Friday 28 February

Travolta and Olivia have apparently signed on to GREASE sequel
aintitcool.com

It's going to suck. They're going to be parents of a teenager and they're going to be invited to a Grease reunion that they're favored to win, but their kid will need them to be elsewhere and they will agonize and sing and the kid will agonize and sing and, in the end, IT WILL SUCK!

McDonald's gets fruity
Mercury News

British Mickey D's will sell grapes and sliced apples. Finally something for dad as he pulls in for kids mcnuggets for the ten thousandth time.

Priest removed over nude photo on Web
PlanetOut

Probably not a good career move, but here's a guy who was counting on the net's supposed anonymity.

NASA Debated Shuttle Risks for Five Days
AP via Yahoo

I wonder if the astronauts were informed of this possibility?

The Broken Phallus of Harvard Yard
The Harvard Crimson Online

Monday we linked to the busted busty-snowwoman and today we link to a nine foot tall snow phallus that has Harvard all in a tizzy. What all this proves is that IT'S TIME FOR WINTER TO END!.

Judge Duct Tapes Defendant's Mouth Shut
Newsday

I'm sorry, but the judge should have locked this idiot up for 30 days, rather than resorting to this. It cheapens the bench.

Sajak's giving talk TV another spin
NY Daily News

Pat Sajak interviewing celebrities? C'mon, who's going to watch this? Not me or anyone I know. We linked yesterday to Donahue's failed talk show, and it's only a matter of time before we link to Sajak's failure as well.

Thursday 27 February

Gary Coleman Backs Bush!
CBS News

I wonder who Mike Tyson or Don Cherry is backing?

Phil Donahue strikes back at MSNBC
MSNBC

Save your breath, Phil, nobody watched. Nobody is grieving. Nobody cares. It's over.

Police investigate report of floating condom
Boulder News

An unwrapped condom reportedly floated into a swimmer's mouth in a Colorado swimming pool. You see, my Darling Wife, there are some advantages to not swimming!

Pope Prays That "Specter of War" Be Removed
Zenit.org

It's ok, JPII, he's out on bail in LA, but he's going nowhere.

MP apologizes for calling Americans 'bastards'
CBC

Yeah, she doesn't mean it. Sure, we all believe that. I'm sure the quip won't hurt her chances of re-election, but put that trip down to DisneyWorld on hold, Lady.

Wednesday 26 February

Orange Alert Sirens to Blow 24 Hours a Day
The Onion

I have been unable to find the appropriate words for this one.

MBI Vice Agents Abusing Power?
local6.com

Talk about your expense accounts.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

In counterpoint to the photos Ed loves to scandalize us with, here's something a bit different - and safe for office viewing!

Steeped in Science
LA Times

I never could quite get into tea because most of them tasted like wet paper. Hopefully we'll start seeing more loose tea readily available at local markets like the gourmet, self-grind coffee we've seen for years. Login: edportals, password: edportals


Monday 24 February

Police field complaint about busty snow woman
Miami Herald.com

Ohio policeman obviously had too much time on his hands.

Great White once a Grammy nominee
USA Today

A short bio of the now-tragic 80's band. And while we're looking at bio's, here's some profiles of a few of the dead. Note that more than one had no real interest in 80's rock, but were tragically in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Government urges under-16s to experiment with oral sex
London Times

Can you believe the uproar a program like this would rightfully cause here in North America? The roar would be deafening, but, the Brits are upset as well.

Way beyond incorrect
Salon.com

I hate Bill Maher. He is not funny; he is not nice to look at; I'd rather watch bird-shit dry. So, why does this guy keep resurfacing? I think it's because he keeps pushing the envelope and people want to see the latest controversy. For instance, last Friday night he had a very unfunny female comic on and after she was done, as the credits were rolling, he referred to her profane humor saying "I can't believe that her boyfriend gets his cock kissed by that mouth." The audience howled in disbelief, the guests squirmed and the camera lights dimmed. Stay tuned, America, for the next train wreck.

Thursday 20 February

Out of Phone Numbers? Add Digits
Wired

Oh, man, people are not going to like this: "Someday soon North American telephone numbers might add up to 12 digits, including area code, instead of the current 10."

Medical Residents Limited to 80-Hour Week
Reuters

I sure wish they would have had this twenty years ago when my Darling Wife was slugging her way through the process. Of course what this will mean is that the new crop of docs will get sneered at by their older peers for being soft.

It's Hollywood that makes them despise us
Christian Science Monitor

Interesting piece that blames Hollywood for a large part of the bad image America gets abroad. If true, it makes for a strange dichotomy: Hollywood gives America a bad image while, at the same time, it's actors lead the anti-War movement. What that all means, I am not sure, but I'm headed out of town for the weekend and I'll have plenty of driving time to think this one over. Have a nice weekend, everybody, and net.Headlines will return Monday,

Couple Wants Refund for Interrupted Vacation Sex
Reuters

Hey, my Darling Wife let's make up a master list of people we can sue!!

Wednesday 19 February

Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20
The Onion

Brilliant spoof of reading a Wallace book. There's so much minutae, all of it very interesting, that sometimes I've gotten lost.

Canada Says Will Not Join Solo U.S. Attack on Iraq
Reuters

Not to worry, we have Britain and The Cayman Islands on our side.

Capital professor reveals DNA damage is no picnic
The Scotsman.com

A Scottish prof claims that sitting on grass, getting too much sunshine and drinking Earl Grey tea is bad for your DNA. Time to switch to green tea, all you Earl-Grey'ers.

Why I ditched Buddhism
Slate

A former Catholic explains why he is now also a former Buddhist. He makes some valid points but also some weak ones, such as hit hit on Buddhism for their male emphasis, which does not occur here in the West.

Tuesday 18 February

EU Warns Iraq It Faces 'Last Chance'
AP

This reminds me so much of parenting. My Darling Wife gets so mad when i start giving the kids "just one last time" warnings, over and over. But, like the French, I am a lover, not a warrior, darling!

Winter storm buries state
Sunspot.net

We didn't get 40 inches like some parts of Maryland did, but we're at 2 feet so far. It's been a lot less dread for me, though, since both my Darling Wife and I now drive dreaded SUVs.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

More evidence for the Pro-Tofu crowd.

Report: Quality Falls at Big TV Stations
Yahoo AP

"Television stations owned by big, out-of-town companies tend to produce lower-quality newscasts than those owned by smaller groups, a study by a journalism think tank has concluded." Now, why would that be news? Out-of-town landlords have traditionally not given a damn, as long as the profits roll on in.

Monday 17 February

Muskingum, Morgan, Perry, Noble And Guernsey Counties Issue Level 3 Snow Emergency
WHIZ AM FM TV

I think we are at about 2 feet now. The word here in Hooterville is "Travelers on roads may subject themselves to arrest." Well, we're just about out of bread, so I may just have to subject myself sometime tomorrow morning.

Study: Ibuprofen could be bad for heart patients
CNN

For us older folks this is most interesting.

Actor's 'historical porn' claim rejected
BBC

Note to Pete Townsend: Pee-Wee Herman's half-assed alibi didn't fly; your's won't either.

Salman Rushdie's death call reiterated
Canada's Canoe News

Just in case you thought logic was returning.

Friday 14 February

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

Happy Valentine's Day, my Darling Wife!.

Osbourne drops UK visit over terror fears
BBC

Singer Kelly Osbourne has pulled out of a promotional trip to the UK because of the risk of terrorist attacks. Singer? Don't they mean whiner? The only terrorist attack she has to worry about is an attack on her because she can't sing. I think this is what's wrong with the show in general this year. The Osbournes are taking themselves far too seriously. As if they somehow deserve the media spotlight, which they don't. They've lost their innocence.

Research and Development Department At Pizza Hut Grapples With Dwindling Budget While Trying To Appease Increasing Demands From Marketing In Finding New Places To Stuff Cheese
Humor is Dead

They've probably already tried under the pizza.

U.S. Endorses Merging Telephone, Internet Numbers
Reuters

Check this out: "The Department of Commerce said it will support an electronic-numbering system, known as ENUM, which would allow consumers to specify a single identifier for their telephone numbers, e-mail and Instant Messaging (news - web sites) addresses, fax numbers, and mobile phone numbers." And I want my number to be 7.

Thursday 13 February

You gotta fight for your right to peddle your ass
Mainichi Daily News

Headline of the week, hands down.

Dalai Lama's exile may end
Buddhist News

If he does return, His Holiness is going back to a vastly different Tibet. Makes one wonder why he'd do it.

CBS chief, rural activist meet over "Hillbillies"
Reuters

Frequent contributor BIL quips that "this show has already been done: it' s called The Clinton Administration.

Jimi Rises Again!
NME.com

BIL also adds this: "Moving his body where? To Michael Jackson's house?"

Wednesday 12 February

77,000 body bags
News.com.au

Last war we ordered 16,000 of which 148 were ultimately used.

Chewed up cherries blossom again
Mainichi Daily News

Alright, guess what this Japanese headline is really about!

Saddam Enrages Bush With Full Compliance
The Onion

Page down to News in Brief to get to this biting little piece. Excellent!

McDonald's plans big overhaul for image
USA Today

You can get through the Wendy's drive-thru in about a quarter of the time, but the food at both sucks. I'd like to see a complete overhaul of the menu, but that's not likely. They'll probably tweak it some and people will keep staying away in droves.

Tuesday 11 February

Woman found dead at Spector home killed by gunshot to face
NME.com

Yeah, that would do it, allright.

Canada's National Post
Roger Ebert: Ads are fine for television or newspapers ...

Ebert rants against the ads that are now being run, before the movies, but I never see any rants about "previews", and what are they, if not ads?

Professional wrestler Curt Hennig found dead in Brandon hotel
HeraldTribune.com

Officials said foul play wasn't suspected, which, to me, screams STEROIDS!. Add Hennig to the list of middle-aged wrestlers who have mysteriously dropped dead, such as Rick Rude, Davy Boy Smith and Brian Pillman. It's a disgrace and continues to this very day, if one is to judge the unnatural physiques of today's young wrestlers. Pro Wrestling should not get away with this. Some federal investigation process is needed to get this out in the open, or more middle aged former-wrestlers are going to die prematurely.

Friday 07 February

184, 133, 209, 183

Rather than dig up four links for today I took three of our kids bowling last night and my scores are listed above. While we were out there, alongside the locals who were singing along with the Faith Hill on the very loudspeakers, I got to thinking about bowling and Iraq. Is there bowling in Iraq? I doubt it, though there is a Bowling for Iraq article online, but it's a bit about Michael Moore's 'Bowling for Columbine' instead. In fact, a Google search of the exact phrase bowling in Iraq comes up with no results. Zero. Bowling in Canada, on the other hand, has 132 results, Bowling in Japan 155, even Bowling in Seattle has 20 results. I'm not saying we should bomb Iraq because they don't bowl, but we could perhaps insist they incorporate bowling into their miserable bowling-less lives. Mandate that they open bowling alleys, but without the adjacent tanning salons. They don't need that. And we could jam their airwaves with old bowling TV shows from the 50's. I watched and loved them, they should too. If they know what's good for them. Finally, God is on our side, because we know that God is a bowler. We hear him tossing strikes and converting 7-10 splits all the time.

Thursday 06 February

Foam theory 'doesn't make sense'
BBC

Yeah, it's hard to believe that 2.6 lbs could bring the Columbia down, but then box-cutters brought down the WTC.

Mickey Mouse Clubbed
Reason.com

"Earlier this week, the Supreme Court ruled that the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998—so named in honor of the late Rep. Bono, and not because it extended his copyright terms—was constitutional." What does that mean? Well, it means at least another 20 years of slavery for Mickey Mouse and the article finishes with a neat interview with Mickey, er Bruce.

Schoolgirls playing filthy game of orgy roulette
Japan's Mainichi Daily News

The MDN specializes in lurid headlines, such as Schoolgirls selling panties open avenue of danger. If there's kink anywhere in Japan, the MDN will have it.

ABC's 'Bachelor' Says Engagement Is Off
Yahoo

He's probably calling up that skanky blonde who came in second.

Wednesday 05 February

Saddam exiled to MSNBC
Borowitz Report

We celebrate our 3rd anniversary of linkage with this funny, brief bit: "'At MSNBC, Saddam could get up to all kinds of mischief," Mr. Sanderson said. "There'll be no one watching.' "

We started net.Headlines with nine links on February 4, 2000. Of those nine links only two are still active. The very first link was about Dave Letterman returning from his heart attack. It wasn't until March 01, 2000 that I added my comments, upon the urging of an anonymous reader, with the first comment predicting that Microsoft would soon buy the 10 Commandments. We started adding reader comments over a year ago, but had problems finding a reliable server. We've finally found one and now the comments are often the only reason to view the site. Thanks for your patience and keep the comments coming.

Woman Slain At Phil Spector's Mansion Identified
MTV

And here's her website. It's very sad.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

Just how crazy are people??? Here is a fine example. VERY CRAZY!

Paul Krugman: A Failed Mission
NY Times

Krugman lays out a very logical case against manned space flights. Note that the justification for manned flights is always cloaked in terms of "exploring" and "pioneering" rather than in results. Results that could be accomplished, at a far safer coast with unmanned flights. Meanwhile, Foxnews sadly reports that Couple Who Lost Son on Sept. 11 Loses Niece on Shuttle. Finally, The Sydney Morning Herald reports that schoolkids in Melbourne are sad because Australian space spiders perish.

India's lost girls
BBC

A sad piece about abortion in India where, it turns out, it's being used to eliminate female births. This has been going on for years and now some Indian states are running out of potential brides.

Tuesday 04 February

'Folks are going to be finding debris 10 years from now'
UK Independent

People will start collecting this stuff, despite all warnings to the contrary. Meanwhile, The NY Times reports that NASA Dismissed Advisers Who Warned About Safety. Also, The Miami Herald reports that Foam striking wing likely started reaction that doomed shuttle from launch. While we're at it, The Independent also reports that even if the damaged tiles had been discovered, while in orbit, the chances of survival would have still been very slim. Finally, Canada's three-time astronaut Marc Garneau admits that he was worried every time he was aboard the shuttle. No kidding? Really? Listen, they all were worried. Every single one of them; every single time. Astronauts are not idiots.

Doctors Say Ephedra Use Is Unsafe
NY Times

Too bad my Darling Wife is away this week because she needs to read this: "the risks are substantial." I'm throwing the stuff away before she gets back.

Rock legend charged with murder
BBC

Celebritiy murderers are becoming rather commonplace. Maybe they'll have to open a celebrity wing at the LA County Jail.

Monday 03 February

Gregg Easterbrooke: The Space Shuttle Must Be Stopped
Time Magazine

Easterbrooke, a long-time enemy of the shuttle program, lays out his case very forcefully, and , if you don't believe him, a very similar case is laid out in yesterday's Manchester Guardian.

Iraqis Call Shuttle Disaster God's Vengeance
Reuters

Kindergarten Islam.

Space station and shuttle missions may be mothballed for years
UK Independent

That was one of my first thoughts after hearing the news: this will shut the program down for quite awhile.

Space Disasters Since Exploration Began
Reuters

We'll never catch up to the Russians.

Friday 31 January

Japanese Style emoticons
Hiroette.com

I love the "wow" emoticon! And how about (>_< )( >_<) which expresses disagreement!

Streep 'robbed' of awards nods
BBC

I don't care about the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) awards but I will use this as a springboard to pimp Streep's latest Adaptation. It's verbally witty and keeps you on your toes throughout.

Scout Camp Blasted for Staging Game in Which 'Nazis' Chased 'Jews'
Fox News

You think anti-Semitism doesn't run deep in Denmark, "a small country in Europe" {as our Pastor described it once in a homily}?

Lion Rips Woman's Arm Off
Reuters

Think you had a bad day recently? Try this: "A lioness in a Spanish animal sanctuary ripped the right arm off a British tourist after the 54-year old woman clambered up a barrier and stuck her fingers inside the cage." While we're on the subject of animals, remember the other day when we linked to the house with 500 dogs and the house with 60 cats? Well, Jeff from Milwaukee sends in this link about a house with 440 guinea pigs running wild in it. Finally, BC from BC sends in a link describing a puppy mill that got shut down, which included 36 dogs, 16 chickens and two rabbits.

Thursday 30 January

I Can't Hear Myself Think!
Discover Magazine

"Urban noise levels, such as those around airports, are high enough to affect children's ability to learn." That must be why I had so much trouble with Latin and Chemistry in high school. An airport was directly across the street.

AOL Time Warner posts $44.5 billion loss
Salon.com

I never understood the Time Warner-AOL merger. AOL seemed but a house of cards, or rather useless start-up disks for a slow dial-up dinosaur.

Mike Wallace: I might retire, too
NY Post

Tha twould be a shame, but no one can go on forever. Interestingly, famed Tiger baseball announcer Ernie Harwell quit when he was Wallace's age {84}.

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

Check out this real life Jackie Chan. Unbelievable.

Wednesday 29 January

Computer Users Warned of Clot Risk
Reuters Health

Don't forget to stand up every so often while you're at the 'puter.

Finding Good Reason for War Could Take Months, Bush Warns
Borowitz Report

In case you missed it, here's the transcript of last night's State of the Union speech.

There Is Naked Flute Girl! Add four inches to your penis now. Instant orgasms here! Are you lonely tonight? Breast-pump backpack!
SF Gate

Great article in which every sentence is a subject line of a spam email.

Batman 'returns with Memento director'
BBC

NOw, this should be interesting. The next Batman pic will be made by Christopher Nolan, the director behind Memento and Insomnia. While we're on the subject, about 2 months ago at Sunday Mass, after communion, the most sacred and intimate part of the service, our 14 year old son Steve suddenly leaned across and whispered rather urgently to me: "Dad, Batman is the lamest of all the SuperHeroes!" Ed, lost in his thoughts: "Huh?" Steve: "Yeah, Think about it! He has nothing!!! He's so lame!!!"

Tuesday 28 January

Ice chunk smashes through home’s roof
Santa Cruz Sentinel

Nice euphemism, eh? Ice Chunk, indeed.

Stay tuned for eBay-TV
News.com

Just what we need: another station, clogging up bandwith, hawking crap. Our satellite system already has about 6 such stations, selling cheesy jewelry or overpriced computers. It must work, though, because there are so many of them at the moment. Translated that means, it's a cheap way to broadcast and, at the same time, turn a buck.

The truth is Mariucci will become Lions' new coach
ESPN

This is what I prayed for 12 days ago on here and it might come true. But here's how I think it'll play out: The Lions will somehow screw this thing up. In other football news, Oakland Crowds Leave Wake of Destruction After Super Bowl Loss. Just imagine what would have happened had they won! To be a member of the so-called Raider Nation is a sure ticket to hell.

60 Cats Found In Woman's Home After Complaint Of Odor
local6.com

Not to be outdone by this Reno woman who had 60 cats in house, authorities seized 500 dogs from a home in Eastern Oregon. Anyone care to up the ante?

Monday 27 January

Salon's New Deal
Salon.com

Up until about a year ago we linked to Salon almost on a daily basis, but all that changed when they decided to start charging for most of their content. Well, they've decided to tweak that as it is announced that "Starting today, you can gain access to Salon in either of two ways: You can pay our low subscription price (as little as 5 cents a day) or you can click through a multiple-screen advertisement." So, let's try it out. We tried to read an article about jazz icon Miles Davis whom we saw a few years before his death. He never said one word to the audience that night, by the way, but that's beside the point. When you click on the article you must sit through a 30 second commercial. If you try to cheat and get through early, it won't work. If you have dial-up, my guess is that free-Salon is not worth waiting for, but if you have broadband, it's not so bad: sitting through that one commercial gets you the entire's day contents for free. Look for more Salon links, therefore, in the future.

Man Beating Dog With Gun Shoots Himself
AP

"Raymond Poore Jr., 43, called his wife at work Thursday and told her that their dog had bitten him and he intended to kill the animal, police Capt. David Sobonya said." No way. I am betting that somehow the dog shot this bastard.

Bare Facts on TV's Streaker
PageSix.com

The commercials in yesterday's Super Bowl were, on the whole, pretty cute, but this one with the English Streaker is the best to come along in quite awhile and here's the skinny on the naked dude.

Where did the guitar solo go?
Sacbee.com

Regular commenter BIL has been saying this for years now. Where are the guitar solos?

Thursday 23 January

I just want BANGBANGBANG
starterupsteve.com

Another, er, fine example of Flash. Semi-safe for work. This one was sent in from BC.

Attacker stops assault when victim begins to pray
Tribnet.com

A reverse Columbine-effect: The rapist "asked the woman if she was a Christian. When she said yes, he zipped up his pants, apologized and shook her hand, police said."

Fox News Hires Pat Sajak
tv.zap2it.com

To show you how bad things are getting on cable: Fox News Considered Hiring Princess Di's Lover . But, Pat is no fool: "Sajak will keep his day job as host of 'Wheel of Fortune.'"

T-shirt sparks c-word row
News.com.Au

Everyone knows he was a prick: a Brisbane man was fined $100 for wearing a t-shirt that read "Jesus is a Cunt."

Thursday 23 January

Execution
markfiore.com

We're Number One, baby!

Catholic seminary sued for 'pro-gay' views
gay.com

Obviously someone very interested in headlines and "revenge."

Lieberman vows to be whiny voice for all Americans
Borowitz report

Satire that hits too close to the truth.

World's oldest stud dies of heart failure
Reuters

No, it wasn't Hugh Hefner.

Wednesday 22 January

Ozzy does worse 2nd time at bat
NY Daily News

Ratings are way down for Ozzy and Crew. I've stopped watching, not because I'm bored but because I can't understand what's going on with all the damned bleeping.

76-Year-Old Is Carded in Wisconsin
Yahoo AP

I've been carded twice within the last year and the last time I told the clerk that I was not only older than her, I was also older either her father or mother. I was right, by the way.

All the hype
limpbizkit.com

Badboy Fred Durst finds himself involved with Brittney Spears and many of the rocker's impassioned fans cannot stand the thought. Here's Freddy's suprisingly emtional plea to his fans. WHile we're spinning rock news, the BBC reports sadly that 29 year old pop singer Anastacia has breast cancer.

Anil Dash: diamonds are for never
dashes.com

We stick our toe into the wonderful world of weblogging for this witty anti-diamond industry rant. I'm on the road a fair amount, scanning the radio dials, and these ads have had my interest for a long time. They annoyingly play to men's insecurities and women's frailities and bravo to Anil Dash for putting it into words.

Tuesday 21 January

Photo of the Day
Yahoo

What is this man selling?

Thai women taught to dance their way to bigger breasts
Ananova

Nice to know that this body-image craziness is world-wide and not just limited to the West.

Raelian Founder Admits Report of Cloning Could Be False
Zenit News Agency

Obviously these people are idiots.

Iraq admits possessing four more chemical warheads
UK Independent

Dammmit, let's attack!

Monday 21 January

Yahoo
Photo of the Day

I like to start my Mondays on the cutting edge, so here's a nice photo for everyone. Enjoy!

Read It and Steep
NY Times

The latest fad is green tea. I swill the stuff everday, in my post-heart-attack, post-java life. So Ive always wondered, just how valid are the current pro-green tea claims and here's a sensible explanation.

Bee Gee Maurice died from twisted bowel condition
NME.com

In case you were wondering.

Gains on Heart Disease Leave More Survivors, and Questions
NY Times via Yahoo

I LOVE this quote: "In the old days, you had a heart attack and you died....You were almost signing the death certificate in advance. Now you know you can get another 20 or maybe 25 years." That should give me to the year 2023 or so.

Thursday 16 January

49ers Fire Coach Steve Mariucci
AP

Note to the Detroit Lions: HIRE THIS MAN!

LPD Officer Fired At Handcuffed Victim 12 Times
The Louisville Channel

The humane thing would have been to blow his freakin' foot off.

'Sick & tired' of Iraq: Bush slams dictator's deception
NY Daily News

I'm not a fan of Saddam Hussein and if I were to open CNN.com tomorrow morning to find him overthrown, I'd be overjoyed. But I cannot understand this president's obsession with Iraq. Al-Qaeda drove those planes into the the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Yet that seems to almost have been forgotten. Somehow the entire emphasis has been transferred to Iraq. And why Iraq and not North Korea? The latter is the one exporting SCUD's to Yemen and the like. Please tell me the answer is not oil, because that's the way I'm starting to see it.

Bananas' Days May Be Numbered, Scientist Says
Reuters

This reminds me of the "Blondes are going extinct" ruse that the media fell for last fall.

Wednesday 15 January

Van Morrison case over
BBC

"The sister of rock'n'roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis, Linda Gail Lewis, had accused Morrison, 57, of trying to ruin her life by asking her for sex and telling her to divorce her husband." I don't know anything about that, but the album Van cut with Lewis, You Win Again, was the worst effort by Van in 20 years. A total waste. His latest work though, Down the Road rebounds and has restored my faith.

Ghost Ship Packed with Rotten Fish Found at Sea
Reuters

Attention Stephen King: "Australian police said on Tuesday they were baffled by the discovery of a ghost ship full of rotting fish -- but no crew or life rafts -- drifting off the remote northwest coast of Australia."

FAO Schwarz Parent Seeks Chapter 11
Reuters

Ever visit one of their stores? It's a case of the Emperor's clothing and the public has finally caught on.

Quebec Catholic church says 295 baptisms invalid
Toronto Globe and Mail

A good example of what I would call a Kindergarten Catholic: "We've always been told that if you're not baptized, you're not a Catholic, so it meant our kids didn't have a religion. If the kids weren't baptized, they'd be in limbo if they die."

Tuesday 14 January

Pete Townshend Is Arrested in Porn Case
AP

It now appears that his reason for having the porn on his machine, "doing research for an autobiography dealing with his own suspected childhood sexual abuse," was an excuse to save his neck.

Family of Bee Gee Maurice Gibb Questions Treatment
Reuters

Barry Gibb, he was the balding one, states "From the fact that they had to operate on Maurice during the shock of cardiac arrest, is very questionable, and we will pursue every factor, every element, every second of the timeline of the final hours of Maurice's life."

Diana Ross Denies Drink Driving Charges
NME.com

Here in the States we call them Drunk Driving charges. Is that what they call them in British Columbia where their Premier is in disgrace after being arrested for drunk driving while on vacation in Hawaii??

Eminem: Jail threat changed me
This is London

He will release a CD tribute to Rogers and Hammerstein early next month.

Monday 13 January

Virgin Mary Seen on Picture Window in North Canada
Reuters

I don't get this. Who knows what Mary looked like? I, on the other hand, thought I saw Hail Mary in a pass yesterday.

Hotmail: A Spammer's Paradise?
Wired.com

I have accounts on both Hotmail and Yahoo and the spam I get on Hotmail is at least 5x greater.

Illinois Gov. Commutes All Death Sentences
Washington Post

If the O.J. case proved anything it proved that the system is tilted against the poor. Had OJ been poor, he would have been convicted. Now, I'm not saying that OJ did not kill his wife, but, rather that his bucks, which allowed him to hire Johnny Cochran and F. Lee Bailey, allowed him to beat the system.

How come parrots, etc., talk but chickens don't?
Straight Dope

Let's take this a step further: if chickens could talk would we be eating them?

Friday 10 January

Animal lover gives critters full support
Austin 360.com

ANimal rescuer often puts the animals in her bra to keep them warm, which reminds me of the time a bee flew into my Darling Wife's bra as I was driving her to work. I whipped the car into an alley and had that thing off in record time!

Sydney women on the prowl
Sydney Morning Herald

Damn, why couldn't this have happened 30 years ago?

DNA Evidence Clears Rape Suspect Who Hanged Himself in Jail
TBO.com

Never give up hope.

Vatican warning on danger of 'online confession'
London Times

Many of us Catholics have discussed this, with our tongues planted firmly in our cheeks, for several years now. If some parishes allow people to write their sins on pieces of paper which are then burned en masse, then why not evolve and accept emailed-in sins?

Thursday 09 January

Prostitute, 77, Mugged After Night Shift
Reuters

I don't know what's more shocking: the fact that there would even be a 77 year old hooker or the fact that someone would rob her.

Prayer Is Abandonment in God's Embrace, Says John Paul II
Zenit News Agency

I love areas in which Christian and Buddhist ideas intersect such as in this statement by the Pope. The Buddhists might call it "egolessness" but I think we are looking at the same type of phenomenon.

Illegal music sites 'here to stay'
BBC

Very interesting: the president of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) softens his tone as he talks about "a reasonable amount of control." It's a definite shift in strategy. Notice that he is no longer speaking solely in terms about piracy.

Dean Wins FDA OK on New Beverage Technology
Reuters

My neighbor Gerald, which he pronounces with a hard "g" so that it rhymes with "Harold," told me a few months ago that this was in the works: dairy-based beverages willhave six month shelf lives soon.

Wednesday 08 January

Baby, can you drive my car?
Sydney Morning Herald

The year is young, but this story will be hard to top in the stupidity department.: "A family of three was injured in a car crash after a five-year-old boy sitting on his mother's lap allegedly steered the vehicle because she was too drunk to drive."

Pop singer Moby praises Saddam
WorldNetDaily

I suppose Moby has never heard of the Kurds.

Justin Timberlake Would You Please Just Shut The Hell Up?
Brachman.com

We could start a whole list of people who "should just shut the hell up!" I open with Al Sharpton.

Inflatable Church Brings New Meaning to Mobile Wedding
Inflatablechurch.com

Not a headline, but worth examining, because the possibilities are endless, such as inflatable ballparks or inflatable sex toys.

Tuesday 07 January

Jesus 'healed using cannabis'
Manchester Guardian

One of Christianity's greatest strengths has been its ability to morph itself onto just about any movement but here's a strange juxtoposition: Jesus and pot.

Group: Nuke Regulators Backed Off Plant
AP

Every year my buddy Danny and I go up to Lake Erie to catch the annual Spring Warbler Migration and we pass the Davis-Besse nuclear plant twice a day and we've joked for years about it "blowing." Looks like we weren't too far off.

Can Wal-Mart Get Any Bigger?
Time Magazine

Coming soon to your backyard!

Budget cuts end McDonald's network project
cw360.com

I'm fascinated by these two stories: The grindingly ever-constant rise of Wal-Mart matched with the rather sudden fall of the Golden Arches. Here we learn that Mickey D's has cancelled a plan that would have networked 30,000 of their restaurants. Now, why would they need that? Apparently they don't. But, all is not bleak in the land of cheeseburgers. BusinessWeek reports that the French Love McDonald's.

Monday 06 January

The Year in Sex
Nerve.com

My beloved mother-in-law once quipped that "half of your links are about sex." If that hyberbole was anything near the truth, then she must be very disappointed recently with the lack of sex-related links. Since I value her judgment, I don't wish to make her unhappy and, therefore, decided that today I will make up for this greivous error and we'll start with this look back at 2002.

Sex toys on review
Salon.com

So, as I said, this day's theme is dedicated to my beloved mother-in-law.

Sex is good for the brain
Canada.com

BC from B.C. passes this along. Combine it with the recent news that sex is a natural cure for depression and you can see that science is on to something.

Childless turn to meals of testicles
NEWS.com.au

My apologies to those still eating their breakfasts.

Friday 03 January

Run From McDonald's
Motley Fool.com

The once Golden Arches are rapidly becoming tarnished and it's no wonder. I think a 30 year run based merely on burgers and fries has just about everyone fed up.

Wal-Mart sees Wal-Mart stores December sales up
Reuters

On the other hand, Wal-Mart can do no wrong. I can't walk out of the joint without spending 60 bucks, but it still seems seedy somehow.

Salvation Army refuses Lotto winner's $100,000 donation
NaplesNews.com

Idiots.

At 112, she remembers Cubs in World Series
Az Central.com

You think your team stinks, pal? The year was 1908 and silent movies were just being introduced, Teddy Roosevelt refused to run for re-election, Henry Ford introduced the Model-T, GE patents electric toaster and the Chicago Cubs last won the World Series.

Thursday 02 January

'Bushisms' make university's banned list
CNN

Tiny Lake Superior State, located in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan {pronounced soo saint marie}, is famous for two things: an excellent college hockey team and their annual list of worn out words and phrases that should be immediately banned from the English language. I'm relieved to see the euro-tinged phrase "Homeland Security" made the list! Bravo!!

Sexual Strike in Sudan
Pravda

Borrowing from Aristophanes' Lysistrata, growing numbers of southern Sudanese women are withholding sexual favors from their husbands until their bloody civil war is over. I like the following quote: "Our women are gentle" which translates, I think, into "Not tonight, Honey, I have a headache."

Outsiders get first glimpse of island devastated by storm
London Independent

Everyone on this island, all 2000 inhabitants, are "missing." Hey, I thought God promised {Gen.8: 21,22}, after The Flood, that there would be no more mass destructions!!!

Accused N.H. priest a presumed suicide
Boston Globe

Co-editor Kay sent in this one. The self-correction continues, eh, Kay?

Tuesday December 31

Diana Ross cited for 'extreme DUI' in Tucson
AzStarNet

I guess she didn't Stop in the Name of Love.

Campbell stirs up its soups
Houston Chronicle

This is almost identical to an article describing McDonald's lastest plight. I don't get it: don't manufacturers realize that by celebrating so-called improvement, they are really impliedly admitting their current product is crap.

2002 Obituaries
CBS News

We tip our hats to those who have left before us.

Zoo keepers refuse to help sedated gorilla masturbate
Ananova

We finish 2002 with the bizarre. Have a Happy New Year everybody! But we can't go out with the image of a masturbating gorilla in our heads, so let's save the last word to Dave Barry and his ode to 2002.

Monday 30 December

The Action Lama
World Tibet News

Here is the "Statement by H.H. Penor Rinpoche Regarding the Recognition of Steven Seagal as a Reincarnation of the Treasure Revealer Chungdrag Dorje of Palyul Monastery." Yes, That Steven Seagal.

Turning Against the Dalai Lama
Buddhist News

While we're on the subject, here's some more Buddhist news: there's a movement to have the Dalai Lama deported from India.

Rubbish!
Williamette Weekly

Upset that Portland Oregon officials allow police snooping through the garbage left in front of people's houses, two reporters turn the rather hilarious tables.

Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week

This week's savior reminds me of a scene in our church about 3 years ago at the Christmas Children's Mass: Santa Claus walked into a crammed church and slowly walked up to the Nativity Scene, where he knelt and prayed. I found it very distasteful.

Christmas Messages

Pope makes plea for peace
BBC

The message from Rome.

Queen reflects on joy and sadness
BBC

The message from Buckingham Palace.

2002 Holiday Message from the Prime Minister
Prime MInister of Canada

The message from Ottawa.

President's Christmas Message
WhiteHouse.gov

The message from Washington.

Christmas message of Archbishop Rowan Williams
EpiscopalChurch.org

The message from Canterbury

PM's message of thanks to British Forces
www.number-10.gov

The message from Downing Street.

PM delivers Christmas message
Melbourne Age

The message from Down Under.

"An encounter with an ordinary man"
wccm.com

The message from The Dalai Lama .

CHRISTMAS MESSAGE by His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II of Moscow and All Russia to archpastors, pastors, the monastics and all children of the Russian Orthodox Church
Tickets of Russia

The message from Moscow.

Christmas Greetings from Sting and Kipper
sting.com

The message from Sting.

Michael Jackson records special Christmas message
blackvoices.com

The message from that one-gloved dude.

Message from Lisa Marie Presley
Elvis.com

The message from The King's daughter.

Trent Lott's Kwanzaa Message to the Nation
The Specious Report.com

The message from Mississippi.

Saddam Christmas message: Excerpts
BBC

The message from Baghdad??

Tuesday 24 December

Santa's flight cleared for U.S.
Zanesville Times Recorder

This, my friends, is the headline in our daily paper.

Woman who nursed puppies has no regrets
News From Norway

I'm speechless.

German President Says 'Germans Moan Too Much'
Reuters

He obviously has never talked to Detroit Lions fans.

Bags Make Wrapping Such A Gift for Men
The Scotsman

Good to know that I am not alone.

Mass. irked by colleges' willingness to accept non-MCAS diplomas
Boston Globe Online

Several New England colleges have begun accepting non-diploma students which has prompted Co-Editor Kay to write in that "if a kid wants to attend college, he should be encouraged, not discouraged!" I'm not so sure, Kay. Perhaps community colleges would be a better choice for the non-diplomas.

Monday 23 December

One in four priests doubts Virgin Birth
Reuters

Three in four believe it?

In San Francisco, pet owners recast as 'guardians'
FindLaw

Sometime, in the not-too-distant future, some attorney is going to bring civil suit on behalf of a mistreated dog or cat.

McDonald`s to Post First Loss in 47 Years
Food Ingredients First

Remember when they would list the number of millions of burgers sold? Then it became billions and billions sold, but nothing lasts forever, not even McDonald's dominance.

Jesus of the Week
Jesus of the Week

This week's saviour, the vegetarian Jesus?

Friday 20 December

Black puddings 'may interfere with cancer screening tests'
Ananova

What the hell is Black Pudding?

Clinton says Lott remarks show GOP's 'strategy'
Washington Times

Portal says Clinton remarks about Lott remarks show Dem strategy.

Richard Gere: Hollywood is like a monastery
Buddhist News

Ed Portal: Richard Gere is like an idiot.

Elite academic parades foolish head on a spear
Mainichi Daily News

We go to Japan for our headline of the week.

Thursday 19 December

What This Town Needs Is A Really Shitty Community Newspaper
The Onion

Every town has a bad community newspaper. Ours goes straight into the garbage can.

Sir Paul defends credits switch
BBC

A follow-up on the link we ran the other day about the credit switch, away from Lennon-McCartney and towards Songs by Paul McCartney and John Lennon. In this article Pual laughs that Yoko got her "knickers in a twist".

Whole of Life Must Be an Advent, Says John Paul II
Zenit News Agency

So when's Christmas morning?

Judge says Barry Bonds' historic home run ball must be sold, proceeds split
Boston Globe

Fan jumps up, catches historic ball but is immediately enveloped by the maddening crowd. When they untangle another dude comes out victoriously with the ball. Guy number one sues and this what the judge comes up with? In other words, it's okay to mob somebody and steal half of what he owns.

Wednesday 18 December

Disney Tries To Exclude Other Parks From Train
locaal6.com

And people wonder why I hate Disney.

ElcomSoft verdict: Not guilty
Cnet

A minor victory in file to file sharing: "A jury on Tuesday acquitted a Russian software company of criminal copyright charges related to selling a program that can crack antipiracy protections on electronic books." The rub is that the jury fully believed that the crack was illegal, but they didn't think the Russian firm had knowledge of such illegality. In a related matter, user AntiFrance {what a great name and thanks for the link, btw} sends in this impassioned defense of file-to-file sharing protocols: "Piracy is Progressive Taxation, and Other Thoughts on the Evolution of Online Distribution."

LA Puts Brakes on High-Speed Police Chases
Washington Post

Seconds later one-third of all the producers at Fox start scanning the Variety employment ads.

Lottery Bound
ESPN

That's it. If high school phenom LeBron James ends up as a Laker, I think a Congressional probe should be in order.

Tuesday 17 December

Detroit No. 1 in syphilis cases
Detroit News

"We're number one, baby!" It's good to be on top! What's your home town famous for?

Study finds no benefit from echinacea
CNN

OK, my Darling Wife, can we toss that crap out now?

Demi 'dating' Bill Clinton
news.com.au

Er, I thought Bill was married?

New York Critics Vote 'Far from Heaven' Best Film
Reuters

I think it was also my favorite film of the past year. Julianne Moore, Dennis Quaid, Patricia Clarkson and Dennis Hastert were smashing. Tell me a better movie released this year.

Monday 16 December

R-G-B
www.whitetrash.nl

Having trouble getting going today, bunky? Try this link.

Arafat message to Osama bin Laden: leave Palestinian issue alone
SF Gate

Finally some good news out of the Middle East.

McCartney, Ono in Beatles Credits Dispute
Reuters

We haven't had an obligatory Beatles link in ages, but here's news about Yoko and Paul squabbling about Paul's listing himself first on his latest album, rather than the traditional Lennon-McCartney.

Jesus was an illegitimate refugee, claims bishop
The Scotsman

England’s longest serving Anglican bishop calls Christmas a "real chore," calls pop songs about it "superficial, sentimental and false" and says that Christmas cards are "chintz." I have some choice comments to make about this, but I have to get offline to crank out 50 Christmas cards instead.

Friday 13 December

Do you know your arse from your elbow?
Arse or Elbow

Ok, I got 11 out of 14. Let's have some scores, please.

German man held for eating 'willing' victim
BBC

"But, your Honor, he did say "Eat me."

Wal-Mart sued for calling police
Salina journal

The Lifetime Channel, as is evidenced in this case, has far too much influence on our culture as the police were summoned after a Wal-Mart photo employee discovered "pictures showing her 3-year-old daughter topless playing in the family's back-yar