Wednesday 31  March

Liberal talk radio? No one will buy it
Boston.com
The much-anticipated {by some} answer to Rush Limbaugh debuts this morning at 6 and I'll be able to listen here in Hooterville, even though the so-called "network" network will debut only on small, mostly ethnic stations in New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Los Angeles, thanks to XM Radio which will carry it nationwide. It'll also be online.

Take that, Rush!
The Journal News
It's not going to be that easy. Merely tossing political humour on the air does not guarantee success. Rush, and all of his imitators, have had years to hone their act.

Liberal radio host ready for a tussle
Atlanta Journal Constitution
We've gone through this before, and I know sometimes-commenter Jan totally disagrees, but I have never liked Franken. I'm not much a Garafalo fan either, nor do I know who rapper Chuck D even is.

Liberal Air America adds bluster to the blustery talk-radio market
SignonSanDiego.com
One thing's for sure, this will only add to the talk-show bluster. Righties will be bashing lefties, lefties will be smacking back....it should be good fun and it all starts the day before April Fools.

Tuesday 30  March

Man Sells Lunar Plots for $19.99 an Acre
ABC News
About as silly as that Name a Star scam that gets advertised rather heavily on American talk radio. Heard a scientist say that "no scientists pay any attention at all to the Name a Star programs." It's a total ripoff.

All SPAM restaurant opens in the Philippines
News8Austin
Ahhh, lovely spam, wonderful spam!

U.S. Officials Say Saddam's Not Talking
Washington Times
Probably biding his time until trial when he will have the world as a stage and where he may blow the whistle on sweet deals he is alleged to have cut.

Repo forces deadline on Penthouse founder
Washington Times
"Dear Penthouse" was once a household term but it's over for Guccione and the best account can be found in New York Magazine.

Monday 29  March

Pope Says Sundays for God, Not Sports
Reuters {via Yahoo}
Surely he meant Sunday mornings?

Cable industry defends packaging
Duluth News Tribune
This gives me an opening to vent about DirecTV's cramming of five, at last count, shopping channels. There's your usual QVC and HSN, along with an NBC channel and two full time jewelry-hawking channels. There couldn't have been a public outcry for this crap. I'm certain that no one called and whined that "I want a 5th channel; I just don't have enough choice!" This stuff is being crammed down our throats, and I don't like paying for it.

100 Movies That Deserve More Love
CHUD.com
I watch a fair amount of movies,, but have only seen twenty from this list.

Online Merchants Find Problems With Google
eweek.com
Often when you enter a hotel's name into Google you get about 100 hotel-discounters listed before the actual hotel web site and that's been driving me bonkers because the discounters usually won't even list the hotel's phone number, preferring that you call them to ask questions.

Friday 26  March

Sent to die: They promised the boy $22 and 72 virgins
NY Daily News
Reminds me of the old joke where a martyred terrorist reaches heaven and asks for his promised-for 72 virgins. "Oh, you misunderstood," he is told, "it's 72 one-eyed, booze swilling Virgils, not virgins, and they're in the next room....waiting for you."

'Dateline NBC' Pulls Out Stops for Trump
Excite News
I first noticed this two years ago, sitting in my cardiologist's waiting room. Everyone was gaping at the The Today Show which was running a puff piece on the upcoming WInter Olympics, which they were coincidentally televising. The whole show was nothing but a disguised commercial. I couldn't stand another second and since I had to sit there for 90 minutes, waiting for the nuclear isotopes to do their thing, I asked for a "quiet room," and was quickly ushered inside as if I had the plague.

No more heart disease deaths among under-65s, say experts
London Telegraph
"Deaths from heart disease in people under 65 will virtually disappear within 10 years." Hmmm, in ten years I will be 63....two years under the targeted 65 age range. Whew!

Fitness Guru Simmons Cited for Slapping Fighter
Reuters {via Yahoo}
Let me get this straight...a 255-pound Harley-Davidson salesman, who has competed in the sport of "cage fighting," gets slapped in the face by Richard Simmons at an Arizona airport and he presses charges? This guy will be a laughing stock now wherever he goes....the bar...more cage matches...the airport...anywhere he goes, he's going to be taunted. No measely settlement from deep-pocketed Simmons will be worth it.

Thursday 24  March

Scottish hamlet may be Presley's ancestral home
MSNBC
And, of course, Graceland wants their cut, but, after reading the next link, can there be any doubt that his folks came from Scotland? Scots hail the fried chocolate sandwich.

Enrique Iglesias says he may have world's smallest penis
Ananova
Headline of the week.

Imus Rips Lying Stahl
NY Post
Imus is pissed that CBS didn't disclose that the controversial guest Leslie Stahl interviewed had his book published by the same company that also owns CBS. Hey, Imus....this is nothing new. Every newscast in America pimps its own shows. Fox newscasts interview Survivor losers, NBC treats The Apprentice as if it were serious news, etc. etc.

Fox flips over Cowell's one-finger salute
AZ Central
I noticed the finger, too, but thought little of it. Later he held up his index finger in the same manner. Did that mean he thinks he's number one? C'mon, people, get a freaking life.

Wednesday 24  March

Bob Edwards to Be Replaced As NPR Host
AP {via Yahoo}
Back in the day, pubilc radio was populated by college kids who moved on after they graduated. Then boomers like Edwards came in, liked the laid-back style of public raido and stayed, drying up the job market.

Christian radio, NPR battle for signals as listeners complain
mcall.com
As an aside to our Canadian readers, American public radio, NPR, is funded by the government, private grants and endless fundraising. Like its Canadian counterpart, the CBC, it's notoriously liberal and, in fact, has stolen programs ideas from the CBC through the years. "All Things Considered, for example, was patterned after "As It Happens." Most NPR stations are found at the bottom of the FM dial, wheere they share an uneasy pace with Christian stations and, every now and then, war breaks out between the two.

Pro-Israel Weblog of the Day
End NPR Bias
The problem with taking public funds and then having a definite political point of view is obvious. It pisses people of the opposite persuasion off.

The CBC's vanishing point
Canada's National Post
And, as you can see, this problem exists on both sides of the border.

Tuesday 23  March

Enigma of Uranus solved at last
AFP {via Yahoo}
Snicker, snicker.

Prison guards forbidden to wear protective gear
Calgary Sun
Huh? "Corrections Canada won't let guards at maximum security prisons wear stab-proof vests because it sends a confrontational "signal" to prisoners. "If you have that kind of presence symbolized by (a stab-proof vest), you're sending a signal to the prisoner that you consider him to be a dangerous person." They should take away the guns...too confrontational.

Minister shuns 'soup surgeon' row
BBC
Which is more inane? The above prison link or this one: the case of a brain surgeon reportedly suspended over taking a bowl of soup and some croutons.

World Champion 'Snake Man' Killed by Cobra
Reuters {via Yahoo}
Attention Steve Irwin.

Monday 22  March

Dead actor wanted for play
News.com.au
Attention, John Candy's agent!

Angelina to quit acting
Ananova
"The 28-year-old, who plays action woman Lara Croft, is training as a pilot so she can ferry aid workers and food supplies to around the world." Maybe she wants to strafe Billy Bob's ass.

Jet Li to quit film for Buddhism
Buddhist News
Hmmm, now if we only get Adam Sandler to follow suit.

PowerBar founder dies of heart attack
MSNBC
I had my heart attack at the same age, but was far luckier than this poor bastard.

Friday 19  March

Item 3282042778
Ebay
Ok, I've seen everything now.

GM recalls over 4 million pickup trucks
MSNBC
This gives me an opportunity to vent about "Like a Rock," the Bob Seger theme for GM's truck line. C'mon, G.M., it's been over eight years now. Give it a rest.

Powell reassures India on outsourcing
Houston Chronicle
I've got nothing against outsourcing....in fact maybe Powell himself will be outsourced come November.

Poland 'taken for a ride' over Iraq's WMD: President
AFP {via Yahoo}
We, too, mój brat. We, too.

Thursday 18  March

Today was a very good day
The Mark Cuban Weblog
Our semi-annual blog review starts with a look at Mark Cuban's blog. Cuban, owner of the NBA's Dallas Mavericks, made his money in the pre-internet boom period, then wisely sold his business to Yahoo, before the net-bust, and bought the Mavs. He's known around the league for being the most vocal and visible owner and, as you can see here, he has plenty to say. Blog's were initially created as a forum for the unheard, so it's kind of strange to see the likes of Cuban, Dave Barry and Michael Moore use this new forum.

The weblog diffusion index
Blogdex
One of the first stops when I start trolling as it shows which links are being cited the most. Metafilter.com is a similar site, but has a somewhat untrustworthy server.

Nealenews
Nealenews.com
I hit this every day, in my search for Canadian links.

Bizarro Drudge
Newsfilter.org
Frequent commenter Bren asked several weeks ago where I scrounge up the weird stuff. This and Aberrant News are always good sources. Not Safe for Work

Wednesday 17  March

PayPal Warns Its Customers To Safeguard Personal Data
Washington Post {via Yahoo}
In one over-spammed account I've gotten about 50 of these nasty lil' things. They ran a poll here in Hooterville, querying locals about Bill Gates's recent idea that people should pay something small for email. 97% of the locals disliked the idea. Of course the local press didn't report the whole story, some pay for email plans would allow family and friends to waive the fee.

Young lover hard up for medical treatment
Iol.co.za
A six day erection? Maybe it was Cialis!

SoCal city falls victim to Internet hoax, considers banning items made with water
Mercury News
Penn and Teller ran with this last year on their excellent "Bullshit" series on Showtime. "Dihydrogen monoxide is in everything," the actress passing the fake petition told the environmentalist, "our drinking water, our fruit, in bug killing chemicals, in most poisons!" It was priceless comedy as the green-o eagerly signed the petition to ban water.

bin Laden's victory in Spain
AndrewSulliven.com
Nice piece, decrying the recent Spanish vote. A tactic like this would not work here in the States, having instead, I think, the opposite effect.

Tuesday 16  March

Neil Young Tour Powered by Vegetable Oil
Reuters {via Yahooo}
Is there a worse lead guitarist?

Mass graves testify to Saddam's atrocities
UPI
Attention John Kerry: When you start hammering about the lack of WMD's, look for this reply.

Jeff Garcia pleads guilty, is sentenced for drunken driving
ESPN
Which will endear him to his new fans and city, where drunk-driving is a time-honored pasttime.

Toilet seats are cleaner than keyboards: study
Hindustani Times
If so, then my four year old keyboard must be worse than any PortaJohn. While we're, sorta, on the subject of computers, check out this insane dude. He must have been dropped on his head as an infant.

Slump
The New Yorker
Since BIL so-loved my New Yorker link yesterday, here are three more. The first is about the sad state hockey finds itself in today. The 2nd examines John Kerry's favorite sport and the third is a review of the movie "Miracle" through the eyes of former Soviet great Igor Larionov. Enjoy, Bil!

Monday 15  March

Hotmail users have access problems
Sydney Morning Herald
Looks like I wasn't the only one with network problems Friday. Thanks to co-editor Kay for posting the announcement and many, many thanks to our oldest Son Tommy-Enko for spending two wee hours on the phone to walk me through Linux.

Satellite Dish Installer Accused of Panty Thefts
WCBS New York
"A felony punishable by a prison sentence of up to four years"? That's 40% of the time Enron's evil Andrew Fastow will serve. Whereas Fastow had to give back 29 mill, I'm sure Hinkley {there's that name again} will lose his panties as well.

Krispy Kreme plans low-sugar doughnut
CNN
If they had these twenty-five years ago, Elvis would still be alive.

The Gospel of Debbie
The New Yorker
The New Yorker aces The Onion in this bit which unearths a gospel written by a valley girl.

Thursday 11  March

Mob Experts on The Sopranos, Week 1
Slate
Tony and Crew are back and so is the weekly analysis on Slate. Last year Slate had TV critics serving up their views. This year's views will be a dialog between two mob experts.

Police: Woman Tried to Pass Fake $1M Bill
AP {via Yahoo}
Stupid headline. There are no 1 million dollar bills.

Kerry reaches out to a world where support for Bush is ebbing away
Manchester Guardian
Who cares? They can't vote.

Man Accidentally Killed in Masonic Rite
Reuters {via Yahoo}
I've always wondered what goes on in these secret initiations. Not enough to join, mind you, but I do remember sharing a few beers about 25 years ago with some friends and after about the 4th pitcher one of the guys revealed his initiation into the Knights of Columbus. They, too, staged a mock shooting, but the initiates were told not to call the police, but rather to pray first, which they did.

Wednesday 10  March

Reuters Photo of the Day
Yahoo
Proof positive that the fashion industry is whacked.

Calif. considers lowering voting age to 14
AzCentral.com
What the hell kind of sense does this make? "The measure would grant 16-year-olds a half vote and 14-year-olds a quarter of a vote in state elections beginning in 2006. "

Hockey-bashing Brits provoke wrath of Grapes
Toronto Star
Good Old Cherry. We can always count on him to take the offensive but it's a good thing he didn't say this on the air or the CBC may have fired him. Meanwhile, Colorado Avalanche forward Steve Moore has two broken vertebra in his neck, is still hospitalized after Todd Bertuzzi's assault yesterday, and is out for the year. Bertuzzi, too, should be banned for the year.

Summer gas prices expected to soar
Seattle Times
Prices will surely rise, but let's not get hysterical. It's an election year.

Tuesday 09  March

Vengeful Bertuzzi knocks Moore unconscious
FoxNews
This is what happens, Vancouver, when your best player is a thug. He eventually does something incredibly stupid and everyone suffers.

Flipping Burgers At McDonald's is Not a Manufacturing Job!
Sybil's Weblog
Since the NY Times charges for articles more than two weeks old, we'll cite Sybil's Weblog which carries an article from almost three weeks ago that examines how Republicans plan to stack the stats.

Missing Actor Spalding Gray Found Dead
AP {via Yahoo}
Sadly, this master storyteller left without telling his most compelling tale.

'Idol' Reject Hung Has Recording Deal
AP {via Yahoo}
He may be hung....ok, he is Hung, but, c'mon, this guy cannot sing.

Scalia Speech Under Scrutiny
CBS News
He's at it again and I'm sure he'll quack his way through, but this guy can't duck this stuff forever. It smells foul.

Monday 08  March

Women Battle In Annual Coleslaw Wrestling Match
local6.com
What better way to start our week than with a little gratuitous slaw?

'Mind Viagra' will restore memory of the middle-aged
London Telegraph
Just in the nick of time: "A drug that enables people to improve their memory is to be tested on humans and could be on sale within five years."

Man says he came to Toledo to confess; Detroit police didn’t have time, he says
Toledo Blade
Reminds me of the time, back in Detroit, when we were sipping beers and watching a family across the street disintegrate. They were yelling and screaming for about ninety minutes when suddenly the fight spilled out into the street. Punches were thrown, lead pipes were being wielded and we ran into the house, locked the door and my Darling Wife called 911. They put her on hold.

She Lied Her Way to the Top--and Back Down Again.
New York Post {via Yahoo}
I defended the prosecution of Dame Martha in a restaurant Saturday afternoon and everyone, including the Indian owner, jumped on the 'Poor Martha Bandwagon.' Well, here's another side to the story, tracing Martha's lying ways back to her beer-drinking, cigarette smoking, card-playing Polish-American parents, which, by the way, is pretty much the same atmosphere my Darling Wife and I were raised in.

The Facts Show Increase of Jobs Under Bush
NewsMax.com
Republican piece claims that 2.3 million jobs haven't been lost under Bush: "At least 2.4 million jobs have been created since the president took office, 2 million of those in 2003." Yeah, and 1.9 million of those are in lawn-service and fast food.

Friday 05  March

Mitch Albom: Golf needs to be more like hockey
Detroit Free Press
Excellent article by the author of Tuesdays with Morrie.

Cole Claims a Vote Against Bush Is a Vote For Hitler
KTOK
"Republican Congressman Tom Cole claims a vote against the re-election of President Bush is like supporting Adolph Hitler during World War Two." If true, then Tom Cole should be defeated. There's no place for this in North American politics.

Makeover for Nickels Is First in 66 Years
AP {via Yahoo}
What I really like to see is for them to get rid of the damned penny. What's the point?

Jesus Demands Creative Control Over Next Movie
The Onion
"Christ said He is also working on a heist film based loosely on the loaves-and-the-fishes incident, but that the project is currently stuck in development." Which reminds me of a homily we heard a few months ago in which the priest claimed the miracle of the loaves and fishes could have very well gone down like this: Thousands of people showed up. Some had food. Some didn't. Jesus's teachings so touched the people that everyone shared.

Evil Bible Quotes
Evil Bible Quotes
While we're on the subject, let's look at today's Evil Bible Quote:
"The king desireth not any dowry, but a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son-in-law. And the days were not expired; and David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full number to the king, that he might be the king's son-in-law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. (1 Samuel 18:25-27) "

Thursday 04  March

LA Officials Consider Selling Naming Rights
NBC 4
Three summers ago my Darling Wife was away on a sabbatical-of-sorts at Notre Dame. To have some fun. I emailed her that our local parish had decided to accept Coca-Cola sponsorship. Henceforth, our local church would be referred to as "Coca-Cola presents St. Nicholas Catholic Church." Well, tired from studying all night, she immediately fired off a missive to the pastor, protesting the commercialization of the Church. It took awhile to get out of that doghouse.

Dick Morris: Democrat's Mistake
NY Post
Morris sums it up pretty well: "The Democratic Party slit its throat last night, abandoning 12 years of pragmatism to indulge in a nominee who's very unlikely to win." We've been commenting on this for weeks here. This election, barring scandal, is over, regardless of what the polls say.

Sex Defense Used in Manslaughter Case
AP {via Yahoo}
The jury might have a hard time believing this oral argument: A woman charged with causing a fatal car crash in 1999 says that she couldn't have been behind the wheel because she was performing a sex act on the driver at the time.

Groups Urge No Antibiotics for Earaches
AP {via Yahoo}
There are going to be a lot of cranky parents on the phone soon...demanding Amoxicillin.

Wednesday 03  March

Clearwater Windows Bearing Image Of Virgin Mary Broken
WFTV.com
I was out washing the car Sunday when I noticed that one of the soap bubbles in the bucket bore a striking resemblance to the twelfth Prime Minister of Canada, Louis St. Laurent {1948-1957}. It was unmistakeable. But, by the time I ran into the house, got online, looked up the House of Commons operator and got through....the bubble had morphed into a bubble bearing the likeness of Lester Pearson, the Canadian leader from '63-'68. "Too common," I was told, "Pearson bubbles are a dime a dozen. Thanks, but no thanks."

Accidental condom inhalation.
Entrez Pub-Med {via Fark}
This is why, my Darling Wife, I hate kids playing with balloons!

RFID Tags in New US Notes Explode When You Try to Microwave Them
Prison Planet
Microwaving 1000 bucks? Sounds like a grand time.
Anyway, speaking of money:
A frog is outgrowing his lily pad and decides to make some home improvements. He doesn't have the money, so he hops to the bank to borrow some.
At the bank, he takes a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explains his problem.
"I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?"
"Maybe. What's your collateral?"
"Well," says the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?"
"Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.
Mr. Hawkins, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight."
Mr. Hawkins takes the paperweight, hefts it in his hand, looks at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

Drunken Polish nun crashes her tractor
AFP {via Yahoo}
This headline gives me the following opening to vent: XM satellite radio has two comedy channels, one "X-rated," and the other "GP." Our ten year old, Mike, likes to listen to the latter, which is made up of mostly older tapes, from the 40's through the 80's. It's amazing the number of Polish Jokes I hear on that station, especially from their collection of old Rowen and Martin "Laugh-In" tapes that they keep running. The stuff wasn't funny then and hearing it today is like watching Black Face humour. Are they still telling "Newfie" jokes up in Canada, or have those, too, faded into an embarrassing abyss as the Polish Jokes have here?

Tuesday 02  March

Justice Scalia Gets Cheney Case Recusal Request
Reuters {via Yahoo}
GM sends is this little ditty about Tony and Dick, two American kids who went hunting in the heartland. Tony is about to hear a case involving Dick's energy task force. Crazed environmentalist group thinks this is unfair so they ask the Big Court to disqualify Tony, but the Big Guys, in Pontius-Pilate type wisdom, send the issue to Tony and ask him to decide. Hmmm, I wonder what he'll say.

Soft drink is purified tap water
BBC
Props to Coke for admitting that Daisani is "purified tap water." At least they're not calling it "Fiji Flood" or "Deep Blue Springs."

Seattle is closer to France than to Texas
Seattle PI
What are they going to do when the Dems eventually get back into office? We'll still have the mighty military and its companion, the multinational corporations, while they'll still have the whine and the bread.

Webber's high school refuses to forfeit titles he helped win
SF Gate
Note to the Sacramento Kings: Dump this guy before you win the NBA title. Dump him now, because if you don't you'll have the big celebration and all will look great. But somewhere down the line, maybe next year....maybe 15 years from now, it'll all go sour and you'll have to forfeit the title.

Monday 01  March

Christopher Hitchens: Schlock, Yes; Awe, No; Fascism, Probably
Slate
I rarely pass a column from the King of Rant even if this one is about Gibson's Passion, a horse we beat last week.

Chief rabbi wants pope to say Jews did not kill Christ
Taipei Times
You see the duststorm this is kicking up? I say blame it on the Romans, since they are long gone.

Saudis: No Jews Welcome
CBS
While we're on the subject, how feudal is this? And what about Jewish-Americans and their families, living on American bases inside Saudi Arabia?

Auschwitz's First Inmate Dies at Age 88
AP {via Yahoo}
We finish today's thread with this story from last week.

Friday 27 February

Castro's worth $195m
Sydney Morning Herald
Orwell pretty much nailed this in 1945 with his epic Animal Farm.

Democrat Kerry Urges Caution on 'Passion'
Reuters {via Yahoo}
But Roger Ebert loved it.

Backwards driver's peace mission
BBC
Our Oldest Son Enko likes to tell of the cab driver he had in Taiwan. Apparently the guy was doing 80 or so, going uphill in the wrong lane.....well son, meet Harpreet Devi, from the state of Punjab. He's only driven in reverse for the past two years....sometimes at speeds of over 80 KPH.

Five cows escape Tualatin farm and explore city
The Oregonian
Since I'm telling family stories, this reminds me of the time my Darling Wife called to say that she had pulled up to a stop sign in downtown Hooterville when a cow, being chased by a boy on a bike, raced through the cross street and headed the wrong way, up a freeway exit ramp.

Thursday 26 February

Canadians to Bush: Hope You Lose, Eh
Macleans
Bush's popularity is down North of the Border. Should Americans care?

World travellers turn their backs on Canada in 2003
Canadian Press {via Yahoo}
Perhaps this is why Canadians should care: "Last year, Americans spent $9 billion in Canada, down 12.3 per cent."

'Bankrupt' Forces may shut 5 bases
Canada's National Post
Hmmm, maybe those lost tourist bucks are taking a toll.

New cancer pill works wonders
Toronto Sun
Ah, something both sides of the border can rally around.

Wednesday 25 February

Bush to Back Gay Marriage Ban Amendment
Yahoo
It'll never happen. It's a tedious process to pass an amendment; one that really doesn't include the president. George is just stirring up votes.

Forecast of Rising Oil Demand Challenges Tired Saudi Fields
NY Times
Still scoffing at the Peak of Oil theory, BIL?

Mourning sickness feeds the feel-good factor
Manchester Guardian
Bothered by people who mourn for dead celebrities or those who wear ribbons to show solidarity with various causes? Here's one explanation.

Big cities lure away North Dakota youth
USA Today {via Yahoo}
This is news? My grandfather left N.D. for the big city in 1922, went back the following year to spring my grandmother and that's how it probably has been since the wagon trains decided to stay put, back in the 1870's. Hell, even my Auntie Julia couldn't stand it there.

A new way to view London: from a toilet
MSNBC
Cool, but how are they going to keep amorous couples out?

Tuesday 24 February

Horton laid to rest 30 years ago
London Free Press {Canada}
We start the day by pausing to remember one of hockey's great defensemen. The Leafs haven't won since he left, by the way.

American Coddle
N.Y. Observer
Nice piece, submitted by my Darling Wife, lays out the following premise: "How else to explain the legions of the talent-free who wait in line for days for a chance to show their stuff to Mr. Cowell and company—then are stunned to be told they don’t make the grade? After decades of upper-middle-class parenting designed to shield Junior from all possible failure, and from any honest judgement of his talents, it’s no wonder we need television shows like American Idol and its fellow showcase for TMPR victims, The Apprentice. These shows are delivering the spanking—sorry, the time-out—that our culture of bloated self-evaluation is subconsciously craving. Their success signals that we may be reaching the end of a long national delusion. There is simply not room enough at the top these days for everyone raised to believe they belong there—and, deep down, we all know it. "

Many Americans Support TV Executions
local6.com
Coming next on Fox: My Obnoxious Big Fat Fiance Gets Fried.

Leaked US report warns climate change may bring famine, war
ABC News
We're getting one of these every ten days or so now. Submitted by Kay.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo
This is how the Colombians celebrate the day before Ash Wednesday and this is the way we Polish-Americans celebrate it.

Monday 23 February

Lesson in flash and run
Kansas City.com
"A man wearing nothing but a trench coat, a Richard Nixon mask and tennis shoes entered a class auditorium Friday just as a meteorology exam began....The man was described as college age, with a black trench coat and a rubber mask. "
Okay...one, how could they tell he was "college age," if he was wearing a mask? Two, What is college age? My beloved mother-in-law graduated at the age of 68!

Democrat Rips Nader's Decision To Run
local6.com
Finally someone I can vote for. Four more years, baby.

Bin Laden 'surrounded'
Sunday Telegraph {London}
The thought might occur that bin Laden has been in custody for months and will be "discovered" sometime right before the election. But, I'm not that cynical.

Schwarzenegger Argues for White House Run
AP {via Yahoo}
I agree, Guv'ner, but it's in the Constitution and Constitutional amendments are about as rare as a Red Sox pennant or a Maple Leaf Cup.

Friday 20 February

Red Sox Nation Raises Terror Alert to Red
SportsGoons.com
Meant as satire, this is pretty close to the truth: ""There is no doubt, from all the intelligence we gathered, that George Steinbrenner, known in several terrorist circles as the ‘Boss’, plans to systematically dismantle each and every major league baseball team through scare techniques, intimidation, and, if needed, by buying all their good players."

Italian police seek huge breasted woman
Ananova
What more could I add?

Mel Gibson's father says Holocaust exaggerated
The Age {Melbourne}
Ed Portals says Mel Gibson's talent is exaggerated, as in that stupid movie, What Women Want, where he starts out strong then totally fizzles.

Ozzy Osbourne Fears He May Never Perform Again
Reuters {via Yahoo}
About time and, while we're at it, here's another about time: Bill Moyers to Leave PBS .

Thursday 19 February

Steinbrenner responds to Henry's call for salary cap
Sports Illustrated
So,Red Sox owner John Henry thinks a salary cap could be good for baseball, huh? This is what happens when you become one team's personal whipping boy for decade after decade. You lose all sense of perspective.The Bosox are baseball's number TWO spending team. That being said, what the Red Sox owner is actually muttering is "Help, I cannot control myself."

Fire recruits claim test questions too kinky
Canada.com {Calgary}
What??? Mandatory polygraph tests asking if they have ever had sex with cows or dogs and...get this "Have you ever become aroused while changing a baby's diaper?" Lots of backpedalling in the article, but, where there's smoke, there's often fire.

Quebec bashing comes to fore
Canada.com {Montreal}
It's no secret that Quebecers have had an aloof image. If you've been there and tried to speak English then you may know what I'm talking about. So, it should as no surprise that there's some pent up ill will.

Palmolive pitchwoman 'Madge' dead
CNN
Wow....1966-1992...what a gig.

Wednesday 18 February

Approved/Disapproved Television Programs
nad.org
Here are some of the recently disapproved programs for U.S. Department of Education Captioning Support: What's New Scooby Do?, almost all sports, Law & Order, The Loretta Young Show {???} and the very benign kids' cartoon 'Oswald." What did make the list? Just about every PBS series, for starters. It's nice to know that the moral police are at work, protecting the deaf from the likes of A&E's 'Investigative Reports,' but the same powers would allow captioning access to CBS's '48 Hours.'

Judge says San Francisco violates law with gay weddings but won't halt them
CBC
Interesting. I'm not at all against gay marriages, but what makes a judge think he or she can selectively allow laws to be broken? Declare the current law unconstitutional. Do the right thing the legal way.

Demon may outsource support to India
The INquirere {UK}
John Kerry thinks that firms that outsource to India are traitors. Hell, I don't even like various local calls that are patched out to operators in New Mexico or Oregon, but that's business, folks. If North Americans wanted to work all night, answering computer questions from frazzled customers for little more than minimum wage, they would. They'd rather sleep instead.

Hemsley Saddles Up for 'Mister Ed' Remake
The Reporter {via Yahoo}
Apparently Hollywood is braindead. They've totally run out of ideas.

Tuesday 17 February

Most in US 'believe bible stories'
Herald-Sun {Melbourne}
I don't believe it. This stuff can be rigged through wording.

Beyonce performs sexy half-time show at NBA All-Star game
Canadian Press {via Yahoo}
Just great. Thanks to Janet Jackson, the press now has a new obsession and it's already tiresome. This is nothing new, however. Breasts on TV stretch back to the 50's. So, let's get it out of system and move on, please.

Stolen Vehicles Found in Central America
AP {via Yahoo}
What the heck? An estimated 200,000 vehicles per year vanish south of the border? Maybe my sister-in-law T's minivan is now in Mexico City!

Kerry Blasts Bush's Daytona 'Photo Op'
AP {via Yahoo}
As if his boy Bill didn't do the same exact stuff when he was running for re-election in '96.

Monday 16 February

The comedy sketch that nearly destroyed Canada
Daimnation!
If you haven't seen it, here's the Conan O'Brien sketch that made so much news last week....some very funny, anti-French stuff. You'll have to page about halfway down the page to get to the link, however...and the later in the week it gets, the farther down the page you will have to page.

Damn, Yankees do it again
Boston.com
Sorry, Boston, there goes any chance you had of winning it all in the next 4-5 years.

Pig lard to stop terror attacks
news.com.au
Bizarre headline of the week.

7'8" Pen Pal
Ebay
This is our first foray into the Ebay forest, but this is just too bizarre to pass. Check out the disclaimer: " You are bidding on the opportunity to Talk to me on a daily basis either through MSN Messenger or through ICQ. YOU ARE BIDDING ON 1 Month of Communication. Once the month is up, all knowledge of you will be destroyed and you will be ignored until you bid and win the auction again."

Foodies' mushroom fetish 'stripping woodlands bare'
Manchester Guardian
I don't know about everyone else, but it was pretty common to see people picking wild mushrooms where I grew up, which would make my Auntie Julia a "foodie."

Friday 13 February

Report: Scandal rocks Kerry campaign
WorldNetDaily
Quoting Drudge as your major source seems mighty risky. No wonder the major news sites have not jumped on this one....yet.

First Ben and Jen, and now this! Barbie & Ken splitting
NY Daily News
A sure sign the product is finally fading.

Jacko Going Broke
Sydney Morning Herald
One of these things does not belong: Jackson's goin broke; Tyson's already broke, the NHL is near bankruptcy.

Review: '50 First Dates' odious drivel
CNN
My god, is there anyone who still thinks Adam Sandler is funny?

Thursday 12 February

'Miracle' revisits 'worst time' for ex-Soviet hockey star
StarTribune.com
Nice look at The Miracle on Ice as viewed from the other side.

Cherry's claims on visors do add up
CBC
Frequent Commenter Bren sends in the news that Grapes was right: Euros and French Guys do wear the visor more than the rest. So, explain to me how it was bigotry.

Disney's Ducks Hockey Team Would Have To Go
Forbes.com
Interesting sidebar to the proposed Comcast-Disney merger.

Contraction could be the answer for NHL
FoxNews
In fact, cut six teams this author argues and I agree, but let's axe the Caps and keep the Blue Jackets.

NHL Lost $273 Mln Last Season
Bloomberg
The case for contraction.

NHL plots radical rule changes
Toronto Globe and Mail
Reducing the goalie's pads is a good idea. We were watching the 1980 All-Star game on ESPN CLassic the other day and the smaller pads were quite apparent. Moving the net back 3 feet would make for some nasty collisions back there....which is cool, but I don't like the proposal to ban goaltender roamings behind the net. Why not make the goalie wear a right eye patch while they are at it?

Wednesday 11 February

Life After The Oil Crash
Lifeaftertheoilcrash.com
Another day, another doomsday scenario, see yesterday's the end is near link. I wonder how many of these we can run in a row?
via fark.

Islamic extremists invade U.S., join sleeper cells
Washington Times
Just in case the Peak Oil theory is bullshit.

Delaware Finds Second Farm with Bird Flu Virus
Reuters
Once a month, or so, I like to jam all of the sky-is-falling stories online. Today is that day.

UFO disappears from northern Norway
Nettavisen
Hell, even the aliens are bailing out on us.

Tuesday 10 February

Report: Atkins Had Heart Disease History
AP {via Yahoo}
Uh oh, I smell a dodge: "Atkins' weight was due to bloating associated with his condition and the time he spent in a coma after his head injury, and he had been much slimmer during most of his life". Meanwhile, here's Mrs Atkins's response. and I have a problem with her opening that "I have always assumed that my husband’s personal medical history is private and of no concern or relevance to the media or general public." Mrs. Atkins, your late husband made his fortune from pushing a product that promotes a change in image. He did it publicly. He and you are therefore fair game when it comes to his medical history. You don't wanna play the game, then get out of the business.

Software innovation is dead
NewsForge.com
Not to worry, though, because apparently the end is near.

MP3 players for AK-47s
News.com.au
For those lonely nights on sniper patrol: A British-based company is selling MP3 players which can be attached to an assault rifle.

Sault Ste. Marie makes high-speed power play
Toronto Star
While The Soo may be on the technological cutting edge in this regard, I still nominate it as the most boring city I've ever been in. And this is not an anti-Canadian thing....the American side is no better.

Spot the fake smiles
BBC
Takes about 4-5 minutes to play...I got 13/20.

Monday 09 February

At Salad Bar With Knight, Praise Only the Cherry Tomatoes
NY Times
Columnist George Vecsey blames Bobby Knight's surliness on his megastar status, "{he} should have known there are separate rules of behavior for the most famous and accomplished in our society," while I don't see that as the issue at all. We've all known certain people who continually cross over emotional boundaries....some rare ones become superstars, while 99% of the others become that surly cousin no one can stand being in the same county with.

Pilot's crazy rant
New York Daily News
Everyone around here makes fun of my fear of flying, and as I type this my Darling Wife is somewhere over Nebraska....but let me tell you, if I were on a plane and the captain said
"Raise your hand if you are Christian" I would have had a total nervous breakdown.

Admit, deny, done.
St Petersburg Times
Good reading if you have a kid in high school.

I had a good time at Guantanamo, says inmate
London Telegraph
Y'know, everything's a matter of perspective.

Penis News:Teenager Grows New Penis On Arm
4 Men's Health
Bizarre headline of the week.

Friday 06 February

Aiken tells idolizing fans he's not Jesus
AzCentral.com
Ok, let's get back to business and we start with the totally absurd. Aiken didn't even win Idol. Hell, he only ranks number 12 on Lyco's Top Fifty. Note that the list is pre-Janet Jackson.

Sex-object with bite
Sydney Morning Herald
Speaking of absurd, check this out: a drunk walks home, sees a dog "sexily wagging its tail" and tries to have sex with it?

Don Cherry under investigation
Canada.com
Although no formal complaints have been filed, Dyane Adam, official languages commissioner, confirmed that she is looking into anti-francophone remarks alleged to have been made by Don Cherry between periods on Hockey Night in Canada. The offending statement? "The only players who wear the visors are 'Europeans' and 'French guys.'" Hey, it's true, isn't it?

Knight Says He's Not About to Transform His Approach Now
NY Times
Interesting duo, Grapes and Bobby. Curmudgeons both. One viewed benevolently, the other as a maniac.

Thursday 05 February

Why your Movable Type blog must die
kuro5hin.org
We pause before we open our fifth year to examine this impassioned attack on blogs. When there are literally millions of these things floating around, why do it?

Before we start, let's get the definition of a blog out of the way: "A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using software that allows people with little or no technical background to update and maintain the blog. Postings on a blog are almost always arranged in cronological order with the most recent additions featured most prominantly."
So, I think we qualify. There are blogs about just everything under the sun: baseball, religion, politics, sex, weblogs that are no longer updated, weblogs i read all the time, weblogs by famous people, weblogs by people I know, weblogs that suck and on and on.

Next, to get the technical stuff out of the way, I've considered and have been urged to switch to Movable Type but ultimately decided to keep the page as it is, manually keyed into html. It's cumbersome, but somehow feels more "real" and, as it turns out, it gums up the net less this way.

The article addresses the need to keep content fresh, coherent and consistent, which can be tough at 11:30 p.m.. For that reason I always welcome readers' submissions. If you spot something, send it via email and I'll stick it up.

Finally, I was asked a few months ago, "Why do you do this? What is your motivation?" I ultimately pointed at our commenters as the reason this page continues. If it hadn't grown from "me" into "we," it would have died months ago.

Wednesday 04 February

We pause to mark our fourth anniversary today with a deeper look at net.Headlines/a piece of my mind. And, as always, many thanks to our readers/commenters. You make the page what it is.

--Total number of hits since the counter was inserted on 1 Sept 2001: 65992
--Most hits on one day: 185 {4/18/2003}
--Number of hits yesterday: 113.
--Percentage first time users over the past month: 55%
--Weekday with the highest percentage traffic: Tuesdays
--Daily hour with most percentage traffic:11 p.m. EST
--Leading three referrers: Google, Yahoo, MSN
--Oddest actual search request result that pointed to net.Headlines: "Actress filming you stupid man in    toronto"
--Top three countries of readers' origins: US 76%, Canada 8.6%; Netherlands 2.5%
--Number of hits from the Oceanic Island of Niue: 2
--Number of hits from Laos, Zambia, Peru, Jordan, Venezuela, Bhutan, Taiwan, Bahamas, Uruguay,
  and Syria: 1 each
--Most popular operating system: Windows 98 {32.2%}
--Percentage of Mac usage: 4.7%
--First link: In Kentucky, clerks ask couples to wed: "Are you related?"   2/04/2000
  {a link from Jim Romenesko's Obscure Sore that is no longer active.}
--First link listed that is still active: Supervolcanoes could trigger global freeze    {BBC}
--First personal comment: March 01, 2000: "Microsoft buys Ten Commandments."
--Date readers' comments were added: Sunday, May 19, 2002
--Number of irate emails: 2
  {from the same angry feminist who demanded both times that I either pay her or remove her name from   the link, which linked to an article she wrote. I, of course, refused.}
--Most comments for one link: 44         May 31, 2003.
--Different faces of net.Headlines: The Blue Phase      The Green Phase      the Early Phase     
--One that never made it: the 'OMG, What was I Thinking?' Edition.

Tuesday 03 February

Janet and Justin get hot
Herald Sun {Australia}
I was putting the lil' ones to bed and missed the now-famous flash...but, here it is....and, for some unknown reason, it's world wide news. While we're on the subject, here are the commercials and they'll load faster using the Windows Media option. My favorite was Shardsoglass, but the comment in the Cialus commercial that erections lasting more than four hours are a cause for concern certainly caught my attention.

One terrorist with deadly disease 'could cause deaths of millions'
London Telegraph
Wouldn't this eventually spread back to the terrorist's own country....to his/her own household?

Doonesbury
Doonesbury.com {via Slate.com}
Check out the first strip, from thirty two and a-half years ago.

Georgia considers banning 'evolution'
CNN
And replacing it with the phrase "biological changes over time"? What a joke. And speaking of jokes...have you heard this old one?
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books-- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Shocked, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both books"?
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."

Monday 02 January

Patriots overcome Carolina for second title in 3 years
CBS Sportsline
I'm going to take a day off because I am just drained after watching what may very have been the best Super Bowl yet. Excellent back and forth action even had my Darling Wife, who would be hard-pressed to name 3 pro football players, cheering. We'll be back tomorrow with more links.

Friday 30 January

Russian man freezes penis to bus shelter
Orange.co.uk
I guess he never saw A Christmas Story, eh?

Coldest place on Earth
Canada.com {Saskatoon}
Minus 61 Fahrenheit? What the heck is that?

Presidential Secrets Revealed!
NC Buy
"Gerald Ford used to let off loud farts and blame them on his Secret Service men"? You see, my Darling Wife, I am presidential material!

Bat the Penguin II
Casper.ru
A different version than the one we linked to yesterday....this one has a livelier ball. So far, my high score is 1125.

Thursday 29 January

8 of 10 cell users complain about service
MSNBC
I hate cell phones. I hate not being able to call home from one-quarter mile away....I hate the teeny buttons....I hate 'roaming charges'....I hate constantly misplacing the damned thing....I hate other people's phones going off in restaurants and church...I hate the cutesy-rings that so many people have...I hate the way the companies charge for full service while offering a half-assed one....I hate the gimmicky "3000 weekend minute" plans....but, in today's world, how can you not have one?

pingu1.swf
Pingu1
Since we linked to Dave Barry's Blog yesterday, I thought we'd go back to check it out....my high score is 323.5 .

Judge to R. Kelly: Go to Grammys, but Avoid Jacko
Fox News
A peculiar order. Does he think that Kelly would compare notes with Jackson or maybe join Jacko on a field trip to the local preschool?

Wednesday 28 January

Wild Man Franken Assaults Dean Critic
NewsMax.com
Franken tackled a Lyndon Larouche supporter who was shouting down Howard Dean and, get this...he defended himself, saying "I'm neutral in this race but I'm for freedom of speech, which means people should be able to assemble and speak without being shouted down." This is defending free speech?

Kerry says New Hampshire shows he can top Bush
Mercury News
What planet is this guy living on? To become president one has to carry the South. The last Northern liberal to win was JFK. Do the math.

MyDoom prevention and cure
CNET
How to stay one step ahead....of course, if you use a Mac, you don't have to worry.

Cumming First
CFUMC
I don't normally do this, but just had to swipe this one from Dave Barry's Blog.
It's too good to pass.

Tuesday 27 January

Explorers to wear condoms to stop fish swimming up their penises
Ananova
Weird headline of the month.

Skull Details Suggest Neanderthals Were Not Humans
NY Times
Tell me you haven't walked around Wal-Mart and thought the same thing.

Dr. J. Sex Tape
NY Post
Just great, now we call all look forward to emails from such good friends as "endearedness follicules", offering us this much-needed product. Spam has gotten so bad, it's even reaching into the instant messaging client I use, ICQ {id # 4962751}, where I am routinely getting messages from "22 year old females" who all chirp the same things, such as "hey good looking, what's cooking?" or "hey, long time no see...What's up?" It's probably related to the spam, perhaps sent to determine if the underlying email account is still active.

Is Howard Dean Trying To Hypnotize You?
NC Buy
Why run links to The Onion when the regular press comes up with stuff like this? And, while we're looking at Dem hopefuls, let's not forget that Presidential-wannabe John Edwards was a trial lawyer, who built his fortune, not by earning it like John Kerry, as we linked yesterday, but by "suing doctors, hospitals, and insurance companies over infant cerebral palsy allegedly due to botched deliveries."

Monday 26 January

Physicist goalie writes about physics of hockey
Anchorage Daily News
Some interesting puck facts. The NHL should use some of this in their advertising. It's plain that hockey is sliding in the ratings here in the States and maybe they should use some of these facts, along with some bone-crushing checks, in a TV campaign aimed at bringing in new fans.

Eminem's mom carjacked on 8 Mile Road
Canada.com
That's what you get for staying in the city, eh? We moved out after 37 years and, although I miss it, my Darling Wife hasn't looked back.

How Israel dumped Microsoft for open source
The Inquirer {UK}
But it's not all bad news for Bill Gates. In other Gates news, he predicts an end to spam within th e next eighteen months. If he can come through on that, he'll deserve more than an honorary knighthood.

Wife's wealth enriches Kerry
Washington Times
In case you didn't know, John Kerry, who paints himself as a populist, and his wife are worth over $500 million.

Friday 23 January

Lesbian mum 'bought sperm off internet'
This is London
Why is this news?

Wayne Co woman sets sex partners on fire
Finger Lakes News
On the other hand, hot love is always news.

Elaine Cut His Throat, Broke His Wrist and Made Nurses Watch Them Having Sex
London Mirror
At least she didn't set him on fire. A follow up of the bizarre Stephen Hawking case.

Ann Coulter: What Happened To Your Queer Party Friends?
anncoulter.com
Frequent Commenter BIL passes this one along. It's an interesting piece, with the obligatory cheap shots, "Kerry and Clark now represent the two major wings of the Democratic Party -- the Kennedy wing and the Clinton wing. One drowns you after the extramarital affair; the other one calls you a stalker. " But, nothing wrong with that. Cheap shots and politics go together like bean burritos and jalapenos.

Thursday 22 January

Joan Kroc Estate Gives $1.5B To Salvation Army
Forbes
Not surprising...armies always seem to get the money, as evidenced by Dubya's State of the Union Speech. Speaking of which, wasn't it odd to see him stumble into the steroids in sports topic? I was waiting for a lecture next on passing without signalling. If there's one thing we don't need it's for the government to interfere in sports. Stick to Afghanistan, Iraq and the economy, Mr. President.

Kerry takes lead in NH, new Herald poll shows
Boston Herald
Why on earth would the Dems want to recreate McGovern versus Reagan? It was a disaster 20 years ago and it'll be just as bad this time.

Microsoft Lightens Up on Teen's Mikerowesoft Site
Reuters {via Yahoo}
Glad to see that they took my advice, literally, from the other day.

Rooftop owners must pay Cubs under new agreement
Sports Illustrated
Let's examine the three causes of action.
1) Stealing the Cubs's product: If the Cubs don't want the 'toppers to view their product, let them enclose it.
2) Unjust enrichment at the Cubs' expense: How does the toppers' enrichment come at the Cubs' expense? They already sell out most of their games. And why is it an unjust enrichment? It's their buildings.
3) Copyright Infringement: The only infringement here is on free enterprise.

Wednesday 21 January

Why digital cameras = better photographers
BBC
Just using the link as a shameless plug for my photography page.

Stronach launches Conservative leadership bid
CTV
The face of Canadian politics?

Dean Loses It
US.News2
The face of American politics?

How do you feel about men reading porn or sexually suggestive material on trains?
Japan Today
Some good reading here. I love the "I would be so shocked my blood circulation would go backwards" quote.

Tuesday 20 January

Police Probe 'Assault' on Scientist Stephen Hawking
Reuters {via Yahoo}
A weird story as Hawking's relatives theorize that "he might be the victim of someone suffering from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, a disease where sufferers harm others to draw attention to themselves." The British government would be wise to spend a little of that monarchy money on protecting one of the world's greatest minds.

Prince Charles's whisky gift to Ozzy Osbourne a no-no
Herald Sun {Australia}
I mean, look at Charles's recovery gift to Ozzie, a recovering alcoholic who just wrecked his ATV, nearly dying in the process: a bottle of scotch. That money could have helped protect Hawking!

Royal pheasant shoot terrifies British children
ABC News {Australia}
And when's he's not trying to kill Ozzie, he's b;asting pheasants out of the sky yards from kids on a school playground. This guy has no common sense. It's not right that he gets to walk around, doing inane things, and Hawking is stuck in some nursing home.

Another 'odd' car in Diana crash - witness
IoL {New Zealand}
I'll bet, however, he had nothing to do with this. He would have screwed up somehow.

Monday 19 January

Website row pits B.C. teen against Microsoft
Vancouver Sun
C'mon, Windows, no one is going to mistake this kid's website for one of yours. Lighten up.

Google Improves Searches In a Number of Ways
Washington Post {via Yahoo}
Some neat new features. I especially like the new bar code trick.

'Why won't Hollywood give us work?' moan the over-40 actresses
London Telegraph
For the same reasons that existed 20 years ago when the now-over 40 actresses were picking off roles from Juliet Prowse, Sophia Loren and Ann Margaret.

U.S. jet accidentally bombs Yorkshire
Reuters {via Yahoo}
Hyperbole Alert: The accidental dropping of a 25 lb. practice bomb unto a sparely-populated area hardly constitutes a bombing.

Sunday 18 January

First Wives Club author Olivia Goldsmith dead at 54
Advocate.com
Dictionary.com's definition 2{a} of irony is "Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occur," and that's what we have here....dark, tragic irony. Goldsmith's most famous work, "The First Wives Club" was about the revenge of fiftysomething females who were tossed aside in favor of younger women. As the article states, the author said in a 1996 interview that "It's not right. You choose a woman who bears your young, and then you discard her for a younger, taller, thinner, blonder model. We are expected to have jobs now. We are expected to raise the family. We're responsible for the home, and we have to have thin thighs. Nobody can do it." Yet she died from complications from a procedure to remove loose skin from her chin. It's a sad commentary about the futile quest for eternal youth.

Ice age will soon be arriving in NHL
MSNBC
No, they're not talking about playing another game outdoors, but are referring, of course, to the impending lockout. Worries that it might be the "end of the NHL" are over-the-top, but something has to give. Next winter might be grim, indeed, for us puck-lovers.

Friday 16 January

U.S. Fast-Food Chains Expanding in China
AP {via Yahoo}
To celebrate KFC's 1000th store in China, I pulled into one yesterday in Central Ohio's biggest city and ordered up a small Pepsi for our lil' Sam. "I'm sorry, sir, we do not sell small sodas. We sell Medium, Large and Super." Now, I ask, how can you have a medium drink as your smallest drink? Does that make sense? Doesn't the very word imply a position between two extremes?

Temperature for Mars rover at lunchtime: 12 degrees; temperature in U.S. Northeast: minus 13 to 9 degrees
Cornell News
Cold enough for you, Kay?

Talking Dirty Helps Kids Learn Vocabulary
NCbuy.com

No wonder our kids are so freakin' verbal.

Bigger Disk
Lacie.com
I suppose a terabyte is 1000 gigabytes?

Thursday 15 January

Ta-ta to 'Taboo': Rosie pulls plug
New York Daily News
Rosie lost 10 mill on a musical based on the life of Boy George? Has she no trusted personal advisor to tell her the probable failure of such a venture, especially here in the States where George was never the star he was in the UK? It's been a disastrous 18 months for Rosie....her TV show died, her magazine dies...and now her Broadway play bites the dust.

Cowell gets a soaking
This is London
This smacks of the Harlem Globetrotters, but the question begs to be asked: Why is this thing such a smash? It's just a talent show.

Nobel Prize Winners' Achievements Don't Prove School Is Good for Learners
Learninfreedom.org
Despite the clumsiness of the headline, maybe there's a lesson here for beleaguered parents.

Orgasms 'at the touch of a button'
BBC
Yet another public service for our female readers.

Wednesday 14 January

Actor-Writer Spalding Gray Missing
AP {via Yahoo}
I hope you've had the pleasure of seeing some of Gray's filmed work.. He's quite an artist and let's hope that he's safely swimming to Cambodia.

Rocker Ted Nugent Needs 40 Stitches in Leg After Chain Saw Accident on Set of Reality Show
ABC News
A better accident than Ozzie's since Oz's wasn't on tape, but sooner or later somebody on one of these is going to kill him/herself.

US lets Canada bid for Iraq work
BBC
Ahh, now we see the payoff for Fleury's ill-timed "deflection" into his own net.

One Dead, Several Injured After SUV Hits School Bus
KOCO ChannelOklahoma.com {via Yahoo}
Some of the reasons people do not like SUV's are that they "look mean and aggressive." SUV drivers are routinely attacked as being "affluent and rude." This headline is a great example of this type of attack. Compare it with a similar headline from today, Four Killed in Fiery I-95 Crash. Nothing in that about deadly flammable tanker trucks, is there?

Tuesday 13 January

"Buddhism is grandfather of scientology": Tom Cruise
AFP {via Yahoo}
This will probably surprise our Buddhist son Tommy Enko, but I gotta tell you son....based on what Tom Cruise says you should dump Buddhism and move on up the evolutionary scale to Scientology.

Vitamin D supplement 'halves the risk of MS'
London Telegraph
A public service for our female readers.

Hard times in Niagara Falls
Toronto Star
Man, what a tourist trap. It's like Gatlinburg Tn. and Virginia Beach added together.

Sitcom 'Frasier' to End 11-Year NBC Run in May
Reuters
Still haven't seen it.

Monday 12 January

Woman gets burns from toilet
Reuters UK
Those damned terrorists: "a woman will require plastic surgery for serious burns after she sat on a New Zealand public toilet smeared with an unknown chemical."

Glue Substituted for Mayo at Wis. School
AP via Yahoo
Is there no stopping the terrorists?

Pensioner, 91, called up for army
Ananova
Good, we need all the help we can get.

Friday 09 January

Adobe accused of analysing images for content
The Register
If you open a $20 bill under the new Photoshop CS you get the following error reading: "This application does not support the unauthorized processing of banknote images." The next thing you know, they'll be pouring through our bank records without a search warrant or notification!

Bush Grabs New Power for FBI
Wired
The so-called Patriot Act trumps our vaunted system of checks and balances as it apparently allows The FBI to search, without a search warrant, your bank account, and the records of insurance companies, travel agencies, real estate agents, stockbrokers, the U.S. Postal Service and even jewelry stores, casinos and car dealerships...not only without permission, but without the searchee's knowledge.

I.M.F. Report Says U.S. Deficits Threaten World Economy
NY Times {no password required...via Google}
Remember when the Republican Party was the party of no deficits?

Sun burst triggered mass extinction, theory suggests
AZcentral.com
Finally, it looks like maybe we should shift out paranoia about SUV's and plastic garbage bags to a fear of Old Big Yellow.

Thursday 08 January

Average Tim Horton's restaurant has annual sales of $1.62 million
Toronto Star
Man, there's gold in them thar' Timbits.

Life Magazine drops CN Tower as a modern wonder
Canada.com
Took my Darling Wife to the top about 8 years ago and was astounded to see that sheet of glass they have up there on the floor of the 100th story, or whatever floor it is. The floor has a 10 foot by 10 foot sheet of glass embedded into it that you can actually step out onto and look straight down. Very cool.

Pint-size fan consoles Fleury
Montreal Gazette
More fallout from yesterday's Juniors.

B.C. Muslim paper blames Jews for 9/11, both world wars, the Great Depression
National Post
Come to think of it, I think Steve Bartman is a Jew as well as Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy and North Korea's Kim Il-sung.

Wednesday 07 January

Local fans ask 'what took so long, Pete?'
Zanesville Times Recorder
Pete Rose hysteria hits home here in Hooterville. Check out one local's reaction: "He could have saved a lot of people a lot of heartache ... If he'd have said it 14 years ago." Heartache??? It's more like nausea. Frequent Commenter BIL has a different view: "I wonder if Pete Rose is the stupidest person ever to earn a lot of money over an extended period of time." Interesting thought, bro...I would put Tonya Harding ahead of Pete, and there must be others as well.

Man Arrested For Urinating On Truck's Windshield
local6.com
I always like to keep everyone abreast of the latest recycling trends.

Coffee Lowers Diabetes Risk, U.S. Study Shows
Reuters {via Yahoo}
A public service for our diabetic readers.

Industorious Clock
MonoCrafts
A New Year's gift to everyone from my Darling Wife...a new clock!

Tuesday 06 January

US stuns Canada to win gold
TSN.ca
What else could I open with but the "stunning" US comeback in the World Hockey Juniors....which, of course, implies a stunning Canadian collapse. Regardless of who won, however, it was good to see the 17 year old backstopper from Michigan, Al Montoya, do well. That takes a little of the sting off our stunning loss in the Rose Bowl.

Foreigners Fingerprinted at U.S. Airports
AP {via Yahoo}
Co-Editor Kay sent this one in with the comment "This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Don't you have to find out who the terrorists are FIRST? What, are the fingerprint machines suddenly going to start yelling, "This guy is a terrorist! I can tell! I can tell just from the whorls!"
I disagree, Kay. Cross-checking never hurts, unless the referee spots you, and who knows, maybe it will keep our newly-won World Junior Hockey Cup out of nefarious hands!

Kinks' Ray Davies Shot in Robbery Attempt
AP {via Yahoo}
A shot in the arm, errrr....leg, for the career of one of my favorite old tunesmiths?

Monday 05 January

Do we need a holiday in February? Some say yes to cure winter blahs
Vancouver Sun
We return from our respite with a broken wrist and the crazed holidays to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Let us pray to whatever P/power we believe in that 2004 does not bring about this prediction, however: "Italian Il Giornale: Al Qaeda Threatens to Nuke New York on February 2." As for having a February holiday, I thought we already had one. I was in the much-hated Walmart the day after Christmas and two clerks were working the main aisle, one taking down Christmas stuff with the other following directly behind, jamming up Valentine's Day jazz.

Princess Anne to send dog to animal psychologist, newspaper says
Canoe.ca News
If this doesn't prove that the monarchy is over the top, then nothing will. It's a dog....it killed another dog and attacked a human. It should be put away.

Robertson's Divine Intervention on Bush
AP {via Yahoo}
The crazies are everywhere it seems. Speaking of which, did you catch the video of The Crocodile Hunter boldly walking his infant just feet in front of a captured croc? Reminded me of Michael Jackson.

2003's Gone but Not Forgotten
TV Zap2it.com
We can't leave 2003 without one last look at some who didn't make it.