dark in November of 1965? It's a fact of life, riots and looting happen when the power structure is no longer operable, or when college kids have to much to drink.

The News We Kept to Ourselves
NY Times
The chief news executive at CNN disingenuously discloses that he knew of many Hussein atrocities but kept quiet to protect his crew inside the country. If he discloses they die. The flip side of that coin is that if he doesn't disclose he becomes a Saddam stooge.
Times login: edportals         Times password: edportals

Friday 11 April

Diet Doctor Atkins Critical After Fall in New York
Reuters
Good luck to the man who markets the most indigestible diet bar imaginable. To those who struggle with diets, I point to the words of the departed sage Erma Bombeck who said "Seize the moment. Remember all those women on "The Titanic" who waved off the dessert cart." But, if that doesn't convince you,
perhaps this headline from AFP today will because it declares that
Low-carb diets no quick fix: study.

Iraqi Embassy in Brazil Burns Documents
AP
Continuing the fine tradition set earlier in the week by the now-missing Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf is embassy official Abdu Saif who claimed "It's all lies. We are only burning garbage and recently cut grass."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf has his own website. Well, one about him. It's called www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com with many, many of his delicious quotes, including the Monty Python-like "I now inform you that you are too far from reality." Be patient, it's a slow load.

Human Cloning May Be Impossible
Myway.com
Thank God, but that groan you just heard came from such places as The Larry Flynt camp and the family of Ted Williams.

Thursday 10 April

Robert Fisk: A day that began with shellfire ended with a once-oppressed people walking like giants
U.K. Independent
Fascinating read by England's noted Yankee Hater. He grudgingly gives praise, but manages to toss in gems like "Nor did the Americans look happy "liberators". They pointed their rifles at the pavements and screamed at motorists to stop – one who did not, an old man in an old car, was shot in the head in front of two French journalists." What a load of tripe. It's a war. Pregnant women and the like have been used to blow up soldiers, so, of course, they are going to be edgy.

House fire caused by cigarette in bird nest
Boston.com
Co-Editor Kay quips "I guess nobody taught it about the dangers of smoking in bed."

Hot Dog Vendor Gets Terrorism Insurance
Channel 14000
"A hot dog cart vendor in Harrisburg is making sure he's prepared for the worst." Ok, here's something far wurst than this publicity stunt:

SARS Forces Catholics to Halt Confessions>
Reuters
I still think they should allow confessons by email.

Marketer sues anti-spam crusader
MSNBC
Outed spammer sues geek who posted his name, address and phone number online.

Wednesday 09 April

Utah court rules in favor of lesbian teacher
CNN
Co-Editor Kay submitted this with the comment "Let's see. She's a 20-year, award-winning teacher but she's 'unfit to teach'?" Excellent point, Kay. Also, despite it's more general definition, I never associate the word "sodomy" with lesbians. In fact, more heterosexuals probably practice sodomy than lesbians.

John Keegan: Saddam's utter collapse shows this has not been a real war
London Telegraph
I was listening to Rush Limbaugh today and he was quite upset with this "utter collapse" line of thought. For some reason it takes away from the "success" of the campaign. Keegan's article, nonetheless, is well-done and points to basic military tactics that the Iraqis failed to follow. Maybe because nobody is really in charge.
In other news, Chirac to Join Russia-Germany Talks on Iraq. Talk about futility. Finally, what would a day be without a quote from an Iraqi official? Today, in Egypt, we find their Ambassador to the Arab League declaring that "Iraq has now already achieved victory - apart from some technicalities.." Those are some technicalities, pal.

New York tour turns evil eye on surveillance cameras
Boston.com
Another submission by Kay who merely wrote "Hmmmm." I have no problem with this, Kay. One should not have any expectations of privacy while out in public. You want privacy? Stay home, but thanks for the two articles.

Tuesday 08 April

Chemicals Found
CNN
The actual headline on this inside link is U.S. forces settle into Baghdad with the sub-headline reading Drums being tested for chemical weapons material, but it's the screaming headline on CNN's opening page that has me griping this evening: "Chemicals Found." Maybe I'm being a tad picky, but there's a big difference between the two and I wish the media would stop rushing to judgment.

Iraq Spokesman Denies U.S. Is in Baghdad
AP News
This poor guy has to go out and face the world, telling the most preposterous story imaginable and if he doesn't some fascist thug will probably kill his entire family, and, to head off the comments, I was not referring to Rumsfeld.

Yahoo! Retools Search Engine
AP News
I recall four years ago using alltheweb.com and immediately I knew that there was a better way to search than old Yahoo. Another interesting search method was later unveiled by vivisimo.com, which "clusters" its findings, making it easier to wade through, but Vivisimo never took off. The King of Search, without a doubt, is Google, even becoming a common phrase, "to google" oneself. However, Yahoo has decided to fight back and the public will be the winner.

Hearst Flirts With Cosmo TV
TV Week.com
That's what we need, a new channel that focuses on cleavage and trumpets "88 New Ways to please your man in bed!"

AP Top Stories--Photo
AP via Yahoo
Last month my Darling Wife and I were traveling on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and a nice, quiet trip when suddenly things became very dicey thanks to a fog-induced white-out that lasted about 20 miles. It wouldn't have been so bad were there trucks not passing us, doing about 40 MPH, in the outside lane. My daring one worriedly told me to "Slow Down!" but I refused, citing "those bastard truckers will kill us if we slow down." Well, yesterday a New Hampshire mother and her two little children proved not to be as lucky when their car was hit by a tractor-trailer and caught fire in the same area.

Monday 06 April

Police investigating gnome reports in Ecuador
Ananova
Here's what I would do if I were a cop down there: I'd poke around town for 20 minutes, then, finding no sign of the 3 foot green being, I'd report back, but I would cover myself and sign the report using my "gnome-de-plume,"

Why do the French call the British 'the roast beefs'?
BBC
It goes round and round as the Brits call the French "Frogs" and I recall Ontarians calling Quebecers Pepsis. In fact, here's the definitive list of racial slurs and there are some pretty weird ones, such as "Pinky Poop, and Urban Turban."

Saddam Hussein May Be Staying Underground
AP via Yahoo
Duh. However, Debka File reports that Saddam and his sons departed Baghdad some days ago and may very well be in Syria. If he is, I'm still betting he's underground.

AP Top Stories--Photo
AP via Yahoo
Last month my Darling Wife and I were traveling on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and a nice, quiet trip when suddenly things became very dicey thanks to a fog-induced white-out that lasted about 20 miles. It wouldn't have been so bad were there trucks not passing us, doing about 40 MPH, in the outside lane. My daring one worriedly told me to "Slow Down!" but I refused, citing "those bastard truckers will kill us if we slow down." Well, yesterday a New Hampshire mother and her two little children proved not to be as lucky when their car was hit by a tractor-trailer and caught fire in the same area.

Sunday 06 April

Statement from Atlantic Media on the death of Michael Kelly
The Atlantic Monthly
Kelly, a husband and father of two little boys, becomes the war's first journalist to die. Here is Michael Kelly's April Atlantic Monthly column and here's the column he wrote for The Washington Post which was published yesterday, in which he writes about the taking of a bridge across the Euphrates and this is his profoundly moving last paragraph:
"There were no American fatalities. By full dusk, the sporadic mortar fire had ceased, and everything was quiet except for an occasional bit of light arms fire in the farm fields beyond the bridgehead."

Saddam appears on TV
Ananova
A fascinating speech from a very grim Saddam Hussein, or his body double. Oddly, he seemed almost perturbed that Coalition Forces bypassed his troops during several battles and moved to weaker spots instead to attack.

The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld
Slate.com
Interesting piece, especially since I'm always interested in the language of war, the language of obfuscation and the language of improvisation, and sometimes all three occur simultaneously, such as in this gem:
And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

Friday 04 April

Hastert Criticizes Kerry's 'Regime Change' Comment
Cybercast News Service
The only reason Kerry is saying this is because he's off and running for president, but didn't the Democrats already put the US through this wacky-liberal-from-Massachusetts-thing?

Couple Living Together 77 Years Marries
Kansas City.com
They've been living together since July 17, 1925.

Sopranos Goes to the Reservoir Dog?
E! Online
Look who's in negotiations with HBO, the King of Indies Steve Buscemi.

Thursday 03 April

Singer Edwin Starr Dies of Heart Attack
AP via Yahoo
My favorite Edwin Starr song was Agent Double-O Soul. Lyrics like these are universal and timeless:
I don´t carry no pistol
I don´t wear a false mustache
And you´ll never see me carrying
Around a little black bag.
My real name´s no secret
But from me it will never be told.
I´m just known as Agent Double-O-Soul baby!

His biggest hit, War, is one that won't be played much today despite his death.

Amid "Dark Night" and Trials, God Loves Us, Says Pope
Zenit News Agency
I'm not so sure about this, but it's a comforting thought: "even when [God] seems to be silent before oppression, injustice or other forms of evil that touch man, he never ceases to love man and comes to his aid if man turns to him in trust." I can think of plenty of examples, however, where people turned to that trust and then were pulverized into eternal dust.

Iraq has thrown only third of forces into battle so far: Saddam
AFP via Yahoo
The rest are hiding in Baghdad alleys.

Hunter S. Thompson: Love in a time of war
ESPN Page 2
The Good Doctor returns to our pages and credits love with helping him survive a disastrous {read "gambling"} road to the Final Four. Speaking of gambling, I have some advice for my Darling Wife: you can quite your job, sweetie. The Good Life lies straight ahead! I just checked The Sporting News to see how I am doing in my brackets for the current NCAA tourney and out of 160974 users I am currently ranked number 631. Last year I finished around number 1100, which is not too bad, but I'm apparently on a roll this year. You know, back in school, I won $400 in the class NCAA pool, so this is not a one time thing. Next year, let's sell the house, cars and clothes {we can keep the kids and books} and let's get serious about this thing.

Wednesday 02 April

Cher Calls Michael Jackson 'Nuts'
ChannelCincinnati.com
First Liz rightfully became furious, as we mentioned the other day, with Michael Jackson and now it's Cher's turn to weigh in. Poor Mike. Who'll be next? Barbara Streisand? I searched for a Streisand-Jackson link, to no avail unfortunately, but I did stumble upon the following little tidbit: Streisand reveals 'real' Oscars speech . And it's as nonsensical as you might expect. Nobody argues that actors are not celebrities, but, let's face it, Joe Plumber doesn't have access to Larry King.

Buddhist precepts revised for modern life
International Herald Tribune
For the duration of the war we will track the actions of the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. Hanh, popularly known as Thay, is a noted voice for peace, having been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, and will our counterbalance to the war-related links. Today's link has Thay announcing a new set of guidelines for monks. In case you were thinking of becoming a Korean Buddhist monk here are some of the rules you will have to follow: denying debts to your parents, teachers and friends is unacceptable behavior for a Buddhist monk. Owning a car, secular books, movie and music tapes and video games is forbidden. Riding in a car with a woman alone is also forbidden. My favorite new rule is "not sharing books is also forbidden.

Frank sex talk with 'grandma'
CNN
Americans are just discovering Sue Johanson and her sex dolls, but she's been on weekly in Canada for 7 years now. Her rather graphic descriptions are somehow balanced by her grandmotherly demeanor. She is not silly as Dr. Ruth can sometimes be, but is instead very serious about sex. Oprah's Oxygen Channel, which has been having trouble carving out a niche, is riding her hard with her show now on eight hours a week. A sure sign of a network in trouble.

Tuesday 01 April

Jeter on return: 'I have no idea'
Toronto Sun
Imagine how sad it must be to the friends and family of actor Michael Jeter to read the screaming headlines this morning of New York Yankee Derek Jeter's shoulder dislocation. Michael Jeter, an Emmy- and Tony-winning character actor, died over the weekend from probable AIDS complications.

Appeals court upholds citizen's right to woof at police dog
The Athens News
A fellow Petticoat Junctionite was down in Athens, Ohio, drunk of course, and was about 30 feet away when a police dog, in a car, started barking at him. Well, he barked back, of course, and the dog went into a "frenzy", and I'm sure everyone nearby laughed, hooted and pointed at the dog and cop, so the cop did the right thing and arrested the jackass. I say that the fellow was drunk, of course, because Ohio University, which is located in Athens, is well-known locally as the party school. In fact, we took great pride in 2000 when they were ranked number 10 in party schools, but a look at Playboy's 2002 List shows that they have since slipped out of the top 25 and are now listed merely as an Honorable Mention. Barking back at police dogs is a sign that people down there are serious about re-entering the top ten.

The law school that I graduated from joined the Michigan State University system a few years ago, with final merger due sometime in the next year, so it is as a proud alum-to-be that I read the following headline: Michigan State fans overturn cars, set fires after loss. I'm glad to see that the students are not content with their current number 20 rating as a Playboy Party School and I'll be sure to congratulate the students the next time they call to solicit more alumni funds. Good work, kids!

Monday 31 March

Don't let spammers take over your email
New Zealand News
One tends, over time, to accumulate email addresses. I have four, and once you have them they're hard to get rid of. A regular commenter on here, for example, has eight. The main bother of having these accounts has to be filtering through the spam to get to Uncle Ernie's urgent forward of a lame joke that someone else forwarded to him. I have two Hotmail accounts and their spam filtering has been awful. Email that should get through gets tossed into the junk folder and email that should be easily detected as spam {"rpeo forty to sixty percent lower interest ra", somehow beats the filter. An article today in Pakistan's Daily Times offers the somewhat encouraging Hotmail limits to fight spam, so maybe there's help on the way. One can always, as the lead article describes, use manual filters, but that would mean having to switch to Outlook Express or Eudora and then having to configure the anti-spam program and that seems like even more work. There's movement, by the way, in Europe to criminalize spam, but we've fenced over this before with users O.S.T. and Wayland both pointing out the ultimate futility of such a ban. Today's Oakland Tribune argues that what is needed is a radical technical solution at the heart of the Internet. Something will be attempted and eventually spam will be a relic of a bygone age and we will sit around, over our cups of steaming Ovaltine, and fondly reminisce about subjects like the charming one I got just this morning: Satisfy your woman you pindick.

US Congress recommends fasting, prayer in wars on Iraq, terror
AFP via Yahoo
Let's take a look back at the First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." I guess one could make the rather weak argument that since this was a resolution and was not passed into law that Congress was within its boundaries, but I am going to argue, nonetheless, that Congress has no business to be petitioning the Eternal One to protect its soldiers in another land. It's a waste of our tax money and an insult to logic. Can it be possible that the Creator of the Universe will step up and take sides, based on petitions? The arguments given that Bush prays, Lincoln prayed, etc., have nothing to do with the First Amendment and express powers. If Congress really wanted to protect our soldiers perhaps they should have lobbied harder with the military and the White House to come up with a better game plan than these worthless lobs at the sky.

Man killed in Polish football riot
BBC
Open any paper and things look bleak. First, there's the war, then there's this mystery disease which has now killed four in Canada and others around the world, including the scientist who helped discover it. Then we read that the US dollar may collapse, a prediction in a comment, by the way, from Canadian reader Meeks on this page 3-4 weeks ago, and now I stumble upon this truly gruesome fact: Madonna has a controversial new video out. Despair seems inevitable, except for one thing: the 2003 Major League Baseball season started Sunday night with one game and fully blooms with twelve games on Monday. It's rebirth. It's ritual. It's mythical. Every team is 0-0, no matter how lousy your prospects may be, like my Detroit Tigers, and everyone is an optimist. Well, almost everyone. Co-editor Kay, a life-long Boston fan, has already sent in her excuse for her team's eventual late-summer demise. I, on the other hand, am an eternal optimist and think that the Tigers can overtake the Yankees. To quote a Pope from long ago: Hope springs eternal in the human breast.

Sunday 30 March

Experts: Saddam Trying to Prolong War
AP via Yahoo
Of course, Saddam is trying to prolong the war. He wants to live! Meanwhile, this just in from The Department of the Obvious: Monday to follow Sunday next week.

Freedom to Breathe Safe Clothing
FBS Clothing
As many of you know, my Darling Wife and I live out near Petticoat Junction, where the risk of terror is usually centered on being stuck between two NASCAR fans in line down at Gerald's Store. To keep in step with the rest of the nation, however, our local Hooterville Express reports today that Area districts rethinking school trips in time of war . Too bad, I hear Colonial Williamsburg is pretty this time of year. But, the kids will have fun building model cars at the local armory instead, I am sure. As a rule this is a t-shirt and jeans kind of place and so it is with inherent skepticism that I view the web page from the fine folks at Freedom to Breathe Safe Clothing. I agree with their basic premise: In case of biologic or chemical attack, our airways need to be protected. And the idea of a necktie designed to act also as a mask is certainly unique, but they lose me when they write, in bold print, In times of emergency do not panic, take your neckwear and look for a safe escape path. Let us assume it is a time of emergency,

A Jacko-Liz Taylor Split?
Fox News
Just yesterday we gabbed about Liz leaving her acting behind and reflected on her incredible tenure as Queen of the Tabloids, a reign that lasted twenty years. So, while shopping this morning, it was very reassuring to see The Enquirer trumpeting Liz Furious at Jacko. Suddenly I was 18 again, I just had graduated from high school, Nixon was running for president and, I'm sure, Liz was furious at Burton. Two seconds later our sixth child, 4 year old Sam, was trying to stuff six packs of gum into our shopping cart and I snapped out it. But I want to thank Liz for taking me back. It was a nice two seconds. Oh, by the way, in case you were wondering why she is mad this time, it turns out that "Michael had summoned Liz to Neverland, but when she arrived he wasn't there. She's furious."
Who can blame her? That's not the way to treat royalty.

Special Coverage: The War on Iraq
The Onion
The case for war is a passionate subject, see yesterday's link re Don Cherry for example, and it has certainly energized The Onion.. Starting with their excellent Operation Piss Off The Planet theme, they offer the following:
Dead Iraqui Would Have Loved Democracy
US Forms Its Own United Nations
And this page which has the following:

Friday 28 March

MacLean not sorry for Iraq debate
Canada's Slam! Sports
For our non-Canadian readers let me set the scene: Don Cherry is an out-spoken retired hockey guy who, along with sportscaster Ron MacLean, cohosts a seven minute bit between the first and 2nd periods of the CBC's Saturday night hockey game. So, why would this be important, you might ask? Well, here's why: Coach's Corner is THE most watched weekly segment on Canadian TV. That's right, an interview with a former hockey coach is Canada's most watched show and the reason is Cherry. He's the brash, loud-mouthed uncle, with the requisite twinkle in his eye, that we all seem to have. You never know what's going to come out of his mouth. I saw this past Saturdays show and it was as good as TV can get. Cherry wore a red, white and blue tie and immediately launched into an attack on the Montreal fans who booed the American anthem last week. MacLean, the perfect 2nd banana, wouldn't let the matter drop and baited Cherry who then launched into one of the more pro-American rants that you will ever hear. MacLean countered with an effective defense of the Canadian position and the battle was on. There was no winner, of course, only the fortunate ones who got to view it, and, for those who didn't, here it is.

Liz Taylor retires from acting
BBC
One of the few child stars to make it as an adult, there was no bigger actress than Liz. She dated Howard Hughes as a teenager, but broke that off to marry Nicky Hilton at the ripe age of 17. Ten years, and two husbands, later she became a glamorous widow when film maker Mike Todd's plane went down. Not long afterwards the oily singer Eddie Fisher broke up with the squeaky clean Debbie Reynolds, hooked up with Liz almost immediately and the tabloids went insane. And I'm not talking weeks or even months. For close to 15 years Liz and her life dominated the tabloids. She dumped Fisher for Richard Burton during the filming of the dismal Cleopatra and it shook the world. To quote a Bockbuster.com Bio "no Hollywood relationship was ever the subject of such intense media coverage." You could not get a haircut, visit the dentist or sit in a priest's waiting room and not be subjected to the latest Liz lowdown. It took the Vietnam War, Nixon and Sonny and Cher to finally put a stop to the Liz lunacy, and she slowly sank from the public eye, only to bob back up, tied to the waist of Michael Jackson. Not surprisingly, most of her films, except for the outstanding Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolf seem very average today.

Kelly Osbourne Blasts MTV
NME.com
Ungrateful brat whines "MTV makes me sick to my stomach, when you’re hot, you’re hot. When you’re not, you’re not." That's right, Kelly, and you are not hot. Without MTV Kelly would be just another little rich girl. With it, she's a snot-nosed punk.

Paul McCartney wows Paris as he kicks off European tour
NME.com
I loved The Beatles and saw them, in fact, in 1965 in Detroit. Note that I "saw" them and not "heard" them, because the screaming was so incessant it was impossible to hear them. But I was driving home from the local lumber yard today and the old McCartney tune Open the door came on and I had a sudden realization: THIS SONG SUCKS!. I mean, it's AWFUL! Surely he wrote it as a bet that he could pen the most insipid stuff and still get it played. In case you've forgotten here are the the lyrics:

"Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell
Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell
Do me a favour open the door and let 'em in.

Sister Suzie, brother John, Martin Luther, Phil and Don,
Brother Michael, auntie Gin, open the door and let 'em in."

That's the whole song, folks. That's it. And people bought this? And I listened to it, liked it and hummed along? Unbelievable. I apologize to everyone in North America.

Thursday 27 March

Generation of Hate
oneworld.net
I've written before how I love watching how certain words and phrases seem to become embedded in our lives. A Google news search, for instance, of the exact phrase "fierce resistance" yields 1020 results. And everyone suddenly also is talking about lowering expectations, etc. Take today's 1st link, for instance, Generation of Hate, a Canadian film about the hatred that exists among the Iraqi commoners for America. You can view four rather compelling parts of the film if you have broadband. Keep in mind, however, that the Iraqi people instead might be playing their cards rather close to their vests. After all, Hussein and Co. are still in power and if my street was being patrolled by armed forces, even if liberating forces were but 40 miles away, I don't think too many of my neighbors would be rising up against the guns in the street. Especially since the US did not support like-uprisings in '91 which led to the slaughter of thousands. So, maybe it's not a generation of hate. Maybe it's a generation of lowered expectations.

Saddam Once Received Key to Detroit
AP via Yahoo
In the late Sixties and early Seventies whites left my hometown Detroit in droves and the Motor City became one of the most heavily segregated cities in North America. For the record, my Darling Wife, I and crew left in 1986, but I digress. When the whites left, the white storeowners followed suit. Stores that we used to frequent inside Detroit suddenly relocated to the suburbs. Within 5 years almost all of the food and beer and wine stores in the city were being run by Chaldeans, Cathoic immigrants from Iraq.Tensions rose between the Chaldeans and the local black population, mirroring closely the emotional Spike Lee film Do the Right Thing, which focused on similar tensions between a Korean grocer and a New York neighborhood. I was a delivery person in the late 70's and had plenty of dealings with the Chaldeans and was always treated with the utmost respect. But, then I wasn't black. This article discovers that Saddam gave over $450,000 to a local Chaldean church in the early 80's and that he received a key to the City of Detroit. I wonder where that key is today?

Kravitz rock's the vote
The Smoking Gun
Rocker Lenny Kravitz records a new anti-war tune, " We Want Peace," available only on the Rock the Vote Website. There's one small problem, however: Kravitz hasn't voted since 1992! I guess when he wrote Are you gonna go my way the way in question was not to a polling booth.

Short-Lived, We Find Hope in Eternity of God, Says John Paul II
Zenit News Agency
The Pope boils it down.

Wednesday 26 March

U.S. Drops 'E-Bomb' On Iraqi TV
CBS News
The people back home have been asking why Saddam was allowed to go on and rant the other day, when we could easily knock Iraqui TV off the air. The official answer was that we wanted to keep as much of the infrastructure up and running as possible, to make the transition as smooth as possible. So, what are we to read in this attack? Probably that we now know things won't happen that quickly, therefore we might as well stop Saddam's propaganda machine now. In other war news, I was going to link to the Arab news site Al-Jazeera's new English site , but they've been hacked.

Tatu say they have sex three times a day
Ananova.com
I'm running this as part of my continuing effort to lift this page to the highest ethical level possible. Tatu, for those who might not know, are a Russian teen-aged female duet who are sweeping the Euro and Brit pop charts.

The Truth about Bowling for Columbine
Hardylaw.net
I liked Bowling for Columbine, but it's heavy-handedness bothered me greatly. Some of David T. Hardy's points in this rant are off the mark, such as his objection that we gave money to Afghanistan, through the UN, for humanitarian aid and not to the Taliban, but it's a fascinating and over-do read nonetheless.

Acupuncture helps fight drug cravings
St. Joseph Missouri News-Press
I don't have drug cravings, nor do I have colorectal cancer, that I know of, nor do I want my face muscles tightened, but I do have a nasty, nagging case of tennis elbow, so today I'll be starting a 3 week treatment plan. I'm not too worried about the needling I'll get there, but I fully expect some comments here to sting.

CNN cancels 'Connie Chung Tonight'
Access Atlanta
I saw her last week on CNN and was taken aback at how bad she was. It was a dismal performance and she was asking the most inane, easy questions, accompanied by silly "knowing" looks at the camera. It was truly shocking that a veteran news person could be that awful.

Tuesday 25 March

Saddam speaks, exhorts troops
MSNBC
Uh-oh, he praises a General who surrendered early in the campaign. Something's rotten in Baghdad.

How Reuters transformed an accidental death into homicide
Jewish World Review
A peace activist was tragically crushed to death by a bulldozer in Gaza and wire services carried a photo of her, complete with megaphone, with the caption that the photo was taken before she died. This led people to think that the bulldozer purposefully ran her over, which was not the case. The writer discovers that the photo was taken hours before her death. Submitted by BIL. Bro, the caption was right! The photo *was* taken before she died. How can you fault that?

Test aims to link holy visions with brain disorder
Washington Times
Canadian prof has invented the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulator. Sounds like legal LSD.

Finding peace in forest of life
JoongAng Daily Bilingual News
As promised, we will follow the thoughts of Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh for the duration of the war. In other Hanh news, he was spotted at a peace rally in Seoul yesterday.

Military terms getting embedded into English
Detroit Free Press
A companion link to the one we ran over the weekend on military phrases, embedded being this week's hot phrase. And finally, isn't it good to know that War Doesn't Slow Spring Break in Cancun?

Monday 23 March

Red Cross: showing POWs on TV Is illegal
Salon.com
I don't think the televised photos of the dead and wounded were meant to weaken US resolve, but, rather, were intended for the Arab Street. They were a message not to believe in the U.S. propaganda machine. What it will do State-side will be to harden our hearts. Look out, things are going to get very ugly.

Study: Back Pain Linked to Brain Shrinkage
Yahoo
Dammit, I am waking up most mornings with a sore back! Now, just where did put tht corkscrew?

Vatican Newspaper Proposes 24-Hour Worldwide Rosary For Peace
Zenit News Agency
If everyone prayed for 24 hours, there'd be no war that day. Of course, if everyone watched basketball for 24 hours, there'd be no war either.

Indonesian police urged to grow vegetables to deter corruption
Canada's Canoe.ca
This one has me beet: Because their pay is so meager, Indonesian cops are being urged to supplement their income by growing vegetables, rather than by taking bribes. Yeah, that's going to work, allrite. Rahter than to slip a bribe into their back pockets, the cops are going to grow lettuce and tomatoes? I know, I can already hear some of you moaning "lettuce alone!"

Sunday 23 March

Baghdad reels under 'shock and awe'
London Express
Each war has its own language, but what is coming out of this one is disconcerting. Take "shock and awe," a phrase that was obviously carefully crafted. The enemy will be at first shocked, then filled with awe? Unlikely. Rather, they will be at first SCARED, then they will be checking for missing body parts. Phrases like this are meant to hide the horror that war is and, instead, create a much-needed myth for the masses back home. I could go on: collateral damage means that innocent people died. Then there'd regime change which makes it sound like changing a load in one's dryer. This is not a one-sided affair, of course. Those opposed chant unilateral attack. It's hard to see the actions of the US, Britain, Australia, Spain and Italy as being a "unilateral" action. And there's plenty of silliness, as well. Take target of opportunity, which probably evolved from window of opportunity. Are there targets that are not opportune? Come to think of it, there are and Uncle Charley used to call them longshots.

Yes, that really was Saddam on TV, says CIA
The Scotsman
But when was the tape made? Intelligence is all but certain that a mini-atom bomb landed near him. If he's still around, his ears are ringing.

The Reverse Cowgirl's Blog
Porn Again
Humorous attempt to justify one's porn collection and a nice way to end the week.

Friday 21 March

Rumsfeld warns Iraqi leaders of unprecedented 'force'
CNN
He goes on to warn that any burning of the oil wells will be considered a war crime. The burning of one's own resources, while in retreat, is a time-honored defensive tactic and can hardly considered a war crime. This statement is pure rhetoric, meant merely to scare, but what it does instead, I fear, is to focus world attention on oil, rather than on the liberation of the Iraqi people. People on the famed Arab Streets will point to the warning and say "You see? All they care about is the oil."

Teacher fired over artistic shots up student's skirt
Mainichi Daily News
Nothing artistic about a teacher violating a 3rd grader. Usually, the MDN amuses me with their lurid headlines, but this one is out of bounds.

Woman's attempt to unblock toilet failed when hand got stuck
Ananova
Ties in rather nicely with three unfortunate chivalric dudes who died by going down into a latrine to fetch their lady's cell phone, don'cha think?

Indian-American Child Having Difficulty Finding Bicycle License Plate With His Name On It
The Onion
You'll have to page down to the bottom of the page to get to the plight of poor Dinesh.

Thursday 20 March

Moderate drinking said to protect against dementia
Sydney Morning Herald
Now, if I can onlu remember where I put that darned corkscrew!

James Gandolfini resolves salary dispute
Canada.com
Whew, our precious Sunday Night Bonding can continue.

Exiled monk draws inner peace outward
Buddhist News Network
net.Headlines will follow the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh throughout the war. Today he even has words of advice for North and South Korea.

Stocking your porn shelter
hootisland.com
We finish by moving from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Wednesday 19 March

See men shredded, then say you don't back war
London Times Online
It's common practice to vilify one's enemy before going into battle, so we should expect more atrocities to surface, but that does not mean that these stories are not true and they should not be trivialized, equivalized or ignored by those who honestly and fervently pray for peace.    

Dixie Chicks singer apologizes for Bush comment
CNN
A pathetic attempt at damage control. Dixie chick should continue to speak her mind on this and not bow to public pressure. Of course, that probably would mean an end to private jets, performing at the Super Bowl and the like.

Tenn. Senate Acts Against Porn in Cars
KansasCity.com
People watch porn in cars? Whatever happened to the good old days when people would park and create their own porn?    

Eternal light: Bulb burning after more than a century
Chicago SunTimes
100 years? How come I am constantly changing bulbs in our basement?

The Stooges Reform for Coachella
NME.com
Last week we heard that the MC5, or what is left of them, will reform for a UK gig. Now it's the Stooges? I remember seeing them early in their career. They played one, 30 minute discordant tune during which Iggy roamed the stage, yelling the word "Vietnam!!!" over and over into the microphone. It was pure hell.

Tuesday 18 March

War on Iraq: An Interview with Thich Nhat Hanh
Buddhist News network
Hanh, who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, tries to compare the UN with the sangha (the first community of the Buddha's disciples) of all nations, but it's a bad analogy because the UN is not made up of like minds. We need something a little stronger here, Thay, and time is running out.

Pope calls for continued negotiation, dialogue to avert war in Iraq
Catholic News
The Pope slaps both sides around a little, pointing out that "member nations of the U.N. Security Council {should} respect their own U.N. charter, which allows the use of force only as a last resort, when all peaceful means have been exhausted." And then he jabs at Hussein: "The fate of your citizens should always have priority." Translated, that means "Step down, fool."    

Dalai Lama to pray for Iraq
Sify News
"Only non-violence can create a world without war and suffering." Your Holiness, Holocaust survivors may not agree.    

Woman sees 'Allah' in a brinjal
Hindustani Times
She saw the word Allah in a cut-open eggplant? Somebody should have told this to Bush; it cannot be a good omen.    

FBI keeping tabs on Iraqis in U.S
Salon.com
Frequent commentor janbot submits this with the comment: "Well, if this country is prepared to go to war solely because of acts a foreign dictator *might* commit, then I guess it makes sense to detain foreign nationals based on what they *might* do. Hey, wasn't there a Tom Cruise movie about this?" I have to wonder, jan, why we can't seem to remember the names of his movies?

Monday 17 March

Italian wife granted divorce from her in-laws
South Africa's iol.co
I perked up when I saw this one, but it's misleading. She was granted a divorce, based on her husband's relationship with his mother. Now, staying married, but being able to divorce one's in-laws, while remaining married, is intriguing!

Cat Stevens sends out a musical peace message
South Africa's iol.co
Let's not forget, folks, that this dude came out in 1988 for the death of author Salman Rushdie.. So much for the Peace Train    

Word is made flesh as God reveals himself... as a fish
London Observer
Didn't Monty Python do this one? "An obscure Jewish sect in New York has been gripped in awe by what it believes to be a mystical visitation by a 20lb carp that was heard shouting in Hebrew, in what many Jews worldwide are hailing as a modern miracle. "    

Spain Bans Tourism Ad Deemed Sexist
ABC News
None of the American news agencies that had this piece ran a photo of the offending ad, but your intrepid link-chaser Ed chased it down and provides it here, as a public service.    

Sunday 16 March

Three Die Retrieving Phone from Latrine
Reuters
I don't care how hungry I'd be, I'd never go into that hole. However, on the the other hand, she did offer $13.01, which is the average salary for 2 weeks there, and I have suffered through a zillion messy diapers.    

No Bones for Fido as War Fears Loom?
Bloomberg
Petsmart Inc., the biggest U.S. pet-supplies retailer, is blaming a 17% quarterly drop on the looming war with Iraq and the recent spate of bad weather. It's a good thing our 14 year old, Steve doesn't read this page or he'd be blaming his 65 in Spanish on the Saddam and snow set as well.    

Escaped monkey runs amok in Yokohama
Mainichi Daily News
Another escaped monkey story! If i ran a zoo, I'd beware.    

Dixie Chicks pulled from air after bashing Bush
CNN
This is a little different than Yoko's gripe about the conglomerate Clear Channel's decision to yank Imagine. This is a loose association of radio stations that has simultaneously decided to stop airing them, making it more of a democratic movement.    

Little Boy Produces Fire Balls With His Eyes
Pravda
The link is two months old, but it's still hot. Back in the 60's and 70's Pravda would print the most outlandish anti-Western stories and pass them off as truth, hence the name Pravda. It's good to see that they are still trying to pass off bullshit.    

Friday 14 March

'Google Stalkers' Troll for Lost Acquaintances
Reuters
Editorial hyperbole at work here. I don't see equate looking up someone's name on Google with stalking.    

"Sopranos" to Sleep with Fishes?
E! Online
Wait just a freakin' minute here....I do NOT want the whole thing to disappear. My Darling Wife and I use it as a nice bonding time.    

Ono Says Give Peace a Chance
nme.com
I can understand being upset about Imagine being blacklisted by Clear Channel Communications after September 11th, and not just because of lost royalties. Clear Channel owns over 1000 radio stations in the US and, therefore, has a disproportional voice in American life.    

Saddam supports Palestinian 'martyrs'
Canada's Canoe.com
"Saddam Hussein has given $260,000 to 26 families of Palestinians killed in fighting with Israel, including the family of a Hamas suicide bomber." Next, he'll be sending money to Waco and Wounded Knee. How transparent. But not any more transparent than both sides pressuring Angola for their precious Security Council Vote. In other news, look who's giving Saddam advice on how to step down!   

Tuesday 11 March

Soldier's Chilling Warning
Sky News
The bottom line, anti-warriors, is: "50 Scud B warheads and 6,500 bombs laced with chemical weapons, VX nerve agents and anthrax" are missing.   

Christopher Hitchens: The unholy "Christian" case against war
Slate
And if the above is not enough justification for war, check out Chris Hitchens's article.    

CAMERAS will soon be able to spot crimes BEFORE they happen
London Sun
This was recently done, in a Tom Cruise movie, the name of which escapes me. I hated it, although I did like Vanilla Sky, his film before the one in question.   

Dracula Was Gay Fantasy
London Sunday Mail
Ya, ya, and Hitler was gay, too, I suppose.   

Monday 10 March

Discovering your inner bitch
Calgary Herald
Today's theme is.....Mondays...they are such a pain.   

Pain Compared to Bitch
Witty Tirade
There probably are people...   

Sex work's a bitch
News.au.com
who like to get up on Monday mornings,    

Blair is Bush's bitch, quite literally according to George Michael
Linenoise.com
but they must be freakier than George Michael..   

Sunday 09 March

Man fakes choking to pick up ladies
CNN
Ok, we finally have a submission for the empty comment and it comes from Kay, who declined to comment, but I, of course, always have something to say: What's the big deal? Women have been faking for years!   

You Always Gave Me Your Money
nme.com
And the top money-earning celebrity in the world is.....   

Hank Ballard, Singer and Songwriter, Is Dead
NY Times
Hank Ballard never made any big-bucks list but he did write The Twist but couldn't cross-over like Chubby Checker.   

Gandolfini Threatens 'Sopranos' Holdout
Zap2it.com
A good move by Gando, because it's hard to see how they could move forward without him.   

Friday 07 March

U.S. Considers Withdrawing Troops from South Korea
Reuters
They're just angering both the North and South Koreans, and, although the article doesn't allude to it, they can be better used in the Middle East.

Crunch! Giant Chee-to spurs online frenzy
CNN
Ever wanted to be the Big Cheese? Well, here's your chance. Submitted by Bren.

One Year Ago Today in net.Headlines
net.Headlines
We dip back a year to find this still-active link to the guy who has the perfect job.

Fred Rogers, host of 'Mister Rogers' Neighborhood', dies of cancer at 74
Detroit News
Announced this news to our oldest child Mary over the phone and she immediately broke out into a lamentful "It's a sadddddd day in the neighborhood" tribute to old Fred, whom she had watched hundreds of times. I know it's not nice to knock the recently departed, but, to me, Fred Rogers was like a kindly old uncle whom everyone loved: a nice old fella who didn't have a clue.

Thursday 06 March

Man Arrested After Refusing to Remove Anti-War Shirt in Mall
Foxnews
The mall's statement: "Their behavior, coupled with their clothing to express to others their personal views on world affairs, were disruptive of customers." I don't know what their behavior was, so I will give the benefit of the doubt to the mall security, but I am very troubled by the "coupled with their clothing to express to others their personal views on world affairs" phrase. I'll bet the mall was playing Muzak Christmas tunes just a few months ago that proclaimed the same message. Music that helped put money into their pockets. So, it's ok to use the phrase for your advantage, but it's not okay to wear the same message on a shirt. Ridiculous.

AOL says it blocked 1 billion e-mails in one day
MSNBC
Hotmail needs to sit up and take notice. If i were to not log in for a week, the spam would shut my account down.

Actor 'confident over wife's killing'
BBC
I dont know if anyone caught sports talker Jim Rome's take on this, but it was hilarious. Referring to the 3 stuntmen's testimonies that they were offered to "whack," "pop" and "snuff" the deceased, Rome went into a hysterical Murderous Dr Seuss take that went something like: " Will you whack my wife in a car? Will you pop her in a car? If i offer you a knife, will you take my wife's life?"

SF Bay area gas prices reach new record
Sacbee.com
I don't get gas prices. We were recently in Philly and every stop along the way, including those near the top of the mountain range, had gas 20 cent/gallon cheaper than it is, $184 for 89 octane, here in Hooterville

Wednesday 05 March

Shepherd shot by Israeli army
BBC
I'm not going to call this a merciless killing, but surely the Israelis could have lobbed something a little less lethal at this old dude on his ass.

AOL looks to instant messenger for revenue
Holland Sentinel
I smell a $7.99 a month subscription plan in the air.

Customers stuff themselves with sweet paczki
Detroit Free Press
Well, we survived yot another Paczki Day here in Hooterville, but today I have this particularly nasty Paczki-hangover.

Monday 03 March

Map reveals strange cosmos
BBC
"The best map yet of the Cosmic Microwave Background (CMB) Radiation - the so-called echo of the Big Bang - shows the Universe may not be the same in all directions." I've always thought there was a parallel universe where the Cubs win the World Series , there is no war and Mozart is more popular than Britney Spears.

New Adobe Photoshop Due In 2003
Extreme Tech
Well, there goes another $150.

Girl baffles teacher with SMS essay
Reuters.co.uk
"My smmr hols wr CWOT. B4, we used 2go2 NY 2C my bro, his GF & thr 3 :- kids FTF. ILNY, it's a gr8 plc." LOL!!

Fedorov Confirms Brief Kournikova Marriage
Reuters
Back in '96, when the WIngs wom their first Stanley Cup in 42 years, I was listening to the post-madness celebration and Sergei was being interviewed and he introduced a nearby Anna to the interviewer. She was all of 17 at the time, but Sergei squirmed and kept insisting that they were only friends. Speaking of Federov and Co., I'll be seeing them tonight in C'bus, thanks to a wonderful Christmas gift from my Darling Wife.