Sunday September 30

Was Iraq Involved?
Slate.com
The focus shifts to Iraq as Slate examines the relationship between Osama and Saddam while The London Telegraph warns us that Saddam has germ warfare arsenal.

Mitch Albom: Yes, we need security, but also speed
Detroit Free Press
The author of Tuesdays with Morrie wants us to look at El Al for hints on thoroughness and speed.

William Safire: Every Conflict Generates Its Own Lexicon
NY Times
The Times' wordsmith examines "crusade," "homeland defense" and "Paki."

When jokes can have no dominion
London Times
Examination of why I don't much feel like laughing these days.

Saturday September 29

The Last Miracle
ABC News
The story of the fifth and last person pulled out alive from the WTC rubble.

Let The Hague decide
Melbourne Age
This is the argument that our oldest son Tommy made. My response was "Why? Did they bomb the Hague?"

Cat Stevens donates box-set royalties to victims
Jam!
Seventies singer-songwriter icon Cat Stevens is donating royalties from his upcoming box set to victims of the Sept. 11 terror attacks. Meanwhile, Sir Paul McCartney plans benefit for NY firefighters. Not to be outdone, Yoko Ono has dedicated proceeds from a tribute to her late husband, lead by Moby, Alanis Morissette, Dave Matthews, Lou Reed, Shelby Lynne, and the Stone Temple Pilots to the victims. And we can't leave out Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby who will headline a benefit at Carnegie Hall October 8 to aid victims of the World Trade Center disaster.

Viagra Could Help Men Reach New Heights
Reuters
Best headline in awhile, has nothing to do with what it implies.

Windows XP: Worth the wait
MSNBC
One month to go before the new Windows system is released.

The News...as Seen from Lake Wobegon
Utne Reader
Utne interviews the former Mr. Blue himself, Garrison Keillor.

Friday September 28

President Urges Calm, Restraint Among Nation's Ballad Singers
The Onion
The Onion returns from a week hiatus in brilliant form with their "Holy Fucking Shit!" headline and articles like the following: "In the wake of the recent national tragedy, President Bush is urging Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, and other singers to resist the urge to record mawkish, insipid all-star tribute ballads."

FBI Releases Photos of Terror Attack Suspects
AP
Here they are.

Britain needs you to shop, says Blair
London Telegraph
So does America, my Darling Wife, and that is why I am going to buy the new Wave/PC™ Interactive Audio System. It's the least I can do for my country.

Toy Makers Editing Product Lines
Fox News
Long-time contributor, and part-time editor, Kay sends this and asks: "someone's got their wires crossed in there. They want to remove violent toys but they advocate GI Joe because it helps kids deal with their fears?"

Wendy Kaminer: Our Very Own Taliban
Prospect.org
Kaminer echoes our oldest son Tommy when she writes "But while they (we) gather together to pray and seek comfort, protection, or approval from God, so do the terrorists. Whatever lessons we take from this dreadful attack, we should never forget that it was, after all, a faith based initiative"

Nat Hentoff: The War on the Bill of Rights
Village Voice
Needless to say, the famed civil libertarian is not happy with the way things are going.

Coming soon: Son of Mr. Blue
Salon.com
Salon announces that it has has chosen a writer to carry on the tradition of Garrison Keillor's popular Mr. Blue advice column.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

This Week in Sex
nerve.com
The week in review includes a patriotic tree shaped like a penis.

1970's TV Actress Lani O'Grady Dies
AP
She was known for one role, Mary Bradford on Eight is Enough.

Tuesday September 25

Last picture of a hero of the towers
London Telegraph
A touching profile and picture of Rick Rescorla, the head of security at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter, who refused to leave the towers and died minutes after the picture was taken.

'United We Stand' -- Or Else
Wired.com
"Expressions of patriotism are so fervent since the terrorist attacks that citizens who do or say anything against the tide risk suffering a public backlash." I've already run into this. Last Friday I was buying something and the cashier asked "Do you want to donate a dollar to the Sept 11 victims? We are taking up a collection. With each dollar you get one entry into a lottery and the winner gets a Cleveland Browns helmet!" I deferred. She was truly puzzled and asked me a 2nd time and everyone in line stared as I hemmed and hawwed and stammered that I hate the Browns but would donate in my own way.

Missiles Urged to Protect U.S. Nuke Power Plants
Reuters
"The nation's 103 nuclear power reactors are vulnerable to acts of terrorism and the government should immediately station soldiers and missiles around each plant for protection, two watchdog groups said on Tuesday." When my birding buddy Danny and I head into the woods every year for the annual spring warbler migration, we pass a nuclear power plant on our way into and out of the woods and on more than one occasion we've mused about its apparent vulnerability.

Berlusconi: The West must conquer Islam
Salon.com
The Italian Prime Minister goes nutso: "the West will continue to conquer peoples, like it conquered Communism."

Is Disney's kingdom in jeopardy?
News.com
AOL must be asking "Do we want Disney?"

Court Reviews Executing Mentally Ill
FindLaw
How can this even be an issue?

The Annotated Dennis Miller: 2001 Dickens, Shakespeare, and the S.S. Max McGee
ESPN
My brother in law Henry, who hates Miller, will visit us the last week of October and we will watch Monday Night Football and argue about Dennis Miller. This one's for you, bro! Speaking of sports, Ralph Wiley has a most interesting take concerning MJ's return: Take a Hike, Gramps. Finally, we can't leave the land of make-believe until we make our weekly visit over to Hunter S. Thompson's to check in on the good doc who this week writes that "The big thing now is to make sure the football season continues without interruption, which I think it will. Football is necessary now."

Wednesday September 26

War will begin within days
London Telegraph
But the Taliban refuses to ever give up bin Laden, a hardening of their earlier stance.

1.5m Afghans heading for the borders
London Telegraph
"Someone's knocking at the door; Somebody's ringing the bell; Do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in. "

Robert Fisk: How can the US bomb this tragic people?
UK Independent
We continue our collection of anti-Bomb Afghanistan links with Bob Fisk's excellent essay. We balance that with the now-famous Lance Morrow rant in Time, written the day after, The Case for Rage and Retribution.

The roots of hatred
The Economist
While we're at it, here's two excellent essays. The Economist forcefully argues that "Whatever its mistakes, the idea that America brought the onslaught upon itself is absurd," and Chris Hitchens, in The Nation agrees: "But the bombers of Manhattan represent fascism with an Islamic face, and there's no point in any euphemism about it. "

Years to Build and Moments to Destroy: How the Twin Towers Fell
NY Times
Placed in perspective: "the total energy released in the disaster was equivalent to the explosion of 600 tons of TNT. This energy discharge, which takes into account the weight of the airplanes that struck the buildings, their speed at impact, the jet fuel and the mass of the buildings, is about one-twentieth of that released by the 10-kiloton atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima." 140,000 died at Hiroshima.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Cold War bunkers to let as Britons run for cover
London Times
The hysteria spreads: "Bunker mentality appeared to be descending on Britain yesterday with a run on chemical warfare suits, gas masks and Cold War underground shelters."

The Final Moments of United Flight 93
MSNBC
The story of the storming of the cockpit is being pieced together. These four guys should get the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Why Countries' Names End in -stan
Slate
As an added bonus: the meaning of Taliban.

Love affair with credit has come to a halt
London Telegraph
The recession is here: "Empty cinemas and passenger jets, hotels only a third full and slumping sales of cars and electronics goods show that Americans were terrified by the attacks and are worried about the future." TheStreet.com goes even further: Even Before Attacks, Consumers Were Losing Faith.

Howard Stern Fans Empty Their Pockets
NY Post
"This is for anybody who ran back into that burning building."

Jet Plot
NY Post
We begin to see how the plan evolved: "Osama bin Laden's henchmen tried to buy a multi-million dollar Boeing 727 six months before they hijacked commercial planes."

Holding back the years
Financial Times
We have to run at leas tone non-crisis link a day or I will go insane. Today it's a review of John Strausbaugh's book Rock Til You Drop. Strausbaugh chronicles the bands of the 60's and early 70's and how they end up starring in PBS fund-raiser specials. As an example, he writes ""Rock simply should not be played by fifty-five-year-old men with triple chins wearing bad wighats, pretending still to be excited about playing songs they wrote thirty or thirty-five years ago and have played some thousands of times since," which I totally agree with, yet I anxiously await seeing Bob Dylan in concert on November the 10th. Ah, life's conundrums.

Tuesday September 25

Attacks left 10,000 grieving children
London Telegraph
AT least 10,000 children, and possibly as many as 15,000, are believed to have lost at least one parent in the terrorist attacks.

Therapists Hear Survivors' Refrain: 'If Only'
NY Times
Those left behind are wracked by regrets :hindsight, what-ifs and if- only's, wishes to undo what cannot be undone."
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Crop-Dusting Aircraft Could Be Less Efficient And Less Damaging Teror Method
NY Post
Any article, no matter how long the headline, that lessens the hysteria ia a good article.

Ten Most Wanted Fugitive List: Usama bin Laden
FBI
June ' 99 bin Laden listing.

Surfers choose Bin Laden over sex
BBC
A sure sign that this crisis has our attention: Google says 80% of the top 500 queries conducted on 11 September related to the terror attacks.

Islam: A Glossary
Slate
A short guide.

Phantom fears that only leave us vulnerable
London Times
Talked to my brother in law Henry last night and I think this article summarizes his thoughts: "Shirking from war sends a clear signal - a 'kick me' sign around our neck." Meanwhile, The New Republic's Michale Rubin, who kicked around Afghanistan last year, writes that the Taliban isn't so tough.

Put Out No Flags
The Nation
Interesting point/counterpoint. Katha Pollit, in The Nation, describes the battle she had with her daughter over flying the American flag: "At the same time, war would reinforce the worst elements in our own society--the flag-wavers and bigots and militarists." The National Review's Ross Douthat responds with his Kumbaya Watch: Not My Flag: "In Pollitt's worldview, it is always 1969, Richard Nixon is always president, and the bombs are always falling on innocent Cambodia."

Microsoft tries to ensure XP compatibility
CNET
Microsoft s making tools for consumers available for download from its Windows XP Web site. The 35MB file allows people to check for compatibility with their current hardware and software.

Kursk Raised This Saturday?
7am .com
This could be the one item to knock bin Laden off the headlines. The sea is very deep and choppy there; let's hope everything goes as planned.

Monday September 24

Anguish for Vast Toll of Children Left Behind
NY Times
From the Cantor Fitzgerald bond- trading firm alone, the estimate is staggering: 1,500 children left behind.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Orlando struggles as tourists stay home
CNN
Parking lots are empty; no lines in the parks.

The Mind Of A Suicide Bomber
CBS 60 MInutes
We struggle to understand: "They usually were very timid people, introverted, their problem was always communication… They were not violent at all."

Bush Sees Flag Raised, Basks in Record Poll Rating
Reuters
I mentioned this immediately after his speech to the country the other night: 2 weeks ago, no one would have given this guy a chance but he'd win in a walk if the election were held today.

Media Fundamentalism
LA Weekly
Some excellent points here, including "They hate us because we don’t even know why they hate us."

Stars come out for disaster-relief telethon
CNET
This, my Darling Wife, is the thing to which I donated either $25 or $100 late Friday night {it was after my 2nd glass of wine} and you can relax because "All proceeds of Friday night's telethon, titled "America: A Tribute to Heroes," will go to The September 11th Fund. The United Way and the New York Community Trust created the fund for established agencies providing immediate support in cities affected by the events." Meanwhile, The Toronto Globe and Mail reports that Paul McCartney to stage firefighters benefit in NYC. I'll have to not drink wine that night.

'The Americans love Pepsi Cola, but we love death'
London Telegraph
Mountain tribesmen in Afghanistan gear up: "War is our best hobby. The sound of guns firing is like music for us. We cannot live without war. We have no other way except jihad."

Afghanistan Is Like Nothing You've Ever Seen, Soviet Vets Say
LA Times
"But there are no targets in Afghanistan. There's nothing there to bomb." Nothing but villages.

Bruce Anderson: We must ignore the peace lobby and show no restraint
UK Independent
The other view.

Bush speech omission called unintentional
Canada.com
Some Canadians continue to grumble.

Veteran CNN Anchor Signs Off the Air
CNN
Lou Waters to retire. Now, if we can only get Ole Grinning Suspenders to join him.

Sunday September 23

Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh: The Way of Peace
Buddhist Peace Fellowship
The man who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King, Jr. writes "Responding to violence with violence is injustice, not only to the other person but also to oneself. Responding to violence with violence resolves nothing; it only escalates violence, anger and hatred. It is only with compassion that we can embrace and disintegrate violence."

Archbishop of Canterbury's call for peace in the Middle East
Anglican Communion News Service
"I pray that all those involved in this crisis will come together in true holiness to overcome enmity and promote reconciliation and forgiveness."

Pope brings message of peace
BBC
Arriving in the ex-Soviet republic of Kazakhstan, he spoke in general terms with no mention of the current crisis.

A Letter to the President
Beliefnet
The Dalai Lama writes that "I believe violence will only increase the cycle of violence."

Dr. Uma Mysorekar: Response to Terrorist Attacks
Beliefnet
The President of the Hindu Temple Society of North America writes "When we ask the Lord for solace and justice we should ask not with vindictiveness but hoping that people can bring an end to such actions anywhere in the universe."

Now IS the time to speak for peace
Iviews.com
An Islamic view which fears "An indefinite war waged against an entire culture."

September 11th Tragedy in New York City and Washington, D.C.
The Fellowship of Reconciliation
The largest, oldest Interfaith Peace Organizaton in the US states that "Vengeance and retaliation cannot be the answer to this situation."

Saturday September 22

News Update
NJ.com

Australian mosque burned to ground
Ananova
Bush must speak out daily against this type of thing. Mentioning it once in a speech is not enough. He should follow the lead of Canada's Jean Chretian, Prime minister visits mosque to encourage tolerance after terrorist attacks.

Stocks Close Lower Once Again, Ending a Terrible Week for Markets
NY Times
Thank goodness it's the weekend.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Looting Is Reported in Center's Tomblike Mall
NY Times
Talk about tunnel rats.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Saudis Balk At Use of Key Facility
Washington Post
These are special times, so the Saudis are being told.

Chretien not offended by Bush's failure to mention Canada in speech
Canada.com
C'mon Canada, 6000+ died with 1 trillion in losses. Let us not get lost in the fog of ego. You should know we are one.

Questions and Answers About Air Travel
Washington Post
Questions about parking, e-tickets and carry on luggage answered.

Why Americans can't find Islam on the map
Salon.com
A few months ago many of us were smirking about the Taleban blowing up statues. We are not smirking now.

Opposition to Bush's War
The Nation
This one's for the pacifistics in my family. You do not stand alone. Also, Mother Jones interviews California Democratic Representative Barbara Lee who cast Congress' only vote against giving the president a free hand to attack suspected terrorists.

Amazon, Yahoo take Red Cross donations
ZD Net
You can use your 'One Click Ordering" on Amazon to contribute.

Friday September 21

Text of President's Bush's address
Salon.com
I liked the speech, especially when Bush went out of his way to "protect" Arab-Americans and Muslims in general from reprisals.

'Massive failure' by U.S. intelligence led to attacks, senator says
CNN
Bush was a tad more diplomatic tonight when he said that we will "rebuild" our intelligence network. That's a tacit admission that we blew it.

Anarchy as Taliban lose control
London Telegraph
"In many areas of the Afghan capital, discipline among the Taliban appeared to be collapsing ahead of an expected American assault."

Hijackers Lived Everyday Lives in US
NY Post
They ate pizza, talked sports and liked kids.

A Saddam Connection?
Salon.com
Now this makes a lot more sense than yesterday's musings by the former head of Russian intelligence that the Colombian Drug Lords were behind the Sept 11 attacks. Who has money and reason to hate us? Saddam. And, speaing of Hussein, today's NY Post reports that Saddam: US Botched WTC Rescue.

NYC Missing Jumps To 6,333
CBS News
The higher number reflects reports of foreigners believed to be in the ruins. More Brits died in this one event than in any other one event since WWII. No wonder Tony Blair flew across the pond.

Insurance threat to airlines as BA cuts back 7,000 jobs
London Telegraph
Congress will have to cover the insurance costs: "Airlines have been threatened with the indefinite grounding of their fleets from next Tuesday because insurers are unwilling to continue providing war cover following last week's terrorist attacks on the United States."

Holes in US airport security
BBC
Business as usual?

The Central Intelligence Agency's unclassified fact sheet on Osama bin Laden
The Smoking Gun
Just the facts, Ma'am.

Terrorists Leave Paperless Trail
Wired
"Federal agents retracing the steps of the 19 hijackers suspected in last week's attacks are finding a digital trail that leads from one Internet connection to another." This comes as no surprise and is why Bush will soon order the use of both Echelon and Carnivore.

Hunter S. Thompson: When war drums roll
ESPN
The Doc is really worried: they cancelled the 2nd week of pro football! It must really be serious! Speaking of sports, The NY Times reports that Football, Set for TV Return, Is Benching Its War Clichés.

'Infinite Justice' May Not Stand, Pentagon Says
Reuters
"The initial code name for the Pentagon's response to last week's attacks on the United States, Operation Infinite Justice, will likely be changed to avoid offending Muslims, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said on Thursday." No, I don't agree with one emailer who suggested that we re-name it "Operation Can of Whoop-Ass."

Thursday September 20

bin Laden's HQ in London Semi
London Sun
The Sun sheds light on a London townhouse that houses the family of one of bin Laden's top lieutenants.

The Dangers Below
ABC News
A 70 foot wall that held up the basement, anchored in a landfill that dates back to the Revolutionary War, is in danger of collapsing and allowing the Hudson River to rush in. Also, in case you wondered, the BBC reports that the collapse of the towers did cause a seismic shock.

An Interactive Map of Who's Who in the Terror War
Slate.com
Not quite sure where Turkmenistan is? Here's a neat map to help. Also, today's London Times has an excellent article that precisely explains what is happening in Afghanistan today, Bin Laden - the wrong target?  Finally, The Toronto Globe and Mail reminds us of The Taliban's forgotten war on women: "Perhaps the cruellest rule is the one that requires women to live behind windows covered over with paint, so that no man can see them." This is a terrifying read.

Islam: a home of tolerance, not fanaticism By Yusuf Islam(formerly Cat Stevens)
Melbourne Age
The former pop singer can still wax eloquently.

“Islamic peoples have been victims of US fundamentalism”
Khilafah.com
For those who are wondering "Why do people hate us?"

Not My Son
ABC
Long-time contributor and pinch hit editor Kay sends this link in: The father of Mohamed Atta expressed disbelief that his son could have been one of the suicide terrorists who forced a plane into the World Trade Center. Yet Mohamed El Amir confirmed the photograph provided by authorities was, in fact, that of his son.

Afghanistan asks CNN to leave
Reuters
Ratings are good; CNN wants to stay. Speaking of leaving, today's Canoe.ca reports that Islamic clerics urged Osama bin Laden on Thursday to leave Afghanistan voluntarily. As if he'll listen.

German Composer Stockhausen Apologizes
AP
German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen apologized for calling last week's attacks on the United States a ``work of art'' - words that prompted the cancelation of four concerts in this northern city. Meanwhile, Bill Maher of ABC's Politically Incorrect also apologized. He's under fire for for saying some U.S. military actions were ``cowardly'' -- a remark many said was not only politically incorrect but offensive.

Ballmer: Windows XP launch on track
Cnet
Gates big blow out to launch the successor to Windows 98 is still scheduled to be held in New York late next month.

Children taught 'reality' of disaster
BBC
We've seen so many apocalyptic movies that when the real thing happened it didn't look "real" to some.

HP adds photo lab to all-in-one printer
Cnet
This is cool: HP is readying a new printer/scanner/fax machine that will allow users to insert their CompactFlash, SmartMedia and Memory Stick flash memory cards directly into the printer for printing at at 2400 by 1200 dots per inch.

Wednesday September 19

Religion's misguided missiles
Manchester Guardian
The Guardian writes that "Promise a young man that death is not the end and he will willingly cause disaster," but the Guardian has it wrong. These were not teenaged-zealots. These were middle-aged men, many of whom had families. This is a totally different thing.

Who did it? Foreign Report presents an alternative view
Janes.com
Toss in Iraq and a terrorist who has probably had plastic surgery to make himself unrecognizable and you can see the mess we are in.

Hard-line vigilantes break up Tehran vigil for American terror victims
NJ.com
We've heard reports that Iran is making gestures to help us, but here's proof they have a long, long way to go.

Soviet veterans warn United States: "You cannot win"
Salon.com
Which is why we are not rushing in.

Nuclear Safety
The Nation
"Russian security services are warning the United States that what happened on Tuesday is just the beginning, and that the next target of the terrorists will be an American nuclear facility."

Russia: bin Laden linked to terrorism
UPI
Here's a third Russian warning from today's news, this by Former Soviet foreign intelligence chief Leonid Shebarshin: "the Latin American lead should not be ruled out as the 'Colombian cocaine mafia possesses unlimited means.'" I dunno. I like the advice about not racing ground troops into Afghanistan and God knows that we can certainly protect our nuclear plants better, but to think that the Colombian Drug Lords have been hiring Arab terrorist pilots to live, train and blow up the US seems to be kind of a stretch.

FBI warns terrorists may steal fire trucks
CNN
Oldest son Tommy called to say that the FBI should't be educating terrorists. However, CNN now reports that FBI retracts warning about fire trucks.

After the Horror, Radio Stations Pull Some Songs
NY Times
Somebody thinks we are idiots: "Clear Channel Communications, the Texas-based company that owns about 1,170 radio stations nationwide, has circulated a list of 150 songs and asked its stations to avoid playing them because of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon." These songs include Ticket to Ride" by the Beatles, "On Broadway" by the Drifters, Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World," "Peace Train" by Cat Stevens and "A World Without Love" by Peter and Gordon. However, Fark links to Radio Ink tonight which declares that the banned song list is a hoax.
Times login:edportals  password: edportals

Ernie Coombs, TV's Mr. Dressup, dies
Canada.com
I will have to email this link to our oldest child, Mary, who watched Mr Dressup for years. Goodbye Casey....goodbye Finnegan.

Tuesday September 18

Airlines In Fight For Survival
CBS
Experts Fear Whole Industry Could Go Bankrupt.

Source: Boeing Plans 31,000 Layoffs
Washington Post
Add 20,000 from American Airlines, 10,000 from Continental and one can see that over 100,000 will probably lose their jobs because of the WTC disaster.

Dan Cries on 'Late Show' with Somber Letterman
CBS
Rather public tears.

Blair strides world stage
BBC
Interesting BBC take: "But every day and hour that passes without a massive US strike adds to the belief that Washington, with her allies, has decided to try to play this long and clever."

Scramble for safety
BBC
How top US officials were taken to safety.

Take A Bow, Rudy
CBS
My mother called tonight and added that "Giuliani is doing a great, great job," and this article agrees. Unfortunately, and I know it's not his fault, but the history books will always show that the attacks occured under his reign.

'New war' to be fought with unprecedented secrecy
CNN
America's "new war" against terrorism will be fought with unprecedented secrecy, including heavy press restrictions not seen for years, Pentagon sources said Monday.

Toll of missing at World Trade Center rises to 5,422
Reuters
201 bodies recovered.

Taliban Bring Scud Missiles Near Pakistan Border
Reuters
They "are ready to defend the motherland." Meanwhile, The Weekly Standard tells us 'Here's How To Break The Spirit of the Holy Warriors, and maybe that's already underway as today's Canada.com reports that Taliban considering turning in bin Laden.

NY Post: Feds Nabbed, Released 3 Suspects in June
Fox News
Three suspects in the bloodiest terrorist attack in U.S. history were in federal custody in New York three months ago - and set free, The Post has learned.

Schell taken aback by invitation's timing
Seattle Times
Aides to Seattle Mayor Paul Schell were stunned yesterday when they opened an envelope containing an invitation from New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani .... to a conference next month on disaster preparedness (including) sessions on terrorism ... and 'major building collapses,'" reports the Times. "The location: 7 World Trade Center, a 47-story building that collapsed Tuesday under the falling debris of the center's twin towers."

Symbols of Inspiration
caught In between
Nice piece about designing a symbol from our fellow web-logger Boy Caught. BC, by the way, had a fine thought the other day: "Will we ever get to the point that we realize we will be more secure when the rest of the world isn't living in poverty so we can have nice running shoes?" Speaking of fellow web-loggers, Follow Me Here has an equally fine piece today, which artfully tiptoes the line between Chomsky and those to Chomsky's right.

WTC wreckage guards buried treasure of COMEX gold
Reuters
12 tons were hidden beneath the WTC.

The Bastards!
Village Voice
My favorite headline.

One Brother Who Survived
Jannah.org
Our son Tommy sends in this eloquent essay. Thanks, son.

Chilling Final Moments Of Dad James
London's News of the World
This one brought tears to my eyes.

Suspected terrorist visited control tower?
Canoe.ca
This sort of thing will have to stop immediately.

Europe cautious over US response
BBC
Bottom line: Italy and Germany are afraid.

Farrakhan Denounces Terrorist Attack
Washington Post
"We agree with President Bush that there must be an appropriate response, but anger and wounded pride must not determine what the appropriate response should be." Well said, Minister Farrakhan. Echoing his words is a piece by a university professor in today's Toronto Globe and Mail, Memo to Mr. Bush: Is this a trap?

Eerie Image Pulled From CD
Wired.com
A hip-hop duo known as The Coup were about to release a CD with an unbelievable picture of an exploding WTC on the cover.

Noted producer Fred De Cordova dies
CNN
He was the man behind Johnny Carson. Also, long-time actress Dorothy McGuire is dead at 85.

Sunday  09 September

Why women have sex on the brain
London Times
It's called love.

Peter Fonda Recalls Acid Trip with the Beatles
Reuters
Interesting take about Fonda's encounter with John Lennon, including the origin of the lines "I know what it's like to be dead" and "you're making me feel like I've never been born."

Letting The Boundaries Dissolve
NY Times
The Times' Magazine section today has over 20 articles about women. I almost chose the one about the rabbi's wife as my link, but how can one resist an article about sex and power?
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Penis puppeteers wanted
Canoe.ca
In case you were interested: The auditions are open to both circumcised and uncircumcised genital origami hopefuls.

Earth does not move for science
BBC
What would happen if a million schoolkids jumped up and down, all at the same time, for over a minute? Well, it made the kids feel good, but otherwise...nothing.

Sisters on brink of making history
ESPN
We know this much for certain: A Williams will win; a Williams will lose.

Week 1 NFL primer: Time for some real hardball
SportingNews.com
Speaking of sports, it's week one in the NFL and let me go out on a limb and predict that the Pack will crush my beloved Lions like a bug under the wheels of my 4X4.

Harry Potter première date set
BBC
Here's news our 8 yr old Mike will devour: Potter will go on public release in the UK and North America on 16 November.

GAO May Sue White House
CBS News
Son Tommy says that he hopes this will be the start of many scandals that will "plague the Bush administration."

Catholic woman objects to restaurant's discount to Mormons
Ananova
Only in Utah: Rodizio's Grill in Utah gives a 15% discounts only to Mormons.

Windows XP: Microsoft's New Look for Fall, in Size XXL
NY Times
The Times reviews XP, revealing many of the new tricks we will soon be mastering.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals 

Obituary of Heywood Hale Broun; 83; Colorful Sports Commentator, Actor
LA Times
He was a wordsmith, always wore a plaid sportscoat and had a twinkle in his eye.

Death Dwarfs Stern Show
NY Daily News
The only follow-up article about the death of Hank the Angry Dwarf that I could find.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad NFL Referee'
CBS
Three new lists in three days. A record! My fave today is #4: Instead of using instant replay, makes players "do the same thing again, but slower"

Friday  September 07

Cajun humorist-cook Justin Wilson dead
UPI
Watched a show of his not too long ago and was shocked to see how poorly he was doing. No more gar-an-tees.

Naked Chef tells of bun in the oven
London Times
Oddly enough, today's best pun also concerns a TV chef, Jamie Oliver, "The Naked Chef."

Sharks Getting Bad Rap, 'Jaws' Author Tells U.S. Travel Writers in Bermuda
Yahoo Finance
After making a bundle from the finned creatures, Benchley apparently has a soft spot for them. Meanwhile, Slate also notices the pro-shark movement in their piece Attack of the Shark Lobby.

Montreal Canadiens captain Saku Koivu stricken with cancer
Canada.com
Life transcends sports.

'Jeopardy!' Loosens the Purse Strings
Zap2it
I'll take "who want to be a millionaire," Alex, for $2000. In other TV news, here's the latest Big Brother 2 results.

'USA Today' Ends Larry King Column
Editor and Publisher
It's about time. Now, if we can only get Ole Grinning Suspenders off CNN.

Stone to 'direct Indian disaster film'
BBC
Film director Oliver Stone is said to be in talks over making a movie of the Indian gas leak disaster in Bhopal which killed 22,090. Let's hope it's more realistic than his silly JFK.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

This Week in Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review

Dave's 'Top Ten Mexican Nicknames For George W. Bush'
CBS
Another new list! My fave is #5: El Dorque.

Thursday  September 06

Shooting at LA Area Home Leaves Three Dead
Reuters
We're getting this type of story every other day now. From now on we'll describe such stories simply as "It's on America's tortured brow."

Christianity almost beaten says Cardinal
London Times
"Christ was being replaced by music, New Age beliefs, the environmental movement, the occult and the free-market economy." Music? What is this guy thinking? Anyway, if there is no substantial Christianity left in the UK, then why have a Cardinal?

Shock discovery: American satire is funny
London Telegraph
Nice profile of the hilarious The Onion.

Chronicle of a marriage
Salon.com
Writer boasts that "After 34 years of marriage, infidelity and kids, we're having the best sex right now."

Pediatricians: Walkers Should Be Banned
ABC News
"The American Academy of Pediatrics is asking for a ban on baby walkers, calling the devices unnecessary and unsafe." We've had seven kids...and never bought a walker. One was given to us, but it ended up being used by the older kids as a sort of drag racer.

Wyclef Jean's Father Dies In Freak Accident
Launch.com
Run over by his own car, the Reverend Jean, 60, was a minister in a Newark, New Jersey, church.

Do honeybees realize that if they sting you they'll die?
Straight Dope
Do TV viewers realize that if they watch Jerry Springer their brains will rot?

President Shot At Buffalo Fair
NY Times
The front page from September 6, 1901,
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You've Had A Bad Summer'
CBS
Finally, a new list! My fave is #10: Your name includes words "Gary" and "Condit."

Wednesday  05 September

American people urge Bush to stay on vacation forever
The Chaser
Now the Aussies are getting in on the Bush-bashing.

Howard Stern's Hank the Dwarf Dies
E! News
Query: If he died of chronic alcoholism, is the Stern crew culpable, since they celebrated and encouraged his illness?

Bye-Bye Mr. Blue
Salon.com
We've consistently linked to Garrison Keillor's fine advice column for the past 18 months, but it's over now, due to his recent heart surgery and here is his goodbye.

Dave Barry: Missile defense system includes batteries
Miami Herald
When asked if there are any cheaper options to the Pentagon's $300 billion defense plan, Dave quips that "For $149, Sears sells a system that protects just your house."

Nobody's going to skin this Gator
CNET
An interview with Gator-Exec, Jeff McFadden. What is Gator? About 2 months ago I started getting this extremely annoying 'Gator' pop-up on my systems tray, accompanied by some annoying, idiotic pop ups, aimed at 'puter newbies, on the desktop. I had to enter msconfig.exe to rid my machine of Gator. Just today I was on our son Steve's machine and I asked, "Steve, where did you pick up this annoying Gator thing?" He had no idea. This is why 'Gator' is hated. It insinuates where it was not asked.

Mike Wendland: Imperfect, but Windows XP impresses
Detroit Free Press
Aha! It will contain a controversial anti-piracy feature that prevents you from loading the upgrade on another machine. There goes my plan to score my sister in law's already paid for version.

Western TV May Be Nearer for Chinese
NY Times
In a move that will no doubt backfire, the Chinese may allow broadcasting in China if we allow a Chinese station to broadcast here.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Furious George Sues Jews For Jesus
NY Post
The owners of Curious George do not want his image to be used in Jews for Jesus pamphlets. The J4J spokesperson comes up with today's best quote: "We think Curious George would like it."

Guy Lafleur teams up with Viagra
Canoe.ca
"LaFleur's breaking in on right wing. He shoots! He SCORES!!!!"

Did Nietzsche's philosophy arise from his lack of success with women?
Straight Dope
A somewhat snide answer obscures Neitzsche's burning intellect, but it is funny.

On This Day
NY Times
The front page of The Times from September the 5th, 1972.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Dave's 'Top Ten Bad Things About Living Longer'
CBS
We dip all the way back to 1993 for this golden oldie. My fave is #10: Seems like every time you turn around that damn Halley's Comet is back.

Tuesday  September 04

Man killed in N.C. shark attack; woman hurt
CNN
This time at Cape Hatteras, where you lost your glasses in the surf, my Darling Wife. Maybe we should rethink our Spring Vacation plans!

City pays $10 million for Y2K Bug protection
Ananova
Cleveland, Ohio is still paying $500,000 a month for Y2K protection. I wonder if anyone's contacted them about possible Halley's Comet protection?.

Kate Winslet to split from husband
BBC
Just yesterday the tabloids were trumpeting the new, thinner Kate. Today it's the new, single Kate. Maybe he liked her heavy?

Kael, grande dame of film reviewing, dies
CNN
Remember, my Darling Wife, way back in the 70's when we took the New Yorker, even though we had little money, and we would read Kael faithfully?

31 Years of Insanity
ABC News
Actress Anne Heche says she was two people. Celestia — her other personality — was from another planet and spoke a different language directly with God. How do we know she's not insane today?

Judaism remains as quarrelsome and vibrant as ever
London Times
Sweet, optimistic, little piece about Judaism.

This Day in Rotten History
rotten.com
A day light in rotteness, unless you were the little guy on Fantasy Island..

Dave's 'Top Ten Surprises in the New Sex Survey'
CBS
We dip all the way back to 1994 for this golden oldie. My fave is #10: Men finished the survey much quicker than women

Monday 03 September

Alter our DNA or robots will take over, warns Hawking
Manchester Guardian
The Matrix may very well be destiny, but we and our kids will be long gone.

U.S. TV news is the pits
Toronto Star
Amen.

Pioneering heart surgeon dies
BBC
A superstar thirty years ago, Dr. Christiaan Barnard is dead at 78. Speaking of superstars, 60's teen star Troy Donahue also died. Donahue, born Merle Johnson, made 72 movies.

Keillor Discusses Heart With Humor
Excite.com
Our beloved "Dear Mr. Blue" columnist discusses his recent heart operation and then sums up my life in a nutshell: "God never intended for me to work hard. I can see that now. My true calling in life is to live unencumbered and follow the fleeing impulses of my heart and take a nap around 2 p.m."

Reno Begins Race for Governor
Newsmax
The return of the Waco Kid.

Napster is dead. Long live Morpheus
Toronto Globe and Mail
For strictly MP3's, I'd vote Audiogalaxy.

Paul Tells Children: Not Milk
NY Post
Mean Mr Mustard is telling kids that dinking the white stuff will make them "fat and spotty [pimply]."

If you handle baby birds, will their parents shun them?
Straight Dope
That's what we were taught back in the fifties, so it must be true.

Dave's 'Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New College Roommate'
CBS
Some funny ones today, but my fave is #10: "I took the liberty of pushing the beds together."

Sunday  September 02

Russ Smith: Happy Retirement to The Good Jesse
NY Press
On weekends we turn to the best of the Weekly Alternative Press and we start this week with Smith's weekly Mugger column in which he has takes on Jesse Helms, the fall of both Sports Illustrated and The Boston Red Sox, The National Anthem, a trip to Coney Island, a visit to Pizza Hut where the conversaton was about cheap Chinese trade, and old rock'n rollers he hopes fade forever away. All in all, quite a trip.

Jesus of the Week
Denver Westword
This week's Jesus is very sandy. And let us not forget that other Jesus site, Peter Gilstrap's Calvacade of Christ, where this week's Jesus is flown about by his Mommy.

Return to Gender
Weekly Planet
A nice review of an excellent movie, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Street Talk: Have You Ever Sued Anyone or Been the Target of a Lawsuit?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting 'ask the person on the street' column.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
The Information Superhighway's Last Chance Exit for Trivia.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Weekly sex columnist tackles an issue we have never thought of re a "double harness" and a boyfriend, with a great final word of advice for the letter-writer.

Josey Vogels: my messy bedroom
Montreal Hour
She must be running out of topics because Vogels profiles Dr Hani Miletski, a psychotherapist and registered sex therapist who is writing a book on bestiality and zoophilia.

Hot and bothered
Toronto Eye
Columnist's hubby worries that he may have just been replaced by a $20 vial of cream.

I Love Television
Seattle Stranger
Nice anti-MTV rant. Interestingly, The Phoenix New Times also has an anti MTV rant, SUmmertime Blues, in which the writer wants his MTV and a shotgun. The bloom must be off the MTV rose. And speaking of rants, check out this week's Dan Savage column, You're A Moron, Mr Watkins. Dan's in fine form this week as he rips those who ride bareback.

Friday August 31

Recently Divorced Man Thinks Everyone Else's Relationship Is In Trouble
The Onion
"If [Roger] starts another sentence with, 'Ever since my divorce...,' I'm going to throttle him."

Why Would a Crowd Taunt a Woman to End Her Life?
ABC News
They watched too much TV?

Seattle tries to make amends to woman who jumped from bridge after being taunted
SF Gate
Maybe those were all visiting New Yorkers who were taunting.

Praise be to the God-fearing Simpson family
London Telegraph
Profile of a book my Darling Wife bought when we were up in the Big City 2 weeks ago, The Gospel According to the Simpsons. In other UK news about The Simpsons, its has been named the best children's show of all time by British television viewers

Biblical Archaeology: Deconstructing The Walls Of Jericho
Prometheus Online
Biblical scholar is shocked that, despite evidence that most Old Testament stories never took place, people still believe. The truth is that it's not important whether or not myths actually happened. Collective subconsciousness never lets facts get in the way.

Sen. Thurmond not 'mentally keen'
Salon.com
Oh, to be 79 again: 79 yr old Sen. Ernest "Fritz" Hollings claims that 98 yr old colleague Strom Thurmond is no longer "mentally keen."

Rabies scare after bat attack
Ananova
We've had two bat stories here locally lately. Our county health Commissioner picked up a dead bat that he found in his kitchen and, for the heck of it, decided to have it tested. It tested positively for rabies, the first such result in this county in the last eleven years. Secondly, at the end of Mass last Sunday, just before he was walking out, the Priest sent the congregation into near-hysteria when he looked up at the speaker on the ceiling and said "And let us pray for our little bat up there!"

Hefty Duo Eyed in Aaliyah Crash
NY Post
Never stick the 300 pounders in the back of a Cessna 402B.

Soprano kid acted like punk in arrest: Prosecutors
Toronto Star
Apparently he's not acting on TV. He's a jerk in real life, too, but we'll get to see some nice contrite acting soon.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
This is the day that Di died.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs A Little Leaguer Is Too Old'
CBS
Several funny ones among the Top Ten with my fave being #9: After the game, team orders 18 Slurpees and one margarita.

Thursday August 30

God Settles Gender Debate, Proves Masculinity
The Daily Bull
A heavenly disclosure: "In front of a crowd of thousands, God settled the dispute over His gender once and for all by removing His robes and displaying His genitals."

Bad News: No G-spot
7am.com News
"Doctors have debunked the idea that woman have a sexually sensitive location in their vagina." The G-Spot, my friends, does exist...it's in the woman's brain.

Gateway slashes its workforce
BBC
Gateway is to shed up to 4,600 staff, or a quarter of its global workforce. My sister in law Theresa called them 2 weeks ago for information and the agent was rude and dismissive, telling her that "I can't answer these questions, I have 40 people on hold who want to buy computers." No wonder they are in trouble.

Amazon.com to sell computers
Ananova
They'll peddle computers and software from Apple, IBM, Hewlett Packard, Toshiba and Compaq.

Man 'rises from the dead' 15 hours after being put in tomb
Ananova
The new Jesus?

WindowsXP is a more colourful, stable and intuitive environment
Vancouver Sun
Word is getting out: This will replace Windows 98.

Death Pilot Had Coke Rap
NY Post
This is starting to remind me of the Princess Di chauffeur angle: "Aaliyah's pilot pleaded no contest to possession of crack cocaine 12 days before the crash that took her life - and was not authorized to fly the plane."

Florida beach partly reopened as governor decries 'disproportional' media coverage of shark attacks
SF Gate
Yeah, where's the coverage of shark attacks in South Dakota or Nevada? It's always Florida, Florida, Florida.

Mister Rogers hangs up his cardigan
Canoe.ca
Tomorrow's the last day for our television neighbor.

Why do you feel groggy after oversleeping?
Straight Dope
I'm betting it was that 3rd glass of wine.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A bad day for Cleo and the DEA.

Dave's ' Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot'
CBS
My fave didn't make this December 6, 1996 list: You find out that he was busted for crack less than 2 weeks ago.

Wednesday August 29

Women banned over 'jealous mountain goddess'
Ananova
A sure sign that Westernization has a long way to go: "Thirty women have been banned from inspecting a tunnel on a Japanese construction site in case they upset the mountain's goddess."

Most young people 'couch potatoes'
BBC
Hey, our parents' generation didn't exercise either.

TV's Jen: Lesbian Kiss Is Softer
London Sun
Son Tommy asks "How does Brad Pitt feel about it?"

Malice is motivation for swimwear shots
London Times
Columnist argues that "The publication of bikini pictures is motivated by a toxic mixture of male lechery and malice." Yeah, true, but guys love that stuff.

XP: A shot in the arm for PCs?
ZD Net
Get ready to upgrade.

Rodney King Arrested for Alleged PCP Use
Fox News
"Why can't we all just get along?"

Dixie Chicks sue Sony for royalties
Toronto Globe and Mail
Sony claims it's owed 100 million.

MIT sues Sony for Digital TV profits
Salon.com
Mybe MIT and the Dixies should have joined cases.

Wisdom Each Day
Jewish World Review
Commentary about today's passage: “What makes a small child happy? Seeing a child smaller than himself.”

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A castrating day in rotteness.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Cold'
CBS
We dip back to October 10, 1997 for this golden oldie because just about everyone in our house has a bad cold. My fave is #2: Label on your Dristan package reads, "This won't help at all, you poor son-of-a-bitch."

Friday August 31

Recently Divorced Man Thinks Everyone Else's Relationship Is In Trouble
The Onion
"If [Roger] starts another sentence with, 'Ever since my divorce...,' I'm going to throttle him."

Why Would a Crowd Taunt a Woman to End Her Life?
ABC News
They watched too much TV?

Seattle tries to make amends to woman who jumped from bridge after being taunted
SF Gate
Maybe those were all visiting New Yorkers who were taunting.

Praise be to the God-fearing Simpson family
London Telegraph
Profile of a book my Darling Wife bought when we were up in the Big City 2 weeks ago, The Gospel According to the Simpsons. In other UK news about The Simpsons, its has been named the best children's show of all time by British television viewers

Biblical Archaeology: Deconstructing The Walls Of Jericho
Prometheus Online
Biblical scholar is shocked that, despite evidence that most Old Testament stories never took place, people still believe. The truth is that it's not important whether or not myths actually happened. Collective subconsciousness never lets facts get in the way.

Sen. Thurmond not 'mentally keen'
Salon.com
Oh, to be 79 again: 79 yr old Sen. Ernest "Fritz" Hollings claims that 98 yr old colleague Strom Thurmond is no longer "mentally keen."

Rabies scare after bat attack
Ananova
We've had two bat stories here locally lately. Our county health Commissioner picked up a dead bat that he found in his kitchen and, for the heck of it, decided to have it tested. It tested positively for rabies, the first such result in this county in the last eleven years. Secondly, at the end of Mass last Sunday, just before he was walking out, the Priest sent the congregation into near-hysteria when he looked up at the speaker on the ceiling and said "And let us pray for our little bat up there!"

Hefty Duo Eyed in Aaliyah Crash
NY Post
Never stick the 300 pounders in the back of a Cessna 402B.

Soprano kid acted like punk in arrest: Prosecutors
Toronto Star
Apparently he's not acting on TV. He's a jerk in real life, too, but we'll get to see some nice contrite acting soon.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
This is the day that Di died.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs A Little Leaguer Is Too Old'
CBS
Several funny ones among the Top Ten with my fave being #9: After the game, team orders 18 Slurpees and one margarita.

Thursday August 30

God Settles Gender Debate, Proves Masculinity
The Daily Bull
A heavenly disclosure: "In front of a crowd of thousands, God settled the dispute over His gender once and for all by removing His robes and displaying His genitals."

Bad News: No G-spot
7am.com News
"Doctors have debunked the idea that woman have a sexually sensitive location in their vagina." The G-Spot, my friends, does exist...it's in the woman's brain.

Gateway slashes its workforce
BBC
Gateway is to shed up to 4,600 staff, or a quarter of its global workforce. My sister in law Theresa called them 2 weeks ago for information and the agent was rude and dismissive, telling her that "I can't answer these questions, I have 40 people on hold who want to buy computers." No wonder they are in trouble.

Amazon.com to sell computers
Ananova
They'll peddle computers and software from Apple, IBM, Hewlett Packard, Toshiba and Compaq.

Man 'rises from the dead' 15 hours after being put in tomb
Ananova
The new Jesus?

WindowsXP is a more colourful, stable and intuitive environment
Vancouver Sun
Word is getting out: This will replace Windows 98.

Death Pilot Had Coke Rap
NY Post
This is starting to remind me of the Princess Di chauffeur angle: "Aaliyah's pilot pleaded no contest to possession of crack cocaine 12 days before the crash that took her life - and was not authorized to fly the plane."

Florida beach partly reopened as governor decries 'disproportional' media coverage of shark attacks
SF Gate
Yeah, where's the coverage of shark attacks in South Dakota or Nevada? It's always Florida, Florida, Florida.

Mister Rogers hangs up his cardigan
Canoe.ca
Tomorrow's the last day for our television neighbor.

Why do you feel groggy after oversleeping?
Straight Dope
I'm betting it was that 3rd glass of wine.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A bad day for Cleo and the DEA.

Dave's ' Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot'
CBS
My fave didn't make this December 6, 1996 list: You find out that he was busted for crack less than 2 weeks ago.

Wednesday August 29

Women banned over 'jealous mountain goddess'
Ananova
A sure sign that Westernization has a long way to go: "Thirty women have been banned from inspecting a tunnel on a Japanese construction site in case they upset the mountain's goddess."

Most young people 'couch potatoes'
BBC
Hey, our parents' generation didn't exercise either.

TV's Jen: Lesbian Kiss Is Softer
London Sun
Son Tommy asks "How does Brad Pitt feel about it?"

Malice is motivation for swimwear shots
London Times
Columnist argues that "The publication of bikini pictures is motivated by a toxic mixture of male lechery and malice." Yeah, true, but guys love that stuff.

XP: A shot in the arm for PCs?
ZD Net
Get ready to upgrade.

Rodney King Arrested for Alleged PCP Use
Fox News
"Why can't we all just get along?"

Dixie Chicks sue Sony for royalties
Toronto Globe and Mail
Sony claims it's owed 100 million.

MIT sues Sony for Digital TV profits
Salon.com
Mybe MIT and the Dixies should have joined cases.

Wisdom Each Day
Jewish World Review
Commentary about today's passage: “What makes a small child happy? Seeing a child smaller than himself.”

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A castrating day in rotteness.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Cold'
CBS
We dip back to Octover 10, 1997 for this golden oldie because just about everyone in our house has a bad cold. My fave is #2: Label on your Dristan package reads, "This won't help at all, you poor son-of-a-bitch."

Tuesday August 28

Chinese Turkey
BGM Online
A bulletin from across the pond: "Frustrated at losing 3 Olympic bids in a row, the Turkish government took its lead from China and turned communist, cracked down on human rights and invaded Tibet."

Catnip puts bite on mosquitoes
London Telegraph
Cats love it, but bugs hate it. It turns out that catnip is is 10 times more effective than DEET, the chemical used in commercial repellants.

Mitch Albom: Computing the cost of computers
MSNBC
The author of Tuesdays With Morrie bids the home PC a happy 20th birthday.

Dave Barry: Quality! Craftsmanship! Service contract!
Miami Herald
Dave's take on service contracts. It gets so silly that once I bought an $18 radio and was offered a 3 yr service contract for 5 dollars.

Timbaland, P. Diddy, Other Artists React To Aaliyah's Death
Sonicnet.com
In Detroit, a candlelight vigil was set for Monday evening outside the Detroit High School for Fine and Performing Arts, according to a school official. Aaliyah graduated from the school with a 4.0 GPA in 1997.

Mister Rogers is moving away
Detroit Free Press
The final new episode of Mr Rogers' Neighborhood airs Friday. Goodbye, television neighbor.

BBC backs away from charging online users fees
Manchester Guardian
Good news for web surfers. Meanwhile, The NY Times claims that net use is becoming stratified, with surfers sticking to favorite sites and not going elsewhere.

'This is Sill-vee-yah Poh-DJOH-lee'
Boston Globe
Nice profile of the American correspondent who for years has ended her reports with the highly distinctive ''In Rome, this is Sylvia Poggioli.''

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A quiet day in the rotten neighborhood.

Dave's 'Four Other Ways Gary Condit Can Improve His Image'
CBS
Here's four that didn't make yesterday's list, but still are funny.

Monday August 27

Mary-Kate Olsen Is Dragging Ashley Down
The Onion
I doubt if even their mother can tell them apart.

Beijing Implores Residents to Go for Gold in Etiquette
LA Times
300 Million Chinese Spit in Public, Survey Shows. That and 11 other bad personal habits have to go.

Soul star killed in Bahamas plane crash
London Times
More fodder for "Bermuda Triangle" theorists. Meanwhile, SF Gate lists the plane crashes that have claimed lives of musicians. And speaking of crashes, check out today's rotten.com link below.

Lennon's work was mock and roll
London Times
According to the article we finally find out where Lennon got his ideas for Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite. However, the source, as you can see has been known for years.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A rock'n roll death day as both Brian Epstein and Stevie Ray Vaughan died on this day.

Wisdom Each Day
Jewish World Review
“There is a folk saying, 'Things that children say, they have heard either from the father or the mother.' ”

Dave's 'Top Ten Ways Gary Condit Can Improve His Image'
CBS
Finally, a new list! My fave is #10; New campaign slogan: "Oh, like you've never killed anybody!"

Sunday August 26

Nude Japanese Schoolgirls!
Village Voice
On weekends we turn to the Best of the Alternative Press and start, as usual, with the venerable VV and their piece this week on two Japanese-American artists and their attempts to gently mislead porn searchers.

The Ravaging of Cyberspace
sfbg.com
Insightful guess as to where we're headed, and it's not pretty.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Weekly sex advice columnist counsels a large lady who wants the same freedom to be rude that thinner women seem to have.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
The sand of trivia in your brain's Vaseline

Shelly Sheklow
Eugene Weekly
Cute piece by Shelly about how she disabled a smoke alarm reminds me of the time our son Tommy became so agitated with a toy that was stuck in "noise" mode that he buried it. Only to dig it up 3 months later to find it still inanely chirping.

Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird
Austin Chronicle
Tales of the dead whale tour and a $250,000 a year dogcatcher lead this week's news.

Josey Vogels: my messy bedroom
Montreal Hour
Vogels examines Viacreme which has sold 4 million tubes of thier junk to American women.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
A very pissed-off bike rider has his say.

Dan Savage: Savage Love
Seattle Stranger
Sex Columnist Dan tackles that age-old issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "I'd like to have a 3-Way with my husband and his brother. How can I bring this up?"

A cock 'n' pull story
Toronto Eye
Our thanks to Todd for sending in this piece about two Australian men who, yikes, turn their penises into puppets!

Which Group Wears the Silliest Work Uniform?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting 'ask the person on the street' column.

Peter Gilstrap's 'Cavalcade of Christ'
LA Weekly
Aha, a competitor to the infrequently updated Jesus of the Week.

Russ Smith: Mugger
NY Press
Smith's takes are always worth reading, especially his shot this week at columnist Anna Quindlen.

Friday August 24

Japanese cow finds wallet lost by haymaker in US
Ananova
This story beats the time I found my lost wallet in the fridge.

Excite could swim with the fishes soon
USA Today
Back in the early days there was Yahoo and there was Excite.

Brains Behind the Boss
ABC News
A puff profile of actress Lorraine Bracco, who plays Dr. Jennifer Melfi, the brains behind the cable TV show's crime boss, Tony Soprano. The most interesting thing about this piece is the hint as to when the new season will start.

Best-Selling Author Peter Maas Dies
Detroit News
Author of Serpico. Meanwhile, veteran actress Kathleen Freeman died of lung cancer at 82. You don't know her? She was in tons of movies and TV shows. Check out her picture.

State officials confirm arrival of West Nile virus
Detroit News
Meanwhile, The Washington Post reports that the virus has been found in dead birds in DC as well.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

This Week in Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review. Speaking of reviews, Slate does this week's tabloids, just in case you didn't get to finish that article about Teddy Kennedy in the check out line.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Another volcanic day as Vesuvius blew 1922 years ago today.

Dave's 'Top Ten Ways O.J. Is Searching For The Real Killers'
CBS
Since CBS hasn't put up a new 'Top Ten' in over a week, we continue to dip back into the archives, this time all the way back to November the 11th, 1995. My fave is not on this list, but in today's NY Post. It seems that OJ will introduce Wyclef Jean, Foxy Brown and Lil' Mo at a concert tonight. He'll also sign footballs and toss them into the crowd.

Thursday August 23

Stephen Jay Gould Speaks Out Against Science Paparazzi
The Onion
Our resident Onion-ologist, our son Tommy, sends in this odd juxtapositional piece.

QE2 widow sticks to life on the ocean
London Times
82 yr old widow has been at sea for the last 20 months, at a cost of $5000 per month.

Obituary of Betty Everett
London Telegraph
She had only had one hit, but it was huge: "The Shoop Shoop Song, (It's In His Kiss)"

Do the Right Thing, Damn It
killing the buddha
America's leading theologian, Stanley Hauerwas, is hot. So hot that there are two current pieces on him. This interview and then a nice profile in the current Lingua Franca, For God, Not Country, The un-American theology of Stanley Hauerwas. Speaking of religion, today's SF Chronicle cheap shots the clergy with their piece about priests and molestation, Lustful Priests Sign Here. Apparently they've not read Andrew Greeley's take on the issue: The incidence of molestation within the Church is exactly the same as it is outside. People are people, collar or not. And in our final religious sighting, the fine Canadian essayist John MacLachlan Gray decries the use of biblical imagery in politics today in his piece Behold, rhetoric of biblical proportions is upon us.

Oh, Canada!
Nerve.com
The secret history of Canadian nudism is exposed. Speaking of nudism, it's not treated as benevolently in Russia, as an article in the Pravda points out: Naked British Tourists Arrested In The Center Of St Petersburg.

CJD transfusion risk 'tiny'
BBC
I noticed this the last time I donated blood. They've added a new exclusion to their list: If you've lived in the UK for more than 3 mos since 1980, you cannot donate to the Red Cross.

Irrefutable Evidence That Oprah Winfrey is Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor
Me Head
I've always had my suspicions!  Via Fark..

Wisdom Each Day
Jewish World Review
We start a new feature, the JWR's daily look at a verse from the Torah. Today we told "Do not withhold good from one to whom it is due."

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A calm day on the seas of rotteness.

Dave's 'Top Ten Lifeguard Pick-up Lines'
CBS
Cbs has updated Dave's websight! My fave from this 6 yr dip back into Dave's archives is #4: Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look coughing seawater out of your lungs?.

Wednesday August 22

George's mallet lasts 55 years
Ananova
Warning, a slow news day lies straight ahead, and we start with this gem: Gardener George Evans has used the same wooden mallet for the last 55 years.

Greenspan goes for broke
The Economist
A pessimistic view from Britain. Salon.com, on the other hand, presents the Yankee view: Interest rates go up. Interest rates go down. That is the Eternal Way

Bush's Texas-Sized Summer Vacation (And Your Rhode Island-Sized One)
Alternet
My vacation was more like Nashport, Ohio.

Swedish women say they don't get enough sex
Reuters
Two thirds claim to have had sex on their first date.   via Fark.

Cheer leader
New Scientist
Interesting interview with a "Happiness Professor" from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. You can find out if money leads to happiness and who the happiest people in the world are. My bet is it's the Swedes.

Life After Napster
Hotwired
Nice piece compares Napster alternatives, Audio Galaxy, Morpheus, LimeWire and BearShare.

Microsoft plugs Hotmail security hole
Cnet
All you Hotmailers can relax...for now.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Not such a bad day in terms of rotteness, unless your name was Huey P. Newton.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You've Had A Lame Summer'
CBS
We go back almost a year into Dave's archives, September 4, 2000, to pluck this one. My fave is #4: Went on a trip to West Nile and caught the New York virus.

Tuesday August 21

Inexorable March Of Time Brings TV's Jerry Mathers One Step Closer To Death
The Onion
His moments are running out!

Ralph Wiley: Why college football is the best sport in the land
ESPN
On crisp autumn Saturday afternoons I would agree. Speaking of sports, The London Times reports that adultery is common among professional athletes.

Smoking: The sex divide
BBC
This would explain why my Darling Wife still lights up every now and then: Survey says men are more likely to smoke because they are angry - and women when they are happy.

How the moon was made
BBC
Around 4.5 billion years ago the Earth had one hell of a day.

Survey: University of Tennessee rates as nation's No. 1 'party school'
SF Gate
Here's one Top Twenty list the Deans didn't want to make.

Hotmail hole exposes e-mails
BBC
Two articles re Hotmail which compliment each other. The BBC focuses on a specific flaw while Salon.com looks at how difficult in general it is for Hotmail to remain secure.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A volcanic day in terms of rotteness.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs You've Gone to a Bad Chiropractor'
CBS
We dip all the way back to August 18, 1994 for this golden oldie. My fave is #7: Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by "Uh-oh."

Monday August 20

The Family Mobile
NY Times
We open this week with a piece from The Times that makes our little family of mom, dad, 4 biological kids and 3 adopted kids pale in comparison. I'm not sure, my darling wife, that I want you to read this article: "First they have a few biological kids, then add some by adoption, from Korea, India, Hong Kong, Eastern Europe. Soon there are 17. For families like the Kayeses, a stable home life is an ever-evolving balancing act."
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Obituary of Donald Woods
London Times
You know the song Biko by Peter Gabriel? Woods broke the story.

Son follows Duchess of Kent into Catholicism
London Telegraph
Yikes, there goes his chance...right out the window: "Lord Nicholas Windsor, the younger son of the Duke and Duchess of Kent, has become a Roman Catholic, renouncing his 25th place in line to the throne to take up the faith."

Three-year-old drives parents' car home from nursery
Ananova
Note to my Darling Wife: We'd better start hiding our car keys from our lovely Sam!

Hindus threaten unrest over beef eating claims
Ananova
Never diss their distant ancestors: Hindus are threatening mass protests over a book that claims Indians used to eat beef in ancient times.

Experience Sandra Bernhard
Canoe.ca
Profile of the newest talk show on the block.

Seven cars sold to Alzheimer's man
London Telegraph
Unlike the lead characher in Memento, this poor fella didn't keep notes in his pocket. Speaking of movies, my Darling Wife and I saw three in the Big City this past weekend, Memento, Made and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. All three were quite good. Vince Vaughn in Made is out of his mind, Memento was complex, but holds your interest...however the best movie, by far, was Hedwig, a fun movie driven by a lot of David Bowie-type music.

Chinese police raid Tibetan religious institute
Toronto Globe and Mail
And these people were awarded the Olympics over Toronto? What a disgrace.

Why did the Magi consider frankincense and myrrh such valuable gifts?
Straight Dope
They couldn't find one of those "headlines on the day you were born" gifts?

This Day in Rotten History
rotten.com
A repulsively rotten day.

Dave's 'Top Ten People Least Likely to Break Roger Maris' Home Run Record'
CBS
We dip back to September 03, 1998 for this golden oldie. My fave is #10: Roger Maris.

Sunday August 19

Big Date
alt.sex.com
The trials and tribulations of being a heavy woman in the highly competitive dating scene.

Anticlimatic
MyMessyBedroom
Viagra for females? From the columnist's experience, it'd be cheaper to use breath mints.

Doggin' Dan
Savage Love
Two weeks ago, Dan Savage responded to a woman's problem involving her $14 thong panties and her dog. His answer brought on a plethora of angry mail.

Help Wanted
Anonymous Rant
Note to hiring managers out there: Tis better to receive and read once than receive a hundred times daily.

Weekly Column: Mr. Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
This week's column includes a fascinating bit about avocados.

Yes, She's a Model - No, She Isn't a Size 1
L.A. Times
Asian women are rebelling against being stereotyped. Perhaps the woman in the Big Date link, above, can take heart from this.

Friday August 17

Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs
The Onion
"I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy fuck,'" said Oceanographic Institute director Dr. James Aoki.
Sent in by our oldest son, Tommy. Thanks, son!

Pope called to atone for Vatican's past use of castrati
Sydney Morning Herald
Bet he doesn't have the balls to do it. In other reparation news, Lambda reports that International Coalition Advocates for Full Recognition of Gay Victims.

High Times Ahead For Homer Simpson And Pals
Page Six.com
A Ratings Ploy? Doh!

Viagra Fuled Cyberperv: Ex
NY Post
Expect the first "Viagra" defense after his blame the victim ploy fails.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Rog's takes on the latest releases.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
An average day in terms of rottenness.

Smith shouldn't get a dime, judge rules
Houston Chronicle
Busty babe marries an old guy who dies and then inherits half a billion dollars.

Dave's 'Top Ten Anna Nicole Smith Dating Tips'
CBS
Speaking of Anna Nicole Smith, we dip back into Dave's archives, to August 15, 1995, for this one. My fave is #5: Remind him, "Hey, when you're 160, I'll be 101."

Thursday August 16

Cuba To Buy Car
The Onion
These people are so funny! "We know of an '82 Buick Skylark in Haiti that we should be able to fix up and make usable."

White Grape Juice Easier On Babies' Tummies After Diarrhea Than Apple Or Pear
Internet Wire
The kindler, gentler side of net.Headlines.

To upgrade or not to upgrade
BBC
Interestingly, I talked about just this subject tonight over dinner with my sister-in-law who is getting a new 'puter. I asked if I could get her $40 upgrade option to XP since my 98 is so damned unstable. Now, let's read the article to see if that makes sense.

Wayne Brady improvises a variety show
KnoxStudio.com
Nice star, of Whose Line Is It Anyway?", gets variety show.

Drinkers 'feel healthier' than teetotallers
BBC
Hell, yes, when I drink too much red I think I'm the healthiest thing in Ohio....until the next morning, that is. Speaking of drinking too much, check out Nerve.com's essay {and photos} about Spring Break 2001, The Big Tease.

Moonie Bride: Vatican Captured My Bishop
NY Post
Vatican: Checkmate.

Web sites provide forum to vent customer beefs
Toronto Globe and Mail
Here's two related stories. The Globe and Mail piece about consumer sites that list customer frustrations and an article from The NY Post, Web War On Condit. Mayb e the Archbishop's wife should get her own site!

The Elvis Revolution
ABC News
ABC celebrates the anniversary of Elvis' death with a nice tribute to the late Phil Ochs.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
A disgustingly rotten day.

Dave's 'Top Ten George W. Bush Observatons About New York City'
CBS
My fave is #3, but numbers 2 and 1 are right up there as well.

Wednesday August 15

US Pulls Out Of Treaty That Promised To Stop Totally Fucking Up The Whole Fucking Planet
Herd of Sheep
Bush steers clear of "cloud cuckooland."

Earl Anthony, bowling legend, dies at 63
ESPN Classic
Legendary lefty leaves life's lanes.

Leave Those SUVs Alone
National Review
I need a bumper sticker that says something like: "Don't get mad about the SUV; we have 7 kids."

Revealing the McSource
ABC News
Vegetarians discover that Billions and Billions deceived.

U.S. Looks Abroad for Teachers to Fill Gap
Yahoo News
Why not fill Old Navy or A&F?

Technology puts a lock on CDs
BBC
Music Wars Update: The industry already has over a million digitally-encrypted CD"s in consumer's hands.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Today scores light on the rottenness scale.

Miss America Winner Will Be A True 'Survivor'
NY Post
They'll face a "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"-type quiz, but, of course, they'll still have the swimsuit competition.

Dave's 'Top Ten Other Ways The Miss America Pageant Will Be Different This Year'
CBS
The preceding link leads us directly to July 15, 1998 for this oldie. My fave is #5: More emphasis than ever on oxyacetylene welding.

Tuesday August 14

Area Man Has No Idea Why He Wrote 'Gazebo Convo–Resolve/Tues (!?)' In Planner Six Weeks Ago
The Onion
Back when I was in law school I had to switch from cursive to printing because I couldn't read my own notes, so I totally understand.

Hackers make house calls
BBC
Ever think of installing a firewall? Maybe this will convince you: Symantec recruited 167 volunteers who spent several hours a day online form their homes. 159 of the 167 participants enjoyed the attentions of hackers. Meanwhile, Slate.com t aps into a slightly different vein with its article How to keep your private business private on the Internet, in which they provide tips on invisible online computing.

Lay off men, Lessing tells feminists
Manchester Guardian
Have you noticed in the past few years how many times guys on TV get kneed in the groin? Maybe I should start a website, www.count_the_cheap_groin_shots.com.

Bishop's Angry Wife Raises Hell At Vatican
NY Post
The Post reports that "The wife of a controversial Zambian archbishop marched into St. Peter's Basilica yesterday, demanding to be reunited with him - and adding she may be pregnant with his child." You can bet the Pope nudged some cardinal and whispered, "You see what can happen? We were right all along."

'Voracious' B.C. bullfrogs terrorize cats, ducklings
National Post
Lock the doors, B.C.'ers, batten down the hatches and don't forget to drag the kids indoors as well.

Exporters advised not to tell customers to suffer from diarrhoea
Ananova
A round-about headline to describe the following: Coors' slogan "Turn it loose" translates to "suffer from diarrhea" in Spain. Via Fark.

Today In Rorten History
rotten.com
A pathologically benign day.

Dave's 'Top Ten Lifeguard Pet Peeves'
CBS
My fave is #1: A depressed, overweight David Hasselhoff keeps asking for a job

Monday August 13

Big Brother Contestant Eats Bran Muffin
The Satyr
This year's version is sexier & nastier, but still boring.

'Oversized' penis is no basis for divorce, court rules
Ananova
Always check the package out before you buy it.

Dave Barry: North Dakota wants its place in the sun
Miami Herald
Dave's zany thoughts on the curious movement to change North Dakota's name.

Mitch Albom: Mitch Albom: Flight 255 still haunts the families
Detroit Free Press
The author of Tuesdays with Morrie looks back at Michigan's worst air disaster, the 1987 crash of Northwest Flight 255 which killed 154. Meanwhile, The London Times reports that 144 air passengers died to save £197 in a crash last month in Irkutsk.

Wrestlers thrown by Panda logo ruling
BBC
In this corner, weighing in at 300 lbs....from China....a cute, bamboo eating panda, symbolizing the WWF.....and in this corner...weighing in at 300 lbs...those phonies from Monday Night Raw...The WWF!

Haunted by Mold
NY Times
Here's a warning you don't read everyday: "Warning: Reading this story might make you sick." I know of one guy online who's lost everything to this, right down to the family photo albums.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

On Language by William Safire
NY Times
Safire's annual linguistically-oriented summer reading list.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A light day in rottenness.

Dave's Top Ten Books On The New York City Schools Summer Reading List
CBS
We dip back to July 28, 1999 for this golden oldie. My fave is #10: "Horton Hears A Gunshot"

Sunday August 12

How Gay Men Are Remodeling Regular Guys
Village Voice
On weekends we turn to 'The Best of The Alternative Press' and we start, as usual, with the venerable VV which outs straight guys who act gay in order to meet women.

Desperately seeking something
Detroit Metro Times
Today's 'twenysomething angst' sounds remarkably familiar.

How Jill Scott's Honest Soul Poetry Turned The Music Industry On Its Ear
Cleveland Free Times
Reviewer catches Scott on an awards show and comes to the same conclusion that I did after watching her on the Grammys: Jill Scott is awesome.

Jesus of the Week
St Louis Riverfront Times
This week: Hungry hungry hipbones.

Street Talk: What Do You Consider Your Predominant Personality Trait?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting 'ask the person on the street' column.

Miss Eudora
Columbus Alive
Sweet Eudora Welty tribute.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
Of prime numbers and meat industry

Russ Smith: Bush Heats Up
NY Press
Smith's always excellent political analysis.

Dan Savage: Savage Love
Seattle Stranger
Weekly sex-advice columnist is a little testy this week.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
This week's rant is from the anti-yuppie and he's mad and mean.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
The Bay Guardian's sex advice columnist has a very witty definition of middle age tucked inside answer number two.

Josey Vogels: my messy bedroom
Montreal Hour
Vogels tours a Picasso exhibit and decides that PP was a dirty old genius.

Friday August 10

Point/Counterpoint: I Am So Starving
The Onion
Note to my Darling Wife: we should make our almost 13 yr old, Steve, read this! Url sent in by our 19 yr old son, Tommy.

Macy Gray Apologizes for Performance
People Magazine
She "forgot the words" to the National Anthem, which is understandable. A few days later former Chicago Bear Steve McMichael lead the singing of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" during a Cubs game, but he cracked a joke about the umpire at the end of the song and the ump ejected him, making him the first singer ever thrown out of a game.

Church 'has long blessed gays'
London Telegraph
But hasn't married them, yet.

Blue Glow
Salon.com
Ah, my darling wife will be glad to hear this: HBO is about to rerun all three seasons of The Sopranos. Speaking of Salon, Yahoo's wire service reports that Salon.com Tackles Financial Trouble.

Sluggers And Their Ridiculous Pads
Slate.com
Excellent article points out what I've been carping about to my brothers in law. Batters like Jim Thome wear armour and lean over the plate and, oh, just read the article. He does a better job.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases, including American Pie 2.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

Beer Cooler Saves Fishermen
ABC News
More proof that beer and bait go together like eggs 'n bacon.

The Jaws of Government
National Review
Interesting piece which claims that the federal government is directly responsible for the rise in shark attacks. Via Fark.

Do hair and nails continue to grow after death?
Straight Dope
My wife got this one right, of course.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
An average day in terms of rottenness.

Dave's 'Five Extra Signs It's Time For A Clown To Retire'
CBS
Several good ones that didn't make the cut.

Thursday August 09

Slain Cop Had Only 37 Years Until Retirement
The Onion
We start Thursday's headlines with this sad report from Detroit.

Gadget with more byte than bark
BBC
Inventors in Japan claim to have developed a gadget that lets pet owners understand just how their animal is feeling. Note to my darling wife: I'm not spending any money to find out that Scooter is saying "food! food!"

Why beer is the best medicine for the heart
BBC
The 2nd best news I heard today! The best was hearing "Your machine is fixed, Ed. Come and get it."

Stowaway Fell From Jet Near Airport, Police Say
NY Times
And you thought you were having a bad day?
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Man jumps into exhibit at New York's Bronx Zoo, says he wants to bond with gorillas
SF Gate
Today's best quote: "There was no physical contact between the two species."

We used to cope well with summer's heat
Toronto Globe and Mail
I tell our kids that "you know, when we grew up no-one had air conditioning. Only the drugstores and movie theatres had it," and the kids stare back blankly...unable to comprehend the sheer terror of the message.

The dulling of a pop star
Toronto Globe and Mail
A hint: she's weird.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A particularly rotten day today.

Dave's 'Top Ten Signs It's Time For A Clown To Retire.'
CBS
Many good ones today with my fave being #6: Makes shapes with balloons to demonstrate what's wrong with his prostate.

Tuesday August 07

Search for Chandra Levy Keeps Yielding Internet Porn
The Satyr
And for every window you close, three open. Err....so I have been told.

Kim dines on donkey and says it's heavenly
London Telegraph
What an ass: while his people starve, he eats donkey and serves it to unsuspecting guests as "heavenly cow."

The best thing since Hendrix?
London Times
A brother and sister act from Detroit are taking Britain by storm.

CNN's Headline News launches new look
Salon.com
They stole the idea from Bloomberg TV. A review far less complimentary can be found in today's NY Daily News, referring to Headline News as The Channel Nobody Watches. I think of it as The Channel Always On At Laundromats, Car Washes and My Mother-in-Law's House.

Clinton Signs Book Deal Worth More Than $10 Million
NY Times
Brace yourself for a horrid round of talk show visits.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Obituary of Lorenzo Music
POV Online
A nice tribute to Music, the voice of Carlton the Doorman and Garfield the Cat. Via fark.com.

Lennon's whinings can be yours
Toronto Globe and Mail
Obligatory Beatle's link.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
An explosive day in rottenness.

Dave's Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Beach
CBS
We dip back into the archives a year. My fave is #9: Guy with metal detector keeps finding 55-gallon drums of medical waste.

Monday August 06

'Extinct' turkey is gobbled up
London Telegraph
This just in from our "There Must Be Another One Out There" Department: "A TURKEY belonging to a species last seen alive more than 60 years ago has been found by three Indonesian hunters, who ate it."

Corn husks rain from the sky in Kansas
Ananova
Odd, but doesn't top the raining frogs that my folks once saw in North Dakota.

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
The Times' wordsmith sits back to examine "forward leaning."
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Viagra may help pediatric lung disorder
Salon.com
Possibly great news, but I wonder about the side effects!

Mormons vs Catholics: Guess Who's Winning
Slate
Nice explanatory piece, focusing on abortion and stem cell research stances. Speaking of Mormons, A US District Court judge granted summary judgement in favor of the University of Utah and against a Mormon student who filed suit claiming she was discriminated against because the part she had in a school play required swearing.

Do twins have identical DNA?
Straight Dope
After reading this, am I to understand that identical twins are the original clones? Does the Pope know about this?

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
One hideously rotten event spoils an otherwise benign day.

Dave's Top Ten NY City Tourist Questions
CBS
A funny batch today. My fave is #3: "Do I have to come back to New York to testify?"

Thursday August 02

Book too crude for De Sade award
London Times
The senior living Sade, The Count Xavier de Sade, has complained that the winner of the annual The Prix Sade, given annually to the book that matches the spirit of the Marquis' works, is pornographic and not worthy of the high standards associated with his famous ancestor.

Mariah had breakdown
BBC
Who'll get that precious first interview? Oprah? Diane Sawyer? Barbara Walters? Jerry Springer?

Meet the Neanderthals
BBC
Swiss researchers create 3D images of Neanderthal skulls and it turns out my Dad was right after all. They do look like our former neighbors!

Iranian press praises 'spider killer' who strangled 16 prostitutes
London Telegraph
Notice that he didn't kill the johns, only the hookers. And they applaud it. What a duplicitous land.

In the Airport Fast Lane, With Your Eyes as a Passport
NY Times
I would have thought it would be our fingerprints, not our eyes, that would gain us fast entry.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

A Life in the Toilet
ABC News
The average American spends about an hour a day in the commode. That gives me about 45 minutes more free time than most people.

CNN Headline News to display ad logos
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Attention AOL: I will allow the Time Warner AOL logo on my tombstone for one million US dollars upfront. Offer also open to Microsoft, Wendy's, Playboy, Cartoon Network, Lifetime Network, Saddam Hussein.

Why is white meat white and dark meat dark?
Straight Dope
To guide us to our favorite parts?

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A quiet day in terms of rottenness, enlivened only by a possible murder of a US president.

Dave's Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Resort
CBS
We dip back into Dave's archives to find this. My fave is #7: Steel drum band is a guy banging on your car with a hammer.

Wednesday August 01

3822 Voted America's Favorite PIN Number
The Onion
"Narrowly edges 7135."

Negotiators join web royalty row
BBC
One of my favorite sites, Ron Diamond's Golden Oldies shut down recently, no doubt due to this row. Ron had a great site going, streaming many rare songs. I'll miss ya, Ron.

Suit contends Wendy's food tainted
Cincinnati Post
It was a little more than just "tainted." The customer claims she found a condom in her chili.

Women think about hair almost as much as they think about sex
Ananova
This is what might happen when you give your daughters Barbie dolls: "One in five women say they would give up a great sex life or personal wealth if they could have eternally perfect hair."

Web Worm Is Squished
NY Post
Y2K revisited? However, ABC News warns that "The storm has not passed yet."

Do problems in the bedroom mean it's over?
Toronto Star
Is bad sex enough to end a good marriage? Next week we'll probably find the Star asking "Should I stay in a bad marriage because the sex is spectacular?"

Vikings tackle Stringer dies from heat stroke
ESPN
All Pro tackle dies after vomiting three times at a grueling practice. I see a lawsuit coming.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A fairly rotten day in history including an excellent quip about building dams.

Dave Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're In A Bad Boy Scout Troop
CBS
My fave is #1: Every year you have to put on a skit and go door-to-door selling cookies.

Tuesday July 31

Gore Upset That Clinton Doesn't Call Anymore
The Onion
With his new office in Harlem and 1 Million Bucks in his checking account, Bubba has better things to do.

Red Virus Will "Wreck The Net"
London Sun
Leave it to The Sun to expect the worse. By the way, if you have Windows 98 you need not worry.

Canada opens door to marijuana
BBC
While Canada relaxes a tad, the London Times argues that Cannabis kills. Meanwhile, The Economist reports that "Plutarch, a historian who was also high priest at the temple of Apollo, in Delphi, describes the sweet-smelling vapours that the priestess who spoke the oracles inhaled in her cubby-hole under the temple." In other words, she was stoned and as our oldest son, Tommy, writes: "those oracles and their sweet smelling vapors, and their fondess for crunchy salty food."

Flatley hangs up his shoes
BBC
Oddly, the Beeb fails to give his age. Michael Flatley was born on July 16, 1958. I'm always suspicious, however, when anyone under 65 "retires."

Judge grants delay for Poundstone
CNN
Her attn'y states that "Anytime someone abuses alcohol, it clouds their judgment, and I'm not going to discuss the facts of the case, but I think that's a given." This is a tacit admission, folks, and a plea for mercy.

Bill could make monks untouchable
Bangkok Press
Here's the state of Freedom of the Press in Thailand: "a one-year jail term or/and a fine of 20,000 baht for any person who makes damaging comments about Buddhism or the Sangha body, which includes all monks."

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Our intrepid advice columnist prepares for open-heart surgery.

92-year-old done for drink driving after 75 years spotless record
Ananova
It's "Senior Citizens are Human, Too, Week" as today's SF Gate reports that Man, 84, held in fatal shooting.

Rochelle Riley: How illiteracy devastates city
Detroit Free Press
47% of my hometown's residents cannot use reading as a tool in everyday life. I stil luv theyr hockee teem!

What happens during cremation?
Straight Dope
A nice page to read while sipping your morning coffee.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A so-so day in rottenness, sprinkled with a pun.

Six More Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Gas Station Attendant
CBS
Not content with ten, Dave throws us some more crumbs. My fave is "Been almost a whole day now without an explosion."

Monday July 30

Majority of Internet: 47/M/Masturbating
The Daily Bull
Good thing I'm not 47: "French researchers have recently announced that, contrary to popular belief, slightly over 67% of all Internet users are 47/m/masturbating."

Woman expecting Toyota wins 'toy Yoda'
Ananova
Hey, it could have been a twenty carrot ring!

Brain Reacts Differently to Faces Based on Race
Yahoo
Whites were not as successful in recalling which pictures of African Americans they had seen before. Via fellow-blogger caught In between who has a great line concerning this: "Hmmm, maybe that's why white cops profile the bruthas at such a high rate: they just can't remember if they pulled them over before."

Pro Leagues' TV Ratings Drop; Nobody Is Quite Sure Why
NY Times
If MJ comes back, things will change.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Government, private officials sound alarm over ``Code Red'' worm
SF Gate
Nice AP explanation of the latest net threat.

Net music faces patent squeeze
Cnet
Even those 20 second Amazon samples are being fought over.

Who invented the yo-yo, and why?
Straight Dope
The "why" seems pretty obvious, but the "who" may surprise.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Odd that the boys down at rotten, {I assume there are no girls working at such a rotten site}, would miss the sinking of the USS Indianapolis by the Japanese, killing over 800, two weeks before the war's end

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Gas Station Attendant
CBS
MY fave is #9: "You do know there's a guy hiding in your back seat, don't you?"

Sunday July 29

On the Corner
Village Voice
On weekends we turn to the Best of the Weekly Alternative Press and start, as usual, with the venerable VV. If you live in a major American city then you may have seen undocumented workers standing in groups on street corners, looking for work. The VV takes an extensive look at the plight of these day workers.

Consumer Guide by Robert Christgau
Village Voice
He's known as "The Dean of American Rock Critics" for a good reason.

Page Two
Austin Chronicle
I didn't know that Ernie K-Doe was dead.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
More facts from the backroom of Smarty Pant's brain.

Girly-Men’s Clothes Burst Seams as Guys Show Off Butts and Pecs
NY Observer
Here's news that has not filtered down to Ohio: "Nobody wants to wear anything big. That baggy phase is over.”

When I'm 64
NY Press
Excellent Paul McCartney rant, with many scoring lines such as "After 30 years of marriage to a homely woman who started out as a starfucking photographer in the 60's, then hit the jackpot and spent the rest of her days mistaking privilege for talent."

Close Shaves
NY Press
Female writer muses about ...er...shaved balls.

What’s your problem?
Detroit Metro Times
Survey Says: racism is a thing of the past. This writer, of course, is not buying it.

StreetTalk: Is All Animal Life, Excluding Human Beings, Equally Valuable?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting "ask the person on the street" column.

Jesus of the Week
Kansas City Pitch
"Behold four Jesii" is this week's divine pick.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
This week's bitch is tacky, whiny and fun to read.

I Love Television
Seattle Stranger
Great update on BB: "So. Have you been watching the second season of Big Brother? No, you have NOT, because you correctly recognize it as the task of an idiot."

sfbg
alt.sex.column
All you need is love, and a little lube.

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Seattle Stranger
Dan the Sex-Man does dorm rules

Josey Vogels: my messy bedroom
Montreal Hour
Josey visits a nature camp and finds that it's often a liberating experience for women, not men.

Friday July 27

Parents are scarier than aliens
Ananova
"Children say their mum and dad are scarier than dinosaurs and aliens." That's because monsters can't pull the kids off the internet as punishment.

McCartney and Mills to marry
BBC
Apologies for this obvious link, but we are required by law to list every Beatles-related story.

Philip Morris executive apologizes for report
Canoe.ca
The "benefits from smoking deaths" statement was worthy of The Onion. Meanwhile, in other health news, Dutch researchers say that drinking 2 cups of tea a day can halve the chances of having a heart attack. Tetley's, anyone?

Hotmail: How much filtering is too much?
Cnet
Hotmail is getting a lot of flak over its new spam-filtering process, but I like it. Anything that can filter away those annoying University Diploma emails, not to mention the Lick My Breasts ones is a winner in my book.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases, including a new 35mm print of Fellini's Satyricon. Rog gives the remade Planet of the Apes 2 stars, but The Boston Globe has the best lead in with its review: When hairy met silly.

The White Man's CD Rack
SF Gate
Good article built around an interesting concept: the term "world music" is "Anglocentric to the max."

This Week in Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review. And speaking of sex, Slate gives us the run-down on the latest Triangles in Tabloidland.

This Day in Rotten History
rotten.com
A light day in rottendom.

Top Ten Ways The World WOuld Be Different If It Were Covered In Water
CBS
We dip back 6 yrs into Dave's archives to pull this one out and my fave is #3: It would be considered perfectly good manners to leak out the window.

Thursday July 26

White Male Writer to Offer Fresh Perspective
The Satyr
Gotta love this: Struggling sitcom "Life In Da' Hood," received a boost from Warner Brothers Tuesday, when executives brought in James Rhodes, a white Harvard graduate, to spin a fresh perspective on the sitcom about inner city black families.

Shaq says he'll play just three more years, then become a cop
Charlotte Observer
This just in from our "bet the farm this will never happen" department.

Half-hour of second-hand smoke could be harmful
Canoe.ca
"Seth Moskowitz, spokesman for R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co., said the study does not change the company's belief that there is no scientific evidence establishing that second-hand smoke is a risk factor for lung cancer, heart disease or any other disease in adult non-smokers." Seth also firmly believes that Shaq will become a cop in three years.

Clues to Future Suicide Contained in Poets' Words
Yahoo
This should come as no surprise: researchers say that writings of poets of various nationalities who committed suicide contain words and language patterns that give clues about their eventual fate.

Report: AT&T, AOL discussing Broadband
VNY
As I wrote yesterday, Someday there will only be two companies, AOL and Microsoft. Via Drudge. And, speaking of Drudge, he also links to this story out of Tampa Bay. The Missouri Attorney General has filed a law suit against Miss Cleo, the latenight huckster of American TV.

Death of a Manhattan cover girl
London Times
Profile of star model Natasha Duncan who apparently killed herself on July the 23rd.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
An averagely rotten day.

Top Ten George W Bush Observations About Europe
CBS
Dave has a new list and my fave is #4: In France, you don't have to say, "French fries," you can just say "fries." And, by the way, ever wonder why they are called french fries?

Friday July 20

Better Than Sliced Bread?
ABC News
And we start off Friday with a link sent in by Kay. "Coming Soon: Individually Wrapped Slices of Peanut Butter." But, how will we add the jelly?

Pub-Goer Sure That He Impressed Female Colleagues When He Mouthed Along Word-Perfect To "Losing My Religion."
Herd of Sheep
Consider this.

Kidman 'in shock' over Cruise's news
Ananova
We continue to follow the disintegration with fascination. In other entertainment news, 94 year old Katherine Hepburn has been hospitalized. A true legend, she's won Oscars in the Thirties, the Sixties and the Eighties.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases, including Julia Roberts' newest America's Sweethearts.

Hotmail's face-lift spawns complaints
CNet
I like it, but the font size is peculiarly small.

Court: Napster can go back online
Salon.com
A spate of Napster-related articles out there today, starting with its current status. Both The NY Times and Salon.com report on Napster-Alternatives, with Salon being the far better article, complete with links. FInally, here's a report that says the record industry has been quietly inserting audible clicks and pops into music files that are copied from a CD onto a PC.

Animal trainer Gebel-Williams dies
CNN
Brain cancer claims the world-famous circus animal trainer. He was 66.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A really rotten day in history.

Top Ten Ways To Make The Tour de France More Exciting
CBS
We go back exactly a year into Dave's archives. My fave is #1: Make it the Tour de South Bronx

Thursday July 19

'Sopranos' Headed For 5th Season
CNN
Good news for fans, especially those who look forward to psychoanalyzing each week's episode.

Court: Napster Can Go Back Online
salon.com
It's down! It's up! It's down! No, it's up! Quick, grab the CD burners!

Fixing a Hole Where Spam Comes In
wired.com
My dial-up ISP, which I cancelled a month ago, is still sending me e-mail spam at the rate of 20+ a day, to my exasperation. But even I have to admit Mindspring's solution to email spam is overkill.

See and Be Seen
Mother Jones
Yet another twist on "Big Brother is Watching You".

Full Sail:Tall Ship Fleet Arrives For Big Bash
Detroit Free Press
If Ed were here, undoubtly he'd wax nostalgic. Personally I'm sorry I missed Boston's first Tall Ship Festival; my mom went and called it "breathtaking".

Plan To Straighten Out Entire Life During Vacation Yields Mixed Results
The Onion
Ed is also forever teasing me about taking vacations. Well, Ed, I can't say I've gotten as bad as this guy.. yet!

Dude, Where's My Scar?
Entertainment Weekly
A little something to reassure fans looking forward to the Big Event.

SAT Question of the Day
collegeboard.com
An easy one, I think. A more niggling question is: Where is Transitania?

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
Slim pickings for today, but in 1952 unidentified sightings were made at Washington D.C's National Airport.

David Letterman's List
CBS
We dig into the archives and come up with a timely "Ways I, Dave Letterman, Am Conserving Energy" from July 18, 1999. My favorite: "Turned off yesterday's Yankee game in the bottom of the 8th inning." He should've turned it off in the bottom of the 1st. (Can you tell I'm a Red Sox fan?)

Wednesday July 18

Holy Land Stolen "One Shovelful At A Time."
The Brain Trust
Great stuff: "Who can forget the 1986 attempt to hypnotise the entire Jewish population into walking into the sea by fixing a big swinging pendulum to the Dome of the Rock?"

Turkey to require female medical students be virgins
Nando Times
Talk about stupidity: new directives issued by the health ministry provide for virginity tests if a female student is suspected of "having had sexual relations or being a prostitute." Sexual relations or being a prostitute? These peo ple hate women.

Man falls asleep at wheel - wakes up in Norway
Ananova
My grandma once told me that grandpa woke up in Chicago, not knowing how he got there from Detroit.

Raising the Kursk ... and other disasters
Melbourne Age
Now, on to a most serious topic: Over 200 nuclear reactors still lie aboard over 100 decommissioned Soviet subs. Wait, it gets worse: "With each of these subs, we're talking about 200 Hiroshimas."

Cruise romances Cruz
London Telegraph
We continue to watch the breakup of Tom and Nicole with a keen eye. Why? Good question!  Er....they're today's Gable and Lombard? And we need something to keep our mind off of Soviet subs blowing sky high.

Smoking deaths 'help Czech economy'
London Telegraph
An admission from the industry that they are, indeed, merchants of death.

What does 'snog' mean?
BBC
I asked that same question on this page about 6 weeks ago.

Dave Barry: Better education would outlaw stupid crooks
Miami Herald
Dave demands "better-educated criminals."

Katharine Graham 1917-2001
Washington Post
Lontg-time Post and Newsweek publisher was a major player in Nixon's resignation.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A cornocopia of rotten things to choose from today, including the 32nd anniversary of Ted Kennedy's killing of Mary Jo Kopechne.

Top Ten Signs You're Going Nuts From The Heat
CBS
We dip back into Dave's archives, all the way back to July 16, 1997, for this golden oldie. My fave is #7: You keep introducing everyone to your pet ice cube "Lucy."

Tuesday July 17

The Washington Post's Katharine Graham Dies
Washington Post
Legendary publisher is dead at 84.

Blind Kid Sorry He Masturbated
The Satyr
He was warned. He should have seen this coming.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison's weekly advice column tackles that age-old problem which we have all faced: "The guy I have been dating for five months is wonderful and I adore him, but he is an awful kisser. Is there hope?"

Richler: A Writer's Life
National Post
Excellent section devoted to the works of that recently deceased icon of Canadian writing, Mordecai Richler.

Russian Mafia threatens Net
ZD Net
More than 1 million credit card numbers have been stolen, my darling wife, so we had better be on the alert.

Iomega unveils low-cost Zip drive
ZD Net
New 100 MB USB Zip to retail at $69. In other net news, Salon.com reports that the man I voted for president, Ralph Nader, is accusing eight popular search engines of auctioning off top spots in their results. Google is not one of the eight listed. We end our tech report with some bad news. Silicon.com reports that The London Times is about to charge for access to their online content.

Secrets and Lies
The New Republic
A call for Gary Condit's resignation.

Mysterious, Destructive Power Surge at WJKM Radio in Hartsville, Tennessee
Earthfiles
I bet Art Bell is all over this. Oops, a peek at his website shows that he is out of action with a bad back and had an MRI yesterday.

What's On Your Mind When Going Down
Nerve.com
10 answers presented in a cute format.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
A fair amount of rotten stuff has happened on July the 17th.

Top Ten Signs You Have No Friends
CBS
We dip back into Dave's archives, September the 30th, 1993 for this golden oldie. My fave is #3. James Taylor sings the first few bars of "You've Got a Friend," notices you in the audience, and stops.

Monday July 16

Local Lutheran Minister Loves To Fuck His Wife
The Onion
Sent in by our oldest son, Tommy, who then advised me not to run it. Sorry, son, it's too funny. Up it goes.

Bush may let illegals stay in US
London Times
Let's read Dubya's mind: "Can you believe it???? Just like that...BOOM! Three million new votes! Top that, Al Gore!"

Incoming FBI chief has cancer
Salon.com
First Cheney, now this. Looks like Dubya is a firm believer in the Americans with Disabilities Act. You can start the "he got elected because of his mental disability" email s, just make them interesting. Meanwhile, Salon.com keeps in the spirit and makes a stab at Onion-like satire with their Bush rests comfortably after surgery to implant pacemaker in brain.

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
Safire's weekly look at words examines the phrase "benevolent compassion" and asks "Isn't that redundant? Can there be a 'malevolent compassion'?''
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Pol: Penny Ban Makes Cents
NY Post
And the Worst Pun of the Year Award in a Newspaper Headline goes to.....

Russia, China Sign Friendship Treaty
Detroit Free Press
Didn't we go through this back in the 50's?

Stevie Nicks still has aura to enchant fans
Boston Globe
And she still can't sing.

Do you think Canada should join North America?
SF Gate
Profile of the wildly popular Canadian TV bit Talking to Americans. Watch out, Canada, because we are notorious copycats and could very well be up there in Waterloo, asking if the Yanks should pull out of Vietnam.

We say aboot, eh?
Toronto Globe and Mail
Interesting story about the Canadian verbal marker eh, but it misses the point on the American marker referring to it as huh rather than like.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Not too bizarre a day in history, with my fave being the James Dean tombstone story.

Was the Mir space station being eaten by a mysterious fungus?
Straight Dope
Let's pray that it burned up on re-entry.

Top Ten Things A NY Chef Doesn't Want To Hear In His Kitchen
CBS
Dave's list for today, with my fave being #5: Expiration dates are just a suggestion.

Sunday July 15

Money For Nothing
Detroit Metro Times
On weekends we look at the Best of the Weekly Alternative Press and we start this week with a look at the disturbing trend of web sites, such as Salon.com, asking for money.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
Gives you more of what you want when what you had is all gone. Trivially speaking, that is.

Sex, Death & Angelina
NY Press
Nice look at Hollywood's wackiest couple: Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
This weeks rant is one to be savored.

Street Talk: Do You Need or Want Plastic Surgery on Any Part?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting weekly ask-the-person-on-the-street column.

Dewey's Death Pool
Miami New Times
With the recent deaths of Jack Lemmon, Carrol O'Connor, John Lee Hooker, Imogene Coca, Anthony Quinn and Perry Como we needed an update.

Jesus Of The Week
Denver Westword
This week's Jesus rocks. In other religion news, SFBG examines why American Buddhism is almost totally Caucasian in their article Buddha's all-American.

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Denver Westword
Weekly sex advice columnist answers that question which has bothered us all at one time or another: What is proper punishment for leaving behind XXX cookies?

Josey Vogels: my messy bedroom
Montreal Hour
In a change of pace, sex-advice columnist Josey interviews a convicted child molester.

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.com
Weekly BDSM columnist discusses punishment vs. discipline as motivating factors. Sounds as if she could be discussing child-reading instead of S&M.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
We wrap up our quartet of weekly sex-advice columnists with this lovely pearl: "The best thing about the first time is it only happens once"

Friday July 13

Italian worker lived in his office for a year
Ananova
My darling wife, I will never complain about you working late again.

Give up sex for two years, Kenyans told
London Times
I'd rather live in my office for a year.

Broke Playboy Takes First Job at 85
ABC News
Oops, he didn't die before the money ran out.

Combs: P. Diddy Was A Joke
CF Now.com
Not a very good one.

Joe Queenan
Salon.com
Nice interview with that paid bastard Joe Queenan and he has many things to say including defining the lowest moment of boomer culture.

In a world of strife, she found and gave hope
Detroit Free Press
Detroit's legedary Mother Waddles is dead at 88.

Final pitches made
Caone.ca
Beijing, Toronto, Paris, Osaka and Istanbul make their final pitches today to host the 2008 Summer Olympics with China the favorite. Let's hope the Olympic Committee does the right thing and chooses Toronto.

Urban Legends of Rock and Roll
About.com
Nine rock myths are exploded, including Mama Cass & the killer ham sandwich and the famous Bowie & Jagger bed-in.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases, including Reece Witherspoon's Legally Blonde.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Can you guess Cheech Marin's nationality?

What's the origin of "smart aleck"?
Straight Dope
Whatever the answer, it's been incredibly good PR for guys named Alec.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Possible Top Ten Topics. My fave is #9: Top Ten Robert Blake Tips For U.S. Representative Gary Condit

Thursday July 12

Man reunited with lost wedding ring the day he loses replacement
Ananova
This happened to me, too! Well, a variation. Years ago I was home for lunch in the company car and lost the keys and had to have new ones brought out. To say the least, it was very embarrassing. 6 months later I'm back home for lunch and I lost the keys again. Never found 'em, but during the very frantic search I found the original pair under the fridge. That night, admitting I was hopeless, I tacked a nail next to the door and sanity returned to the universe.

Are You Getting Laid, Julia?
London Sun
Today's entertainment news. First, a report on Letterman-sidekick Paul Schaffer's question to Julia Roberts on air the other night {yes, she answered). The Sun also reports that tough-guy film star Robert De Niro has accused his wife of beating him up. Next, The Melbourne Age shouts that Crowe and Kidman said to be at luxury island. Finally, Wanna see a blond Regis?

Red Bull under investigation
London Times
I tried a can of this stuff. It was awful.

Microsoft to Give Computer Makers Greater Freedom
NY Times
A PR move, since it's totally defeated Netscape.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Dave Barry: California should try to conserve on car chases
Miami Herald
Dave's take on the California energy crisis includes a great zinger aimed at Barbra Streisand.

2001-2002 National Hockey League Schedule
Toronto Globe and Mail
This will interest my brother-in-law Henry: Our Wings open Thursday, October the 4th at San Jose.

New album only samples obscure songs, Puffy says
Toronto Star
Look for this headline sometime in the next few weeks: Obscure Songwriters Sue Puffy.

Why Are There No Seat Belts On School Buses?
Straight Dope
Great question!

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Lots to choose from today, but I like the Joseph Smith item the best.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten George W. Bush Observations About New York City. My fave is #3: Foreign guys always buy yellow cars.

Wednesday July 11

American threatens own funeral walk-out over Danny Boy ban
Ananova
Now they surely will have to ban it: A Rhode Island Catholic man says he will get up and walk out of his own funeral if the Irish song Danny Boy is banned from it.

Four-year-old chosen to be Nepal's new goddess
London Telegraph
They like their goddesses young: She replaces the former goddess, now 12, who was installed in 1995, who joins eight other retired Kumaris pensioned off to ordinary life.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison tackles that issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "I am a 35 yr old woman. Why can my 50-year-old boyfriend only speak about sex like a 12-year-old?"

7-Eleven comes up with a bigger Big Gulp
Charlotte Observer
52 ounces. Which reminds me, about 4 months ago my darling wife and I were walking through a mall and a woman in her 40's was walking past us with one of these super-sized drinks and I overheard her saying to her husband, "you know what the nice thing about this super size is? I can get free refills!!" Via Fark.

NASCAR's no better than professional wrestling
SF Gate
Excellent article debunks Junior's win. Today's NY Times, however, presents the other side with Drivers Standing by Earnhardt's Storybook Victory.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Tasty tidbits of trivia about the food you eat on planes
Toronto Globe and Mail
Good nutrition has not reached 15000 feet.

Attentive driving puts proper cellphone use at risk
Toronto Star
This reads like an Onion article: An association of cellphone users has found that driving a motor vehicle seriously interferes with your ability to carry on a conversation.

ESPNews to Relaunch Sept. 7
TV Insite.com
Good News: A continuous bottom-line ticker will run during commercial breaks. Now I won't have to wait to see how badly the Tigers lost.

TV Gal Thinks 'Real World' Really Sucks
Zap2It
The concept is getting a little old, but they tried to jazz things up this time: there's no gay house member!

What's the origin of "Rock, Paper, Scissors"?
Straight Dope
I don't recall this game as a youth, yet apparently everyone knows it. I swear, I didn't grow up in a bubble.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear In A Puffy Song. My fave is #9: "Ladies, those skirts are much too short. Please put on some clothes."

Tuesday July 10

STUDY: Cell Phones May Cause Brain Damage When Thrown Hard Enough
The Satyr
The cell phone industry will probably issue a denial.

Me-Zine Journalism for Fun and (Sometimes) Profit
NY Times
Webzine author Mickey Kaus declares his website. www.kausfiles.com, a success, pulling in a profit of $318,60 and takes a jab at Salon.com, by teasing that "Feed, on ice. Inside, sold. Salon, dying. Kausfiles, profitable."
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Harrison calms health fears
BBC
Former Beatle says life is "a raindrop on a lotus leaf."

University Questions Students on Bee Gees
iWon.com
Not worried about the the state of education? Check this out: Cambridge students asked to write about "It's tragedy... Tragedy when you lose control and you got no soul, it's tragedy."

Why Do Women Tennis Players Still Wear Skirts?
Slate.com
Money, honey?

Other Sunday rituals can prove to be stiff competition for churches
Pioneer Planet
Writer wonders why church-goers are not friendly, a topic we've discussed around the dinner table many times. My thoughts? They're not friendly people!

Who is Jimmy, and why does he crack corn?
Straight Dope
I know, I know, "I don't care." Neither did I.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Things This Guy (Getting Gored By A Bull) Is Thinking. My fave is #1: When I sober up, this will probably hurt like a sum'bitch.

Friday July 06

See Sexy Girls Stroke Balls
London Sun
The British Press is such a fascinating thing, running from the understated elegance of The London Times to the winking naughtiness of The Sun. I've included this article, about Wimbledon, because of the outrageous double entendre and the equally outrageous animated gif of Martina Hingis.

'Soprano' Belts Out A Sorry Number
NY Post
The Post is but a pale imitation of the raunchier British dailies, as one can tell from this pathetic punning headline. Meanwhile, The Toronto Star reports that Sopranos star unaware friends robbed teens: Lawyer

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

How do you avoid saying "retarded"?
Slate.com
I used the "R" word in a very awkward social situation 10 years ago and learned my lesson.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

Court Case Seeks to Define a Catholic Priest's Family
NY Times
Fascinating legal argument. Also fascinating is another Times story about hundreds of craters and fissures which have been cracking open all over the bucolic expanses of eastern Normandy, In Bucolic Normandy, the Earth Is Plunging.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

God: Sell Your SUV
SF Gate
Trendy Green Thinking is popping up everywhere.

Mordecai Richler buried in grave overlooking his old Montreal neighbourhood
National Post
Quebec says goodbye to another Native Son, after burying Pierre Trudeau earlier in the year. We should all savor remaining son(gster) Leonard Cohen while we can.

Kohl's wife kills herself because of allergy to sun
London Times
Strange, Sad Report about the wife of Helmut Kohl, the former German Chancellor.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1944, 168 people burned to death in Hartford Ct as the main tent of the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Baily Circus caught fire.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Back by popular demand.

David Letterman's List
CBS
We continue to sample dave's archives until they put up a new Top Ten. Today we head back to October 12, 1993 for The Top Ten Signs You're Being Investigated By 60 Minutes. My fave is #3: While lying in bed after seducing you, Leslie Stahl starts asking oddly detailed questions about your business.

Thursday July 05

Italians work better 'when having affairs'
Ananova
This is certainly not America: "Work should be erotic: It is a large part of our life and when you work without feelings the results are not so good."

U.S. celebrates 225th birthday
CNN
And for about the 21st out of the past 22 years we packed up the kids, braved the crowds and went down to watch the fireworks. Thanks for going with me, darling.

'Sopranos' actor arrested on robbery charge
CNN
If you don't know whom by now, take a guess.

Hunter S. Thompson: Hey Rube
ESPN
The Good Doctor announces that he is goin' on vacation and also that baseball sucks.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison returns with his advice column and tackles that issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "My married best friend just told me that she and her husband never have sex because he finds her unattractive. It floored me. Should I tell her to leave him?"

They Swear, It's True
Entertainment Weekly
How South Park got to say 'shit' 162 times.

Big Brother 2 Net charge enrages fans
Canoe.ca
Not only is CBS bringing back this dog, but they will also charge online users to view the live feeds of the show.

Sex drive and your relationship
Canoe.ca
Guess how many years a new survey says the sexual chemistry in a relationship will last.

Morrison: Still riding on the storm
Toronto Globe and Mail
Yet another article marking the 30th anniversary of Morrison's death. More fitting is another article from the same paper, How we remember him, a tribute to the late author Mordecai Richler.

On This Day
NY Times
On this day in 1956 Elvis made his first recording, That's Allright, Mama.

David Letterman's List
CBS
We dip into the archives to discover the 'Top Ten Signs You Have A Dumb Dog.' My fave is #7: Despite the overwhelming evidence, still smokes two packs a day.

Tuesday July 03

No sex, please - we're too old and British
Melbourne Age
Survey Says: European women are enjoying themselves more than their British counterparts.

Chinese told Mao was a capitalist
London Times
Next we'll discover he secretly used Napster.

Napster goes dark for upgrades
Salon.com
As we mentioned last week, our 12 yr old son reports that the current drug of choice is audiogalaxy. Meanwhile, The Toronto Star mourns with Napster, we hardly knew ya.

OJ: Nicole Stalked Me
NY Post
The quote of the day: "In one of the most explosive quotes in the magazine profile, Simpson referred to his 15-year-old daughter, Sydney, as her 'mom all over again. She's got those German genes . . . Those bitches'll wear you out.'"

Teen Breaks Wind--And Law
NY Post
A case of too much Adam Sandler: A teenager in Spain was fined $150 after he broke wind in front of police officers who asked to see his identification.

Doors fans flock to Paris for 30th anniversary of Morrison's death
Canoe.ca
Between 10,000 to 20,000 are expected to show up.

What's the story on the ancient Chinese custom of binding women's feet?
Straight Dope
It kept them barefoot and twisted in the kitchen?

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1989 Jim Backus, Mr Howell on Gilligan's island, died.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Until they stick up a new 'Top Ten' list we'll continue to dip into the archives. Today we look back to September 21, 1993 for "Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is a Talk Show Host." My fave is #4: Ed McMahon mows the lawn.

Monday July 01

Guests Forced To Pretend Wedding A Good Thing
The Onion
We've all been to this wedding.

Single Iranians banned from flirting in amusement parks
Ananova
Which story is weirder? This or the one above in The Onion?

Chet Atkins, virtuoso guitarist and producer, dies at 77
Salon.com
He played on hundreds of hit records, including those of Elvis Presley ("Heartbreak Hotel"), Hank Williams Sr. ("Your Cheatin' Heart," "Jambalaya") and The Everly Brothers ("Wake Up Little Susie"). Meanwhile, SF Gate reports that 3-time grammy winner Legendary jazz saxophonist Joe Henderson dies at 64.

This Is The End
National Post
As the 30th anniversary of Jim Morrison's death approaches, The Post wonders where music would be today if stars such as Morrison, Hendrix, Lennon and Marley had not died young. But, hey, no mention of Mozart?

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
Safire examines why the word "unilateral" has taken on a negative political implication.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Docs: Marriage Harms Brains
London Sun
Survey Says: single people remain mentally sharper in old age than those who are married.

Today in Rotten History
rotten.com
Hard to pick just one bizarre thing that has happened on this day in history, but I'll have to go with the dousing of the Eternal Flame which had been burning for 77 years, at the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, by a pissing, drunken soccer fan.

Why is there a "33" on Rolling Rock beer labels?
Straight Dope
Here's some good writing: "Next to cereal boxes, beer labels are probably the most thoroughly scrutinized artifacts in all of civilization, owing to the propensity of beer drinkers to stare morosely at them at three o'clock in the morning."

David Letterman's List
CBS
Once again we are forced to dip into the 'Top Ten' archives, this time heading back to July 1, 1994 for "The Top Ten Things George Washington Would Say If He Were Alive Today." My fave is #9: You need some I.D.? How 'bout this dollar?

Sunday July 01

Kind Bud
Village Voice
On weekends we look at the best of the Weekly Alternative Press and we start, as always, with the venerable VV. In this article we surprisingly find that Uncle Sam's medical pot project is light on research, heavy on compassion.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dharma
Village Voice
The move to diversify American Buddhism is deservedly under way.

Mr. Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
If information's a microbrew, here's your favorite pub.

Jesus of the Week
St Louis Riverfront Times
We discover that if He were alive today, he'd be on a Harley.

Unlucky Strike
Denver Westword
Gary Rudd fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his car into a bridge. He got caught alone in a blizzard for two days. He was shot in the knee during a bow-hunting accident. He fell through a frozen lake while measuring the thickness of the ice. But then his luck really turned bad: he got hit by lightening.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
This week's ranter did not appreciate getting hit on by a Puff Daddy clone.

Sally Sheklow: Living Out
Eugene Weekly
Columnist looks in vain for an 'antidote to homophobia' drug.

Diary of a Retail Slave
sfbg.com
She lost her job at a fashion mag and took one at an outlet store only to find that "Working at the Levi's store ain't no disco."

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.com
Weekly BDSM columnist advises the newbies and reminisces fondly about Diana Rigg.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Everything you wanted to know about genital herpes in "Relax, it's only weeping pustules."

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Seattle Stranger
Weekly sex-advice columnist delves deeper into the straight/gay oral morass. Adult Content.

Friday June 29

Sicilian radio stations shut down over mafia folk songs
Ananova
Two odd Mafia-related stories in two days. Today we discover that: "Two radio stations have been shut down by Italian police for transmitting folk songs containing instructions to Mafia members." Hmmm...I wonder if this had anything to do with Little Jackie Papers?

Poundstone Pulls Disappearing Act
NY Post
The Post reports that PP is in seclusion and that her "representatives could not be reached for comment yesterday." Reuters, on the other hand, reports that Poundstone's Lawyer Says Charges 'Beyond Belief.' Finally, The Toronto Star checks in with Comic's neighbours can't believe child-sex charges.

Julia Roberts lover tires of waiting for pretty woman
London Times
The Times breathlessly reports that "The timing could scarcely be worse for Roberts, 33, who is in the middle of promoting her latest film, America’s Sweethearts." Meanwhile, The London Sun has a different take, shouting that Clooney Blamed by Julia's Ex.

Mitch Albom: Actor endearing on-screen and off
Detroit Free Press
Endearing tribute to the late Jack Lemmon by the author of Tuesdays With Morrie. The part of the dying Morrie Schwartz, for which he won an Emmy, was Lemmon's last role. Meanwhile Canada's National Post's sums it up: Nobody's perfect; Lemmon was close.

Songs lead Hooker funeral
BBC
The Boogie Man is laid to rest. Here's a statement from the family.

Why do they call it the Ivy League?
Striaght Dope
Errr...let's go out on a limb here: because of ivy growing on old buidings on each campus?

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger reviews the latest releases, including Stephen Spielberg's AI

David Letterman's List
CBS
Since Dave's crew has not posted a new list in a week, we'll dip into the archives to pull out 'The Top Ten University Classes Taught By Oprah Winfrey.' My fave is #8: Economics 433: I Own Everything.

Thursday June 28

Mafia inmates won't testify without mints
Ananova
Tony Soprano was right; gangsters today don't understand 'The Code.'

Embarrassed To Snog My Bird
London Sun
Can you guess what this means?

Comic Arrested For Alleged Child Abuse
Yahoo News
Paula Poundstone is adamant that she is not guilty of three acts of lewd conduct on a child -- a girl under the age of 14.

Dave Barry: Onward, upward go the Sherpa and the schlepper
Miami Herald
The latest from Dave has him climbing the largest mountain in Dade County, The South Dade Solid Waste Disposal Facility.

Harry Potter Film To Please Fans
London Megastar
It had better, because a certain eight year old named Mike has HUGE expectations.

I Was Rolfed and Other Massage Adventures
Salon.com
Been thinking of getting a massage? This writer rates five types, including their 'quack' factors.

Jack Lemmon, Academy Award Winning Actor, Dies at 73
NY Times
Cancer claims long-time great. Ananova, by the way, has him dead at 76.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

South Dakotans poke fun at North Dakota's idea to drop 'North' from state name
SF Gate
More on the movement to drop "North" from the state's name.

Tiny company hopes to produce allergen-free cats by 2003
Dallas Morning News
There's hope for you yet, my darling wife! Via Fark.

Does it make sense to keep minting pennies?
Straight Dope
Great question! I hate pennies.

On This Day
NY Times
It was 4 years ago today that Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear.

Wednesday June 27

Tom Jones Disciples Flock To Pop Pastor
NY Post
Here's an example of real life being zanier than anything The Onion can dig up: The pastor of a California church says the smash hits of '60s pop legend Tom Jones has brought his flock closer to God.

Embrace new name, economy
Grand Forks Herald
More real life zaniness: Campaigners want North Dakota to change its name to Dakota so the US state appears 'less northern'. Via Fark.

Dubai seizes "Charlie's Angels" videos for offending Islam
Salon.com
Why not a broader "offending humanity"?

Salmon Rushdie: The Ground Beneath My Feet
The Nation
Wanted author tells of his connection with the Irish rock band U2.

McLanguage: Hey, it could happenTM
UK Independent
Better be careful using "changing the face of the world." Mickey D's has it trademarked.

Quake theory shakes legend of Loch Ness
London Times
The mystery of the Loch Ness Monster has been solved.

The death of the Boogie Man
Salon.com
Yet another Hooker tribute, this time by his biographer.

Should I "hit reply to be deleted from this mailing list"?
Straight Dope
Good question concerning spam.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1995 Hugh Grant arrested for lewd conduct.

Tuesday June 26

Firestone Tires Blamed For 113 Deaths, 14 Rapes
The Satyr
And a partridge in a pear tree.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison tackles that issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "I am a woman in my mid-30's, divorced with kids and passable looks. Why is it every time I develop a friendship with a man he'll make a move on me? I swear I am not a flirt!"

"I Only Say This Because I Love You"
Salon.com
My darling wife will certainly find this interesting: Language expert Deborah Tannen turns her eagle eye on the stinging, maddening, sneaky ways that family members talk to each other

Woman sentenced to death by stoning
London Times
Iranian woman is sentenced for her part in a lover's triangle murder. I adore The Times' understated style: "If the woman manages to survive being stoned, she will have to serve 15 years in jail. Survival is unlikely because she will be buried up to her neck."

Six degrees of separation
BBC
The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is scarily applied to sex. In related news, the Beeb complains that Sex a turn-off for many UK women.

Welcome to the kingdom of kink
Toronto Star
This is definitely not where we live: A profile of the fetish-club scene in Toronto.

New court setback for Napster
BBC
Our almost-13 year old son Steve says that new drug of choice is Audio Galaxy.

Why is cheddar cheese orange?
Straight Dope
It should be green?

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1961 JFK told cheering Berliners that he was, indeed, a jelly doughnut.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Other Signs That Castro Is Not Well. Son Tommy's fave is #7: Limiting speeches to 7 hours, max.

Monday June 25

Teachers told to 'take turns' at getting pregnant
Ananova
This just in from our "Are They Insane?" Department: Malaysian teachers are being urged to get pregnant on a rota basis so they do not disrupt the school year.

Castro's collapse shocks Cubans
London Times
Why I love the British press: "Famed for the length and tedium of his oratory, Señor Castro was about two hours into a bitter denunciation of the United States, in which he praised five Cubans recently convicted of spying by a jury in Miami, when he staggered and stopped. He was not the only one unable to take the strain: 545 members of his audience also suffered from heatstroke and exhaustion in the course of his speech."

A taste of slavery: How your chocolate may be tainted
Detroit Free Press
Think of this the next time you open a candy bar: "Forty-three percent of the world's cocoa beans, the raw material in chocolate, come from small, scattered farms in this poor West African country. And on some of the farms, the hot, hard work of clearing the fields and harvesting the fruit is done by boys who were sold or tricked into slavery. Most of them are between the ages of 12 and 16. Some are as young as 9."

John Lee let the boogie out
Toronto Globe and Mail
Nice Hooker tribute.

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
Safire examines the rise of the Neighborly intransitive: "the political use of visit with is rampant. Not visit to, or just visit, and rarely meet -- always visit with. Where is it from?"
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

On This Day
NY Times
On this day in 1876 Lt. Col. George Custer and his 7th Cavalry were wiped out by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians in the Battle of Little Big Horn in Montana.

Who was the stupidest U.S. president?
Straight Dope
Bush's treatment in the press is starting to remind me more and more of Reagan's, which means he could very well end up with a 2nd term.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Dumb Guy Ways To Conserve Energy. My fave is #1: Become President -- ignore the problem completely.

Sunday June 24

The Queer Issue
Village Voice
On weekends we look at the Best of the Weekly Alternative Press and we start, as always, with the venerable VV, with this week's focus on their 9 article "queer issue." You can also check out the Seattle Weekly's Gay Pride Issue, and here's the Toronto Now issue.

The young and the restless
sfbg.com
Queer kids talk about real life, plus three other Gay Pride articles.

Consumer Guide by Robert Christgau
Village Voice
The monthly column by the so-called 'Dean of American Rock Critics.'

Secret Swimsuit Horrors
Toronto Eye
Columnist would much rather be skinny-dipping.

The Port-a-John
New City
You never know what the Alternative Press will turn up...like this ode to the Porta Potty.

Swedes Are Bores
NY Press
Weekly columnist condemns a people because of a drunken incident in some dive.

I, Anonymous
Portland Mercury
Do you remember, my darling wife, watching the shell and pea game in NYC some 20 years ago? Well, here's where that pea went.

Letters At 3 A.M.
Austin Chronicle
Middle-of-the-night essayist's take on Hidden Tiger.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
Bits of dark matter to keep your infoverse humming right along.

Hard Lesson
Washington City Paper
Teacher of learning-disabled kids discovers he also has a disability: he can't teach.

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.com
Weekly BDSM columnist addresses penis size.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Weekly sex-advice columnist tackles an issue we all have faced at one time or another: "I am a slightly overweight 32 year old woman who gets mad that teenagers can have sex, but no one makes a move on me. Help!"

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Seattle Stranger
Weekly sex advice columnist has come up with a solution. Adult Content.

Friday June 22

Blues legend Hooker dies at 83
BBC
I recall seeing John Lee perform at a Eugene McCarthy for President rally held at Tiger Stadium in Detroit in the summer of '68...and Hooker looked ancient to me. Hmmmmm...he must have been 49 then...2 years younger than I am today. The Melbourne Age stands alone in claiming, however, that The King of Boogie was 80.

Actor Carroll O'Connor dies at 76
Salon.com
Those were the days.

Cracking the cholesterol problem
BBC
Survey Says! Those who eat walnuts have significantly lower cholesterol levels.

Heinz launches green tomato ketchup in UK
Ananova
Our kids will not touch the stuff, complaining "It's not red!"

They Think It's Kournikova
London Sun
Last year The Sun gave away one of her bras and that day was our 2nd best day ever in number of hits. No bra, yet, this year....but Wimbledon is still a week away and we get four pics with today's link.

Filtered underwear fights flatulence
Denver Post
Charcoal-filtered undies!

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

South Park breaks US TV swearing record
Yahoo
Wednesday night's 30-minute episode in America featured the word 'shit' 162 times. They should write out a royalty check, by the way, because it was nothing more than a reworked George Carlin skit.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

True Confessions: Only in Person
Wired.com
To my darling wife, this will interest you: An ancient form of anonymous chat -– confession -- doesn't count if done over the Internet, Catholic Church officials say.

Magazine Serves Up An Ad-Free Diet
Nedia Week
Profile of the best cooking magazine out there, Cook's Illustrated.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
A logic question, not really a math question, which is why I got it right.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Things New Yorkers Call Tourists. My fave is #6: The people who brought you George W. Bush. Meanwhile, SF Gate reports that the Central Park Alligator was captured last night and calls it "Just Another Slimy New Yorker."

Thursday June 21

Video Store's 'Favorites' Shelf Offers Telling Glimpse Into Manager's Psyche
The Onion
Apparently choosing Deliverance, A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, Blue Velvet, Eraserhead, Natural Born Killers and Caligula shows some sort of pattern?

And then there were six
Toronto Globe and Mail
One of the world's last members of the Shaker sect, has died.

The Horror Of Post-Partum Depression
NY Post
Shrinks try to answer why the mom of five drowned her children yesterday.

Brother fathered 62-year-old's baby
BBC
But not in the way you might think.

CNET launches new fee-based Web learning service
Forbes
600 self-study and instructor-led courses, including categories such as Web design and programming languages will be offered.

At Witts End
NY Post
Next on The LifeTime Channel: For fifteen years the East German government followed everything Olympic skater Katerina Witt did, including videotaping her most intimate moments.

2 Minute Briefing
London Times
Everything you wanted to know about the summer solstice.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Whenever I see the word "perimeter" my brain fogs over.

Is the sound of a snapping towel a sonic boom?
Straight Dope
Physics was another class I did not exactly excel in.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Signs Your Teacher Is A Witch.

Wednesday June 20

New Leonard Cohen album finally set for release
Canoe.ca
It's such momentous news {and I screwed up the link yesterday} that for the first time in net.Headlines history, we run the same link two days in a row.

Boy lived with dog pack
Melbourne Age
He lived with street dogs in the port town of Talcahuano. To my darling wife: didn't we see a movie about this, The Wild Child by the French director Truffaut?

Virus peril of changing partners
BBC
Years ago, my darling doctor-wife told me that cervical cancer is a sexually transmitted disease. Now a new study backs her up, claiming that the risk that a woman will become infected with a virus associated with cervical cancer is increased every time she has sex with a new partner. And speaking of cancer, Canada's National Post reports that progress is finally being made against one of the most virulent types, brain cancer: Virus that causes noses to run may kill tumours.

Clear Channel makes radio Net deal
Salon.com
It'll be several months before all 250 stations are back online. Meanwhile, in Salon-related news, The San Francisco Guardian reports that Salon fights to keep stock listed.

$50 million for Winfrey home
Chicago Tribune
Oprah now owns one of the most expensive homes in America. I guess she doesn't miss not having me as a viewer. The Toronto Star affirms this suspicion with its headline today that Winfrey, Rowling among 10 most influential in publishing.

MTV: 20 years of less and less music
Boston Globe
Profile of the music-less MTV. Speaking of MTV, Our oldest son, Tommy, and I were wondering what ever happened to Dominic, the Irish dude who loomed so large in The Real World's second season that was based in LA? Well, son, turns out Dom is an associate producer of the radio show Rockline.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Easy one, though they try real hard to lead you astray.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
Rotten fans the conspiracy nuts today with "The Great Seal of the United States is officially adopted. Its uncanny resemblance to anything masonic or illuminati is purely coincidental."

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Things Overheard Yesterda In Central Park. My fave is #7: $10? No, seriously -- how much for a pretzel?"

Tuesday June 19

New Leonard Cohen album finally set for release
Canoe.ca
Excellent News: Leonard Cohen is poised to break his monk-like nine-year silence.

Jenna Bush Caught Driving 50 mph in a 45 Zone
The Satyr
Those wild and crazy Bushes are at it again.

Destinys Child gets Boo'ed at NBA finals game
MTV
Philly's fans send NBC a message.

Priest barred for kissing female congregation
Ananova
We had one of those kissing priests back in Indiana. It always bothered my darling wife whenever he walked our way.

Monkey Man 'Never Existed'
Sky News
This just in: The world is not flat. Film at 11.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison's weekly advice column answers, among other things, that question which we have all faced at one time or another: "My longtime friend married an older wealthy man and seems to have forgotten that not everyone makes six figures. Can I strangle her?"

Hunter S. Thompson: Cockfighting -- a savage and noble sport
ESPN
The Gonzo Man has had one too many, I fear, but he can still spin a neat paragraph or two.

A Life With God, Articulated
NY Times
A monk comes of age.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

'Patch' Adams moons graduates at UCSD's commencement
SF Gate
I'm not surprised. The movie was stupid, too. In fact, when was the last time Robin Williams made a decent movie?

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
Uh, oh...there's x's, y's and z's.

Monday June 18

Woman of 73 bites pitbull
London Times
Is it more interesting that a woman bit a pit bull, or that she is 73?

Women are more caring than men, drawing experiment shows
Ananova
Yeah, but men know when the cars need to have their oil changed.

William Safire: On Langauge--Which Phrases Associated With Clinton Will Define His Era?
NY Times
No, it's not my typo this time!
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Zaftig erotica
Salon.com
Cute girl meets girl story with a nice twist at the end. Adult Content. And while we're at it, Nerve.com has this to offer us: The Art of Cunnilingus, Part 2: Tips for Advanced Divers

Talk-to-Yourself Radio: With Phil Hendrie Nothing Is as It Seems
NY Times
Profile of radio mad-man Phil Hendrie. If you haven't heard of Phil Hendrie, download one of his bits...he is one of a kind. And my Mother-in-Law hates him, so you know he's on to something good.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Clearing air on sins of wind
Melbourne Age
Survey says: who farts more, men or women?

Film by Armond White
NY Press
Rare anti-Sopranos piece.

Jolie and Billy Bob wear each other's blood
Toronto Star
Angelina Jolie continues to astound. Maybe you've heard about her tattoos, her dagger collection, the rumours that she and her brother have an unusually close relationship? Well, here are two more items to add to the list: the glass vials mentioned in the headline and this link, via Fark, in which she is getting her breasts nuzzled by a horse. Oh yeah, she's quite an actress, too.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
They ask questions this easy on the SAT?

What did the Catholic church use for altar wine during Prohibition?
Straight Dope
Without looking first, I'm betting the answer is that they got some sort of legal allowance.

On This Day
NY Times
Two guys who pop up in here fairly regularly were born on the exact same day, June 18, 1942: Sir Paul McCartney and Chicago Sun Times movie critic Roger Ebert.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Pieces Of Fatherly Advice From George W. Bush. My fave is #9: Do as I saying, not as I doing did.

Sunday June 17

Iverson vs. Kobe
Village Voice
On weekends we turn to the Best of the Alternative Press and we start, as always, with the venerable Village Voice and an article about the morality play that is ending as I am typing this.

Jezebel Shall Be Like Dung in the Field
NY Press
Writer sees a 'docutainment' about Marilyn Monroe then starts visualizing and figures out, among other things, why the Kennedy Brothers had to die: They both saw Marilyn's breasts.

Dewey's Death Pool 2001
Broward New Times
Update on latest deaths and how many players had each exiting star.

Jesus of the Week
Broward News Times
This week we visit the Temple of Black Jesus.

Street Talk: What's the Rudest Thing Anyone's Said to You Lately?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Fine 'ask the person on the street' column.

How Do You Spell 'Grief'?
Kansas Pitch
The Pitch follows the local spelling bee champ to the Nationals where he stumbles on the word 'paroemia,' which is, of course, not found in dictionary.com but can be found in the OED online. Since, however, the OED charges $550/year for access, I'll cut and paste. It means "a proverb, adage" and can be traced back to 1586. Poor kid, he never had a chance.

I, Anonymous
Seattle Stranger
Nice bus-driver rant.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
This is what your brains wants when you aren't looking close enough.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Weekly sex advice columnist tackles that problem which we have all faced at one time or another: "My boyfriend sees whores. How can I deal with this?" Adult Content.

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.com
Weekly BDSM columnist answers the following plea: "It turns out my wife loves to humiliate me via enemas. Help!" Adult Content.

Love Bites by Sasha
Toronto Eye
Because the Montreal Hour has run the same Josey Vogels article for two months now, we'll move on to another Canadian sex-advice columnist, Sasha, and this week she answers a question I have never heard before: "My boyfriend has a beard and I can therefore tell that I am not the only woman in his life. What should I do?" Adult Content.

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Seattle Stranger
Dan finishes up our Alternative Press sex-advice quartet with advice on the following problem: "Dear Dan, I am a gay male who only is attracted to straights. How can I make a pass at my straight roommate?" Adult Content.

Friday June 15

Talks Resume As Frisbee In Neighbour's Yard Enters 11th Day
The Toque
Neighbourly tensions are high, but nine year old Randy Miskey remains hopeful that his frisbee will be returned to him soon.

Russians Teach In Schoolski
London Sun
A short-staffed primary school, in a run-down section of London, had to hire three Russians from St Petersburg to teach kids English.

Dave Barry: Generations of Barrys have been raccoon bait
Miami Herald
The latest camping tips from Dave.

Monks outraged at 'Buddha' soy sauce ad
Ananova
This just in from our "WWBD" Department: Monks in Hong Kong are outraged that a food company planned to use a Buddha statue in a soy sauce advert.

The sound of shrinking
BBC
It just keeps getting better: A new mp3 compression format will take up half the space of the current format. And in other tech news, A Czech company intends to turn old Sony PlayStations into Linux-system internet computers.

'I'll have no more inquisitions'
London Telegraph
Interview with Catholic Archbishop Milango, who took a bride a few weeks ago in one of those Rev. Moon mass weddings. Not surprisingly, it turns out he's been in trouble before. In other ecclesiastical news, The London Times reports that The Church of England is selling its silverware and depriving bishops of their chauffeurs to help to pay its pensioned-off parsons.

Diary: I Dread Saying 'Biggie'
Slate.com
Just yesterday, on our way in from the airport as we stopped at a fast food place, I mentioned to our oldest son that "I can't imagine an adult using the phrase 'I'll biggie-size those fries, please.'" Well, here's an entire article that centers on this dreaded dilemma.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
Actually, it's last week in sex, but maybe they'll get around to posting this week's article sometime today.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger reviews the latest, including Angelina Jolie's latest Lara Croft Tomb Raider

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegebaord
Easy math one today.

On This Day
NY Times
On this day in 1996 the very great Ella Fitzgerald died.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Greeting Cards Received By The Guy Bitten By That Giant Lizard. My fave is #8: Choose Jacoby & Meyers -- specializing in giant-lizard-bite lawsuits since 1952.

Thursday June 14

Everything Better Now In Oklahoma City
The Onion
Leave it to The Onion to have the best McVeigh followup.

Sir Paul resents Beatles 'revisionism'
BBC
Sir Paul pouts to Larry King, among other things, that "At one point Yoko earned more from 'Yesterday' than I did." In keeping with old stars and their desperate attempts to keep in the limelight, Lycos reports that Boy George turns 40 today and will celebrate it with publication of his new macrobiotic cookbook.

'Atrocities' trial shakes Poland's victim image
London Times
Here's an article, my darling wife, that we will want to make sure your mother, the Queen of Polonia, never reads.

Dr. Laura Does It Again
ABC News
Poor Dr Laura: now she's offended Tourette's Syndrome families.

Support San Francisco's finest
Manchester Guardian
Another prediction of the end of Salon.com which is losing $20 mill a year. However, maybe PRI's Michael Feldman, of all people, can save it. Listen as he pimps for Salon's new subscription service.

If You Hate Web Ads, You Can 'Just Say No'
NY Times
Pop up window-ads are suddenly everywhere as all sites scrounge for bucks. Maybe it's better, however, not to block them, but, instead, to occasionally buy something from a site's advertiser. Otherwise, pay sites might become the norm.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

What's The Deal With Ramen Noodles?
Straight Dope
Are they popular because kids love 'em or because they are so damned easy to make? All I know is that we buy those chicken ones that come in the orange wrapper by the score, but they're awful. Now, the spicy mushroom ones that come in a bright red package and are only available at Asian markets...mmmmm, they're great.

On This Day
NY Times
In 1994 Academy Award-winning composer Henry Mancini died in Beverly Hills, Calif., at age 70. About 18 years before that, Mancini was leaving the Hazel Park, Michigan Harmony House, after signing some autographs, at the same time I was entering. We caught each other's eye, we both sneered, we both turned sideways and he went out and I went in.

Wednesday June 13

Bob Dylan's 60th Birthday "A Cruel Betrayal"
The Brains Trust
From our "It should be all over now, baby blue" department: "Any half-caring rock star from that generation should be long dead by now." Meanwhile, Slate.com also chimes in with Why Bob Dylan Never Gets Old.

Taliban destroy town that was rebel stronghold
London Telegraph
Yesterday's good news about the Taliban (that they will not tolerate the opiate trade) is replaced with today's news that they've burnt down Yakowlang, a city of 60,000.

France: the middle-classes take the danger out of their liaisons but still have fun
London Times
While the English stew and the Americans fear and the Italians reminisce, the French discreetly enjoy.

Female Thieves Drugged Men With Their Tits
Bust.com
Look, I don't write this stuff....I just link to it.

Lyme Disease Is Hard to Catch and Easy to Halt, Study Finds
NY Times
We can all go back into the woods now: the typical Lyme disease patient has a rash but no other symptoms, takes an antibiotic and is cured.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

For the Love of Pasta, a Francis Ford Coppola Moves Into Macaroni
NY Times
He's a winemaker, a pasta manufaturer....but, hey Francis, how about making a good movie?
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Likely next mayor of Berlin declares he is gay
SF Gate
That's Berlin, Germany...not Berlin, Ohio, which is up in Amish country and we never hear of Amish gays, do we?

The 17 worst cliches in the newspaper business
Bob Baker's Newsthinking
The Los Angeles Times' deputy metro editor sums it up rather well, with an especially good stab at irony.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
An easy math one today.

This Day In Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1920 The US Post Office ruled that children may not be sent via Parcel Post.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Other Television Shows Produced By Saddam Hussein. My fave is #1: Everybody Knows That Raymond Is An Infidel and Must Be Stoned.

Tuesday June 12

Did a pork chop kill Mozart?
Melbourne Age
Infectious diseases expert says trichinosis did Wolfgang in. And while we're at it, let's backtrack to this past Sunday's London Times for their piece The dark secrets of Conan Doyle.

The Taliban 'just says no' in heroin's heartland
Melbourne Age
Finally some good press for the Taliban who took a lot of hits when they destroyed those ancient statues earlier this year.

Mars to give best views for 13 years
London Telegraph
The view should be best on Thursday next week. The London Times also goes Martian in their daily 2 Minute Briefing, adding that "During the next few days it will look like a large scarlet dot hanging in the sky."

Andrew Sullivan, Overexposed
The Nation
Writer argues that Sullivan, "the conservative gay pundit, is caught in a sex scandal, but leftists and queers should pause before nailing him to his own cross." For a taste of Sullivan, check out his weekly column in The New Republic in which he argues that the media is choosing AIDS hype over science.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison dishes out advice including a problem which we have all faced at one time or another in our lives: "My boyfriend is a bookseller and will never make a lot of money. It is frustrating me that we will never see Tokyo, never have good furniture, etc. unless I pay for them. Should I dump him?"

Microsoft Is Ready to Supply a Phone in Every Computer
NY Times
The phone companies are ready to sue, I bet, but let us not forget that the phone companies offer cable and DSL, so they can't have it both ways.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Oklahoma Bomber's Final Hours Are Hardly Television News's Finest
NY Times
The dilemma: it was a story they couldn't view, but they had to fill air time.
The solution: I didn't watch.
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Youth magnet
Salon.com
Cute article in which a 40 year old writer explains that she has become a male-babe magnet, while men her own age ignore her. And she loves it.

Topless scene blemishes Berry's career
Boston Globe
John Travolta's newest release, Swordfish, which this reviewer claims is "as loud and stupid as a frat house on Friday night," was the box office champ last week, probably because Actress Halle Berry momentarily bares her breasts. Berry's biggest prior role, by the way, was as Warren Beatty's girlfriend in the almost-good Bulworth. You can avoid the 8 buck fee and see Halle's breasts here for free. And while we're at it, for the truly deranged, here's a peek at Tonya Harding's new breasts. Breasts courtesy of Fark. The Toronto Globe and Mail finishes our breast thread with their piece The removal of my favourite breast.

Silencing the slurp in Japan
Toronto Star
How interesting! The art of eating noodles has become Japan's latest generation battle.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1994 Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were murdered, "probably by O.J. Simpson."

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Another easy one.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Good Things About Being The World's Oldest Person. My fave is #5: Remember that bully that used to beat you up in 9th grade? Dead.

Monday June 11

Mitch Albom: By killing him, we become more like him
Detroit Free Press
Amen.

Jail McVeigh for life, victim's husband says
Toronto Star
Son Tommy asked me via ICQ yesterday if I had run across any articles in which the victim's family did not want McVeigh executed. Here's your article, son.

Announce This
Ironminds
Writer defends his fascination with wedding announcements This, my darling wife, reminded me, of course, of our all time favorite wedding announcement which we read in the Durham paper some 14 years ago. Could we ever forget the announced marriage of 'Swallows-Cox'?

'1 in 12 women would give up limb for perfect body'
Ananova
One in twelve women desperately need a shrink.

Pass the petals, we're bra-less
London Times
I doubt if we'll see this latest trend here in Petticoat Junction.

Feed On Ice: A Word to Our Readers
Feed Magazine
Last week Suck, which had been online since 1996 closed. This week Feed, which we have linked to many times, follows suit. I'm not alone in guessing that Salon will be next.

Bush given idiot's guide to Europe
Manchester Guardian
From our "Be nice or we won't sell you The Simpsons" Department: The Guardian writes that "The ferociously intelligent Condoleezza Rice" sat down with Dubya this past weekend "to ensure that Bush avoids committing any gaffes on his first visit to Europe this week."

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
The Times' language maven looks a little hyper this morning.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Easy one today.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Local Weathercaster. My fave is #6: "Rain, sun, snow, sleet -- what's the difference? We're all gonna die someday."

Sunday June 10

Voice Jazz Supplement: Satchmo at 100
Village Voice
Proving that the Alternative Press is far more than sex-advice columns, the Voice celebrates Satchmo's 100th birthday with eight articles.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
Canny confections for your forebrain's sweet-tooth.

Jesus of the Week
St Louis Riverfront Times
The vegetarian Saviour.

Streettalk: What's Your Favorite Adjective, and How Would You Use It in a Sentence?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting 'Ask The Person On The Street' column.

Taking Liberties With Monet
Austin Chronicle
More of Michael Venturas excellent 3 A.M. musings.

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.cm
Weekly BDSM columnist lists some links and books for beginners to investigate.

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Kansas City Pitch
Weekly sex-advice columnist tackles that age-old issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "I got my girlfriend to put on her old high school uniform and I loved it. She didn't. Help!" Adult Content.

The World's Oldest Profession Meets The Newest Technology
Columbus Alive
Profile of the growing online prostitution trade.

‘The Cutting Board Is Sacred’
Orange County Weekly
Writer amusingly argues that "Everything I ever needed to know about the Japanese I learned watching Iron Chef."

SYNGEd
Orange County Weekly
Nice look at the rise and fall of a dot.com employee.

Coffee Talk
Salt Lake AveNews
Twisted writer feels that since the PGA must now allow golf carts the time is right to sue the 'Churrch Formerly Known As Mormon.'

Friday June 08

Gone Fishin'
Suck.com
The daily onliner explains why there will be no new Sucks till September.

Obesity greater risk than smoking, U.S. survey indicates
Cano.ca
This one sent in by our skinny, smoking 19 year old son, Tommy. However, don't get too cocky, my son. Today's Toronto Star reports that Cancer not enough? Smoking has other risks.

Doctors often miss heart with paddles: study
National Post
Yikes!

Bob Barker signs on for five years
National Post
Yikes!

A Miss America face lift
Chicago Tribune
The Miss America Pageant intends to create a telecast with more substance and fewer beauty pageant trappings, says its new producer. The last sentence in the article tersely answers the most important issue: The swimsuit competition will remain.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases.

Dave Barry: Daddy's little girl is a Republican Barbie
Miami Herald
The latest from Dave finds that his Barbie is often in the same position as our Barbie.

Big four dominate web
BBC
Survey says: Web Surfers seem to be spending half of their time visiting just four sites among the hundreds of millions on the web. Name the four sites.

Fresh blow to global warming
BBC
A most unique method to reduce Global Warming was announced yesterday in Australia.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
Pretty easy one today.

On This Day
NY Times
Among those born on June the 8th are Frank Lloyd Wright, German Romantic composer Robert Schumann, Barbara Bush, comedian Jerry Stiller who played George Costanza's father on Seinfeld, Joan Rivers, Nancy Sinatra, "Dilbert" cartoonist Scott Adams, Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall and yours truly.

Thursday June 07

World's oldest person dies
Salon.com
If you haven't heard, take a guess how old she was. I was three years shy.

Site puts private cell calls on Web
Canoe.ca
Think of this the next time you pick up a cellphone: A new Ottawa-based website, www.cellphonescanner.com (to which a pornographic ad seemed to have been added late last night), is streaming live cellphone audio onto the Net from a radio that scans cellphone frequencies in the city.

Attorney General Says Report Shows No Racial Bias in Death Sentences
NY Times
And how many non-Caucasian Attorney Generals have we had?
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Cuddles 'more important than sex'
BBC
Survey says: many women say that cuddles and hugs are more important than sex in a relationship. However, the same survey reports that more than half the women want more sex. Go figure.

StarFirsts
Nerve.com
Continuing series of stars' first times, today featuring Marilyn Manson and Celine Dion. Adult Content.

Judging Album Covers as Artworks
NY Times
You see, my darling wife, that's why I've been keeping that huge stack of albums in our basement. They're an investment!
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

A little road skill can feed the driver
SF Gate
Writer excitedly reveals a new way to cook dinner, but I remember reading about this some 20 to 30 years ago.

This Day In Rotten History
rotten.com
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince was born on this day in 1958. He's playing 60 miles away tonight, by the way...he's back to his 'Prince' moniker and he is now a Jehovah's Witness. I've been gabbing with the door-to-door JW's for decades and asked one young woman a few years ago this question: "You guys used to preach that only 144,000 people would enter heaven. Now you have over 6 million in your organization alone and you're busy trying to get more. What about the old 144,000 number?" "Oh," she chirped, "144,000 is the administrative level in heaven!" "Sounds like hell to me," I shot back.

Weblogs: A New Source of News
USC's Online Journalism Report
Nice profile of weblogs, even if it doesn't mention net.Headlines.

SAT Question Of The Day
Collegeboard
They claim this one is of "medium difficulty," but it seemed super easy.

Why do vultures circle dead stuff?
Straight Dope
About five years ago on a very hot August afternoon I was mowing the lawn, looked up and counted 19 turkey vultures slowly circling me. I ran in the house and had a beer.

Wednesday June 06

FCC Turns Eminem Song Into 'Fine' Art
NY Post
The Bush Administration tries to save 1954 as they fine an FM station in Colorado $7000 for "unmistakable offensive sexual references in conjunction with sexual expletives that appear intended to pander and shock." One of the words in question? Clitoris.

Woman 'refused entry to US because of rough hands'
Ananova
We'd better not tell your mom about this, sweetie: A Polish woman claims she was refused entry to the US because her rough hands made it look like she was there to work.

Peanut warning for eczema sufferers
BBC
One more thing for us to worry about, my darling wife.

Facing down the fear
Boston Globe
Interesting profile of those who choose prophylactic breast removal surgery. The Detroit Free Press takes this one step further with their piece People who want healthy limbs removed are puzzling science.

Sony Says It Will Take Action Over Fake Critic
LA Times
What are they gonna do? Fire him?

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
Easy one today.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten Excuses Of The Gun-Toting Yankee Fan. My fave is #5: You never know when you're going to run into a member of the Nepalese royal family."

On This Day
NY Times
On this day in 1968 Bobby Kennedy died, a day after being shot. His death cast a pall over our high school graduation ceremony that evening.

Tuesday June 05

Rare American satire found on Web
UK Independent
Nice profile of The Onion. But, let's take our own look at America's best web-based satire.

Best Friends Each Secretly Think Of The Other As Sidekick
The Onion
The leader is the one who drives!

Like Ibsen or Dickens, Sopranos is Our Peak
NY Observer
My brother-in-law, Henry, recently chided me for avidly watching The Sopranos. Hen, you're wrong on this one. It's the real deal.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison answers that age-old issue which we have all faced at one time or another: "My boyfriend is from the country and wants to live on several acres. I'm from the city and want to live in a place that sells espresso. Is there a future for us?"

Nevada lawmakers approve bill to legalize medical marijuana
SF Gate
With the guv set to sign the bill, a confrontation with the US Supreme Ct. lies straight ahead.

Forced Apology Sparks Debate
Hartford Courant
a 15 yr vegetarian is forced to publicly apologize after criticizing McDonald's when the giant showed up at his school, looking for summer employees.

Napster, record labels near deal
News.com
It'll finally shake down this way: Napster, made up of Warner Music, BMG and EMI and its competitor, Duet, which will handle Sony and Vivendi.

Were Jesus and Mary Magdalene lovers?
Straight Dope
I don't remember hearing that one at Mass.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
Math is overrated.

This Day In Rotten History
rotten.com
On this day in 1986, a man in Auburn Washington died after taking an Excedrin capsule laced with cyanide. This directly led to the sealing of health and food products.

Monday June 04

40,000 line up to view John XXIII's body
Toronto Star
Only The Church or the communists would put on a show like this.

Anthony Quinn dies at 86
BBC
Arlene Francis, Imogene Coca and now Anthony Quinn. I wonder how many people had him in Dewey's Death Pool?.

Questions for George Carlin
NY Times
Nice interview with the brilliant, complex comedic grinch, who, by the way, has a cute web site.

William Safire: On Language
NY Times
Safire's weekly language column looks at the rise of er....um... .
Times login: edportals  password: edportals

Mitch Albom: Bush should open up about his daughters
Detroit Free Press
Albom, the author of Tuesdays With Morrie, hears some duplicitous stuff coming from the White House.

Sony Pictures pulls plug on fake movie critic
SF Gate
Talk about chutzpah: Film critic David Manning has been a consistent booster for Sony Pictures films. Trouble is, he doesn't exist.

What would the Buddha say?
Toronto Star
Article about 'What would the Buddha say about the Taliban destruction?" reminds me of an idea that's been floating around in the back of my brain: WWBD leather bracelets! To remind us what Buddha would not do....just a thought.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
5th grade level question today.

Why are the "seven deadly sins" so deadly?
Straight Dope
It makes good press!

On This Day
NY Times
Remember this the next time you read a 'Made In China' tag: "On this day in 1989 Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square in Beijing to crush the pro-democracy movement; hundreds - possibly thousands - of people died." We all acquiesce.

Sunday June 03

Consumer Guide by Robert Christgau
Village Voice
On weekends we look at the Best of The Alternative Press and we start, as always, with the venerable Village Voice and long-time rock critic Robert Christgau's monthly column.

Losing Dorothy
LA Weekly
Sad profile of an inner-city single mom of four who died of AIDS.

Love That Dare Not
Village Voice
Interesting argument: columnist views bigamy as a freedom of religion issue. Meanwhile, The Salt Lake City Weekly also has a polygamy piece Polygamy Park.

Low Budget
Detroit Metro Times
Author Barbara Ehrenreich went undercover for two years. No, she didn't infiltrate the Republican Party nor did she practice bigamy. Instead she took minimum wage jobs in an effort to see how people live.

Mr Smarty Pants
Austin Chronicle
Meaty, nutritious data and data by-products---now in bite-sized chunks!

Woman Unnerved by New Census
Colorado Springs Indy
Did you know that The Census People are still out there, taking surveys? And that you have to answer?

Dewey's Death Pool 2001
Phoenix New Times
It's never too late to join this on-going 'death pool,' and it's always nice to check on the current top ten to see who's listed.

Street Talk: Would You Go Out With Someone Twice Your Age?
St Louis Riverfront Times
Always interesting 'ask the person on the street' column.

Dear Mistress Marisha
sfbg.com
BDSM columnist answers some entry-level questions.

Savage Love by Dan Savage
Denver Westword
Sex columnist Dan defends a prior rant. Adult Content.

alt.sex.column
sfbg.com
Weekly sex-advice columnist answers some entry-level questions, pardon the pun.

Friday June 01

Big Bird Killed Off in Season Finale of Sesame Street
The Satyr
Done in "to boost sagging ratings."

Book web site closes deal with major magazines
National Post
Powells.com has signed a deal with four major magazines -- Esquire, The New Republic, The Atlantic Monthly and Salon.com -- to publish their book reviews on its Web site.

TV personality Arlene Francis dead at 92
Canoe.ca
What's My Line? panelist for 25 years.

Deal-minded shopper brings home more than she bargained for
Dallas Morning News
Thrift store shopper buys a mystery package for a buck and gets the surprise of her life.

Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's current takes, including his thoughts on Nicole Kidman's new one Moulin Rouge.

This Week In Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
Got this one right. I should buy some lottery tickets today.

What happens to a nonbeliever who sneaks into a Mormon service?
Straight Dope
They'd spot you in a minute, Jack.

On This Day
NY Times
Speaking of which, Mormon leader Brigham Young was born in Whitingham, Vt. on this day in 1801. In case you were wondering, Young had 27 wives and 57 children.

David Letterman's List
CBS
Top Ten SIgns There's Something Wrong At The Gap. A quick look through our archives shows that CBS ran this same bit on Wednesday April the 11th. Rather than type up new 'Top Tens' they're recyling old ones. Tsk-tsk.

Thursday May 31

How To Make Straights Happy Homosexuals
Slate
Farcical piece makes its point.

The Rebranding of Catholicism
Slate
Nice, if somewhat hard to follow, dialogue about advertising, truth and the American Way.

Crooners used to keep rowdies at bay
Ananova
An Australian town is broadcasting songs of crooners like Bing Crosby in an effort to stop youngsters from gathering in Salamanca Square. Maybe I should do the same in our kitchen!

Grade 2 boy suspended for poultry prank
National Post
This would never have happened in a vegetarian household. It would have been a cuke instead.

No Sex For Priest And His Moon Honey
NY Post
Update on the Archbishop Emmanuel Milingo story. The last Post link I ran concerning this brought a spate of criticism, by the way.

The Latest Fitness Craze: Play More Video Games
NY Times
You see, my darling wife, we have nothing to worry about.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
How can I be so good at this and yet so bad at math?

Is it really dangerous to wake sleepwalkers?
Straight Dope
Minutes after I linked to this a sleepwalking 13 yr old emerged from our basement and tried to enter a bedroom, telling me that "I am going to my bathroom." I woke him up, didn't seem all that dangerous.

Today In Rotten History
rotten.com
Timothy Leary died 5 yrs ago today.

Wednesday May 30

Bush Actually President, Nation Suddenly Realizes
The Onion
Pinch Me!

Victor Kiam dies aged 74
BBC
He liked the shaver so much, he bought the company.

Is God in the genome?
Melbourne Age
Nice middle ground piece asks "is science killing God?"

How to control your child's rages
London Times
This sounds like our almost three year old, Sam.

Garrison Keillor: Dear Mr Blue
Salon.com
Garrison tackles problems, including one which we have al faced at one time or another: "My roommate spits on the floor and farts. How can I address this sensitive issue?"

Blake was accused by the cops: Att'y
NY Post
The cops thought he did it.

Heather Newman: Yes, you can beat those foul pop-ups
Detroit Free Press
Are pop-up ads ruining your surfing or invading your email? I've never had one in my email, but I hate 'em when I am cruising the web and Heather Newman outlines how to defeat them.

Women with big bottoms live longer
Queensland Courier-Mail
Scientist hopes "the study would make women want to emulate more natural body shapes." Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Making pierogi at mom's elbow
Toronto Globe and Mail
Your mom's pierogies are so excellent, my darling wife, that maybe you should get over there the next time she's rolling them on the weekend. Ok, ok....maybe I should get over there.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
Thank God it's not a math question.

On This Day
NY Times
Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in 1431 on this day and Wynonna Judd turns 37 years old today. I bet those two have never been in the same sentence before.

Tuesday May 29

Catholic Archbishop to marry and join Moonies
Ananova
No, my darling wife, it's not the Archbishop of Columbus, but Ohio is in the news. The Cincinatti Enquirer reports that the ACLU is suing to stop a new law that forces people who buy over 5 kegs of beer at a time to register with the police. This law is aimed squarely at college kids, no doubt.

Italian-Americans object to Sopranos
Sydney Morning Herald
As we linked last week, the Italians love the series, but some Italian-Americans are having a problem with it. Meanwhile, the NY Times reports that Therapists Reveal Their New Obsession: 'The Sopranos.' I wonder what Italian-American therapists think of the show?

131 different words and phrases trademarked by McDonalds
Las Vegas Weekly
That's odd, I don't see "McYuk" on the list. And, by the way, they can give up on the "Arch Deluxe" one...it's dead. Via Fark.

Prince Swears off Cursing
Yahoo Daily News
No, not Prince Charles.

Billy Preston hospitalized
Salon.com
Famed keyboardist for The Beatles and The Stones has chronic end stage kidney disease.

Why do they play bagpipes at police funerals?
Straight Dope
And at Presidents' funerals, too.

The Contradictory Faces Of Andrew Sullivan
Lesbian Gay NY.com
Sullivan, the fine HIV-positive columnist for The NY Times and The New Republic is in a mess of 'bareback' trouble.

SAT Question of the Day
Collegeboard
I hate math.

On This Day
NY Times
Bob Hope is 98 years old today. Other birthdays today include: John F Kennedy who would have been 84 this year and Patrick Henry who would have been 275 yrs old today.