South Dakota Considering Maybe Putting Mount Rushmore On State Quarter
The Onion
I once drove across S. Dakota and it's a beautiful state, but it's pretty much empty. In fact, we broke down out in the middle of nowhere on a Saturday night and everyone who passed us, stopped and offered to help. I bet there's a self-survival instinct behind that, however.
McDonald's, Fazoli to develop restaurants
Iwon.com
To those who are not aware: Fazoli's is a fast-food pasta place which serves barely adequate pasta, but a spectacular strawberry-lemon ice.
Where would Jesus be stashed?
CentreDaily.com Ohio couple had their 150-pound, 4-foot-high concrete statue of Jesus stolen....or maybe it ascended?
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News Samsung hopes this will make electronic books more useful. And, in case you missed yesterday's photo, here it is again.
Eatery's coupons called a slap in face
NJ.com
The girlfriend of a Taco Bell manager punched a woman in the face, at a Taco Bell, and, to help her with her pain, the Bell people sent the victim $15 in "Taco Bell Bucks." Reminds me of the time I was eating some Dannon Yogurt and came within a whisper of swallowing a jagged piece of metal. I wrote in to complain and the very-concerned Dannon people sent me a dozen free coupons. I think they were trying to kill me.
Dave's Top Ten Robert Blake Defenses
CBS
A tepid bunch, highlighted by number 10: "C'mon, I've killed dozens of people on television and it's always been cool."
Japan may outlaw Net porn
ZD Net
With the HUGE amount of Japanese porn online, I read this and thought "no way." And I was right. It's child porn that this is aimed at.
Lesbian 'killed in sex rage'
London Sun
I hate headlines like this. Who cares if she was a lesbian or not? Secondly, "lesbian killed in sex-rage" implies that it was another lesbian who killed the victim, when, of course, it was a male who killed her.
Detroit sports fans boo O Canada before start of Pistons-Raptors game
Canoe.ca
Many US fans are upset about the reportedly-false reports that the US Olympic Women's Hockey team stomped on the Maple Leaf flag and how the Canadian team used that as incentive to win the gold. Whether it's true or not, this is a false issue. Get over it Canada and the US, you are both one.
'Skank' Not Libel, Court Rules
Reuters
What's it mean? "One who is digustingly foul or filthy and often considered sexually promiscuous. Used especially of a woman or girl."
Ruth Fertel, Steakhouse Founder, Dies at 75
NY Times
My days of eating steak are over due to the heart attack I had last Thanksgiving weekend, but I'll never forget our two trips to the Ruth Chris Steak House where the steaks run 50 bucks, and are probably worth it.
Parent's smoking increases female births, study finds
Boston Globe Contributing Editor Kay sends this in with the comment that "here's only one way to summarize this: It's now proven that the male is the weaker of the species, and what an incentive for parents-to-be-to stop smoking. Or to start, if they already have 4 girls and want a boy."
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the week.
This week's savior could only be loved by a grandmother.
Klez worm's on the loose again
ZD Net
Beware! My neighbor Jill had me on the phone for 30 minutes today and I couldn't get this one fixed. It's a particularly nasty virus.
Deep Linking Returns to Surface
Wired
An interesting debate; Can anyone publicly link to any web site or should such linkings be reserved for news-type websites? As much as it maddens me to admit it, I can see the need for limits. In other linkage news, our comment links should be back up and running sometime this weekend.
10 Myths About Priestly Pedophilia
Zenit News Agency
Fairly valid apology, but strays into the insane with the following: "While it´s true that most statistics on child molestation show that men are more likely to abuse children, the fact is that some women are also child molesters." Sure, it's true that some women molest children. And it's also true that some men wear panties. I bet the percentages are about the same.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
Ever see that beer commercial where the young woman announces that she has just hit the lottery, only to have her boyfriend announce just seconds before that he wants out of their relationship? Well, here is a real life young woman who hit it big. Very big.
Red Meat Gene Linked with Prostate Cancer in Study
Yahoo News
I can just see our vegetarian son Tommy gloating. Son, there may very well be a study released next week which states that too much green stuff causes your brain to lock up.
"This Dark World" by Carolyn S. Briggs
Salon.com
Briggs describes her ecstatic conversion to Christian fundamentalism and her slow, difficult journey out again.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
Seven years ago our first exchange student, Claudia, took one look at the shelves of our local supermarket and declared that "Americans have too much choice".
A new approach to heart attacks
CNN
Interesting stat: "One major study found getting to the hospital within 70 minutes of experiencing chest pain can cut chances of dying by 80 percent." That would hold true here since My Darling Wife had me in the ER within 20 minutes.
Deaf Like Me?
Boston Globe
"A deaf lesbian couple in a Washington, D.C., suburb took steps to ensure that they had a deaf child, by selecting a sperm donor with an extensive family history of deafness." I'll leave this comment to my contributing-editor Kay, who is deaf: " Ergh. Deaf Culture."
Dave's Top Ten Fun Things To Do In A Jet
CBS
Some lame ones today with the best of the bunch being number 2: "Flying over the I.R.S. and dropping off my "taxes."
National Parks Suffering From Lack of Funds
Washington Post
Hint to Forest Park Service: If terrorists "attacked" a redwood or a sand dune, You'd have all the money you'd need.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week
Our saviour this week is a pudgy dude.
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Village Voice
Our favorite sex advice writer is back with his unedited, untamed sex advice column, but is forced to deal with three rather depressing letters
The Making of a Pro Violinist
Cleveland Scene.com
Interesting long piece about trying to crack a league that's tougher to get into than the NFL.
William Safire: On Language
NY Times
The Times'swordsmith answers his mail, which is not as depressing as Dan Savage's.
Times login: edportals password: edportals
Police Dog Severs Suspect's Penis
WKMG Contributing Editor Kay sends this one in, but without comment. C'mon, Kay, you have to come up with something like "I wonder if the dog's name was bobbit?
Get Rid of Pop Up Ads While You Surf the Net
KPIX
I might argue that those annoying pop-ups actually pay for the sites and allow us to cruise around the net, freely. But I won't...I hate them, too.
Ozzy shows MTV, VH1 headed different ways
CNN
For decades now my Darling Wife and I have tried to watch at least one series together and lately it's been The Sopranos, but after watching The Osbournes last night it's clear that we have a new show. Here's a family that's stranger than ours!
Milky Way Littered with Earth's Cosmic Cousins
Cosmiverse.com
Still think we are alone? "Millions of Earthlike worlds could be scattered throughout the Galaxy, just waiting for telescopes to improve sufficiently to find them.
"
Lesbian Convicted In Newcastle Attack
UK Gay News
Even though it's the gay press that's reporting it, I hate articles like this. While this gets ink, there are literally hundreds of cases each day of men maiming and/or killing their mates. Yet those kinds of stories are so commonplace that they barely make the news.
Vatican Insists on "Absolute Priority" of Holy Places
Zenit News Agency
"Amid conflicting reports from Bethlehem, the Vatican reminded Israelis and Palestinians that respect for the Holy Places is an "absolute priority," in keeping with agreements signed by both sides." Too bad they didn't give such "high priority" to the teenagers' and young peoples' holy places which the sleazy priests violated. You think I exaggerate? Today's Newsday reports that a Canadian order has had so many abuse cases filed against it, over 2,500, that it is filing for bankruptcy protection.
Vatican hints at African as Pope
London Telegraph
If Ratzinger has a major hand in picking JPII's successor, then it won't matter where he's from or hat color he may be. He'll still be a conservative shill.
Christina's bloom-ing Ricci
London Sun
Before I get snide comments about running this photo of actress Christina Ricci in a see-through top, I'd like to point, as a rebuttal, to yesterday's photo of the day's photo of the day.
Why do folks say "Jesus H. Christ"?
Straight Dope
And I wanna know why the Holy Spirit gets two spots on the Sign of the Cross while The Father and The Son have to settle for just one apiece?
Man takes sledgehammer to faulty PC
The USA Register
Who hasn't felt like this? My local repairman once suggested I take the machine the next time it breaks down and place it in the speed lane on main street.
Motorola Seeks to Make Its Phones Easier to Use
Reuters
In the same vein, how many of you have wanted to toss your cell phone out the car window because it's just too damned difficult to figure out? Or is it just me?
Oprah Postpones S.Africa Trip on 'Instinct'
Reuters O "feels worried about traveling" which doesn't sound quite right because she could hire her own jet and not worry about hijackers.
Aspirin Lowers Colon Cancer Risk
AP
Polyp reoccurence is lowered by 19%, but what about brain hemorrhages? In other health news, there's good news for us old guys: scientists have discovered a genetic marker for prostate cancer which they claim it is much more accurate than the prostate specific antigen (PSA) test currently used to detect prostate cancer.
Professor's time travel idea fires up the imagination
Boston.com
Haven't there been about 100 bad movies made about this idea? "A physicist at the University of Connecticut, believes he knows how to build a time machine - an actual device that could send something or someone from the future to the past, or vice versa.
"
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Village Voice
Our favorite sex-advice columnist tackles that age-old issue which we have all faced at one time-or-another: "Should one make it a point to say goodbye to people having a four-way in the living room, or is it best to slip out quietly? "
Court Ruling Makes Parents Quake
Reuters
Since we have seven kids it's a good thing we don't live in Italy because its highest appeals court has decreed that fathers must carry on supporting adult children until they find a job to their liking.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
A great photo from the Queen Mum's funeral.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week
This week's Savior is the Zen-like, swimming Jesus.
Vogue: Angelina Jolie most perfect woman
AZ Central My Darling Wife loved Billy Bob Thorton in The Man Who Wasn't There and has asked me to run any Thorton-Jolie bits I come across. This one's for you, honey.
New Tack on Attacks
ABC News
Four months ago Yours Truly had a heart attack which was treated by the incredible {if it works} clot-buster and then 6 angrioplasties and 5 stents. Now there is evidence that the patient should be moved immediately in to the cath lab for angioplasties and/or stents.
The great temple smoking debate
Buddhist News Network
One-half of Thai monks are heavy smokers, which I find interesting because our Oldest Son Tommy lives in a Zen Center and is also a heavy smoker.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
I've been getting some flack lately over the female cheesecake photos we've been linking to. So, to make amends, here's some male skin.
Heavy marijuana use lowers IQ, but only temporarily
Canoe.ca
Which reminds me of a time back in 1987 when I was struggling to learn how to do CADD and my boss, in total exasperation, growled "Ed, exactly how much dope did you smoke in college?"
Garrison Keillor's shy subversion
International Herald Tribune
Witty piece about Keillor and his constant subtle ribbing of American mainstream Protestant religion.
Nigeria launches Web site to target e-mail scams
Computerworld
The Nigerian government is as sick of those phony pleas for money as we are, so they've set up a web site to combat it on which they also offer contacts for legitimate Nigerian business possibilities. All you have to do is send them your check book number and make sure there's at least $10,000 in it.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News Gwyneth complains of a male-dominated film industry {see last week's links} yet she chose this to wear on Oscar Night? And while we're at it, here's Halle Berry's Acceptance Speech.
Academy Award History
caught In between
Thoughtful comment, as always, from BoyCaught.
Murder Incorporated
ABC
Sick Denver sculptor is selling action figures of Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy online. Which reminds me of the set of ten year old Terrorist Trading Cards that we have lying around the house somewhere. One, by the way, depicts an attack on NYC with a drawing of terrified people racing through the streets.
Exclusive! Rosie O'Donnell & Bill O'Reilly
Foxnews
Rosie boldy states that "Gay couples may make better parents than heterosexual mothers and fathers who don't measure up to the responsibility of having children." This shouldn't be news. It's common sense, but I suppose it needs to be said publicly.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
A good example of how things can get out of control in Hollywood.
What's the best way to kill cockroaches?
Straight Dope
When we moved to Durham North Carolina in '87, little did we realize that we had moved into the Cockroach Capital of the World. I found the best way to kill 'em was to roll the newspaper up, stand in the dark in the kitchen around 1 a.m, quickly flip on the lights and start whacking. I recall killing hundreds one lovely night down in wonderful N.C.
Where is the Panchen Lama?
Buddhist News Network
A good analysis of the differences between the Dalai Lama and the Panchen Lama, as well as an update on the soon-to-be 13 yr old Panchen Lama who is being kept inside China by the government, not to mention an explanation of the Chinese government's absurd claim that another child is the actual Panchen Lama.
William F. Buckley Jr: Who Killed Global Crossing?
Yahoo News Bill Buckley's predictable defense of Global Crossing's chief executive's plundering of his own company. These CEO's who take the money and run, leaving employees and pension funds to sink, are the same parasites who have all of those stupid "TEAMWORK!" signs put up in the cafeterias. Teamwork, yeah, unless the ship is going down, then it's grab all you can and swim.
Starbucks Threatens Lawsuit Against Backwash For - GASP! - Linking to Them Without Their Permission!
Backwash.com
In fact, I got a demand for fifty bucks last week in an email, and, no, it wasn't from some dude from Ethiopia who wanted access to my checking account. It was, instead, from a writer who pens a bi-monthly column for a Eugene, Oregon alternative newspaper and I had linked to her last year. I politely explained the difference between quoting and linking and wished her a very full and happy life.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week.
One faith yet so many Jesuses. What's a worshipper to do? Anyway, this week's Saviour is definitely not liturgically correct.
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Village Voice
Our favorite sex-advice columnist is strapped for ideas this week.
Governor Postpones Water Limits
WBAL
How weird: Maryland's governor had to cancel an outdoor new conference about the current draught due to a ferocious downpour.
Pope Calls Priestly Pedophilia 'Grievous Evil'
Reuters
What's worse, the grievous evil or the subsequent moving of the perps from parish to parish by the higher-ups? Meanwhile, there turns out to be a local angle to this horrid series of events. Back in our sports-loving neighborhood in the early 1960's the Pacioreks were legendary. They were so good, in fact, that John. Tom and Jim all made it to the majors and Mike played minor league ball. Today we learn that all that glitters is not gold as the Detroit Free Press reports : Ex-baseball star: Priest abused me.
Woman Bites Off Husband's Genitals
Reuters
Reuters has to go to Uganda to get this lurid story, while on a daily basis, across America, some spurned male lover is gunning down his mate.
Ebert's Oscar picks
Chicago Sun Times
I hated his pick for Best Picture, and if they don't give the Oscar to A Beautiful Mind then it's a shame. It was far better than Ebert's sissy pick.
Singapore grapples with rash of phony monks
Buddhist News Network
Things are the same the world over. In the US we have Miss Cleo, while in Singapore fake monks and nuns are reported to charge a fee of up to U.S.$50 to perform rites warding off bad luck.
Pavel Bure traded to Rangers
CBC News
He'll join Theo Fleury on the Rangers, giving me even more reason to hate them.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo
I've run plenty of Anna Kournikova pics. Here's something for the other half.
Why do pigeons bob their heads?
StraightDope
Uncle Cecil presses his point: "who you are going to believe, some stupid internationally famous ornithologist or me, veteran pigeon feeder?"
Monday 18 March
Pope: St. Joseph Praised as a Model for Fathers
Zenit News Agency
Sure, he never had sex with his wife; he raised another dude's kid as his own and he taught The Kid a trade which The Kid ended up ditching. Sounds like a Jerry Springer show in the making .
Dave Barry: It's Oscar time -- prepare the blow darts
Miami Herald
The latest from Dave includes this prediction about who will win: "This is an especially difficult question this year, because there were so many fine performances and movies, and I have not seen any of them. My wife and I have a 2-year-old daughter, and on those rare occasions when we have a babysitter, we use the time for activities we need to catch up on, such as brushing our teeth." We have a 2 yr old, Dave...and a 3 yr old..and a 5 yr old...and an 8 yr old...not to mention a 13, 19 and 22 yr old...just imagine the state of our teeth!!!
Promise Seen in Angioplasty Dilemma
AP My Darling Wife will be interested in this stat: the new "coated" stent has had a 100% success rate, rather than the 26% failure rate of current stents, which is the kind I have five of.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
Racially insensitive or funny? You make the call.
Sunday 17 March
Bruce Babbitt found after being lost during hike
AZ Central
The non-story of the year. After having been missing for 45 minutes, Babbitt "came strolling back to the car area, unharmed and unscathed." In effect, Babbitt found them, not vice-versa.
Yugoslavia to change name
CNN
There are nights when the true stories outweigh anything The Onion or Satire Wire can cook up. This is one of those nights.
John Paul II Reflects on God´s Silence
Zenit News Agency
The silence is not all surprising. The Endless One probably looks in every now and then and sees stuff like: "A judge decided yesterday to spend two more days deciding what sentence was apt for a man spotted by commuters having sex with a goat."
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
Part 2 of the National Geographic follow-up that we linked to yesterday.
Man sentenced for attack with porcupine feces
Muskegon Chronicle
AT least he didn't fire, but how long should a recently-fired dude who tossed three 5-gallon buckets filled with porcupine feces, worms and parasites at fellow workers be sentenced?
URL's Gone Wild
Nerve.com
Search results gone mad: Some contrived, but some surprising.
Open the NCAA Tournament to all comers
Salon.com The Big Dance finally starts Thursday, but before it does let us examine writer King Kaufman's splendid idea: let all 364 teams in.
Connie Francis Sues Over Gay Video
365Gay.com
She was not amused to hear that"Where the Boys Are" was in a gay porn film. In related litigious news, Mattel has blocked a film showing Barbie as a lesbian.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
One of National Geographic's most famous photos is revisited.
Tuesday 12 March
Time Warner to trademark "September 11th"
The Brains Trust
Funny Stuff: "And that means '9-11', '11 September', '09/11' - the works. We may have to do a deal with the phone companies to get '911' but we'll get it.
"
Websites of the Formerly Famous
NY Times
Fascinating piece about the formerly famous who try to hang on to their fame via personal web sites. Maybe someday we can include Dubya, Bubba and Jimmy in that group.
Science & Religion: No Ends in Sight
NY Review of Books
Princeton Prof Freeman J. Dyson's thoughtful piece about science and religion. Thoughtful because Dyson is both a scientist and a Christian. Listen to Dyson's wonderful handling of Literalist-Christians,: "We respect them as human beings, struggling in their own way to deal with the mysteries of life and death, sharing with us our common weaknesses, fears, passions, and bewilderments. We respect their faith in the love of God, whether or not we share it. We observe them with a sympathetic eye, but from a distance. We do not for a moment imagine that their detailed vision of a world to come, with heaven and hell and eschatological verification, the vision that they find emotionally satisfying or intellectually compelling, is actually true." Very well stated, indeed.
Guess who's tracking you by cell phone?
ZD Net
I don't have a problem with this info, but I know many who will hate it: "The nation's cell phone service providers will soon know exactly where every one of their customers is, at all times."
Photo of the Day
Palm Beach Post
Today's photo reminds me of the group of kids we see every year on our annual Spring Warbler Migration trip up to Magee Marsh Wildlife Area every May. Some of these kids, by the way, use very pricey optics. I saw one youngster using a pair of these $900 Swarovski's.
News Web sites: No such thing as a free read
Nando Times
London's Financial Times joins a small, but growing bandwagon and charges for its online contents. We'll never link to them again.
Men's NCAA Brackets Announced
CNNSI
Here they are, this year's Field of 64 and I am betting that there will be more upsets than ever this year in the first round.
A message from the edge of the solar system
San Francisco Chronicle
Interesting piece in which we learn about Pioneer 10, launched on March 2, 1972, and not heard from in over two years.
Tax on tampons 'unfair' to women
AZ Central.com
I agree, and so is the tax on the NHL package that I have on my satellite dish, not to mention the sales tax I paid on my last tube of jock-itch ointment.
Actor compares 2000 election to Sept. 11
Tallahassee Democrat
Rather than run the tired "I thought he was leaving the country' link as the natural reply, let us look instead at a quote from The National Review's Contributing Editor Stanley Kurtz: "The attacks on the president and his conduct of the war on terrorism are groundless and foolish, of course. But the surprisingly frank objections to the war being raised by Democratic senators and leftist intellectuals alike stem from a profound and entirely justified sense of foreboding about the open-ended nature of this conflict."
William Safire: On Language
NY Times
The Times's wordsmith examines the genesis of regime change, collateral damage and negative pregnant.
Kmart Corporation Releases List of Store Closings
PRNewswire
Here's the list of the about-to-be-closed 284 under-performing stores and I see that our local South Hooterville Kmart has somehow made it through this first cut.
Current Ebert Reviews
Chicago Sun Times
Roger's takes on the latest releases are limited, due to his recent cancer surgery, but he still manages not to miss a deadline.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week
This week it's Jesus and the racist jelly beans.
Consumer Guide by Robert Christgau
Village Voice The Dean of American Rock Critics is back with his monthly column, including a look at the quavering Icelandic diva Bjork.
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Village Voice
Back by popular demand and this week Dan tackles a question that has been bothering us all: "Is two-women, no-body-fluids-exchanged, foreplay-style sex truly cheating? "
Dave's Top Ten Signs You've Been Watching Too Much Football
CBS
Either somebody at CBS screwed up or they ran this football piece on purpose. It's funny either way and my fave is #7: In every situation you ask yourself, "What would NFL referee Ed Hochuli do?"
Stolen card data surfaces on Web site
MSNBC
Ever done a Google on your own name? Well, a woman did a Google search on her name and found a Russian website which listed her name address, phone number, and Citibank credit card listed there, along with about 200 others.
Hunter S. Thompson: For what it's worth
ESPN Page 2 The Good Doctor is back and ranting again, as usual. This time he feels paranoid about being photographed in public by Uncle Sam
Bono monopoly on self-righteousness, world pain smashed
The Evil Gerald {Ireland}
Cute piece in which it takes a court order to break "the monopoly after receiving several complaints from Bono's competitors, including Michaels Stipe... ."
Leader Says Uganda Has No Homosexuals
Yahoo/AP
"Uganda's president declared Sunday that his country has no homosexuals." Well, this leader's "aggressive AIDS prevention campaign" apparently also includes delusion.
Photo of the Day
Yahoo News
Ever wonder what they have in lieu of Barbie Dolls in Iran?
Top Ten Highlights Of Dave Letterman's Career
CBS
Some funny ones today, including #8: "February 21st, 2000: Returns from so-called "heart surgery" with new nose, fuller lips and tighter rump."
USA Today to Eliminate Text
Daily Probe
As witnessed by today's top two links, there are times when satire and reality are just too damned close to tell which is which.
Bad Knee to Keep Pope from Presiding over General Audience
Zenit News Agency
They say trouble comes in threes and Steve Yzerman and Michael Jordan are also out of the lineup due to knee innjuries. In other sports news, Lennox Lewis is giving up sex in preparation for his battle with Mike Tyson. Maybe that's why priests are celibate? "To be sharper to face Tyson"...errrr, rather, the devil.
'Men losing their hair over going bald'
Ananova
"Half of men are worried about going bald and many check their pillows each morning for hair, a survey claims." Checking your pillow for missing hair? This baldie has NEVER done that.
Leafs Try to Move On After Death
AP
I flipped on this game Saturday night to catch Don Cherryand was surprised to see that, instead of it being between periods, the game had barely begun. Now I know why. Speaking of Grapes, here's his weekly rant, which focuses this week on Russian-Canadian immigrants.
Koppel Is the Odd Man Out as ABC Woos Letterman
NY Times
Interesting dynamics at work since ABC has not had a viable late-night show since 1967 and the old Joey Bishop Showwhich featured a very young Regis Philbin as announcer and Regis, as you might know, is a frequent Letterman guest.
Madden will team with Michaels in two-man booth
ESPN My brother-in-law Henry and I squabbled about Dennis Miller on this page last fall and it appears that you win, Henry. I will be among the very few, it seems, that will miss Miller.
Colorado defenceman Rob Blake out indefinitely with bruised knee
Canoe.ca
First Stevie's knee acts up. Then Cujo breaks a hand or finger or something and he's out 6 weeks. Then Mario gets hurt and he's out, maybe for good and now Blake? Aha, we know why they won the Gold Medal! They cut a deal with this guy.
Convict threatens suit over frozen toes
Canoe.ca
Okay, how stupid can one person be? "A convicted sex offender who fled into the woods when approached by a detective is threatening to sue, saying he lost a few toes to frostbite because police were slow in arresting him."
Grammys 2002: Winners so far
BBC
Watch the Grammy's? I didn't. There was a Red Wings game on, but here's a list of winners.
Photo of the Day
Washington Post
I'd be like the kid in the middle; eyes closed tightly.
Starbucks hopes to expand in 2002
Salon.com
This is news? Of course Starbucks wants to expand. We've already ran links about them moving into Greece and they've also got their sites set on Mexico and Indonesia and they won't be happy until they have an outlet in every strip mall in the world.
Hundreds of photos of Anna Kournikova
Photo Gallery
Did you notice how Fark pandered and ran this link? Well, let me promise everyone right now: net.Headlines will never stoop to that!
'West Wing' Creator Blasts Bush, NBC's Tom Brokaw
Reuters
"Aaron Sorkin, creator of a fictional White House on the TV drama "The West Wing," says the entire country -- including his own network -- is "pretending" that President Bush (news - web sites) is competent and brave." Yeah? Well Mr. Sorkin, we've been pretending that The West WIng is good. It's not.
The Strokes named best band at NME awards
Ananova
Our lovely Oldest child Mary emailed last week that "I have been listening a lot lately to The Strokes and The Shins. Check them out." I did and I think I like The Shins more.
Monday 25 February
Golden Sunday: Canada wins men's hockey final
CBC News
I am not going to use the American's incredibly hard victory over Russia on Friday, while the Canadians cruised over no-name Belarus {even though the Yanks had the better record going into the semi's} as an alibi. Congrats Canada.
Taiwan monks applaud Buddha's finger
CNN
A 2500 yr old finger? Certain aspects of Buddhism remind me of Catholicism. Speaking of Rome, An arthritic knee has forced the Pope to cancel a visit to a Filipino immigrant community in Rome. You never know, some 2000+ years from now, the papal knee may be revered as a relic.
Lord of the Things
Business 2.0
A mock-up of Harper's Index with Wal-Mart as the subject. For those who have never read Harper's Index, here's the January index.
Cartoon legend Chuck Jones dies
CNN
Creator of some of Warner Bros.' most famous characters including the Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote, and Pepe Le Pew.
Canada goes for gold - and a chance to show the world hockey is our game
Canada.com
All articles like is are doing is to pile the pressure on, turning the Americans into the underdogs. No matter who wins {go America!} it's been a great Olympics for hockey and it all but guarantees that the NHL will allow its players to return in 2006.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week
This week finds Jesus in the soup.
Village Voice
Savage Love by Dan Savage
Dans on vacation, but leaves us with a disgusting "best of" article.
British Olympians Blame Failure on Cold Weather
The Brains Trust
Actually the Brits are agog over their women's curling team which won the first British Winter Games Gold Medal in 18 years. Meanwhile, Canada is similarly agog over their gold in women's hockey. Women's hockey, by the way, is inferior to high school boy's hockey. Of course, the big medal of the day went to young American Sarah Hughes and her remarkable win over Michelle Kwan and Irina Slutskaya. Slutskaya at the end of this article in today's Detroit News hints that anti-Russian bias may have led to her downfall. Sorry, Irina, it was your stiff landing that lost it. Better luck next time. For more Russian bitching, see the link from CNNSI below.
MPR: Money Public Radio
CityPages.com
Here in the States the only thing we have resembling the CBC is National Public Radio and a major producer of NPR shows is Minnesota Public Radio and according to this article they make boatloads of money. Keep that in mind, Minnesota readers, the next time a pledge period rolls around.
Russia considering withdrawal
CNNSI
Every nation gets screwed sometime or another in the Olympics. Need I point to the 1972 men's gold medal basketball game? A game that had the final 3 seconds replayed 3 times until the Soviets finally won? The Russians should shut up, go home, train harder and attempt to kick ass in Athens in 2006. In other Olympic news, the CBC reports that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is unsure the NHL will allow players to enter the 2006 games. Translated that means the league doesn't want the players to play, but public pressure may force it. Of course they should play. Wake up, Mr. Bettman: The hockey has been awesome and the ratings high.
This Week in Sex
Nerve.com
The week in review leads with news of the booming porn industry in Afghanistan.
Roger Ebert to Have Growth Removed
AP
My Darling Wife comments: "sounds like Ebert has a papillary thyroid carcinoma and has had a fine needle
aspiration." Let's hope all goes well and Roger's Current Movie Reviews return soon.
Bloomy Gets Into The Top Ten Spirit
NY Post Mayor Mike was on Letterman Wednesday night and here's his list of Top Ten Ways I'll Improve New York City," with my fave being "Mandatory 10 o'clock curfew for Bill Clinton."
Can a 90-lb. chimp clobber a full-grown man?
StraightDope
I have no doubt about this answer. 12 years ago, or so, we were at the North Carolina Zoo and a chimp snarled at one of us, picked up a rock or ball or something hard and threw it at us, underhanded, so hard that it violently shook the plexiglass that separated us from that violent lil' beast. Reflexively everyone ran for cover.
Ohio executes convicted killer Tuesday
Hooterville Times Recorder
I don't buy that old "an eye for an eye" any more than I buy a marauding Jehovah who kicked other countries' ass while making a special covenant with the Israelites.
Cats love to flush
Canoe.ca
Here's something a few of our sons should imitate: "Two mischievous cats are driving up the water bill for one area couple.
Boots and Bandit, who are 1 1/2-years-old, have learned to flush the toilet and turn off the lights, said their owners Russ and Sandy Asbury.
"
AltaVista to End Free E-Mail
Washington Post
Not surprising. I look for Hotmail to follow suit or to severely curtail its free service based on the "Your account is too large" warnings I have been getting. even though the vast majority of my Hotmail mail is pure spam and goes directly to my junk mail folder.
AOL aims messenger at Motorola
CNET
Speaking of online, here's some intriguing news: Motorola is going to start adding AIM to some of its cellphones. Now teens all over the world will be able to instantly message their pals that "there's nothing new here. How about you?"
Dave's Top Ten Ways To Make Curling More Exciting
CBS
Growing up in a American Border Town, I spent many, many quiet Wintry Saturday afternoons reading, while watching Canadian curling on the CBC out of the corner of my eye and watching it now, some 30 years later, I have to wonder: what did they do to the brooms? Must the space age invade every area of our lives? I miss the old "slap, slap, slap." That out of the way, let's look at my fave of this bunch, #8: "Only allow French judges."
Tuesday 19 February
Mexicans Rally For Gay Marriage
Gay.com
More than 100 Mexican gay and lesbian couples took wedding-like vows on Thursday as part of a Valentine's Day rally for same-sex couple rights in Mexico City while more than 97 million others went on about their lives.
U.S.-Russia game draws huge viewing audience
CNNSI
It didn't start until almost midnight EST, but it garnered the largest US ratings audience in at least 22 years for a game involving NHL players proving Americans are ready for another Miracle on Ice. Meanwhile, the Canadian team held on to edge Germany 3-2, but surely puck fans Up North cannot be happy.
Devil More Dangerous When Least Perceived, Pope Says
Zenit News Agency
One of the six or so books I am reading right now is the very interesting The Origin of Satan by Elaine Pagels in which she shows how "satan" in the Old Testament grew out of the need to demonize one's intimate enemies and has evolved into the "Satan" of today. Speaking of evolving and religion, The Atlantic Monthly has a fine interview with Tony Lester about the Darwinian way in which religions evolve and mutate.
28th or 29th Annual Pazz and Jop Critic's Poll
Village Voice
For 28, or 29, years now the Voice's Pop Music Critic's Poll has been a joy to read and I'm sure this year will be the same, especially since I see Dylan copped "Album of the Year."
French Judge Gives Taliban Win
Satire Wire
"Despite making what most observers agreed were "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation."
Britney on Her Greatest Bits
London Mirror
No word about her brains: "I don't like my fingernails, I don't like my feet, or my nose... But I DO like my lips and hair."
Valentine's Day Coming A Little Early In Relationship
The Onion
Man dating only 3 weeks laments the holiday. On the other hand, this will be our 25th married Valentine's Dayt, My Darling Wife and the 25th in a row we do not exchange gifts, except love, and I thank you for that and all the rest, too.
Giuliani receives honorary knighthood
BBC
What a year Giuliana has had. He went from being hounded out of office, became stricken with cancer to knighthood.
I-Spy
Sendai Station, Japan.
I love mistranslations, even wrote a web page about Japanese-English mistranslations, Pork with Fresh Garbage,
eighteen months ago, and here's a fine example of the craziness that happens when cultures merge awkwardly.
List of Oscar Nominations
AP
No nomination for Billy Bob Thorton nor for Gene Hackman. What a joke. But one did go to Paul McCartney for his song in Vanilla Sky.
Tabloid Defends Use of Model's Picture
AP
Crazy: Naomi Campblell, a supermodel who preens publicly for a living, is suing a British tabloid for breach of confidence or unlawful invasion of privacy or both after it published a photograph of her leaving a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in London a year ago.
Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week
We decide to return to this old favorite link and it does not disappoint: "Jesus is trapped in an aquarium, being devoured by white flowers and crap! And his hula hoop has been swapped for a garter belt!"
Tuesday 12 February
Canada robbed of gold medal
Toronto Sun
Our sympathies to our neighbors Up North, but veteran Yankee Olympic watchers know EXACTLY how you feel. The year was 1988 and American boxer Roy Jones clearly dominated South Korean Park Si-Hun, only to shockingly lose the decision in a situation nearly identical to yesterday's stick-up. This morning the world, and the skaters themselves, know who really won.
Obituary of Dave Van Ronk
London Times
He was one folkie I didn't get into even though he was one of Dylan's mentors.
Who Needs Breasts, Anyway?
Time
Strident liberal Molly Ivins touchingly writes about her battle with breast cancer.
Three magic little words
SF Gate
Writer has a theory on how to defeat telemarketers. I use a different tactic. If they ask for my Darling Wife, as they most often do, I launch into a fast, uninterruptable narrative about how she left me with all the kids, 2 dogs, a cat AND HER MOM and she has not been sighted since, but if they should ever contact her by phone would they please tell her that she took the only key to the back door with her?
Vatican to name patron saint of cyberspace
New Zealand Herald
What's the deal with patron saints anyway? Is it like God has favorites? Does God pause and then say to St. Peter "Nettle Rash? Isn't St Benedict in charge of that?" Meanwhile some common sense: Boston-area Catholics, "reeling" about a current sex-abuse scandal, now favor a married priesthood as well as women priests. Finally, we switch gears slightly and follow a link that takes us to the first-ever ordination of a female Buddhist monk in Thailand. Given that Buddhism is 500 years older than Christianity, we should look for the first female priest in the year 2600.
BT preps defense of Web-surfing patent
CNet News
Fat Chance: BT. the U.K.-based telecommunications giant, claims they invented hyperlinks and want to charge onliners now for using them.
'Chinese' Panchen Lama appears on TV
BBC
"Human rights groups have described him as the world's youngest political prisoner." And they are getting the Olympics? Meanwhile, visiting Chinese Olympic officials in Utah are seething after residents of a Salt Lake condo decorated their balconies with the flags of 90 countries - including Taiwan. Isn't that too bad?
Peace Is Not Result of Conflict and Violence, John Paul II Says
Zenit News Agency
"When John Paul II received the new ambassador of the Philippines to the Vatican today, he made it clear that peace cannot result from violence and conflict." Sounds identical to Thich Nhat Hanh who writes "Responding to violence with violence resolves nothing; it only escalates violence, anger and hatred." Now, if they'd only get rid of that crazy no married priests rule.
Looks aren't everything, they're the only thing
Chicago Tribune
Cute piece that suggest like-minded moves patterned after Greta Van Susteran's eye lift. My fave is "Geraldo Rivera (Fox News): Mustachectomy."
Blimpie switching from Coke to Pepsi
Nando Times
Our 13 yr old son Steve says "Pepsi Rules!" and then later demands that "dad, take that exclamation point out of that sentence."
Security hole threatens MP3 users' personal data
ZD Net
Uh-oh. ZD Net reports that "MP3 fans using the Morpheus file-swapping service risk having their personal details exposed online, according to security experts." Morpheus is now, by the way, the file-swapper's drug of choice.
Pediatricians support gay adoptions
PlanetOut
New study to show gay adoptive parents upset about waiting 60 or more minutes in pediatrician's waiting room.
Papal favourite retires
London Times
Something in the water? Carlo Martini, the front-runner to replace JPII, reveals that, like JPII, he has Parkinson's. Speaking of JP, here is his 2002 Lenten Message which centers on this awesome theme: Christians Exhorted to Be Witnesses of God´s Love to Others. finally, to wrap up our papal news, movie tough-guy Bob Hoskins has agreed to portray Pope John XXIII.
Bledsoe skips Patriot parade
CBC News
Bet he cashes that Super Bowl Winner's check. Meanwhile, we're still waiting for Hunter S. Thompson's ESPN Page 2 Super Bowl report. He probably has awakened yet.
Aging rink rats face deadly cardiac risk
Toronto Globe and Mail
Whew, glad they didn't study aging hoopsters. But, speaking of aging hoopsters, if you must play, and I must, then be sure you don't have cocaine in your body as recently-deceased director Ted Demme did.
Dave's Top Ten Super Bowl Moments
CBS
Maybe I'm suddenly in a bad mood because I remember seeing WWII-era cartoons in the 50's, but I don't find any of today's list amusing.
Subway Passes McDonald's as Biggest U.S. Restaurant Chain
Foxnews
Not surprising, since Subway has many more so-called "satellite" stores, but it's still excellent news. Sooner or later McDonald's is going to have to revamp their menu.
'Dangerous' hole discovered in Morpheus
ZDNet News
A malicious hacker could then access the computers of those users and copy files from anywhere on their hard disk. Good thing I have nothing to hide.
To Celebrate net.Headlines' 2nd anniversary, I am taking the day off ! I want to thank the appropriate people for all their help during the past two years, most especially my Darling Wife. A word of thanks also must go out to those of you who return here, day after day, to read my banalities and poor jokes. A million thanks and, the God/dess willing, we shall start Year 3 tomorrow.
Asian superstar has family, following in Zanesville
Zanesville Times Recorder
This article in the local Hooterville Express about the connection between Thai superstar Tata Young and our fair city would be only mildly interesting, except that Young has been sighted in our kitchen, a guest of our Oldest Son Tommy.
Pope 'wanted to sell Pieta'
London Times
"POPE PAUL VI secretly negotiated the sale of some of the Vatican’s priceless art treasures to help the poor, including Michelangelo’s Pietà, a report claimed yesterday." However, dont bet the farm on this because The Vatican denies report.
Victor Davis Hanson: Gone With the War?
National Review
Nice anti-multicultural rant has many gems including "The Red Cross worries about the mittens, hoods, and nutritional content of breakfast cereal for killers in Guantanamo — but says little about real torture and murder outside the gates, in Havana itself."
Monaghan proposes world's largest crucifix
Detroit News
And a different kind of crazy guy, the founder of Dominos Pizza, Tom Monaghan, plans to build a 25 story crucifix near Ann Arbor. Smell a law suit?
Papa's Got a Brand Moo Bag
London Sun
And she broke out in a cold, cold sweat? Speaking of law suits, a woman is suing The Godfather of Soul for sexual harassment and testifies that James Brown told her that the US government had given him bull’s testicles.
Rumsfeld: Prepare for Surprise Attacks
Washington Post
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Thursday the United States must prepare now for potential surprise attacks "vastly more deadly" than the Sept. 11 terrorist hijackings and to stop this the country needs to fork over $48 billion next year. This comes just hours after my longtime pal Gerald wrote in that "You know I'm entirely in support of paying as much of my earnings as
possible for a military buildup!" Make that check out to "The United States of America," Gerry, and don't forget to duck and cover!
Newswoman Gets Eyes Done Before Switching to Fox News
zap2it.com
Too bad they don't have talent transplants: "The fact that Greta Van Susteren will be on Fox News Channel instead of CNN won't be the only change noted by viewers when her new show premieres this Monday (Feb. 4). Van Susteren's eyes will also be getting a make-over."
Mugshots
The Smoking Gun
Not a good day for the almost-famous: Noelle Bush, the 24 yr old daughter of Florida governor Jeb Bush, and actress Kim Delaney were busted yesterday.
Pippi creator Lindgren dies
BBC
We've been offline 36 hours due to stupid AOL-Time Warner, but we must mention the days-old death of Astrid Lindgren who was very important to our oldest daughter Mary about 13 years ago.
Smith: 'I Cheated My Audience'
Empire Online
I notice he's not offering refunds: Actor Will Smith admits that Wild Wild West "wasn’t good." Hmmm, what about a class action suit?
Google Finds Dirty Laundry
Volta NetGains My Darling Wife calls it googling. As soon as a job
applicant surfaces, she is online, checking the person out. In other Google news: the world's best search engine announces that if you get a pop-up ad while using it, it's not theirs. Finally, here's a new game for Googlewhackers: type two words into Google's search bar, with the goal of obtaining a single result. The ultimate goal: seeing the words "Results 1-1 of 1" appear in the upper right-hand corner of the screen. Oddly enough, I found something similar tonight when i searched for "green tea caffeine amoount", misspelling, of course, "amount."
Hunter S. Thompson: Braced For The Last Football Game
ESPN Page 2
We've followed the Good Doctor all year, so why stop now? And, of course, no one writes about sports like Thompson: " There are many cruel Rooms in the mansion, and many deep holes in the Road. Keep alert or be stabbed." Sounds like good advice to me.
AOL doubles fun with Olsens
The Hollywood Reporter
As I wrote last week, the entire world will eventually have to choose sides: Microsoft or AOL. The Olsen Twins choose AOL.
Dalai Lama Hospitalized in Bombay
Washington Post
Doctors have detected a lump in his stomach.My Darling Wife responds: "Oh, that's not good; unless maybe it's a resectable stromal tumor and they can whack it."
Draping History
ABC News
What an idiot: Ashcroft orders draperies over nude statues.
Artificial logs a fire hazard? Who knew!
SF Chronicle The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch has published their Wacky Warning Label Contest winners and the list is quite amusing. For example, imagine a warning that sleeping pills might cause drowsiness!
The 'second generation' of Holocaust survivors
Spiked online
Writer Frank Furedi finds something amiss with "the International Association of Lesbian and Gay Children of Holocaust Survivors, Descendants of the Jewish Community of Augsburg, Second Generation Children from Nuremberg, and the Jewish Lesbian Daughters of Holocaust Survivors."
Sunday 27 January
Companies line up to hire Arthur Andersen
National Lampoon.com
"There are a lot companies, particularly on the
NASDAQ, that could stand to have $600 million in bogus profits
right now."
Chief aim of war is now to "avenge death of George
Harrison" - Blair
The Smokehammer
"Harrison was a man of peace. And in his last dying
moments this curious Beatle who constantly searched for
enlightenment, must have attained the one absolute certainty :
there is no need whatsoever for an inquiry into the death of up
to 400 Taliban prisoners in the Qala-I-Jhangi
fort."
Enron Chairman Quits to Join Nigerian Firm
Satire Wire
"needs your confidential assistance in the
transferring of offshore funds into a new company of Nigeria that
will provide incredible profit on paper by the trading of
energy."
Harry Potter fans warn against dangerous effects of
Bible
The Chaser
“When children are taught that the Bible is
absolutely literally true, and that a story like Noah’s Ark
actually happened, the imagination is completely stifled –
it’s very detrimental.”
Bin Laden caught by Jehova’s witnesses
LaughsEnd.com
"It was easy," Stan said, "I simply
air-lifted a car load of Jehova’s witnesses into the
mountains of Afghanistan." "No-one can hide from those
people!"
TV
Network Cashes in With Show Featuring Sassy, Ironic Afghan
Teens
FallingCity.com
"Kabul is described by industry tools as
"Dawson's Creek meets The Killing Fields with a healthy
dose of the A-Team" and is set to be a hit with the coveted
12-to-16-year-old-female demographic with its fresh, young faces,
its spunky, clever characters, and stories of budding
romance."
Taleban army rises again to face US
London Times
"A renegade army of 5,000 Taleban soldiers with 450
tanks, armoured carriers and pick-up trucks is locked in a tense
stand-off with American special forces in Afghanistan." The
tally so far? The American forces have one injured ankle.
That's correct, ankle. Meanwhile, The London Telegraph
reports that old habits die hard:
Afghans to carry on stoning criminals.
AOL, Wendy’s ink marketing pact
MSNBC
We spoke yesterday of the world being divvied up between
AOL and
Microsoft. Count Wendy's in on AOL's
side.
Peter Gzowski, Canadian icon, dead at 67
Toronto Star
There is no equivalent to Gzowski in the States. He was
thoughtful, deliberate, wry and incisive and I regularly listened
to him when we lived in the Border Town.
Martha Stewart May Hold Key to Kmart Revival
NPR.org
Forget Martha, here's my plan to save Kmart: Get Oprah to buy a controlling interest. It
would be a simple change: Kmart becomes
O-Mart. Oprah then initiates new-agey changes and the
store passes Walmart before you can say "we'll be right
back to join Dr. Phil in
a tour of the Marianne
Williamson aisle at your new O-Mart." {This is an audio
link; you will need real audio to listen.}
McDonald's Delivers $8,000 In PCs, Fridges to
Orphans
Moscow Times
You don't see Bill Gates
delivering burgers to orpahns, do ya? Why not instead deliver
something decent to eat? Speaking of
Microsoft, The International Herald
Tribune, out of Paris, reports that
Netscape Suit Widens AOL-Microsoft Rift. Not surprising,
this is going to be THE big rivalry of the 21st Century. AOL vs.
Microsoft. Choose your side.
Retailer Goes Belly Up
7am.com
Analysts said Kmart might use its bankruptcy protection to
get out of leases at about 250 locations around the country,
certainly including the dog they have here in S. Hooterville.
Summerall steps down as Madden's booth
partner
CBS Sportsline
I was just thinking last week that ole' Pat is still
an excellent play-by-pay announcer. Speaking of sports, the NBA inked a new deal with
Disney {read Espn and ABC} which might mean the end of Marv Albert's post-sex scandal
career.
Richard Lederer: Happy Palindromic New Year
Vocabula.com
One of the highlights of living in Hooterville was when
Richard Lederer,
verbivore-at-large, lectured at the local college. Here he
goes off on a palindrome-rant, reminding us that the year 2002 is
the last palindromic year until the year 2112.
Singer Peggy Lee Dies at Age 81
Washington Post
I know she was wildly popular but to put her in the same
league as Ella , as this article
does, seems highly hyperbolic.
What gives with Fifth Third Bank?
StraightDope
I asked the same thing when we moved from North Carolina
to Indianapolis back in '88. We were so amused by the name
that we made them our mortgagor.
Tuesday 22 January
Tele-Zapper can reduce number of telemarketing
calls
Minneapolis Star Tribune
I don't need a
Tele-Zapper. Instead I am apt to launch into a long
narrative with no pause to let these poor bastards off the hook.
By the time they know it, I've told them the totally untrue
tale of how my wife left me, the kids, the dog and her mom 4
years ago and we've never heard from her since, except for
the occasional postcard from various Balkan resorts, but we can
never nail her whereabouts down and maybe the telemarketer
him/herself has seen her? She's 5' 7" and has brown
eyes???
Kmart on Verge of Filing for Bankruptcy
NY Times
I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that I was busted
at the world's very 1st Kmart for shoplifting an LP in
1967.
Black studies: Fighting for respect
CNN
In a related sidebar, it's interesting to watch the
numbers on my Rosa Parks info
website
www.e-portals.org/Parks. As Black
History Month approaches, the numbers zoom, often getting
over 500 hits a day. Come August the site is lucky to get 30
hits/week.
Hermit monks dabble in property
London Times
Story reminds me of this past Sunday when my Darling Wife and I went up to the Big City for 2
days and attended Mass up there, only to hear the priest
excitedly tell the congregation that "I've finally
completed my MBA!" I leaned over and whispered "why the
hell does a priest need an MBA?" and my better half quipped
"it's the Corporate Church."
Dave's Reader's Top Ten Excuses Of Enron
Executives
CBS
The readers prove they are as funny as Dave's
Harvard-trained jokewriters. My fave is #8: That's what
happens when you allow casual dress on Fridays.
Kidman wins Globe for Moulin Rouge
BBC
I don't get it. The movie was just not that good.
Speaking of movies, my Darling Wife
and I are back from our Cardiac Rehab
Weekend in the Big City where we saw three flicks: In The
Bedroom, Gosford Park and The Royal Tenenbaums, which was easily
our favorite of the bunch and for which
Gene Hackman won the Golden Globe for Best Comedic
Actor.
On Language by William Safire
NY Times Magazine
Safire looks at "homeland" and
interestingly concludes that "Americans have adopted
homeland much as Russians chose motherland and Germans
fatherland."
Sex Is Good for a Man's Heart
iwon.com
A Cardiac Rehab weekend is straight ahead. We'll return Monday with more headlines.
Suit Fights Airport Screener Rules
Findlaw.com
Proof that our Founding Fathers must be spinning in their graves: "The new federal law requiring airport screeners to be U.S. citizens is unconstitutional and discriminatory," says a suit filed yesterday by nine foreign screeners.
Coroner: "Eight Is Enough" Star OD'd
E! Online
Sad news: "Lani O'Grady
--the former actress best known as Dick Van Patten's eldest daughter on Eight Is Enough--died of a drug overdose and not of natural causes last September," according to the Los Angeles County Coroner.
Olympics ban skate 'porn'
London Sun
No reason to watch now: "Judges will now deduct points for dirty dancing."
Muhammed Ali in His Own Words
London Mirror
In honor of Ali's 60th birthday, here's 60 of his most famous sayings. My fave is #20: "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up."
Head Blows Worsen Alzheimer's in Mouse Study
Reuters
Not good news for Muhammed Ali; "Mice who were regularly conked on the head developed Alzheimer's disease more quickly than usual." And, imagine, if you can, the scientist who was in charge of regularly "conking" the heads of these critters. Now, there's a job she/he doesn't write home to mom about.
Kmart Bonds Signal Bankruptcy, Stock Dives
Reuters
If you grew up in Detroit then you know that Kmart grew out of the old 5 and 10 cent store S.S. Kresge. In 1962 Kresge's opened the first Kmart, about 2 miles from our house and my buddies and I would walk down there to buy L.P.'s. That Kmart is now closed, due to inner-city blight. Speaking of my home town, here's a neat site: Detroit's Abandoned House of the Week page and and this week's house , I think, is near where my Darling Wife grew up.
Shoe Bomb Suspect Could Be Executed
London Mirror
Interesting how this story has evolved. When it first broke he was a nut, a madman, a kook. Now he's al Qaeda and the talk is of execution.
Black Gospel Choir Makes Man Wish He Believed In All That God Bullshit
The Onion The Onion returns from hiatus with this tale of a non-believer who found himself in front of a Black Baptist Church, heard the wonderful music and "I totally forgot what an artificial construct God is."
EDITORIAL: Meanwhile ...
Las Vegas Review Journal
Ah, liberalism: Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and about 100 others have erected chain-link fences and other barriers astride public walkways to prevent the riff-raff from swimming, surfing or sunbathing on public beaches that abut their property. Via andrewsullivan.com
Hunter S. Thompson: Break Up The Ravens
ESPN Page 2 The Good Doctor does not like the defending champs: "Watching the Baltimore Ravens play football is like watching scum freeze on the eyeballs of a jackass."
Dave's Top Ten Ways Oprah Can Improve Her Show
CBS
In wake of Oprah's falling ratings, Dave rushes to the rescue. My fave is #2: Instead of kissing up to celebrities say, "Your movie sucked and I think you're still on drugs."
Blow director Demme dies
BBC
Director and producer of the hit movie Blow, Ted Demme, has died at the age of 38. My Darling Wife rarely lets a Johnny Depp movie slide by, but we haven't seen Blow yet. Zap2it reports that Demme died playing basketball, which could easily have been me, given the condition of my coronary arteries and the amount of basketball I've played the past few years.
Rehabilitation points Harry to error of his ways
Melbourne Age
His mother died while being pursued by Paparazzi, his father and Camilla make news every time they are seen in public and his own life is under the most intense scrutiny imaginable, so it's little wonder that this chap was toking up.
More e-mail users taking spammers to court
Nando Times
One day a week ago I opened a hotmail account to find 83 identical spams from some idiot. This article reports on legal efforts to stem the spam tide, but Junkbusters likens these lawsuits to "mopping up an oil spill with a toothbrush."
Dave Barry: Penelope is NOT having Dave's baby
Miami Herald
Dave wants everyone to know: just because he and Penelope Cruz were on the same talk show, it does not mean they are an item. Honestly.
"Community Pays Their Respects"
WHIZ amfmtv.com
We stop the daily blather today to honor the memory of Deputy Sheriff Robert Tanner Jr. who was shot in the head 3 miles down the road.
Saturday 12 January
Church Says "Okay" To Missionary E-Mail
KTVX.com
LDS missionaries are not allowed to phone home but now they can use email one day a week. Reminds me of rumours of Amish putting their business phones out in the middle of their fields.
Lawsuit reinstated over penis amputation
Kentucky Connect Johnson Alert! In Kentucky one was lopped off without the patient's consent, while in Nanaimo, B.C. a urologist who castrated a 20-year-old mentally-challenged man has been reprimanded by the B.C. College of Physicians and Surgeons.
Doggy diners
London Megastar
More on the alleged "attempt by over 100 restaurateurs in South Korea to convince visitors that dog meat is a healthy, edible dish."
Baby Aspirin Therapy
CBS News
Here's something to show my cardiologist next week: "Most doctors and heart specialists use a dose of 325 milligrams of aspirin per day when applying it as a blood thinner. That's the dose in a maximum strength adult aspirin tablet.
The latest analysis shows that between 75 milligrams and 150 milligrams works just as well, with less chance of internal bleeding."
Obituary of Don Tennant
London Telegraph
We like to include the obituaries of those, like Don Tennant, who have touched us in some here-to-fore unknown way.
An Expatriate During the Days of War
Friction Magazine
Reader Jonathan White sends in this amusing piece where patriotism rears its forgotten face. Another contributor, Sandy Starr, sends this piece in which a British GP and father of an autistic son argues that there is no link between the MMR vaccine and autism - and castigates his government for fanning the flames of panic.
Comedian Avery Schreiber Dies at 66
Seattle Post-Intelligencer
The Doritos funnyman was all over the tube in the 60's and 70's as 1/2 of the Burns and Schreiber comedy duo. If either of those 2 hints don't strike a bell, check out his picture.
Universe computer ruined by intruders
Ananova
"Britain's largest academic research computer had spent months calculating the universe's past and its future." One secret of the universe they failed to program into it is that people can be IDIOTS.
Hair Seen, Apology Sought
Washington Post
A Muslim teen has been wearing a scarf for over a year in preparation for finding and marrying a man, but airport security made her undo it and now she wants an apology. Too bad, I vote no apology. In other silly news, the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments passed a resolution, 11-2, which requests the Washington Redskins to change their name. It'll never happen.
Muskingum County Deputy Shot To Death Tuesday
WCLT.com
A local county sheriff was murdered today about three miles from our house, the second murder to occur nearby in the past six months. And this is Hooterville where people leave their houses unlocked at night, not Chicago or Detroit. All the bosom-swelling bumper stickers to the contrary, until we have adequate gun control this country will never be free.
Hunter S. Thompson: The Bears uber alles
ESPN Page 2
The Good Doctor is in with his playoff picks and he rejects going by the numbers: "The numbers also said it was mathematically impossible for three domestic jet planes to crash into the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon on the same day."
The Bet
acad.stedwards.edu/~chart
4 pages of pics of a dude who totally ignores the death of Dave Thomas and scarfs down Three Wendy's Triples to win a bet. Via Fark. Speaking of Dave Thomas, who was well-loved here in Hooterville and whom my Darling Wife reminds me was an active adoption advocate, click here for a cute 3 min flash animation made prior to his death.
TV host tops US worst dressed list
Melbourne Age
If there's a bigger no-talent around than Mr. Blackwell then I haven't run across him, but here's his 42nd annual worst-dressed list.
Tuesday 08 January
Wendy's founder dead at 69
CNN
When My Darling Wife and I hit the Big City we often go to Mass at the local cathedral which is kitty-corner from the original Wendy's, a fact people here in Central Ohio are mighty proud of.
Space rock hurtles past Earth
BBC
It'll miss us by only 510,000 miles and had it hit it would have taken out an entire country. Maybe, just maybe, we should concentrate on stopping this kind of thing and forget about missile shields?
Culinary Flap Dogs S. Korea
LA Times
Apparently the South Koreans are getting testy: they like dog meat and think our abhorance of it is but a cultural prejudice.
md804hoN
Nola Live Oldest Son Tommy assures me that the headline is an error in scripting, but I am not so sure. After all, it's subtitled "Louisiana News."
Bridge to the 21st Century Collapses
Humor is Dead
Dreams and hopes crumbled as a result of September 11, therefore "In place of the 21st Century Bridge, construction has begun on a tunnel to the 1950s."
Feline Update
Moby-online Brother-in-law Henry hates Moby, but maybe this quote from the leading techno-head will change his mind. After being forced to seek medical attention for a stray cat bite, Moby growls that "I've decided that although I'm still a vegan I will definitely eat this cat if I see it again."
White Female Teachers Fail Black Students
Blackbritain
White British female teachers tend to fail Black males at a higher percentage for the same reason that the entire class of American Black baby boys are designated as "special needs:" Fear.
Spam feeding anger on Internet
Chicago Tribune
Even though I only had 17 emails in my inmail box the other day, I had a message from Hotmail stating that my account was "too big" and that I would have to downsize or pay $20/month for a larger account. The problem was in my "Junk Mail" folder. Some ass had sent me 89 identical, rather-large emails. This stuff has to stop.
Crispin Sartwell: As religions collide, world needs dose of skepticism
Minneapolis Star Tribune
Nice skeptical piece, making some arguments that I've also made over the years. As a reply I would point towards Huston Smith's excellent Why Religion Matters. If you can't get ahold of Smith's book keep in mind the old Zen saying: "Great doubt...great enlightening; little doubt...little enlightening; no doubt....no enlightening."
Salt Lake Has Eye Out for Bin Laden
Reuters
Despite a spate of sightings police are not interested. But it doesn't sound too far out to me...I've been telling people for weeks that he's in Kansas City.
Moussaoui Wants Trial Televised
CBS News
This is a perfect example of why military tribunals are needed. Can you imagine the media circus that would occur when Johnny Cochran would stand up and say "If he's not on the plane, this trial's in vain."
Dave Barry: Learning to love the computer, warts and all
Miami Herald
Dave learns to relax and love Windows: "Every year or so, Microsoft comes out with a new version, which Microsoft always swears is better and more reliable, and I always buy it. I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, Windows Does Dallas, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont."
Dave, this is why our oldest son Tommy switched to Linux.
Sex assault victim: Police said to call back
Knoxstudio.com
Reminds me of the time back in Detroit when the neighbors were beating bloody hell out of each other in the middle of the street and we ran into the house, locked the door and called 911, only to have them immediately stick us on hold.
Christopher Hitchens: Johnnie Walker Blackened
The Nation The King of Rant is back {he never goes far} and he's in fine shape as is evidenced by this: "With no resources beyond his own evidently rather feeble ones he was able to join the Taliban and become a confidant of the Al Qaeda network; an accomplishment completely beyond the wit or strength of our multibillion-dollar CIA."
Google Adds Wildcards to Phrases
ResearchBuzz Google is one of the net's major success stories over the last 18 months. It's easily become the search engine of choice.
Eileen Heckart dead at 82
MSNBC
I had to run through 8 different sites before finally coming upon a photo of Ms. Heckart and, sure enough, she's easily recognizable.
Kournikova's kissing crisis
People News
This is what I'm reduced to using on a slow news day: news of Anna's failure to get kissed. Hey, at least I didn't run this one: Marisa Tomei says her cat is psychic. Which reminds me of a dirty joke from ages ago...but you'll have to email me to get it. And, no, I am not going to mention the arrest of Backstreet BoyNick Carter.
FBI Tipped to Hijack Plot in August
7am.com
How is it that no one has lost his/her job at the CIA or FBI over over the total failure to stop the Sept 11 tragedy?
Penn Drips Some Venom
On Talkmeisters O'Reilly, Stern
NY Daily News
Sean Penn: "I'd like to trade O'Reilly for Bin Laden." Ed Portal: "I'd like to trade Sean Penn for a pound of butter." In other news, Greta Van Susteren has left her longtime position at CNN for Fox News Channel. There's no need for the folks at CNN to despair. Van Susteren, who built her career on O.J.'s coattails, is nothing more than a wooden wannabe.
Clapton takes new bride to Conor's grave
London Sun Oldest Son Tommy says "if Eric Clapton worked at the local glass plant, there's no way he would marry a good looking 25 yr old, and I would say she looks 14, not 25."
Thomas, Emily and Charlotte top poll of favourite names
Ananova
Not here in Hooterville. Here the boys are named Parker, Tone or Hunter and the girls are named Kaylie, Hailey and Bailey. Mackenzie, by the way, can go either way.
Dave's Top Ten Suggestions The Public Made To Fight Terrorism
CBS
This is the same public that names their kids Tone and Madison, so I am not expecting much, but let's take a look. My fave is #6: Go to every K-Mart and announce over P.A.: 'Will Osama Bin Laden report to the manager's office?'"
Why are Milk Duds called Milk Duds?
Straight Dope
Also, it's nice to know in this era of terrorism and heightened tensions between India and Pakistan and terrible garbageslides that kill 30 that there's still Straight Dope to bring us back to the comfortably mundane.
